Guest guest Posted November 26, 2006 Report Posted November 26, 2006 Hi Shana and All, That was my nada you were talking about, right? I wish I had had the kind of experience you provided for your son. It feels good just knowing that someone (you) did it for someone (your son). Thanks for doing that. Part of my Thanksgiving (and Christmas, New Year’s, etc.) is all of you. I can’t say it any better than Shana did. Thanks for being here. One Non-BP Recovering Man --- slarsen988@... wrote: > One Non-BP Recovering Man, you wrote: > > " Have a wonderful, chaos-free, abuse-absent, > reality-affirming, confidence-building > Thanksgiving. " > > I wish this for all of us this year!!! Thanks so > much for expressing it so well. > > This year, rather than be present for the > traditional foo gathering, I've chosen to spend the > day on my own, being TRULY thankful for the gift of > finally -- after 44 years of BP abuse -- recognizing > and embracing my own truth! > > I had planned on having a special meal today just > for me and my son, but decided to let him spend the > actual holiday with my ex-H and some of his > relatives who were visiting. My son and I had our > own special " turkey day " yesterday -- which included > a movie marathon in front of a cozy fire, lots of > food and just a general good time. > > My gift to my son this year: NONE of the poor-me > melodrama MY nada always gave me whenever I spent > Thanksgiving visiting my dishrag and step-nada... he > KNOWS I'm going to have a great day today: there's > tons of left-overs, more logs for the fire, people > to call, things to do -- and I'm HAPPY. He can > enjoy his day with his dad -- with no strings, no > guilt, no garbage! > > Thanksgiving with the foo would've meant having to > spend several days in a house with people who are > in denial about my nada's illness -- which is no > longer tolerable to me -- while she pointedly gives > me her traditional " Silent Treatment " in front of > them all. She LOVES an audience for giving me the > silent treatment and comes up with a reason to be > not-speaking to me every year at this time. > > I ruined her plans by telling her a month in advance > that I'd be celebrating the holiday with just my son > this year.... and I really do think it's funny that > she STILL came up with an excuse to not be speaking > to me this week anyway! > > Anyhow, today I feel peaceful, happy and -- most > importantly -- true to myself. I'll work out, take > a shower and dispose of much of the calorie-laden > leftovers (that's a one-day indulgence, only!) since > my son doesn't much care for all the stuffing and > mashed potatoes anyway... > > Thanksgiving is about gratitude and this year I feel > TRULY grateful -- for all the growth and insights > I've had this year, for this board and the people > here, for my wonderful son, and for finally learning > the importance of treating MYSELF with love and > respect! > > Thank you all for helping me so much on this journey > of recovery -- and wishing you a wonderful day, too! > > Shana > > > > > > Re: Re: OH MY GOD > finally a diagnosis > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > > Ariel and All, > > > > There’s a saying, “Knowing and remembering can’t > be > > any worse than the pain of knowing and not > > remembering.” Like Charlie said, I’m glad you used > > that “dollop” of sharing and connecting with > people > > who DO -- DO -- repeat, DO believe that what you > > experienced is “real.” If you didn’t DARE to share > > some of your story, I wouldn’t feel as validated > about > > my similar experiences, which defied reality and > > gravity so much that, for a long time, I thought I > was > > crazy, too. For me, THIS sharing is the REAL deal, > > not the “perfectly poised public facade” of your, > mine > > and many other BPs. Also, thanks for the humor! > > > > Have a wonderful, chaos-free, abuse-absent, > > reality-affirming, confidence-building > Thanksgiving. > > > > One Non-BP Recovering Man > > > > > > > > --- whitedkcats2 wrote: > > > > > > and just generally expect us all to be her > minions > > > like we were > > > hhen we were kids. > > > > > > Oh ! I just LOVE the word " Minions " ! That > > > is so, > > > deliciously, appropriate for members of my FOO! > Sort > > > of flying > > > monkey's to her wicked-witch-of-the-west. My > oldest > > > brother would > > > make a GREAT flying monkey, always flying around > her > > > like a punch- > > > drunk bat!. I'll remember to use this imagery > for TG > > > on thursday. > > > > > > A pot of coffee, and a shower and I feel 100% > > > better-although > > > that's really not saying I'm even close to > normal. > > > Just don't feel > > > like slamming my head in a car door, anymore. > > > > > > Get this! Nada called this morning, not unusual > > > as she calls me > > > at least 3-5X every day! This time, I answered > > > knowing that she > > > wanted to give me the annual " instructions " as > to > > > what my role in > > > this years TG festivities were. YEP-I'm in > charge of > > > making the > > > pies, the rolls, and( ruining) the GREEN BEANS!! > She > > > sounded as if > > > she was giving some sort of Honor! " THIS year I'm > > > going to LET you do > > > the Green Beans! " (Unlike to the last decade, > when I > > > did the Green > > > Beans, Huh?!) > > > > > > Well, DH saw the number on the caller ID, and > > > proceeded to go > > > back and forth next to me in the kitchen doing > his > > > rendition of the > > > song " Cruella DeVille " ; playing the air-trombone > and > > > high-kicking > > > like a Russian soldier too!