Re: What was your breaking point?

[Guest guest]

Mel,

I think most of us are masters at apologizes. We are always in the wrong, and

they are NEVER wrong, so why should THEY apologize.

Janie

junkinthere wrote:

LD,

Again, these stories are so empowering. I was never sexually assaulted, but your

parents

sound just like my mom. Especially that " now you owe me an apology " .

If there's one thing she taught me, it's how to apologize. I am the master of

thorough

heartfelt apologies, I can even do it when I have no idea what I'm apologizing

for:)

Mel

[Guest guest]

The tales KOs share never cease to amaze me. My mom has said some

nutty stuff, but wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry and I hope you were able

to find solace somewhere that you didn't with your family.

Tara

>

> My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

been

> the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family, the

> one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents would

> vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

>

> Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I later

> learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened to

> murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

him,

> and escape.

>

> I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

family

> about it.

>

> BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have reimbursed

> me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

>

> Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

> get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

> you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

> that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not sympathetic?

> Now you owe me an apology, too! "

>

> BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

> even asked about MY day! "

>

> When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort of

big

> deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal was

> about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for --

> you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

>

> Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done that

> was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And raged

> about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

>

[Guest guest]

The tales KOs share never cease to amaze me. My mom has said some

nutty stuff, but wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry and I hope you were able

to find solace somewhere that you didn't with your family.

Tara

>

> My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

been

> the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family, the

> one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents would

> vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

>

> Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I later

> learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened to

> murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

him,

> and escape.

>

> I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

family

> about it.

>

> BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have reimbursed

> me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

>

> Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

> get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

> you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

> that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not sympathetic?

> Now you owe me an apology, too! "

>

> BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

> even asked about MY day! "

>

> When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort of

big

> deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal was

> about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for --

> you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

>

> Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done that

> was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And raged

> about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

>

[Guest guest]

The tales KOs share never cease to amaze me. My mom has said some

nutty stuff, but wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry and I hope you were able

to find solace somewhere that you didn't with your family.

Tara

>

> My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

been

> the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family, the

> one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents would

> vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

>

> Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I later

> learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened to

> murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

him,

> and escape.

>

> I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

family

> about it.

>

> BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have reimbursed

> me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

>

> Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

> get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

> you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

> that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not sympathetic?

> Now you owe me an apology, too! "

>

> BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

> even asked about MY day! "

>

> When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort of

big

> deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal was

> about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for --

> you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

>

> Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done that

> was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And raged

> about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm just starting to get an

inkling of the stress-free thing!

I hope that someday my kids will see it that way. They are so little

now, that they don't really understand, and we don't want

to " badmouth " my parents to them, either. You're right. We're just

going to have to figure this out as we go along.

Tara

> > >

> > > First of all, how awful what you went through!

> > >

> > > In response to your question about the breaking point...

> > >

> > > For me it was kind of gradual, but it had to do with my kids.

I

> > had

> > > long been aware that there was something " not right " about my

> > mother -

> > > the negativity, the outrageous accusations, the random mental

> > health

> > > diagnoses that she would come up with for me, etc. Sometimes I

> > felt

> > > like it would be much easier just to cut off contact with her,

> but

> > > then I would feel guilty for thinking that way, remember that

> > there

> > > were many good times (though as I got older they became

> > increasingly

> > > fewer and farther between), and get hoovered back in.

> > >

> > > After I had my second daughter, I started therapy and

treatment

> > for

> > > postpartum depression. As my therapist helped me to examine

> > > underlying issues, it became clear to her that my mother was

the

> > > biggie, and she encouraged me to invite her to some of my

> > sessions. I

> > > was dead set against this, and hadn't shared anything about my

> PPD

> > or

> > > therapy with her at all, then one time on the phone, I had

> allowed

> > > myself to get dragged into a big, hideous argument. I was

crying,

> > > etc. At first I started to break away before it got too bad by

> > > saying, " Goodbye Mom, I am not going to do this. I will talk

to

> > you

> > > another time. I love you. " Before I could hang up, she

> > said, " Yeah,

> > > right. " That cut to the bone and I was sucked back in. Anyway,

> > after

> > > the conversation went on a while longer, she said, " You need

> > > therapy! " I broke my vow never to tell her about my " issues "

and

> > > sobbed, " I've been in therapy for a freakin' year and a half! "

> > > Suddenly she got all fakey sympathetic - " Oh I'm so glad

you're

> > > finally getting help. " Blah blah blah (She had decided that I

was

> > > bipolar, something my therapist vehemently disagrees with - as

do

> > I.

