Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I didn't get a lot of welcomes when I joined, either, come to think of it. But I wasn't focused on that. I was anxious to learn and join in. I read the posts and shared when I felt moved to. That's how it started -- people got to know me through my posts, and the connections that our shared life stories generated. I don't see a lot of other posts by . I'm sure we would have interacted more if I had seen something that connected with me. I'm SURE I wasn't the " rude " one on the medical question, so that isn't mine to take on. -Kyla > > > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to > introduce > > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of > other > > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my > father > > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose > work > > > > that > > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving > Mother > > > > as > > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' > and > > > > my > > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > > characters > > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > > experiences > > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some > of > > > > them > > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted > by > > > > 3 > > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > > least > > > > 8 > > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > > realized > > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to > form > > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > > things, > > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, > but > > > > how > > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > > unfair > > > > to > > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > > myself > > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > > who > > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's > not > > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > > still > > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I > can't > > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father > thinks > > > > I'm > > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > > doesn't > > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making > the > > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > > splintered > > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no > relationship > > > > with > > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is > wrong, > > > > so I > > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't > want > > > > them > > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a > nut). > > > Am > > > > I > > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if > there > > > > is a > > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Christie, Your apology is accepted. I need support the same as the rest of you do. I am 60 years old and have been drawn back into the BP's web due to the death of my father, and her failing health. It is very difficult at times dealing with all of the melodrama. I also am a very creative person, and can write a book at times....... although I don't get to be very creative now, there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do. I didn't expect everyone to respond to me, just those that I responded to. Thanks for the apology. Cristie Maure wrote: i am so sorry you feel this way. i understand because i have those doubtfull feelings from time to time as well. Threads get lost and i often fail to respond to some very enlightening posts. I only have a few minutes each day to post replies. Also sometimes i intend just to say a few words but end up writing a novel. Because i have this compulsion to create. thats my excuse ; ) C > > Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. They didn't even bother to respond to me. > > And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. > > I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Christie, Your apology is accepted. I need support the same as the rest of you do. I am 60 years old and have been drawn back into the BP's web due to the death of my father, and her failing health. It is very difficult at times dealing with all of the melodrama. I also am a very creative person, and can write a book at times....... although I don't get to be very creative now, there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do. I didn't expect everyone to respond to me, just those that I responded to. Thanks for the apology. Cristie Maure wrote: i am so sorry you feel this way. i understand because i have those doubtfull feelings from time to time as well. Threads get lost and i often fail to respond to some very enlightening posts. I only have a few minutes each day to post replies. Also sometimes i intend just to say a few words but end up writing a novel. Because i have this compulsion to create. thats my excuse ; ) C > > Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. They didn't even bother to respond to me. > > And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. > > I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Ever read a post and think " oh man...why didn't i just say THAT? " ...lol...happens to me all the time! Again....i'm not trying to hijack the thread here, and I certainly mean no disrespect to , but did any of you read this post and feel like you had been found out? I was reading the " what are you most scared of " thread and somebody (i'm sorry i don't remember who) mentioned being afraid that their nada would find them on these boards. I think alot of us fear that...I know I have had nightmares about that. It's sounds ridiculous maybe...paranoid even...i can't explain it....i don't know HOW she finds things out about me...all i know is that she does. I have found wonderful support here...it is a safe place for me so i want to protect this community and all the wonderful members who seem to be here for me 24/7...one of the few places that i feel truly safe and understood...for the first time in 37 years. It looks like we have set up our own version of " neighborhood watch " ....i think that speaks volumes for how this illness effects people for the long haul. mitchell_kristin wrote: Melany, This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of us needs any more negativity in our lives. , Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even though the person > appreciated the helpful comment. > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come here feeling responsible > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message board and give > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like it. I imagine that's mostly > everyone's way of using this message board. > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not for getting attention > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are here, I think, for > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of looking to others for > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At times people ask 'did I > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this situation', but I think it's > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than expecting it. > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, because that is just > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of