Re: Depression - what do you do?

[Guest guest]

I haven't used it yet, but I recently found a depression workbook at

the bookstore, next to the SWOE Workbook. I find yoga helpful, tho

not a cure-all of course. Also, Network Spinal Analysis is helping

me. I wish I had magic words for you...

[Guest guest]

I'm not an advocate of widespread distribution of anti-depressants,

and fortunately, I've found ways to successfully deal with it. I

believe depression is something we all have to be watchful for, and

I make sure I stop and examine what's at the root of it that

particular time it's bothering me. There's usually always something

that I haven't given to God, or am refusing to look at. Detachment

has helped tremendously in the past year -- I have learned I

don't " own " all the troubles in the world. So I let them go to find

their rightful owners.

So I've found different ways to deal with depressions that can

threaten to overwhelm me: I have reconnected with my faith through

Bible Study, prayer, putting things in God's hands, and I believe in

exercise as a natural mood lifter.

Me personally, I run. Nothing lifts my spirits more than putting on

my running shoes and going for a few miles.

I just don't trust the big Pharmaceutical companies as the be-all,

end-all for every human frailty. They seem to find a " condition "

every single day. Things that generations before us used to deal

with as part of life, or as a consequence of their lifestyle.

Just my opinion, but I think they stand to make a lot of money by

convincing us we've got all these ailments that " need " lifelong

treatment with their pills (side-effects included.)

Rant off!

-Kyla

>

> Dear fellow listers,

>

> I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> really a combination of many different stressors that I have had

to

> deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

> much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in

with

> my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sylvia

>

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

I too struggle big time with depression. Several months ago I

felt so low, I truly didn't care about anything. I got so low I did

think very dark thoughts. The pain was just overwhelming. Yes, there

were many factors that contributed to my depression, and it hurt like

hell.

One thing I never lose sight that I definitely suffer from PTSD.

The tramua in my life has left deep wounds, and right now I am being

treated in therapy like a tramua victim, because were (I am) are. My

point to all of this, depression is such a part of us, those bearing

the scars of a bp parent. You are not alone.

I also will admit that it was hard just keeping it together,

completing daily tasks at my work, was huge for me, and when I got

home I was done. I truly had such a hard time focusing, everything

seemed blurry in my mind. Even my physical needs were not that

important to me, I felt almost like that term- " dead man walking. "

I now have a wonderful therapist who is helping me deal with my

depression and emotional scars. She will not give up on me. I do now

take prozac. It may not work for everyone, but it has helped

stabilize me and my lows aren't that low.

I also take the time to journal my feelings, and I listen to

peaceful music to soothe my soul. I wear my charms that say positive

affirmations on them. I also don't beat myself for not being perfect

anymore and when I am having one of those - negative self worth

moments, I literally talk myself out of it. Tomorrow will bring

another day for me to live my life even more completely then I did

today. I also tell my confused and hurt inner child, I will protect

her.

I tell myself each day I deserve to loved, respected and

forgiven for anything that I believed negatively about myself. Even

with all that, we struggle because we are human. I now have moments

of struggling, not weeks. It feels so much better.

Your post really strike such a chord with me, because I called

my Uncle one day and told him I was falling apart. He told me

whenever he felt like he was falling apart, what it really meant was

his life was falling back together. Remember sometimes the pieces of

your life have to come apart before you can put them back together

again.

So I am not sure if this helped you...but remember you have

lots of people who care about and many of us have been where you are

and survived... so will you!

A big hug to you Sylvia!!

Take care of yourself,

Malinda

>

> Dear fellow listers,

>

> I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> really a combination of many different stressors that I have had to

> deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

> much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in with

> my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sylvia

>

[Guest guest]

I've had some impressive bouts myself. Anti-depressants are good for a

while, but I try to use them as a crutch to get the other stuff in my

life sorted. I know people say " crutch " like it's a bad thing, but

when you break your leg do you hop around until if heals? no.

For me, antidepressants are not the best long term solution, because

they level me out, meaning, frankly that I'm not interested in fun

stuff, like sex with my fabulous partner. so it's a few-month thing.

There are a few books out there like " Natural Prozac " that talk about

the different kinds of depression (different neurotransmitter

imbalances) and various diet and lifestyle changes that can help

manage them. These books are great complimentary therapies, but if

you're really struggling they shouldn't be your only tool.

Often times, i just try to run with my depression. I see it as my

bodies way of telling me to slow down and take it easy for a while.

Remember, it's not about intellectually understanding it (though that

helps immensely) but chemistry. and chemistry is complicated physics.

And physics always wins.

If you're really done with this phase, I've found that excercise

really helps. Not the stair master, and yes, i know your limbs are

made of lead and it's the last thing you want to do.

Do you have a friend you can enlist? Is there a nature walk type thing

in your area? this is really the best combination, a friend who knows

that you don't need " cheering up " , you just need someone to be there

and share space as you walk around a bit outside with sunshine and

nature and stuff.