> > > I have also been seen by a psychiatrist, since my therapist

does

> > not

> > > prescribe meds, and the psychiatrist doesn't think I'm bipolar

> > > either.) Anyway, she did end up coming to therapy with me for

a

> > > couple of months. She promised to pay for half of those

sessions,

> > > since they were in addition to my regular therapy sessions,

but

> > she

> > > never did.

> > >

> > > Those therapy sessions, although they did absolutely nothing

to

> > > improve my relationship with my mother, helped me to finally

see

> > her

> > > for who she is. I used to excuse the horrible things she would

> say

> > > when she was raging, thinking she surely couldn't think those

> > things

> > > about me - it was just said in the heat of anger and she

really

> > > didn't mean it. In therapy she verified that she really does

> > believe

> > > that I'm self-centered, that I deliberately set out to hurt

her,

> > that

> > > my goal in moving one town away (to a better school district -

> > that

> > > was our actual motivation) was to hurt her and keep her

> > grandchildren

> > > from her, that I've allowed my husband to " poison " my mind

> against

> > > her, the list goes on. I've been split bad for a while now.

She

> > never

> > > saw the therapy sessions as a chance for both of us to work on

> our

> > > relationship. She was just there to " help poor Tara " and let

my

> > > therapist know what an awful, messed up person I really am.

UGH.

> > She

> > > even said at one point, " Why are you so enmeshed with me? " I

> guess

> > > that was one point she was right about. I hope she likes her

VERY

> > LC

> > > because I ain't enmeshed no more!

> > >

> > > Anyway, during the course of these sessions, there was a week

> that

> > > was fraught with peril - my brother was visiting from Alaska

(we

> > live

> > > in NY) and of course, everything had to be perfect. I didn't

go

> > along

> > > with her every whim. She ended up blowing up in front of my

kids

> > and

> > > then blatantly lying to my daughter, then 2 1/2, who

said, " Why

> > did

> > > you yell at my mommy? " (Yes, my kids are very verbal) I was

about

> > to

> > > jump in with " Mommy and Grandma had a disagreement, but

> everything

> > is

> > > ok honey. We still love each other. " Before I had a chance, my

> > mother

> > > (Nada?) said, " Your mommy yelled at me first. " Not only hadn't

I

> > > yelled, I had very calmly whispered so as not to get sucked

into

> > her

> > > argument and not to scare the kids. My kids knew this, and we

> > talked

> > > about it on our way home (this had all happened as we were

> leaving

> > so

> > > that I could, ironically, go to a therapy appointment, and my

> > mother

> > > thought I should stay around and so something she wanted me to

> and

> > be

> > > very late to my appointment.) This might seem a bit minor, but

it

> > was

> > > the straw that broke this camel's back. I told my therapist

that

> > it

> > > was like the security system in my head went off. She started

to

> > mess

> > > with my kids and their reality - they had seen and heard what

had

> > > happened - and lights started flashing, sirens wailing, and

the

> > gates

> > > in my head came crashing down.

> > >

> > > Now she and my father see them once a week with us. No

> > unsupervised

> > > contact. This might not seem like very LC to some of you, but

it

> > is

> > > to us. There are no phone calls in between, there is no

> discussion

> > of

> > > anything other than stuff like the weather, etc. They are

angry

> > and

> > > have tried various ways of trying to get us to relent, but I'm

> > done.

> > > The only reason I am keeping this up is for my kids. They love

> > their

> > > grandparents very much. I'm wondering how I'm going to handle

it

> > when

> > > they start asking why they never go to spend the night over

there

> > > anymore, etc. They are now 5 and 3 and they used to do tons of

> > stuff

> > > with my parents. There had always been subtle undermining of

my

> > > husband and myself but for some reason that incident showed me

> > that

> > > my kids weren't safe from her, and I was just done.

