Re: What was your breaking point?

[Guest guest]

Thats the problem with having a BP Nada, we give them enough chances to have

multiple breaking points.

Lilly

christine wrote:

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

---------------------------------

Don't pick lemons.

See all the new 2007 cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

Thats the problem with having a BP Nada, we give them enough chances to have

multiple breaking points.

Lilly

christine wrote:

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

---------------------------------

Don't pick lemons.

See all the new 2007 cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

My breaking point??? I don't know for sure except I kept forging on

trying to have a relationship with her. Many times I have walked away

to get sucked back in. I do keep my distance and stay away as much as

possible.

The breaking point when I was younger was when I was 13-14 ish and

Nada made the entire family go to counseling because " I " was the route

of all the problems in the family. Luckily for me the counselor saw

through her the first visit and told her to leave me alone and to get a

life of her own. I didn't know what the counselor was telling me (and

my family) until many years laters.

When I was 15 I was raped by a neighbor. (I was blamed and grounded for

life) I found out I was pregnant the day I was scheduled to have

surgery. The doctor told NADA. Lucky me in the car ride home. When I

got home I was sitting in the recliner near NADA when she told FADA on

the phone. When she got off the phone she came at me. Punching me,

hitting me basically on top of me. I pulled my feet up and pushed her

off me. I got up, went upstairs to my room, grabbed and few things and

rode off on my bicycle. Yes, my bicycle. NADA claims I attacked her

and broke her ribs. Obviously she wasn't going to tell anyone she

attacked me while pregnant after being raped. I never went back. I did

end up losing the baby shortly after leaving possibly due to the beating.

A few years later, I met my husband and became pregnant. We wanted to

get married, yet being under 18, I needed NADA to sign for me. They

refused. When my daughter was born, they considered her the " bastard "

child. Even though I married my husband as soon as I turned 18, the

rest of my children were also " bastards " to them. NADA and FADA treated

them as such. Even though all my other sisters had children out of

wedlock deliberately, my children were the bastard children in their eyes.

I did little to see them during this time. As my kids got older, they

wanted to see NADA and FADA. If I was NC, I would let my sister take

them on holidays etc., as long as she promised to leave if they started

their crap. When my youngest was a few months old, I went NC for 14

years. He's 15 now.

All my children see why I have been NC with them. They also don't want

a relationship with them anymore because of the BS. NADA is terminally

ill and isn't expected to live much longer. The family are going all

out to make sure NADA is invited to all functions and pressuring me to

come too. I tried at one point. I can't deal with being around them.

It brings up too much. This past Christmas, my kids did go and said

never again. Hopefully they won't have to make that choice again.

My life in a nutshell.........

Jean

[Guest guest]

My breaking point??? I don't know for sure except I kept forging on

trying to have a relationship with her. Many times I have walked away

to get sucked back in. I do keep my distance and stay away as much as

possible.

The breaking point when I was younger was when I was 13-14 ish and

Nada made the entire family go to counseling because " I " was the route

of all the problems in the family. Luckily for me the counselor saw

through her the first visit and told her to leave me alone and to get a

life of her own. I didn't know what the counselor was telling me (and

my family) until many years laters.

When I was 15 I was raped by a neighbor. (I was blamed and grounded for

life) I found out I was pregnant the day I was scheduled to have

surgery. The doctor told NADA. Lucky me in the car ride home. When I

got home I was sitting in the recliner near NADA when she told FADA on

the phone. When she got off the phone she came at me. Punching me,

hitting me basically on top of me. I pulled my feet up and pushed her

off me. I got up, went upstairs to my room, grabbed and few things and

rode off on my bicycle. Yes, my bicycle. NADA claims I attacked her

and broke her ribs. Obviously she wasn't going to tell anyone she

attacked me while pregnant after being raped. I never went back. I did

end up losing the baby shortly after leaving possibly due to the beating.

A few years later, I met my husband and became pregnant. We wanted to

get married, yet being under 18, I needed NADA to sign for me. They

refused. When my daughter was born, they considered her the " bastard "

child. Even though I married my husband as soon as I turned 18, the

rest of my children were also " bastards " to them. NADA and FADA treated

them as such. Even though all my other sisters had children out of

wedlock deliberately, my children were the bastard children in their eyes.

I did little to see them during this time. As my kids got older, they

wanted to see NADA and FADA. If I was NC, I would let my sister take

them on holidays etc., as long as she promised to leave if they started

their crap. When my youngest was a few months old, I went NC for 14

years. He's 15 now.

