Jump to content
RemedySpot.com
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Guest guest

Re: What was your breaking point?

By Guest guest, in Health, Medicine and Natural Healing 07

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest guest   

Guest guest
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Go To Topic Listing
×
×
  • Create New...