communities, both online and in > real life. > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the wrong impression of > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not happy with how things are > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, but you can either > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge from this type of > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or rage (I know it's difficult > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with concern. > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to be having right now. I > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my insecurities. It may be > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you haven't already, to help > you begin to heal. > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I am not in a position in my > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting myself. That is why I am > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, meets your needs. > > May you be well. > > Melany > Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 >I didn't get a lot of welcomes when I joined, either, come to think >of it. But I wasn't focused on that. I was anxious to learn and join in. I read the posts and shared when I felt moved to. That's >how it started -- people got to know me through my posts, and the connections that our shared life stories generated. >I don't see a lot of other posts by . I'm sure we would have interacted more if I had seen something that connected with me. I'm SURE I wasn't the " rude " one on the medical question, so that isn't >mine to take on. -Kyla same for me :-) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 melany & bunny - perfect in your replies! when i first joined, i got a couple of welcome responses and it was a little awkward putting up some of my first posts but felt entirely the way you two did. i didn't have any expectations, i justed wanted to share and exchange insights and memories. and as it turns out, it has served me quite well in that regard, even if i only get one or two replies. i sensed a slight reaction in me when i read mary's post. it was that of defense i've come to recognize as a result of BPD's behavior. i'm not implying anything, but it was just my knee-jerk reaction. i hope that mary feels a little more inclined to open up here and share in the wealth of good, hearty dialogue. much love, christine. WTOAdultChildren1 , " Beach Bunny \(Angel\) " wrote: > > Ever read a post and think " oh man...why didn't i just say THAT? " ...lol...happens to me all the time! > > Again....i'm not trying to hijack the thread here, and I certainly mean no disrespect to , but did any of you read this post and feel like you had been found out? I was reading the " what are you most scared of " thread and somebody (i'm sorry i don't remember who) mentioned being afraid that their nada would find them on these boards. I think alot of us fear that...I know I have had nightmares about that. It's sounds ridiculous maybe...paranoid even...i can't explain it....i don't know HOW she finds things out about me...all i know is that she does. I have found wonderful support here...it is a safe place for me so i want to protect this community and all the wonderful members who seem to be here for me 24/7...one of the few places that i feel truly safe and understood...for the first time in 37 years. It looks like we have set up our own version of " neighborhood watch " ....i think that speaks volumes for how this illness effects people for the long haul. > > mitchell_kristin wrote: Melany, > This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of > us needs any more negativity in our lives. > > , > Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any > harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > > > > > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even > though the person > > appreciated the helpful comment. > > > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come > here feeling responsible > > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message > board and give > > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like > it. I imagine that's mostly > > everyone's way of using this message board. > > > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not > for getting attention > > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are > here, I think, for > > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of > looking to others for > > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At > times people ask 'did I > > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this > situation', but I think it's > > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than > expecting it. > > > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, > because that is just > > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of > communities, both online and in > > real life. > > > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the > wrong impression of > > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not > happy with how things are > > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, > but you can either > > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge > from this type of > > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or > rage (I know it's difficult > > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with > concern. > > > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to > be having right now. I > > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my > insecurities. It may be > > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you > haven't already, to help > > you begin to heal. > > > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I > am not in a position in my > > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting > myself. That is why I am > > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, > meets your needs. > > > > May you be well. > > > > Melany > > > > > > > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 melany & bunny - perfect in your replies! when i first joined, i got a couple of welcome responses and it was a little awkward putting up some of my first posts but felt entirely the way you two did. i didn't have any expectations, i justed wanted to share and exchange insights and memories. and as it turns out, it has served me quite well in that regard, even if i only get one or two replies. i sensed a slight reaction in me when i read mary's post. it was that of defense i've come to recognize as a result of BPD's behavior. i'm not implying anything, but it was just my knee-jerk reaction. i hope that mary feels a little more inclined to open up here and share in the wealth of good, hearty dialogue. much love, christine. WTOAdultChildren1 , " Beach Bunny \(Angel\) " wrote: > > Ever read a post and think " oh man...why didn't i just say THAT? " ...lol...happens to me all the time! > > Again....i'm not trying to hijack the thread here, and I certainly mean no disrespect to , but did any of you read this post and feel like you had been found out? I was reading the " what are you most scared of " thread and somebody (i'm sorry i don't remember who) mentioned being afraid that their nada would find them on these boards. I think alot of us fear that...I know I have had nightmares about that. It's sounds