All my children see why I have been NC with them. They also don't want

a relationship with them anymore because of the BS. NADA is terminally

ill and isn't expected to live much longer. The family are going all

out to make sure NADA is invited to all functions and pressuring me to

come too. I tried at one point. I can't deal with being around them.

It brings up too much. This past Christmas, my kids did go and said

never again. Hopefully they won't have to make that choice again.

My life in a nutshell.........

Jean

[Guest guest]

My breaking point??? I don't know for sure except I kept forging on

trying to have a relationship with her. Many times I have walked away

to get sucked back in. I do keep my distance and stay away as much as

possible.

The breaking point when I was younger was when I was 13-14 ish and

Nada made the entire family go to counseling because " I " was the route

of all the problems in the family. Luckily for me the counselor saw

through her the first visit and told her to leave me alone and to get a

life of her own. I didn't know what the counselor was telling me (and

my family) until many years laters.

When I was 15 I was raped by a neighbor. (I was blamed and grounded for

life) I found out I was pregnant the day I was scheduled to have

surgery. The doctor told NADA. Lucky me in the car ride home. When I

got home I was sitting in the recliner near NADA when she told FADA on

the phone. When she got off the phone she came at me. Punching me,

hitting me basically on top of me. I pulled my feet up and pushed her

off me. I got up, went upstairs to my room, grabbed and few things and

rode off on my bicycle. Yes, my bicycle. NADA claims I attacked her

and broke her ribs. Obviously she wasn't going to tell anyone she

attacked me while pregnant after being raped. I never went back. I did

end up losing the baby shortly after leaving possibly due to the beating.

A few years later, I met my husband and became pregnant. We wanted to

get married, yet being under 18, I needed NADA to sign for me. They

refused. When my daughter was born, they considered her the " bastard "

child. Even though I married my husband as soon as I turned 18, the

rest of my children were also " bastards " to them. NADA and FADA treated

them as such. Even though all my other sisters had children out of

wedlock deliberately, my children were the bastard children in their eyes.

I did little to see them during this time. As my kids got older, they

wanted to see NADA and FADA. If I was NC, I would let my sister take

them on holidays etc., as long as she promised to leave if they started

their crap. When my youngest was a few months old, I went NC for 14

years. He's 15 now.

All my children see why I have been NC with them. They also don't want

a relationship with them anymore because of the BS. NADA is terminally

ill and isn't expected to live much longer. The family are going all

out to make sure NADA is invited to all functions and pressuring me to

come too. I tried at one point. I can't deal with being around them.

It brings up too much. This past Christmas, my kids did go and said

never again. Hopefully they won't have to make that choice again.

My life in a nutshell.........

Jean

[Guest guest]

My breaking point??? I don't know for sure except I kept forging on

trying to have a relationship with her. Many times I have walked away

to get sucked back in. I do keep my distance and stay away as much as

possible.

The breaking point when I was younger was when I was 13-14 ish and

Nada made the entire family go to counseling because " I " was the route

of all the problems in the family. Luckily for me the counselor saw

through her the first visit and told her to leave me alone and to get a

life of her own. I didn't know what the counselor was telling me (and

my family) until many years laters.

When I was 15 I was raped by a neighbor. (I was blamed and grounded for

life) I found out I was pregnant the day I was scheduled to have

surgery. The doctor told NADA. Lucky me in the car ride home. When I

got home I was sitting in the recliner near NADA when she told FADA on

the phone. When she got off the phone she came at me. Punching me,

hitting me basically on top of me. I pulled my feet up and pushed her

off me. I got up, went upstairs to my room, grabbed and few things and

rode off on my bicycle. Yes, my bicycle. NADA claims I attacked her

and broke her ribs. Obviously she wasn't going to tell anyone she

attacked me while pregnant after being raped. I never went back. I did

end up losing the baby shortly after leaving possibly due to the beating.

A few years later, I met my husband and became pregnant. We wanted to

get married, yet being under 18, I needed NADA to sign for me. They

refused. When my daughter was born, they considered her the " bastard "

child. Even though I married my husband as soon as I turned 18, the

rest of my children were also " bastards " to them. NADA and FADA treated

them as such. Even though all my other sisters had children out of

wedlock deliberately, my children were the bastard children in their eyes.

I did little to see them during this time. As my kids got older, they

wanted to see NADA and FADA. If I was NC, I would let my sister take

them on holidays etc., as long as she promised to leave if they started

their crap. When my youngest was a few months old, I went NC for 14

years. He's 15 now.