> > >

> > > Sorry that was so very long!!!!

> > >

> > > Tara

> > ......

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Kisses and Nibbles,

>

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm just starting to get an

inkling of the stress-free thing!

I hope that someday my kids will see it that way. They are so little

now, that they don't really understand, and we don't want

to " badmouth " my parents to them, either. You're right. We're just

going to have to figure this out as we go along.

Tara

> > >

> > > First of all, how awful what you went through!

> > >

> > > In response to your question about the breaking point...

> > >

> > > For me it was kind of gradual, but it had to do with my kids.

I

> > had

> > > long been aware that there was something " not right " about my

> > mother -

> > > the negativity, the outrageous accusations, the random mental

> > health

> > > diagnoses that she would come up with for me, etc. Sometimes I

> > felt

> > > like it would be much easier just to cut off contact with her,

> but

> > > then I would feel guilty for thinking that way, remember that

> > there

> > > were many good times (though as I got older they became

> > increasingly

> > > fewer and farther between), and get hoovered back in.

> > >

> > > After I had my second daughter, I started therapy and

treatment

> > for

> > > postpartum depression. As my therapist helped me to examine

> > > underlying issues, it became clear to her that my mother was

the

> > > biggie, and she encouraged me to invite her to some of my

> > sessions. I

> > > was dead set against this, and hadn't shared anything about my

> PPD

> > or

> > > therapy with her at all, then one time on the phone, I had

> allowed

> > > myself to get dragged into a big, hideous argument. I was

crying,

> > > etc. At first I started to break away before it got too bad by

> > > saying, " Goodbye Mom, I am not going to do this. I will talk

to

> > you

> > > another time. I love you. " Before I could hang up, she

> > said, " Yeah,

> > > right. " That cut to the bone and I was sucked back in. Anyway,

> > after

> > > the conversation went on a while longer, she said, " You need

> > > therapy! " I broke my vow never to tell her about my " issues "

and

> > > sobbed, " I've been in therapy for a freakin' year and a half! "

> > > Suddenly she got all fakey sympathetic - " Oh I'm so glad

you're

> > > finally getting help. " Blah blah blah (She had decided that I

was

> > > bipolar, something my therapist vehemently disagrees with - as

do

> > I.

> > > I have also been seen by a psychiatrist, since my therapist

does

> > not

> > > prescribe meds, and the psychiatrist doesn't think I'm bipolar

> > > either.) Anyway, she did end up coming to therapy with me for

a

> > > couple of months. She promised to pay for half of those

sessions,

> > > since they were in addition to my regular therapy sessions,

but

> > she

> > > never did.

> > >

> > > Those therapy sessions, although they did absolutely nothing

to

> > > improve my relationship with my mother, helped me to finally

see

> > her

> > > for who she is. I used to excuse the horrible things she would

> say

> > > when she was raging, thinking she surely couldn't think those

> > things

> > > about me - it was just said in the heat of anger and she

really

> > > didn't mean it. In therapy she verified that she really does

> > believe

> > > that I'm self-centered, that I deliberately set out to hurt

her,

> > that

> > > my goal in moving one town away (to a better school district -

> > that

> > > was our actual motivation) was to hurt her and keep her

> > grandchildren

> > > from her, that I've allowed my husband to " poison " my mind

> against

> > > her, the list goes on. I've been split bad for a while now.

She

> > never

> > > saw the therapy sessions as a chance for both of us to work on

> our

> > > relationship. She was just there to " help poor Tara " and let

my

> > > therapist know what an awful, messed up person I really am.

UGH.

> > She

> > > even said at one point, " Why are you so enmeshed with me? " I

> guess

> > > that was one point she was right about. I hope she likes her

VERY

> > LC

> > > because I ain't enmeshed no more!