ridiculous maybe...paranoid even...i can't explain it....i don't know HOW she finds things out about me...all i know is that she does. I have found wonderful support here...it is a safe place for me so i want to protect this community and all the wonderful members who seem to be here for me 24/7...one of the few places that i feel truly safe and understood...for the first time in 37 years. It looks like we have set up our own version of " neighborhood watch " ....i think that speaks volumes for how this illness effects people for the long haul. > > mitchell_kristin wrote: Melany, > This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of > us needs any more negativity in our lives. > > , > Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any > harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > > > > > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even > though the person > > appreciated the helpful comment. > > > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come > here feeling responsible > > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message > board and give > > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like > it. I imagine that's mostly > > everyone's way of using this message board. > > > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not > for getting attention > > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are > here, I think, for > > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of > looking to others for > > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At > times people ask 'did I > > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this > situation', but I think it's > > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than > expecting it. > > > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, > because that is just > > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of > communities, both online and in > > real life. > > > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the > wrong impression of > > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not > happy with how things are > > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, > but you can either > > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge > from this type of > > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or > rage (I know it's difficult > > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with > concern. > > > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to > be having right now. I > > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my > insecurities. It may be > > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you > haven't already, to help > > you begin to heal. > > > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I > am not in a position in my > > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting > myself. That is why I am > > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, > meets your needs. > > > > May you be well. > > > > Melany > > > > > > > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 melany & bunny - perfect in your replies! when i first joined, i got a couple of welcome responses and it was a little awkward putting up some of my first posts but felt entirely the way you two did. i didn't have any expectations, i justed wanted to share and exchange insights and memories. and as it turns out, it has served me quite well in that regard, even if i only get one or two replies. i sensed a slight reaction in me when i read mary's post. it was that of defense i've come to recognize as a result of BPD's behavior. i'm not implying anything, but it was just my knee-jerk reaction. i hope that mary feels a little more inclined to open up here and share in the wealth of good, hearty dialogue. much love, christine. WTOAdultChildren1 , " Beach Bunny \(Angel\) " wrote: > > Ever read a post and think " oh man...why didn't i just say THAT? " ...lol...happens to me all the time! > > Again....i'm not trying to hijack the thread here, and I certainly mean no disrespect to , but did any of you read this post and feel like you had been found out? I was reading the " what are you most scared of " thread and somebody (i'm sorry i don't remember who) mentioned being afraid that their nada would find them on these boards. I think alot of us fear that...I know I have had nightmares about that. It's sounds ridiculous maybe...paranoid even...i can't explain it....i don't know HOW she finds things out about me...all i know is that she does. I have found wonderful support here...it is a safe place for me so i want to protect this community and all the wonderful members who seem to be here for me 24/7...one of the few places that i feel truly safe and understood...for the first time in 37 years. It looks like we have set up our own version of " neighborhood watch " ....i think that speaks volumes for how this illness effects people for the long haul. > > mitchell_kristin wrote: Melany, > This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of > us needs any more negativity in our lives. > > , > Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any > harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > > > > > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even > though the person > > appreciated the helpful comment. > > > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come > here feeling responsible > > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message > board and give > > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like > it. I imagine that's mostly > > everyone's way of using this message board. > > > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not > for getting attention > > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are > here, I think, for > > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of > looking to others for > > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At > times people ask 'did I > > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this > situation', but I think it's > > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than > expecting it. > > > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, > because that is just > > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of > communities, both online and in > > real life. > > > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the > wrong impression of > > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not > happy with how things are > > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, > but you can either > > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge > from this type of > > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or > rage (I know it's difficult > > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with > concern. > > > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to > be having right now. I > > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my > insecurities. It may be > > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you > haven't already, to help > > you begin to heal. > > > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I > am not in a position in my > > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting > myself. That is why I am > > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, > meets your needs. > > > > May you be well. > > > > Melany > > > > > > > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I love this place because we accept and make no judgements on each other....We lived with judgements are entire lives. I want everyone to feel welcome, but then they must come in with a open mind and heart. I thought we were not here to live up to any one's expectation....that would like then dealing with the BP in our lives. This is a place for comfort and refuge from the pain and hurt we have lived with for so long. Honestly I post and don't get responses all the time, and then there are many posts I want to respond too, but I just don't have the time. With that said, I like knowing that is ok, the pressure is off, if I don't respond or no one responds to me. Eventually it will happen. It is sometimes just reading all of this allows me to validate my feelings and find peace in my recovery. Well I guess this post got all of to reflect.... and that is a good thing. Happy Posting!! Malinda:-) > > > > > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even > > though the person > > > appreciated the helpful comment. > > > > > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come > > here feeling responsible > > > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message > > board and give > > > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like > > it. I imagine that's mostly > > > everyone's way of using this message board. > > > > > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not > > for getting attention > > > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are > > here, I think, for > > > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of > > looking to others for > > > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At > > times people ask 'did I > > > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this > > situation', but I think it's > > > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than > > expecting it. > > > > > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, > > because that is just > > > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of > > communities, both online and in > > > real life. > > > > > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the > > wrong impression of > > > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not > > happy with how things are > > > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, > > but you can either > > > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > > > > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge > > from this type of > > > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or > > rage (I know it's difficult > > > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with > > concern. > > > > > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to > > be having right now. I > > > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my > > insecurities. It may be > > > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you > > haven't already, to help > > > you begin to heal. > > > > > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I > > am not in a position in my > > > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting > > myself. That is why I am > > > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, > > meets your needs. > > > > > > May you be well. > > > > > > Melany > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > > Bunny > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I love this place because we accept and make no judgements on each other....We lived with judgements are entire lives. I want everyone to feel welcome, but then they must come in with a open mind and heart. I thought we were not here to live up to any one's expectation....that would like then dealing with the BP in our lives. This is a place for comfort and refuge from the pain and hurt we have lived with for so long. Honestly I post and don't get responses all the time, and then there are many posts I want to respond too, but I just don't have the time. With that said, I like knowing that is ok, the pressure is off, if I don't respond or no one responds to me. Eventually it will happen. It is sometimes just reading all of this allows me to validate my feelings and find peace in my recovery. Well I guess this post got all of to reflect.... and that is a good thing. Happy Posting!! Malinda:-) > > > > > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even > > though the person > > > appreciated the helpful comment. > > > > > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come > > here feeling responsible > > > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message > > board and give > > > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like > > it. I imagine that's mostly > > > everyone's way of using this message board. > > > > > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not > > for getting attention > > > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are > > here, I think, for > > > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of > > looking to others for > > > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At > > times people ask 'did I > > > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this > > situation', but I think it's > > > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than > > expecting it. > > > > > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, > > because that is just > > > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of > > communities, both online and in > > > real life. > > > > > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the > > wrong impression of > > > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not > > happy with how things are > > > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, > > but you can either > > > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > > > > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge > > from this type of > > > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or > > rage (I know it's difficult > > > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with > > concern. > > > > > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to > > be having right now. I > > > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my > > insecurities. It may be > > > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you > > haven't already, to help > > > you begin to heal. > > > > > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I > > am not in a position in my > > > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting > > myself. That is why I am > > > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, > > meets your needs. > > > > > > May you be well. > > > > > > Melany > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > > Bunny > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Ok...this just kind of validates the point I was trying to make here...I actually sent this off at 9:20am...it never went through. " Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote: Date: Thu, 29 Mar 2007 09:20:18 -0700 (PDT) Subject: Re: Re: New person/ question To: WTOAdultChildren1 Well first of all, let me just formally welcome you to the group. Welcome, welcome. I have no idea what happened to you post hun....I did a search for it at the group site and couldn't find it....yahoo has been having ALOT of problems lately...it could be that your intro. is