All my children see why I have been NC with them. They also don't want

a relationship with them anymore because of the BS. NADA is terminally

ill and isn't expected to live much longer. The family are going all

out to make sure NADA is invited to all functions and pressuring me to

come too. I tried at one point. I can't deal with being around them.

It brings up too much. This past Christmas, my kids did go and said

never again. Hopefully they won't have to make that choice again.

My life in a nutshell.........

Jean

[Guest guest]

My breaking point??? I don't know for sure except I kept forging on

trying to have a relationship with her. Many times I have walked away

to get sucked back in. I do keep my distance and stay away as much as

possible.

The breaking point when I was younger was when I was 13-14 ish and

Nada made the entire family go to counseling because " I " was the route

of all the problems in the family. Luckily for me the counselor saw

through her the first visit and told her to leave me alone and to get a

life of her own. I didn't know what the counselor was telling me (and

my family) until many years laters.

When I was 15 I was raped by a neighbor. (I was blamed and grounded for

life) I found out I was pregnant the day I was scheduled to have

surgery. The doctor told NADA. Lucky me in the car ride home. When I

got home I was sitting in the recliner near NADA when she told FADA on

the phone. When she got off the phone she came at me. Punching me,

hitting me basically on top of me. I pulled my feet up and pushed her

off me. I got up, went upstairs to my room, grabbed and few things and

rode off on my bicycle. Yes, my bicycle. NADA claims I attacked her

and broke her ribs. Obviously she wasn't going to tell anyone she

attacked me while pregnant after being raped. I never went back. I did

end up losing the baby shortly after leaving possibly due to the beating.

A few years later, I met my husband and became pregnant. We wanted to

get married, yet being under 18, I needed NADA to sign for me. They

refused. When my daughter was born, they considered her the " bastard "

child. Even though I married my husband as soon as I turned 18, the

rest of my children were also " bastards " to them. NADA and FADA treated

them as such. Even though all my other sisters had children out of

wedlock deliberately, my children were the bastard children in their eyes.

I did little to see them during this time. As my kids got older, they

wanted to see NADA and FADA. If I was NC, I would let my sister take

them on holidays etc., as long as she promised to leave if they started

their crap. When my youngest was a few months old, I went NC for 14

years. He's 15 now.

All my children see why I have been NC with them. They also don't want

a relationship with them anymore because of the BS. NADA is terminally

ill and isn't expected to live much longer. The family are going all

out to make sure NADA is invited to all functions and pressuring me to

come too. I tried at one point. I can't deal with being around them.

It brings up too much. This past Christmas, my kids did go and said

never again. Hopefully they won't have to make that choice again.

My life in a nutshell.........

Jean

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you

to realize what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

[Guest guest]

Melany...thank you for getting this thread started...it's a really good topic.

Kudos to you for finding the strength to say enough is enough...it's alot easier

said than done....thank you for sharing your experience with us...i think

sharing these things help us heal exponentially. I can't speak for everyone

else, but these stories of independence...forgive me for indulging, but i can't

help but feel like this is a team effort...a win for one of us is a win for all

of us.

To me there could be 2 different definitions for breaking point...for me the

straw that broke the camels back revolved around my pregnancy. 3 months prior

the apartment building that i was living in got sold and the new owner decided

to make the building into a medical center. The only place I could find

wouldn't be available until July so the January previous to that, I had to move

back in with nada and fada....you can just imagine how tasty that little morsel

was to nada. In April I got pregnant and was really excited about it...(hubby

was in the military)...but upon sharing what SHOULD have been very good news,

nada went into a RAGE...she told me that unless I got an abortion she was

kicking me out. She knew I had nowhere to go...she was calling the shots and I

had no choice but to comply. We went to the local clinic and we found out that

I wasn't 12 weeks along...I was 16 weeks along!! In my state you can't have an

abortion that late into pregnancy but nada struck

a deal with one of the doctors....after he finished his shift, she would pay

him $1000 to do the procedure in his office. We arrived in his filthy

office...I got undressed and pleaded with this doctor to not do the

procedure...he threatened me that he would restrain me if he had to and that was

it...I just snapped. To be honest, the next few minutes were a bit of a blur,

but I managed to get up, get dressed and get the heck out of there. She

screamed at me the entire way home but for once I was too mad to care. When I

got home I got ahold of social services and moved into a shelter. Nada hated

it....but I called her bluff and freed myself from her for the first time in my

life. So this was a breaking point in both senses of the phrase...it was a

stitch in time that i realized that enough was enough...and it was a stitch in

time that I saw light at the end of the tunnel...she wasn't as " powerful " as I

was made to believe all my life.

