Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I probably joined 3 weeks ago and I am not sure when you even joined. I want you to know I do hope you find the peace and comfort you are seeking and I hope this place does become part of your healing process. New beginnings...new journey....new light....Welcome. Personally I am sorry this happened to you, because I hear your disappointment. However in returning I see you are finding your voice and expressing your feelings...and this is just the place to do that. Many blessings, Malinda > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I probably joined 3 weeks ago and I am not sure when you even joined. I want you to know I do hope you find the peace and comfort you are seeking and I hope this place does become part of your healing process. New beginnings...new journey....new light....Welcome. Personally I am sorry this happened to you, because I hear your disappointment. However in returning I see you are finding your voice and expressing your feelings...and this is just the place to do that. Many blessings, Malinda > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 After thinking about this over night it has brought some clarity to me. The response that we must purposely be ignoring this person is such an adult child of a BP response. Of course we must of been ingnoring this person. Why wouldn't we there own mother didn't even like them. Mawjtoe, remind yourself, you are no longer that child who grew up not loved properly. You are a good person, and you will become more confident in yourself everyday. You can get to feeling better about yourself. I remember the days when I just assumed from the very begining the everyone hated me and no one wanted to know me. With time and hard work these feelings will calm down. It also took me a long time to realize that everytime someone was mad they may not be mad at me. I have learned to ask ppl. in a respectfull way if they are mad at me. 99.9% of time they are not. Lillyh kylaboo728 wrote: New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- Expecting? Get great news right away with email Auto-Check. Try the Yahoo! Mail Beta. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I joined over a month ago, and being a medical professional I responded to some very incorrect medical quotes. I was responded to with a very rude answer. Otherwise no one has even responded to my input. I relocated back to my home town last August, and because of my BP mother I have been able to develope any friendships or go to church or do anything I have wanted to do. I joined this to have a place to talk with people I had something in common with, only to be ignored. I know my e-mails have gone through because I get them back. I don't have any problem with my voice. I can speak clearly what I am thinking. I can also state clearly my experiences with a Narcissistic Borderline Personality mother. I have lived it for 60 years. Thank you for at least responding to me. At least I know someone is reading what I write. maparise17 wrote: I probably joined 3 weeks ago and I am not sure when you even joined. I want you to know I do hope you find the peace and comfort you are seeking and I hope this place does become part of your healing process. New beginnings...new journey....new light....Welcome. Personally I am sorry this happened to you, because I hear your disappointment. However in returning I see you are finding your voice and expressing your feelings...and this is just the place to do that. Many blessings, Malinda > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I am not sure how I joined, I know that I clicked on the link at the bottom of the page, and I entered all my info on a page off the web site. I didn't expect everyone to answer me, but I didn't get ANY responses. I also have a life, and have wondered how some of the people involved in this have time for anything else the way they answer some people. Some people are involved in everyone who seems to have been around for a while. kylaboo728 wrote: New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I know a few weeks ago I was on Spring Break and couldn't check in as much. Perhaps others were, too. There's also another , and it could be that everyone thought it was the same one. Pseudonyms are sometimes similar. What was the question/problem you presented a few weeks ago? Are you still needing feedback? I usually log on in the mornings -- What's on your mind? If you get it off your chest, I'm sure you'll feel better. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I know a few weeks ago I was on Spring Break and couldn't check in as much. Perhaps others were, too. There's also another , and it could be that everyone thought it was the same one. Pseudonyms are sometimes similar. What was the question/problem you presented a few weeks ago? Are you still needing feedback? I usually log on in the mornings -- What's on your mind? If you get it off your chest, I'm sure you'll feel better. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I know a few weeks ago I was on Spring Break and couldn't check in as much. Perhaps others were, too. There's also another , and it could be that everyone thought it was the same one. Pseudonyms are sometimes similar. What was the question/problem you presented a few weeks ago? Are you still needing feedback? I usually log on in the mornings -- What's on your mind? If you get it off your chest, I'm sure you'll feel better. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I have only been on for a couple of weeks. We answere to the ppl. whom resonate with us. Lilly White wrote: I am not sure how I joined, I know that I clicked on the link at the bottom of the page, and I entered all my info on a page off the web site. I didn't expect everyone to answer me, but I didn't get ANY responses. I also have a life, and have wondered how some of the people involved in this have time for anything else the way they answer some people. Some people are involved in everyone who seems to have been around for a while. kylaboo728 wrote: New people join all the time -- did you start a new thread? or was it tagged onto an existing one? Those can be missed -- or people can think they already responded. If you stick around, you'll find you can't respond to every one either. There are lots of reasons why a newbie " hello " might be missed. Sorry that happened, but you could also have given us the benefit of the doubt. I recall another new person who was " missed " by the group and simply repeated her introduction and mentioned that no one had responded. It's happened before. We all have lives to tend to, and people come in and out -- sometimes not checking back in for weeks. It's not like there's a big consipiracy against you. I respond to several posts, but there are others I have to leave behind because there just isn't time. It's just not possible to answer every posting. You don't have to take it as if we're a cohesive group who rejected you -- we're from all over the place, and everyone checks in at different times. We're not " organized " -- it's a very haphazard group dynamic. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Majwjote: I'm sorry you are hurt, I don't remember your first posting. I know validation is important to all of us and it hurts to not receive it. No one responded to my first posting either, but I kept on posting and replying to others posts. I think there's so many people joining, (how sad we all qualify to be here!) that it's hard to keep up. Anyway, welcome and I'm glad you're here. This sight has helped me a lot, keep coming back. > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Majwjote: I'm sorry you are hurt, I don't remember your first posting. I know validation is important to all of us and it hurts to not receive it. No one responded to my first posting either, but I kept on posting and replying to others posts. I think there's so many people joining, (how sad we all qualify to be here!) that it's hard to keep up. Anyway, welcome and I'm glad you're here. This sight has helped me a lot, keep coming back. > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Majwjote: I'm sorry you are hurt, I don't remember your first posting. I know validation is important to all of us and it hurts to not receive it. No one responded to my first posting either, but I kept on posting and replying to others posts. I think there's so many people joining, (how sad we all qualify to be here!) that it's hard to keep up. Anyway, welcome and I'm glad you're here. This sight has helped me a lot, keep coming back. > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Very true, Lilly. That has crossed my mind, too. Many times in the past I have assumed everyone wouldn't accept me and got mad at them in anticipation of being rejected. Also, there are technical glitches -- I have noticed that not all the posts appear on my e-mail and I have missed posts. Even ones that were addressed to me! I would hate for someone to feel rejected over some technical Yahoo glitch. I had 185 new messages today -- most were multiple repeats of the same post. And I've also had trouble finding posts -- as I mentioned. I only found this one when I went straight to the message board, and didn't rely solely on the e-mail inbox to tell me there was a new message. -- if you're still lurking -- please come back and let's start all over. I think you'll find from reading the postings that this is a sincere community wanting to help each other. Also, it's true that people respond to the posts that resonante with them. Myself included. -Kyla > > > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to > introduce > > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of > other > > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my > father > > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose > work > > > > that > > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving > Mother > > > > as > > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' > and > > > > my > > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > > characters > > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > > experiences > > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some > of > > > > them > > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been > contacted by > > > > 3 > > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > > least > > > > 8 > > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > > realized > > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to > form > > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > > things, > > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, > but > > > > how > > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > > unfair > > > > to > > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > > myself > > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my > family > > > who > > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's > not > > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > > still > > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I > can't > > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father > thinks > > > > I'm > > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > > doesn't > > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making > the > > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > > splintered > > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no > relationship > > > > with > > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is > wrong, > > > > so I > > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't > want > > > > them > > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a > nut). > > > Am > > > > I > > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if > there > > > > is a > > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Expecting? Get great news right away with email Auto-Check. > Try the Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Very true, Lilly. That has crossed my mind, too. Many times in the past I have assumed everyone wouldn't accept me and got mad at them in anticipation of being rejected. Also, there are technical glitches -- I have noticed that not all the posts appear on my e-mail and I have missed posts. Even ones that were addressed to me! I would hate for someone to feel rejected over some technical Yahoo glitch. I had 185 new messages today -- most were multiple repeats of the same post. And I've also had trouble finding posts -- as I mentioned. I only found this one when I went straight to the message board, and didn't rely solely on the e-mail inbox