( he can be such a > nut!). > > > Nada's on the > > > phone saying, " What is WRONG with him?! Why is > he > > > always singing > > > that dreadful song! I would think he would have > > > better things to do > > > with his time then watching frivolous Disney > movies! > > > I think he > > > should seriously consider contacting a mental > health > > > specialist. > > > Your father knows some important ones, not like > the > > > " people " YOU > > > know! " . The incredible thing was her words > didn't > > > even faze me, even > > > after this morning! It was all I could do to > keep > > > from bursting out > > > laughing! > > > > > > DH left for work and hour ago. I'm still > > > chuckling! Maybe there's > > > hope for this holiday after all! Just need to > have a > > > pot of coffee > > > and a good laugh Thursday morning, before we > head > > > over there! > > > > > > Ariel > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > WOW I just got off the phone with the > Doctor > > > who I had been > > > going > > > > > > back and forth about calling back. Thanks > so > > > much for the > > > advice > > > > > > about whether to call her, you guys. I > called > > > her back and I > > > am > > > > > > really glad that I did. > > > > > > > > > > > > Turns out that this Dr is a psychiatrist. > She > > > initially > > > talked > > > > > > about how my nada cannot live alone > because > > > she cannot > > > ambulate. > > > > > > There was some discussion with one of her > > > friends in DE about > > > her > > > > > > living there, but that fell through. Now > they > > > want to know if > > > > > there > > > > > > is anything 'the family' can do to help or > > > else they will have > > > to > > > > > > look into some other option for her living > > > arrangements. > > > > > > > > > > > > I told her under no circumstances was I > going > > > to even talk to > > > my > > > > > > nada no less take her in. Then we got into > a > > > discussion about > > > her > > > > > > mental problems. I told her that my nada > has > > > a long standing > > > > > > diagnosis of bipolar disorder, but that I > > > think there is more > > > > > going > > > > > > on. When I said that, she immediately said > > > " Are you talking > > > about > > > > > > Borderline Personality Disorder? " and I > said > > > " OH MY GOD YES I > > > > > AM. " > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, she indicated that she was > certainly > > > aware that my > > > nada > > > > > was > > > > > > abusive. (Apparently she has been abusive > to > > > the staff at the > > > > > > hospital, too.) She also said that BPD is > > > part of my nada's > > > > > > diagnosis, and that she had given my nada > some > > > literature > > > about > > > > > > modifying her behavior, but that nada (of > > > course) refused to > > > admit > > > > > > that her problems in relationships were > her > > > own doing (of > > > course > > > > > > everyone else is the problem, certainly > not > > > her!) > > > > > > > > > > > > I guess she really screwed herself up with > > > this last suicide > > > > > > attempt, the Doctor says that she is in a > > > wheelchair. I hate > > > to > > > > > > think of her in a shelter or something but > I > > > cannot take her > > > in. > > > > > > This onyl strengthen my resolve to be NC, > > > because she has a > > > > > > professional diagnosis, and I KNOW that > there > > > is NOTHING I can > > > do > > > > > to > > > > > > help her. She HAS to help herself, and > since > > > that is highly > > > > > > unlikely, I have to continue to go about > the > > > task of healing > > > my > > > > > life > > > > > > and protecting myself and my family. > > > > > > > > > > > > But she FINALLY has a BPD diagnosis! What > she > > > will do with > > > it, if > > > > > > anything, I don't know. After 32 years of > > > wondering what was > > > > > wrong > > > > > > with my nada, and after a month wondering > why > > > no doctors have > > > > > > recognized her BPD in all those hospital > stays > > > (when it took > > > about > > > > > a > > > > > > half hour to figure out on google last > month), > > > this is a big > > > deal. > > > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening and being there. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > > Sponsored Link > > > > Online or Campus degree Associate's, Bachelor's, > or Master's > > in less than one year.www.findtherightschool.com > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Want to start your own business? Learn how on Yahoo! 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