I've never told my daughter about this...maybe I will someday...maybe I won't.

For now i'm just concentrating on being a good mom and breaking the cycle.

Thank you all for being there for me and helping me achieve that.

junkinthere wrote: Hi

Everyone,

I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

angry, or how did you feel?

For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

$1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

money on myself.

Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

that she called the phone company and worked something out.

2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

$700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

transportation in the area to take her to work.)

I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

that damn wall ever again.

I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

reading it if you actually made it to the end.

I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

weren't right.

Melany

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

-They always conveniently let out the truth.

I know this is not an easy post, recalling this moment, but it

helps us to remember why we have chosen not to go back. I think

though it can be painful, it is a healthy reminder why the new

journey we have chosen is a better place then the time before the

breaking point.

My breaking point, was the pain and wanting free of all of the

heartache.

I emailed a friend at a this very low moment, and it was pretty much

a suicide note, though I never used the word suicide. I was in such

despair, and I hurt so badly from the years of abuse from a BP mother

and NP husband.

This friend living not close to me contacted my daughter and

explained their concerns over the email I had sent them.

Wow...the pain in my daughter's eyes and face, telling me how much

she loved me and wanted me in her life.It broke my heart....but

finally opened up my heart to want to heal....recovery and break free

of the pain.

No going back....moving foward a moment at a time.

Bless you all in your journeys where ever you are at this moment,

Malinda

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " kylaboo728 "

wrote:

>

> Well, I should have wised up years ago -- considering all I put up

> with from them. My " breaking point " was almost anti-climactic.

>

> I asked my mother to come to the lake with us to celebrate Mother's

> Day. It was my husband's idea. I had asked him " What should I do

> for mom for mother's day? He said " Ask her to join us at the

lake.

> The kids and I will treat both of you to brunch. "

>

> I called and said " Hey! How about coming with us and celebrating a

> nice Mother's Day weekend at the lake!! "

>

> No hesitation -- " Thanks, but I'll pass. "

>

> That was the last in a long line of cancellations and no-shows and

I

> realized " Why the heck do I try so hard with them? Why do I keep

> thinking we're going to be this normal, happy family when they

don't

> give a rip? " Absolutely NO EFFORT is expended from them to nurture

> a relationship with us.

>

> It finally dawned on me at that moment. I quit worrying what to do

> about this holiday or that one -- Just stuck cards in the mail for

> Father's Day.

>

> Got a nasty e-mail from Dad about a month later -- chastising me

for

> not contacting them. What a self-serving load that was -- he put

> ALL OF IT in my lap. Even said " Bite the bullet and call your

> mother. " Something in me snapped and I thought: " BULLS--- " . NO

> MORE. (Bite the bullet? What an odd thing to say! " Force

Yourself " )

>

> He conveniently left out all the times we'd tried to get together

> with them, only to be turned down or stood up. It doesn't take

long

> to realize when someone's not interested in seeing you. I had no

> guilt whatsoever about my part in trying to get us together. I was

> done trying. It was a RELIEF.

>

> Now, He just wants it to be all my fault.

>

> Awhile back, my mother told me that my father said to her that my

> brother was " his " and I was hers. How does that old song go? " A

> girl for you, a boy for me. " It seems to be true. He calls my

> brother every single day. The only reason he calls me (which is

> never) is to chew me out for not calling the Witch.

>

> No, thanks. It's weird having no contact, but so be it. I'm done.

>

> -Kyla

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi Everyone,

> >

> > I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

> and

> > you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD

parent?

> > When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you

get

> > angry, or how did you feel?

> >

> > For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me

up

> > for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is

really

> bad

> > with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> > continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> > couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

> her

> > $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??),

couldn't

> > pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've

been

> a

> > student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an

income,

> and

> > as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> > missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

> the

> > money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> > money on myself.

> >

> > Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> > payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke

and

> > restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say

no

> > when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told

me

> all

> > of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

> and

> > they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

> like I

> > was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

> about

> > it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

> credit

> > and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't

handle.

> I

> > guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

> >

> > When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I

said

> no:

> >

> > 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

> phone

> > would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

> because

> > I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> > calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> > that she called the phone company and worked something out.

> >

> > 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her

so

> > she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> > ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

> >

> > 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

> the

> > rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was

selling

> the

> > other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked

for

> > $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> > transportation in the area to take her to work.)

> >

> > I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

> all

> > can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that

I

> > was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran

out

> of

> > energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> > expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

> Then,

> > it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

> now I

> > feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> > that damn wall ever again.

