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Posted
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

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Guest guest

Posted
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

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Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

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Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

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Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

And I'm sure she didn't mention that her boyfriend molested his own

daughter -- gotta make you the total bad guy.....sheesh. What lengths

some people go to to avoid responsibility. I don't know how they live

with themselves.

-Kyla

>

> Yeah, but at the time I was so worried I had pizzed her off. She's

> never really forgiven me for moving out (or choosing my dad over

her,

> as she so often has put it). Here she is, new husband (and a new

child

> to boot, my half brother), been divorced from my father for over 20

> years, and she STILL pulls this jealousy choosing sides cr@p with me

> and my brother.

>

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Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

i too, had a money issue thing with my nada. i got my first job at 14

at a flower shop and she was constantly asking me for money. if i

didn't, then she would stomp around in a rage and throw around the

phrase " you are SO SELFISH! you make more than i do and all i ask for

is 20 dollars and you just can't give it to me! " . what? i'm 14 and i

work at a flower shop! anyway, when i did lend her money, i really

wasn't allowed to ask for it back because that just meant another rage

about how selfish i was by hording all of my riches (?). i guess if

she got a job and stopped doing meth she wouldn't have needed to

borrow my money, or rather, take it.

anyway, to answer your question: my breaking point was when i got

engaged to my now husband. she went completely nuts. she accused me of

so many absurd things and it just got to the point where i couldn't

take it. i don't want to get into the details because it would force

this reply to be very lengthy. long story short, i didn't even invite

her to the wedding because she kept telling me how " if " she has time

to actually come to our wedding, that she was just going to leave

immediately afterwards because she doesn't have anything in common

with " our kind of people " . oh, and how distasteful and slutty i would

look in a strapless gown.

in retrospect, i've had a lot of breaking points. but this is the one

that did it.

love,

christine

n WTOAdultChildren1 , " junkinthere "

wrote:

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income, and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle. I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences. Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

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