> > >

> > > Anyway, during the course of these sessions, there was a week

> that

> > > was fraught with peril - my brother was visiting from Alaska

(we

> > live

> > > in NY) and of course, everything had to be perfect. I didn't

go

> > along

> > > with her every whim. She ended up blowing up in front of my

kids

> > and

> > > then blatantly lying to my daughter, then 2 1/2, who

said, " Why

> > did

> > > you yell at my mommy? " (Yes, my kids are very verbal) I was

about

> > to

> > > jump in with " Mommy and Grandma had a disagreement, but

> everything

> > is

> > > ok honey. We still love each other. " Before I had a chance, my

> > mother

> > > (Nada?) said, " Your mommy yelled at me first. " Not only hadn't

I

> > > yelled, I had very calmly whispered so as not to get sucked

into

> > her

> > > argument and not to scare the kids. My kids knew this, and we

> > talked

> > > about it on our way home (this had all happened as we were

> leaving

> > so

> > > that I could, ironically, go to a therapy appointment, and my

> > mother

> > > thought I should stay around and so something she wanted me to

> and

> > be

> > > very late to my appointment.) This might seem a bit minor, but

it

> > was

> > > the straw that broke this camel's back. I told my therapist

that

> > it

> > > was like the security system in my head went off. She started

to

> > mess

> > > with my kids and their reality - they had seen and heard what

had

> > > happened - and lights started flashing, sirens wailing, and

the

> > gates

> > > in my head came crashing down.

> > >

> > > Now she and my father see them once a week with us. No

> > unsupervised

> > > contact. This might not seem like very LC to some of you, but

it

> > is

> > > to us. There are no phone calls in between, there is no

> discussion

> > of

> > > anything other than stuff like the weather, etc. They are

angry

> > and

> > > have tried various ways of trying to get us to relent, but I'm

> > done.

> > > The only reason I am keeping this up is for my kids. They love

> > their

> > > grandparents very much. I'm wondering how I'm going to handle

it

> > when

> > > they start asking why they never go to spend the night over

there

> > > anymore, etc. They are now 5 and 3 and they used to do tons of

> > stuff

> > > with my parents. There had always been subtle undermining of

my

> > > husband and myself but for some reason that incident showed me

> > that

> > > my kids weren't safe from her, and I was just done.

> > >

> > > Sorry that was so very long!!!!

> > >

> > > Tara

> > ......

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Kisses and Nibbles,

>

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm just starting to get an

inkling of the stress-free thing!

I hope that someday my kids will see it that way. They are so little

now, that they don't really understand, and we don't want

to " badmouth " my parents to them, either. You're right. We're just

going to have to figure this out as we go along.

Tara

> > >

> > > First of all, how awful what you went through!

> > >

> > > In response to your question about the breaking point...

> > >

> > > For me it was kind of gradual, but it had to do with my kids.

I

> > had

> > > long been aware that there was something " not right " about my

> > mother -

> > > the negativity, the outrageous accusations, the random mental

> > health

> > > diagnoses that she would come up with for me, etc. Sometimes I

> > felt

> > > like it would be much easier just to cut off contact with her,

> but

> > > then I would feel guilty for thinking that way, remember that

> > there

> > > were many good times (though as I got older they became

> > increasingly

> > > fewer and farther between), and get hoovered back in.

> > >

> > > After I had my second daughter, I started therapy and

treatment

> > for

> > > postpartum depression. As my therapist helped me to examine

> > > underlying issues, it became clear to her that my mother was

the

> > > biggie, and she encouraged me to invite her to some of my

> > sessions. I

> > > was dead set against this, and hadn't shared anything about my

> PPD

> > or

> > > therapy with her at all, then one time on the phone, I had

> allowed

> > > myself to get dragged into a big, hideous argument. I was

crying,

> > > etc. At first I started to break away before it got too bad by

> > > saying, " Goodbye Mom, I am not going to do this. I will talk

to

> > you

> > > another time. I love you. " Before I could hang up, she

> > said, " Yeah,

> > > right. " That cut to the bone and I was sucked back in. Anyway,

> > after

> > > the conversation went on a while longer, she said, " You need

> > > therapy! " I broke my vow never to tell her about my " issues "

and

> > > sobbed, " I've been in therapy for a freakin' year and a half! "

> > > Suddenly she got all fakey sympathetic - " Oh I'm so glad

you're

> > > finally getting help. " Blah blah blah (She had decided that I

was

> > > bipolar, something my therapist vehemently disagrees with - as

do

> > I.