> >

> > I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life

I

> > have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was

even

> > more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

> for

> > reading it if you actually made it to the end.

> >

> > I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

> things

> > weren't right.

> >

> > Melany

> >

>

[Guest guest]

-They always conveniently let out the truth.

I know this is not an easy post, recalling this moment, but it

helps us to remember why we have chosen not to go back. I think

though it can be painful, it is a healthy reminder why the new

journey we have chosen is a better place then the time before the

breaking point.

My breaking point, was the pain and wanting free of all of the

heartache.

I emailed a friend at a this very low moment, and it was pretty much

a suicide note, though I never used the word suicide. I was in such

despair, and I hurt so badly from the years of abuse from a BP mother

and NP husband.

This friend living not close to me contacted my daughter and

explained their concerns over the email I had sent them.

Wow...the pain in my daughter's eyes and face, telling me how much

she loved me and wanted me in her life.It broke my heart....but

finally opened up my heart to want to heal....recovery and break free

of the pain.

No going back....moving foward a moment at a time.

Bless you all in your journeys where ever you are at this moment,

Malinda

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " kylaboo728 "

wrote:

>

> Well, I should have wised up years ago -- considering all I put up

> with from them. My " breaking point " was almost anti-climactic.

>

> I asked my mother to come to the lake with us to celebrate Mother's

> Day. It was my husband's idea. I had asked him " What should I do

> for mom for mother's day? He said " Ask her to join us at the

lake.

> The kids and I will treat both of you to brunch. "

>

> I called and said " Hey! How about coming with us and celebrating a

> nice Mother's Day weekend at the lake!! "

>

> No hesitation -- " Thanks, but I'll pass. "

>

> That was the last in a long line of cancellations and no-shows and

I

> realized " Why the heck do I try so hard with them? Why do I keep

> thinking we're going to be this normal, happy family when they

don't

> give a rip? " Absolutely NO EFFORT is expended from them to nurture

> a relationship with us.

>

> It finally dawned on me at that moment. I quit worrying what to do

> about this holiday or that one -- Just stuck cards in the mail for

> Father's Day.

>

> Got a nasty e-mail from Dad about a month later -- chastising me

for

> not contacting them. What a self-serving load that was -- he put

> ALL OF IT in my lap. Even said " Bite the bullet and call your

> mother. " Something in me snapped and I thought: " BULLS--- " . NO

> MORE. (Bite the bullet? What an odd thing to say! " Force

Yourself " )

>

> He conveniently left out all the times we'd tried to get together

> with them, only to be turned down or stood up. It doesn't take

long

> to realize when someone's not interested in seeing you. I had no

> guilt whatsoever about my part in trying to get us together. I was

> done trying. It was a RELIEF.

>

> Now, He just wants it to be all my fault.

>

> Awhile back, my mother told me that my father said to her that my

> brother was " his " and I was hers. How does that old song go? " A

> girl for you, a boy for me. " It seems to be true. He calls my

> brother every single day. The only reason he calls me (which is

> never) is to chew me out for not calling the Witch.

>

> No, thanks. It's weird having no contact, but so be it. I'm done.

>

> -Kyla

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi Everyone,

> >

> > I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

> and

> > you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD

parent?

> > When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you

get

> > angry, or how did you feel?

> >

> > For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me

up

> > for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is

really

> bad

> > with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> > continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> > couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

> her

> > $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??),

couldn't

> > pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've

been

> a

> > student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an

income,

> and

> > as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> > missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

> the

> > money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> > money on myself.

> >

> > Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> > payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke

and

> > restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say

no

> > when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told

me

> all

> > of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

> and

> > they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

> like I

> > was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

> about

> > it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

> credit

> > and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't

handle.

> I

> > guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

> >

> > When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I

said

> no:

> >

> > 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

> phone

> > would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

> because

> > I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> > calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> > that she called the phone company and worked something out.

> >

> > 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her

so

> > she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> > ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

> >

> > 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

> the

> > rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was

selling

> the

> > other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked

for

> > $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> > transportation in the area to take her to work.)

> >

> > I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

> all

> > can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that

I

> > was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran

out

> of

> > energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> > expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

> Then,

> > it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

> now I

> > feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> > that damn wall ever again.

> >

> > I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life

I

> > have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was

even

> > more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

> for

> > reading it if you actually made it to the end.

> >

> > I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

> things

> > weren't right.

