lost

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I just signed up for this group yesterday because I am feeling totally lost,

unearthed, sad, helpless and orphaned.

Over the weekend I spoke with my mother's therapist (at the therapist's

request). I have a psychology degree (and am going to get my Masters in

counselling next year..oh the irony) and so I have done alot of reading and

research on BPD because I have suspected that my mother and my sister have it.

Despite having though about BPD a lot nothing prepared me for the conversation

with the T.

She confirmed that I was in fact remembering my childhood correctly and that

she also suspected that my mother has BPD (or another syndrome i am less

familiar with called munchausen by proxy disorder).

Just reading the list of the abreviations used in this forum has given me a

sense of belonging and insight becasue I am definatly familiar with FOG, having

a mother that was not a mother, Oz etc.

I guess I am wondering how I will triumph over this feeling of being totally

alone? Will this discusting aching feeling ever go away? Why can I only feel

emotion in really short intense bursts and then i just go back to the bubble of

non feeling? Why do i just nod and smile when ever anyone is asking someting of

me and then only after i leave their presence do i realize i have commited to do

something i really do not want to do...does this happen to anyone else?

I was always told that my family was the only place where i could get support

and so reaching out to strangers (who have always been characterized as being

'out to get me') is really scary but I am grateful to know I am not alone and it

seems there may be a whole group of you who have had similar crazy experiences

that I have.

Thanks for any imput...laurel

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