to tell me there was a new message. -- if you're still lurking -- please come back and let's start all over. I think you'll find from reading the postings that this is a sincere community wanting to help each other. Also, it's true that people respond to the posts that resonante with them. Myself included. -Kyla > > > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to > introduce > > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of > other > > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my > father > > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose > work > > > > that > > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving > Mother > > > > as > > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' > and > > > > my > > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > > characters > > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > > experiences > > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some > of > > > > them > > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been > contacted by > > > > 3 > > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > > least > > > > 8 > > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > > realized > > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to > form > > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > > things, > > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, > but > > > > how > > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > > unfair > > > > to > > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > > myself > > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my > family > > > who > > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's > not > > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > > still > > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I > can't > > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father > thinks > > > > I'm > > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > > doesn't > > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making > the > > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > > splintered > > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no > relationship > > > > with > > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is > wrong, > > > > so I > > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't > want > > > > them > > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a > nut). > > > Am > > > > I > > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if > there > > > > is a > > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Expecting? Get great news right away with email Auto-Check. > Try the Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 not to be rude, but your hostile attitude will turn a lot of people off. We get hostility so much in out lives from our BP parent/family members, we don't want to deal with it on our lists too. No one ignored you on purpose, and if no one responded , then you should repost, or rewrite and start a new thread. Jackie I joined over a month ago, and being a medical professional I responded to some very incorrect medical quotes. I was responded to with a very rude answer. Otherwise no one has even responded to my input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Well, I'm sorry you feel rejected. The Yahoo groups format isn't always the easiest to keep up with. Like others said, it's easy to miss someone's posts, and sometimes we only have time to post to those posts that resonate with us. You're definitely not going to make any friends by telling us we have no life. I am a member of multiple online communities, and post to them regularly. I still have time for a fruitful adult life and full time job. It's not healthy to respond to your own feelings of hurt by attacking others. Missing your first thread was not a malicious act on our part, yet you have taken it that way. And now it seems you've decided to write us off as bad people as a means of self-protection. I guess I should get off my psych soapbox. No hard feelings, , I hope you change your mind about this board and decide to contribute in a positive manner. - > I am not sure how I joined, I know that I clicked on the link at the bottom of the page, and I entered all my info on a page off the web site. I didn't expect everyone to answer me, but I didn't get ANY responses. > > I also have a life, and have wondered how some of the people involved in this have time for anything else the way they answer some people. Some people are involved in everyone who seems to have been around for a while. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 Just a little fyi, I was contributing in a " positive manner " to several people. They didn't even bother to respond to me. And........ I wasn't telling anyone they didn't have a life. I was letting you know that NO ONE even acknowledged my existence. I realize we all have our own set of issues, but are some to be ignored?? econ2econ wrote: Well, I'm sorry you feel rejected. The Yahoo groups format isn't always the easiest to keep up with. Like others said, it's easy to miss someone's posts, and sometimes we only have time to post to those posts that resonate with us. You're definitely not going to make any friends by telling us we have no life. I am a member of multiple online communities, and post to them regularly. I still have time for a fruitful adult life and full time job. It's not healthy to respond to your own feelings of hurt by attacking others. Missing your first thread was not a malicious act on our part, yet you have taken it that way. And now it seems you've decided to write us off as bad people as a means of self-protection. I guess I should get off my psych soapbox. No hard feelings, , I hope you change your mind about this board and decide to contribute in a positive manner. - > I am not sure how I joined, I know that I clicked on the link at the bottom of the page, and I entered all my info on a page off the web site. I didn't expect everyone to answer me, but I didn't get ANY responses. > > I also have a life, and have wondered how some of the people involved in this have time for anything else the way they answer some people. Some people are involved in everyone who seems to have been around for a while. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.