> >

> > Melany

> >

>

[Guest guest]

-They always conveniently let out the truth.

I know this is not an easy post, recalling this moment, but it

helps us to remember why we have chosen not to go back. I think

though it can be painful, it is a healthy reminder why the new

journey we have chosen is a better place then the time before the

breaking point.

My breaking point, was the pain and wanting free of all of the

heartache.

I emailed a friend at a this very low moment, and it was pretty much

a suicide note, though I never used the word suicide. I was in such

despair, and I hurt so badly from the years of abuse from a BP mother

and NP husband.

This friend living not close to me contacted my daughter and

explained their concerns over the email I had sent them.

Wow...the pain in my daughter's eyes and face, telling me how much

she loved me and wanted me in her life.It broke my heart....but

finally opened up my heart to want to heal....recovery and break free

of the pain.

No going back....moving foward a moment at a time.

Bless you all in your journeys where ever you are at this moment,

Malinda

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " kylaboo728 "

wrote:

>

> Well, I should have wised up years ago -- considering all I put up

> with from them. My " breaking point " was almost anti-climactic.

>

> I asked my mother to come to the lake with us to celebrate Mother's

> Day. It was my husband's idea. I had asked him " What should I do

> for mom for mother's day? He said " Ask her to join us at the

lake.

> The kids and I will treat both of you to brunch. "

>

> I called and said " Hey! How about coming with us and celebrating a

> nice Mother's Day weekend at the lake!! "

>

> No hesitation -- " Thanks, but I'll pass. "

>

> That was the last in a long line of cancellations and no-shows and

I

> realized " Why the heck do I try so hard with them? Why do I keep

> thinking we're going to be this normal, happy family when they

don't

> give a rip? " Absolutely NO EFFORT is expended from them to nurture

> a relationship with us.

>

> It finally dawned on me at that moment. I quit worrying what to do

> about this holiday or that one -- Just stuck cards in the mail for

> Father's Day.

>

> Got a nasty e-mail from Dad about a month later -- chastising me

for

> not contacting them. What a self-serving load that was -- he put

> ALL OF IT in my lap. Even said " Bite the bullet and call your

> mother. " Something in me snapped and I thought: " BULLS--- " . NO

> MORE. (Bite the bullet? What an odd thing to say! " Force

Yourself " )

>

> He conveniently left out all the times we'd tried to get together

> with them, only to be turned down or stood up. It doesn't take

long

> to realize when someone's not interested in seeing you. I had no

> guilt whatsoever about my part in trying to get us together. I was

> done trying. It was a RELIEF.

>

> Now, He just wants it to be all my fault.

>

> Awhile back, my mother told me that my father said to her that my

> brother was " his " and I was hers. How does that old song go? " A

> girl for you, a boy for me. " It seems to be true. He calls my

> brother every single day. The only reason he calls me (which is

> never) is to chew me out for not calling the Witch.

>

> No, thanks. It's weird having no contact, but so be it. I'm done.

>

> -Kyla

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi Everyone,

> >

> > I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

> and

> > you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD

parent?

> > When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you

get

> > angry, or how did you feel?

> >

> > For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me

up

> > for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is

really

> bad

> > with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> > continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> > couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

> her

> > $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??),

couldn't

> > pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've

been

> a

> > student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an

income,

> and

> > as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> > missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

> the

> > money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> > money on myself.

> >

> > Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> > payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke

and

> > restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say

no

> > when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told

me

> all

> > of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

> and

> > they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

> like I

> > was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

> about

> > it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

> credit

> > and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't

handle.

> I

> > guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

> >

> > When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I

said

> no:

> >

> > 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

> phone

> > would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

> because

> > I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> > calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> > that she called the phone company and worked something out.

> >

> > 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her

so

> > she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> > ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

> >

> > 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

> the

> > rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was

selling

> the

> > other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked

for

> > $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> > transportation in the area to take her to work.)

> >

> > I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

> all

> > can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that

I

> > was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran

out

> of

> > energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> > expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

> Then,

> > it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

> now I

> > feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> > that damn wall ever again.

> >

> > I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life

I

> > have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was

even

> > more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

> for

> > reading it if you actually made it to the end.

> >

> > I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

> things

> > weren't right.

> >

> > Melany

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

>it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

and invisible, no validation as a human being.

I'm so sorry, Christie :-( I know how rough that is. My relatives always

say " but she's still your mother " like it's OK that she's so abusive and I

should put up with it because she birthed me...that's just wrong. One of

many reasons I love animals so much...they love unconditionally.

Jackie