Swimming is also nice, because you can do it as slow as you need to,

it's quiet under water, and the type of movement in swimming is

particularly helpful for neural pathway stuff and balancing some of

your neurotransmitters (the specific one escapes me, it's either

serotonin or dopamine. possibly norepinephrin)

also, if it's within your means, get a massage. seriously. right now a

nice gentle soothing massage is what you're after, no super deep

tissue. Seriously, there is so much that massage does to sort out your

brain. Even if you have a friend or partner who can do a simple

massage, it will help. and let your body do what it needs to do, even

if that means crying for no reason.

and speaking of friends or partners, one of the most soothing things

someone did for me after one of a longish list of friends passed away

was pet my forehead for about half an hour as I lay on the couch. I

don't recall asking for it, but just that simple act of smoothing my

hair back was so nurturing.

None of this is supposed to make you all better right away. It's

important to recognize that it took you more than a day to get into

this state, it will take a little while to get you out. And really, I

find that not trying to " get better " , but just trying to take care of

myself a little at a time is the best tactic. If you try to snap out

of it, well, if *I* try to snap out of it, and i don't, I get anxiety

about how I'm still depressed, and the badness just builds on itself.

There are times that i have to do stuff, and I really don't want to,

and I feel like I'm going to go completely buggy and flip out the

whole time, but I've always managed to keep it together until i get

home and then collapse. I guess that's a result of BPD boot camp, eh?

Take care of yourself and if that means spending all day on the couch

watching the 'menu' screen of " My neighbour Totoro " , then so be it.

(never underestimate the healing power of Miyazaki cartoons (NOT

" Grave of the Fireflys " ))

Delta

>

> Dear fellow listers,

>

> I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> really a combination of many different stressors that I have had to

> deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

> much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in with

> my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sylvia

>

[Guest guest]

For me when I was dealing w/depression hardcore several years back,

I'd say it really helped me to have little routines to take care of

myself. I mean to wake at the same time, journal my thoughts, promise

myself to get out of bed, take a shower, put on nice clothes that

make me feel pretty, put on make-up even. These are little ways to

self care and when I was depressed, so much of the past seemed

overwhelming. Thoughts flooded me and so these thoughts ended up

immobilizing me...thoughts and feelings.

My sister in law is a psychiatrist. One thing she hit home to me

about was that denial is not a bad thing. It protects people from

themselves lots of times until they can get to a point where they

know how to process and are strong enough to deal w/deeper issues.

She believes that its never okay for a therapist or shrink to take

away someones coping mechanisms, be it denial even, if they haven't

been replaced w/positive coping skills. This hit home w/me on plenty

of days when I would find myself dwelling on negative thoughts and

feelings and finding myself going round and round on that

merrygoround that has no exit. In the end, I gave myself permission

not to think about these things...to be in denial. To simply focus on

putting one foot infront of the other and just getting out of the

house (as I was agraphobic too back then and rarely left my apt).

These problems weren't created overnight. The solution won't come

overnight either. It is a process by which we get healthier and so I

say take it slow w/the process and do just what you can for today in

taking care of you. Hot bath, candles, aromatherapy, guided imagery,

yoga, whatever makes you feel calm...which gives you a sense of

peace. Find that soft spot where you can fall and fall into it and

think only of how that feels. My other sister in law whose battled

depression for years also shared w/me back then a very helpful little

catchphrase that I would say over and over to myself when I found

myself w/dark thoughts and memories overcrowding my 'now'. She

said 'the mind can't hold two opposing thoughts. choose the one

that's best for you and hold onto it. " And so when I'd realize I was

thinking bad things, I'd make a conscious effort to focus on

something like dandellions or honeybees making their nest or the

smell of fresh wind off the ocean- lots of different positive things

by which at least for the current second I gained more control over

my mind than my past. And truly, that is what fighting BPD is about

as a KO- fighting for the freedom to sail our boats to our own

destinies.

best wishes to you.

Kerrie

>

> Dear fellow listers,

>

> I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> really a combination of many different stressors that I have had to

> deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

> much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in with

> my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sylvia

>

[Guest guest]

Kerrie,

This post and your response just really hits home. No one knows how

paralyzing depression is. It hurts so deep inside. I liked the idea

of the mind not being able to hold two opposing thoughts. I must

remember that. I also need to work on more visualizations.

I do feel like I have been blessed to have found a wonderful

therapist who is helping me to develop strategies to deal with my

depression and pain. I felt like your posting reinforced the point I

am on the right track in my healing process.

Thank you,

Malinda

> >

> > Dear fellow listers,

> >

> > I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> > can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> > therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> > number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> > haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> > why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> > trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> > really a combination of many different stressors that I have had

to

> > deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> > regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> > necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do

too

> > much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> > like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> > through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in

with

> > my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Sylvia

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

I went through an awful phase of depression at the end of last year. I

couldn't afford to see a therapist (perhaps there were free options around, but

I didn't know about them) and definitely not anti-depressants. To get through

my day, I used to think about what the bare minimum was that needed to be done.