just stuck in space somewhere...but that is neither here nor there...the bottom line is that your feelings were hurt and for that I do apologize. I can just imagine how you felt...you came here for a reason and not only did it not make you feel better...it made you feel worse! Who needs that, right? So if I may, I'd like to try this again. Welcome to the group. As you have noticed we can be somewhat of a cohesive group....not all of us post...sometimes I personally feel like i post too much and tend to hijack the thread. (Not intentionally) Not all of us are at the same point in the road to healing...and we all heal different ways. There are terms that are posted at the site that we use....terms like nada, fada, hoovering and KO...not all of us feel comfortable using those terms...which is fine...we respect each other's boundries. You mentioned that you have read SWOE...so i'm not going to patronize you and explain things to you like you are a little kid...fact of the matter is i'm sure i haven't said anything you don't already know. All I ask of you is to exercise a little patience with us. I totally understand that you were just being honest and I appreciate the opportunity to explain my side of it anyway. I just want you to understand that while you were hurt, a sharply worded post such as yours making us feel guilty for not responding to you may not get the response you desire. Guilt is a really big flea for a lot of us and this group is understood to be a safe zone.....a FOG free zone if you will. That being said, if, upon reading our posts you don't feel connected in any way then maybe this isn't the group for you....and there isn't anything wrong with that. Personally, I'd like to get to know you....however, none of us here want any of the members here to feel WORSE. I can totally see your point though...why did other new member's get a response and not you...i'd probably take that personally too. But as you pointed out, yes...some of us have been around for a while....we have had to opportunity to get to know each other...sometimes I even forget that my response is going to the entire group...so my posts will sound like a personal e-mail. If you feel comfortable with the group i'd love to just move on if we can...how about you tell us a little bit about yourself and what brought you here...what kind of things are you looking for? How did you find out about BPD? We obviously missed out on your original post...personally i'd love to know what we missed. If it was important enough for you to take the time to share than it is important enough for us to take the time to listen. We're here for you when you are ready. White wrote: I am not sure how I joined, I know that I clicked on the link at the bottom of the page, and I entered all my info on a page off the web site. I didn't expect everyone to answer me, but I didn't get ANY responses. I also have a life, and have wondered how some of the people involved in this have time for anything else the way they answer some people. Some people are involved in everyone who seems to have been around for a while. kylaboo728 wrote: New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Oh i am crying when i read your post. We didnt know your father had passed away. this must be so painfull for you. I am close to my father he is getting very old and it saddens me to think he would be gone someday. He was all i ever had. I have been harboring some resentment towards him for allowing the abuse and thought about cutting off the relationship. But since i read your reply its changed. Think i will have a heart to heart talk with him focusing on how much i apreciate him allway being there for me. Dad will be by this weekend and i am just going to wrap my arms around him and give him a big HUG. ...I meant to make things right for you when i posted. But instead you helped me out. Please please stay with us and post to the group. We all need each other! ...and again please accept my deepst sympathies for your fathers death. Thanks so much for the reply. Cristie > > > > Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. > They didn't even bother to respond to me. > > > > And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know > that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. > > > > I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 great response. Trust can be a difficult issue for all of us. its so easy to assume everyone hates us because thats how the nada & fadas would have us believe. I deal with it all the time, even thoug PB has been deceased. I can usually handle it day to day but its when i am under stress that it shows. a loss, betrayal or death will bring it out. I read your earlier post and thought " This person must be feeling very bad about herself - I bet there are things going on we dont know about and i bet she is really an intelligent creative individual " we just havent gotten to know you ...yet! > > > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to > introduce > > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of > other > > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my > father > > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose > work > > > > that > > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving > Mother > > > > as > > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' > and > > > > my > > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > > characters > > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > > experiences > > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some > of > > > > them > > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been > contacted by > > > > 3 > > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > > least > > > > 8 > > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > > realized > > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to > form > > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > > things, > > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, > but > > > > how > > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > > unfair > > > > to > > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > > myself > > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my > family > > > who > > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's > not > > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > > still > > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I > can't > > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father > thinks > > > > I'm > > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > > doesn't > > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making > the > > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > > splintered > > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no > relationship > > > > with > > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is > wrong, > > > > so I > > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't > want > > > > them > > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a > nut). > > > Am > > > > I > > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if > there > > > > is a > > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Expecting? Get great news right away with email Auto-Check. > Try the Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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