> > > I have also been seen by a psychiatrist, since my therapist

does

> > not

> > > prescribe meds, and the psychiatrist doesn't think I'm bipolar

> > > either.) Anyway, she did end up coming to therapy with me for

a

> > > couple of months. She promised to pay for half of those

sessions,

> > > since they were in addition to my regular therapy sessions,

but

> > she

> > > never did.

> > >

> > > Those therapy sessions, although they did absolutely nothing

to

> > > improve my relationship with my mother, helped me to finally

see

> > her

> > > for who she is. I used to excuse the horrible things she would

> say

> > > when she was raging, thinking she surely couldn't think those

> > things

> > > about me - it was just said in the heat of anger and she

really

> > > didn't mean it. In therapy she verified that she really does

> > believe

> > > that I'm self-centered, that I deliberately set out to hurt

her,

> > that

> > > my goal in moving one town away (to a better school district -

> > that

> > > was our actual motivation) was to hurt her and keep her

> > grandchildren

> > > from her, that I've allowed my husband to " poison " my mind

> against

> > > her, the list goes on. I've been split bad for a while now.

She

> > never

> > > saw the therapy sessions as a chance for both of us to work on

> our

> > > relationship. She was just there to " help poor Tara " and let

my

> > > therapist know what an awful, messed up person I really am.

UGH.

> > She

> > > even said at one point, " Why are you so enmeshed with me? " I

> guess

> > > that was one point she was right about. I hope she likes her

VERY

> > LC

> > > because I ain't enmeshed no more!

> > >

> > > Anyway, during the course of these sessions, there was a week

> that

> > > was fraught with peril - my brother was visiting from Alaska

(we

> > live

> > > in NY) and of course, everything had to be perfect. I didn't

go

> > along

> > > with her every whim. She ended up blowing up in front of my

kids

> > and

> > > then blatantly lying to my daughter, then 2 1/2, who

said, " Why

> > did

> > > you yell at my mommy? " (Yes, my kids are very verbal) I was

about

> > to

> > > jump in with " Mommy and Grandma had a disagreement, but

> everything

> > is

> > > ok honey. We still love each other. " Before I had a chance, my

> > mother

> > > (Nada?) said, " Your mommy yelled at me first. " Not only hadn't

I

> > > yelled, I had very calmly whispered so as not to get sucked

into

> > her

> > > argument and not to scare the kids. My kids knew this, and we

> > talked

> > > about it on our way home (this had all happened as we were

> leaving

> > so

> > > that I could, ironically, go to a therapy appointment, and my

> > mother

> > > thought I should stay around and so something she wanted me to

> and

> > be

> > > very late to my appointment.) This might seem a bit minor, but

it

> > was

> > > the straw that broke this camel's back. I told my therapist

that

> > it

> > > was like the security system in my head went off. She started

to

> > mess

> > > with my kids and their reality - they had seen and heard what

had

> > > happened - and lights started flashing, sirens wailing, and

the

> > gates

> > > in my head came crashing down.

> > >

> > > Now she and my father see them once a week with us. No

> > unsupervised

> > > contact. This might not seem like very LC to some of you, but

it

> > is

> > > to us. There are no phone calls in between, there is no

> discussion

> > of

> > > anything other than stuff like the weather, etc. They are

angry

> > and

> > > have tried various ways of trying to get us to relent, but I'm

> > done.

> > > The only reason I am keeping this up is for my kids. They love

> > their

> > > grandparents very much. I'm wondering how I'm going to handle

it

> > when

> > > they start asking why they never go to spend the night over

there

> > > anymore, etc. They are now 5 and 3 and they used to do tons of

> > stuff

> > > with my parents. There had always been subtle undermining of

my

> > > husband and myself but for some reason that incident showed me

> > that

> > > my kids weren't safe from her, and I was just done.

> > >

> > > Sorry that was so very long!!!!

> > >

> > > Tara

> > ......