Then I would grit my teeth and do it. I didn't feel guilty about not doing

more, just did what I needed to do, then let myself do whatever I wanted (like

watch movies or sleep). It was not fun, but it worked.

I know that exercise helps a lot of people. When I was going through this,

though, it didn't help as much (or maybe it would have been even worse without

it). At one point, I did a run and I was very angry at myself for not doing

better. I had to stop monitoring my exercise and just do it for fun -- no

timing what I was doing or looking for progress.

I also know that often when it rains it pours...during this phase I was turned

down from numerous jobs (after being under/unemployed for 2 years already), then

my roommate decided to kick me out via email (she was not a nice person!). And

this can be what is most overwhelming. I hope that you can find a way to get

through this stage, and remember that it is always a stage.

Thank you for continuing to post even in this time, we all very much

appreciate it.

is

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[Guest guest]

A little over 2 yrs ago I spent almost 6 months in the dark. I still

feel it pull on me sometimes, when it's really hard here. Sometimes I

think the long depression I was in a couple years ago is what let me

spring into action (of sorts) and start growing in spite of the

obstacles in my life. It's like my whole psyche just needed some time

off first. Exercise does help, but getting that going in the midst of

depression is sooo hard. For me, that started after something finally

snapped (and I so need to get back to it also). I do agree that

getting up every day, showering, getting dressed, all that, it helps a

ton. Many days I said to myself, well, at least I got dressed. Try to

give yourself time to recover, and not use feeling down as another

reason to feel even more down on yourself. I truly believe it will

pass into better times. Hugs to you!

>

> Dear fellow listers,

>

> I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> really a combination of many different stressors that I have had to

> deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

> much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in with

> my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sylvia

>

[Guest guest]

Sylvia, I have no great answers because right now, I'm going through it too.

But you can 'hold my hand' and I'll 'hold yours' and we'll walk through and out

of the sludge together. Sometimes it's good to have a hand to hold in the

darkness. -Leslye

smhtrain2 wrote: Dear fellow listers,

I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

really a combination of many different stressors that I have had to

deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in with

my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

Thanks,

Sylvia

---------------------------------

Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.

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[Guest guest]

Thank you for taking my hand. That really helps. I will be honored

to hold yours as well. I have visited my PCP, and he has referred

me to a therapist. He said 'She is a little loopy, but she does a

good job'. To me, that is a good recommendation! I'm a little

loopy too! I have my first appointment on Monday. I am glad to not

be going back to my former therapist. She treated both me and my

daughter, and in talking to my daughter, she agrees that this

therapist is not what I need right now.

I talked to my PCP about post traumatic stress, and he said I should

discuss the possibility of doing some hypnotherapy as well. I'll

let you know if anything comes of this.

Sylvia

Dear fellow listers,

>

> I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> really a combination of many different stressors that I have had

to

> deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

> much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in

with

> my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sylvia

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from

someone who knows.

> Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sylvia - we can 'loop out' together! Glad to hear about the therapist.

Ever seen the movie: " What about Bob? " Like Bill Murray's character, we'll

" baby step...baby step... " -Leslye

smhtrain2 wrote: Thank you for taking my hand.

That really helps. I will be honored

to hold yours as well. I have visited my PCP, and he has referred

me to a therapist. He said 'She is a little loopy, but she does a

good job'. To me, that is a good recommendation! I'm a little

loopy too! I have my first appointment on Monday. I am glad to not

be going back to my former therapist. She treated both me and my

daughter, and in talking to my daughter, she agrees that this

therapist is not what I need right now.

I talked to my PCP about post traumatic stress, and he said I should

discuss the possibility of doing some hypnotherapy as well. I'll

let you know if anything comes of this.

Sylvia

Dear fellow listers,

>

> I am still struggling with depression. I have called my PCP, but

> can't get in until Thursday. I am thinking of calling my old

> therapist. She lives in another state now, but I do have her

> number, so maybe I should try to contact her in the meantime. I

> haven't had any success with antidepressants in the past. I know

> why I get depressed, although I don't really know what is the

> trigger for this episode. My inclination is to think that it is

> really a combination of many different stressors that I have had

to

> deal with since December. Intellectually, I understand it all,

> regardless, I am floundering. I just barely deal with the

> necessities of daily existance. As long as I don't have to do too

> much, I am okay, but as soon as something HAS to be done, I feel

> like I am falling apart. I still feel like I am going to get

> through this, but thought it would be a good thing to check in

with

> my KO friends and get some suggestions from them.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sylvia

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from

someone who knows.

> Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have your doctor write you a prescription to " take a vacation from

your problems! " Love that movie!

>

> Thanks Sylvia - we can 'loop out' together! Glad to hear about the

therapist. Ever seen the movie: " What about Bob? " Like Bill Murray's

character, we'll " baby step...baby step... " -Leslye

>