Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I didn't get a lot of welcomes when I joined, either, come to think of it. But I wasn't focused on that. I was anxious to learn and join in. I read the posts and shared when I felt moved to. That's how it started -- people got to know me through my posts, and the connections that our shared life stories generated. I don't see a lot of other posts by . I'm sure we would have interacted more if I had seen something that connected with me. I'm SURE I wasn't the " rude " one on the medical question, so that isn't mine to take on. -Kyla > > > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to > introduce > > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of > other > > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my > father > > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose > work > > > > that > > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving > Mother > > > > as > > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' > and > > > > my > > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > > characters > > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > > experiences > > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some > of > > > > them > > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted > by > > > > 3 > > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > > least > > > > 8 > > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > > realized > > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to > form > > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > > things, > > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, > but > > > > how > > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > > unfair > > > > to > > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > > myself > > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > > who > > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's > not > > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > > still > > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I > can't > > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father > thinks > > > > I'm > > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > > doesn't > > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making > the > > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > > splintered > > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no > relationship > > > > with > > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is > wrong, > > > > so I > > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't > want > > > > them > > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a > nut). > > > Am > > > > I > > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if > there > > > > is a > > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even though the person appreciated the helpful comment. I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come here feeling responsible for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message board and give information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like it. I imagine that's mostly everyone's way of using this message board. This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not for getting attention and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are here, I think, for the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of looking to others for that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At times people ask 'did I do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this situation', but I think it's more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than expecting it. I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, because that is just beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of communities, both online and in real life. The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the wrong impression of the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not happy with how things are done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, but you can either choose to change yourself or choose to leave. Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge from this type of behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or rage (I know it's difficult to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with concern. A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to be having right now. I know I have acted the same way toward others because of my insecurities. It may be helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you haven't already, to help you begin to heal. This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I am not in a position in my life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting myself. That is why I am asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, meets your needs. May you be well. Melany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even though the person appreciated the helpful comment. I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come here feeling responsible for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message board and give information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like it. I imagine that's mostly everyone's way of using this message board. This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not for getting attention and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are here, I think, for the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of looking to others for that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At times people ask 'did I do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this situation', but I think it's more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than expecting it. I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, because that is just beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of communities, both online and in real life. The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the wrong impression of the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not happy with how things are done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, but you can either choose to change yourself or choose to leave. Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge from this type of behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or rage (I know it's difficult to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with concern. A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to be having right now. I know I have acted the same way toward others because of my insecurities. It may be helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you haven't already, to help you begin to heal. This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I am not in a position in my life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting myself. That is why I am asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, meets your needs. May you be well. Melany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Well, nobody is ignoring you now. I wish you luck on your journey. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Melany, This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of us needs any more negativity in our lives. , Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even though the person > appreciated the helpful comment. > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come here feeling responsible > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message board and give > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like it. I imagine that's mostly > everyone's way of using this message board. > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not for getting attention > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are here, I think, for > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of looking to others for > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At times people ask 'did I > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this situation', but I think it's > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than expecting it. > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, because that is just > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of communities, both online and in > real life. > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the wrong impression of > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not happy with how things are > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, but you can either > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge from this type of > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or rage (I know it's difficult > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with concern. > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to be having right now. I > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my insecurities. It may be > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you haven't already, to help > you begin to heal. > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I am not in a position in my > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting myself. That is why I am > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, meets your needs. > > May you be well. > > Melany > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Melany, This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of us needs any more negativity in our lives. , Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even though the person > appreciated the helpful comment. > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come here feeling responsible > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message board and give > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like it. I imagine that's mostly > everyone's way of using this message board. > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not for getting attention > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are here, I think, for > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of looking to others for > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At times people ask 'did I > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this situation', but I think it's > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than expecting it. > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, because that is just > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of communities, both online and in > real life. > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the wrong impression of > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not happy with how things are > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, but you can either > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge from this type of > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or rage (I know it's difficult > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with concern. > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to be having right now. I > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my insecurities. It may be > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you haven't already, to help > you begin to heal. > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I am not in a position in my > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting myself. That is why I am > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, meets your needs. > > May you be well. > > Melany > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 i am so sorry you feel this way. i understand because i have those doubtfull feelings from time to time as well. Threads get lost and i often fail to respond to some very enlightening posts. I only have a few minutes each day to post replies. Also sometimes i intend just to say a few words but end up writing a novel. Because i have this compulsion to create. thats my excuse ; ) C > > Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. They didn't even bother to respond to me. > > And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. > > I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 i am so sorry you feel this way. i understand because i have those doubtfull feelings from time to time as well. Threads get lost and i often fail to respond to some very enlightening posts. I only have a few minutes each day to post replies. Also sometimes i intend just to say a few words but end up writing a novel. Because i have this compulsion to create. thats my excuse ; ) C > > Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. They didn't even bother to respond to me. > > And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. > > I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 i am so sorry you feel this way. i understand because i have those doubtfull feelings from time to time as well. Threads get lost and i often fail to respond to some very enlightening posts. I only have a few minutes each day to post replies. Also sometimes i intend just to say a few words but end up writing a novel. Because i have this compulsion to create. thats my excuse ; ) C > > Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. They didn't even bother to respond to me. > > And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. > > I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Ever read a post and think " oh man...why didn't i just say THAT? " ...lol...happens to me all the time! Again....i'm not trying to hijack the thread here, and I certainly mean no disrespect to , but did any of you read this post and feel like you had been found out? I was reading the " what are you most scared of " thread and somebody (i'm sorry i don't remember who) mentioned being afraid that their nada would find them on these boards. I think alot of us fear that...I know I have had nightmares about that. It's sounds ridiculous maybe...paranoid even...i can't explain it....i don't know HOW she finds things out about me...all i know is that she does. I have found wonderful support here...it is a safe place for me so i want to protect this community and all the wonderful members who seem to be here for me 24/7...one of the few places that i feel truly safe and understood...for the first time in 37 years. It looks like we have set up our own version of " neighborhood watch " ....i think that speaks volumes for how this illness effects people for the long haul. mitchell_kristin wrote: Melany, This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of us needs any more negativity in our lives. , Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even though the person > appreciated the helpful comment. > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come here feeling responsible > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message board and give > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like it. I imagine that's mostly > everyone's way of using this message board. > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not for getting attention > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are here, I think, for > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of looking to others for > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At times people ask 'did I > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this situation', but I think it's > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than expecting it. > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, because that is just > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of communities, both online and in > real life. > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the wrong impression of > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not happy with how things are > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, but you can either > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge from this type of > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or rage (I know it's difficult > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with concern. > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to be having right now. I > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my insecurities. It may be > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you haven't already, to help > you begin to heal. > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I am not in a position in my > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting myself. That is why I am > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, meets your needs. > > May you be well. > > Melany > Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Ever read a post and think " oh man...why didn't i just say THAT? " ...lol...happens to me all the time! Again....i'm not trying to hijack the thread here, and I certainly mean no disrespect to , but did any of you read this post and feel like you had been found out? I was reading the " what are you most scared of " thread and somebody (i'm sorry i don't remember who) mentioned being afraid that their nada would find them on these boards. I think alot of us fear that...I know I have had nightmares about that. It's sounds ridiculous maybe...paranoid even...i can't explain it....i don't know HOW she finds things out about me...all i know is that she does. I have found wonderful support here...it is a safe place for me so i want to protect this community and all the wonderful members who seem to be here for me 24/7...one of the few places that i feel truly safe and understood...for the first time in 37 years. It looks like we have set up our own version of " neighborhood watch " ....i think that speaks volumes for how this illness effects people for the long haul. mitchell_kristin wrote: Melany, This was worded perfectly, I couldn't agree with you more. None of us needs any more negativity in our lives. , Please let people in and don't be so hostile. No one meant you any harm, we are all here to support and validate eachother. > > Sometimes people read helpful responses and don't reply, even though the person > appreciated the helpful comment. > > I did not carefully read this whole thread, because I do not come here feeling responsible > for or toward anyone. I will take information from this message board and give > information that I find helpful to myself or others as I feel like it. I imagine that's mostly > everyone's way of using this message board. > > This message board is, in my view, for the purposes of sharing. Not for getting attention > and acknowledgment of any helpful words you happen to share. We are here, I think, for > the very purpose of finding validation within ourselves instead of looking to others for > that, and supporting each other in reasonable ways as we can. At times people ask 'did I > do the right thing in this situation' or 'what should I do in this situation', but I think it's > more like hoping for some help in decision making rather than expecting it. > > I do not make demands of support on anyone in this community, because that is just > beyond what is reasonable to expect here and in a lot of communities, both online and in > real life. > > The reason I am writing this post is to say that maybe you have the wrong impression of > the purpose and expectations of this group, and if you are not happy with how things are > done or how you have been treated, you cannot change this group, but you can either > choose to change yourself or choose to leave. > > Please stop bringing such negativity here. I came here as a refuge from this type of > behavior and expectations. I am not writing this email in anger or rage (I know it's difficult > to hear " tone of voice " over the internet), but calmly and with concern. > > A lot of us have dealt with the same types of feelings you seem to be having right now. I > know I have acted the same way toward others because of my insecurities. It may be > helpful for you to look into yourself, and do some reading if you haven't already, to help > you begin to heal. > > This will be my only message to you if it is met with hostility. I am not in a position in my > life where I can handle this kind of negativity without hurting myself. That is why I am > asking you to re-evaluate whether or not this community, as it is, meets your needs. > > May you be well. > > Melany > Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 >I didn't get a lot of welcomes when I joined, either, come to think >of it. But I wasn't focused on that. I was anxious to learn and join in. I read the posts and shared when I felt moved to. That's >how it started -- people got to know me through my posts, and the connections that our shared life stories generated. >I don't see a lot of other posts by . I'm sure we would have interacted more if I had seen something that connected with me. I'm SURE I wasn't the " rude " one on the medical question, so that isn't >mine to take on. -Kyla same for me :-) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 >I didn't get a lot of welcomes when I joined, either, come to think >of it. But I wasn't focused on that. I was anxious to learn and join in. I read the posts and shared when I felt moved to. That's >how it started -- people got to know me through my posts, and the connections that our shared life stories generated. >I don't see a lot of other posts by . I'm sure we would have interacted more if I had seen something that connected with me. I'm SURE I wasn't the " rude " one on the medical question, so that isn't >mine to take on. -Kyla same for me :-) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Oh i am crying when i read your post. We didnt know your father had passed away. this must be so painfull for you. I am close to my father he is getting very old and it saddens me to think he would be gone someday. He was all i ever had. I have been harboring some resentment towards him for allowing the abuse and thought about cutting off the relationship. But since i read your reply its changed. Think i will have a heart to heart talk with him focusing on how much i apreciate him allway being there for me. Dad will be by this weekend and i am just going to wrap my arms around him and give him a big HUG. ...I meant to make things right for you when i posted. But instead you helped me out. Please please stay with us and post to the group. We all need each other! ...and again please accept my deepst sympathies for your fathers death. Thanks so much for the reply. Cristie > > > > Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. > They didn't even bother to respond to me. > > > > And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know > that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. > > > > I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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