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Kisses and Nibbles,

>

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. I do hope your life is finding much peace and joy.

I hope you grow stronger and heal more each day from the pain you

endured.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Many blessings to you,

Malinda

> >

> > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

> been

> > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family,

the

> > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents

would

> > vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> >

> > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I

later

> > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened

to

> > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

> him,

> > and escape.

> >

> > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

> family

> > about it.

> >

> > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have

reimbursed

> > me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

> >

> > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine

would

> > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass

at

> > you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened,

and

> > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not

sympathetic?

> > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> >

> > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You

haven't

> > even asked about MY day! "

> >

> > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort

of

> big

> > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal

was

> > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for -

-

> > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> >

> > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done

that

> > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And

raged

> > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. I do hope your life is finding much peace and joy.

I hope you grow stronger and heal more each day from the pain you

endured.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Many blessings to you,

Malinda

> >

> > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

> been

> > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family,

the

> > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents

would

> > vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> >

> > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I

later

> > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened

to

> > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

> him,

> > and escape.

> >

> > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

> family

> > about it.

> >

> > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have

reimbursed

> > me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

> >

> > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine

would

> > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass

at

> > you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened,

and

> > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not

sympathetic?

> > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> >

> > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You

haven't

> > even asked about MY day! "

> >

> > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort

of

> big

> > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal

was

> > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for -

-

> > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> >

> > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done

that

> > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And

raged

> > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. I do hope your life is finding much peace and joy.

I hope you grow stronger and heal more each day from the pain you

endured.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Many blessings to you,

Malinda

> >

> > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

> been

> > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family,

the

> > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents

would

> > vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> >

> > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I

later

> > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened

to

> > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

> him,

> > and escape.

> >

> > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

> family

> > about it.

> >

> > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have

reimbursed

> > me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

> >

> > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine

would

> > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass

at

> > you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened,

and

> > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not

sympathetic?

> > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> >

> > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You

haven't

> > even asked about MY day! "

> >

> > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort

of

> big

> > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal

was

> > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for -

-

> > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> >

> > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done

that

> > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And

raged

> > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My breaking point was when my aunt died a few months ago. She was

the last surviving sister of my BPD mother. My mother's initial

reaction was to announce she was never close to her sister. She

then spent the days leading up to and following the funeral bringing

up every bad memory she had of my aunt from their childhood days.

She made it impossible for me to express feelings of grief and share

any fond memories I had of my aunt with her.

It was that constant barrage of criticism and hate coming out of her

mouth that finally convinced me that I did not need the approval of

such a mean-spirited, bitter person. And I realized she would never

change and be the kind of person I needed her to be as a mother.

I've limited my contact with her ever since and no longer seek her

approval. I just don't look at her the same way now -- it's like

this false image of my mother that I had constructed inside my head

died the same week my aunt passed away.

Since then it's been a slow process of grieving, getting really

pissed off, then letting go, forgiving, and setting boundaries and

taking care of my own needs.

MJL

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

.........

>

> > I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

[Guest guest]

Man have I heard that to many times my mom is constally telling me

how she is going to die and her disease are getting worse and she

has to go back on the medacins.

>

> >arg! me too, jackie! i'm afraid my nada is going to live FOREVER.

> funny because she's claimed to have like 1,237 diseases, even

telling

> me on a daily basis (when i was in high school) that she's " dying " .

> >she used to have a dry-erase calender in the kitchen that

documented

> how many days she went with out eating(that she would point out to

> every person in the household, including anyone who visited)...it

got

> up to around 246 days. i remember thinking, " god, if only that

were

> >true... "

>

>

>

> thanks, thats a relief to know I'm not the only one in the world

who can't

> wait until my nada dies :-( (how sad is that ??) my nada has had

lymphoma

> cancer 2X now..went through chemo 2x, radiation, surgery...and

she's STILL

> as healthy/strong as a horse !! her last oncology check up was

all

> clear...she's been cancer free for 3 years now ( last time it was

6

> years)...she still lives at home and gets around just fine...your

nada went

> 246 days without eating ?? wow, she really is a cactus !!

>

> Jackie

>