Guest guest Posted March 26, 2007 Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 Hello- I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work that would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother as our primary care-giver. About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and my photographs and life histories and used them to fashion characters she then acted out online. She used our best and worst experiences as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of them for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by 3 of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at least 8 more out there. I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've realized that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. My question for you all is- How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel things, to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but how do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's unfair to put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep myself from pulling away. I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family who refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not still making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks I'm being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just doesn't see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of splintered my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship with either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, so I can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want them to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). Am I just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there is a right thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2007 Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 Hi new person! you are in good hands here....where to begin? first off, don't doubt yourself and your decisions. you are doing the right thing if you feel that is what's best for you. everyone has different ways of dealing with their BP's and a lot of us have dealt with it exactly the way you are. In a lot of cases, the best way to move on is through either limited contact (LC) or no contact at all (NC). it is a struggle and a rough choice to make, i know (been NC for about 2 years), but in the case of your well-being and healing process from a BP parent, it is a totally acceptable and healthy way to make your own personal progress. it seems that she has already done a lot of harm to you and your sisters - and congratulations for putting yourself through therapy and choosing not to subject yourself to the abuse anymore. my dear, you ARE NOT selfish for wanting to take care of yourself. you will find a lot of strength here, a lot of stories you will relate to (eerily, in some cases), good opinions and insights, and some laughter as well. welcome and much love on your new journey, christine. > > Hello- > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work that > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother as > our primary care-giver. > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and my > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion characters > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst experiences > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of them > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by 3 > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at least 8 > more out there. > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've realized > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > My question for you all is- > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel things, > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but how > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's unfair to > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep myself > from pulling away. > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family who > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not still > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks I'm > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just doesn't > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of splintered > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship with > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, so I > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want them > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). Am I > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there is a > right thing to do. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Welcome! I don't think you are being selfish at all. You have to take care of you first and foremost and process all of the new things you are learing about yourself and BPD. You can't help your mother, she has to deal with her illness herself, all you can do is help you. I'm glad you're in counseling; you have begun the journey of healing. This site has helped me tremendously, so I'm glad you found it, you will find a lot of support here. Many of us have trust issues- how could we not when we couldn't trust our parents to take care of us- you will see lots of us are working on all of the same things- trust, boundaries, relationships, self esteem. You might want to get the book " Surviving a Borderline Parent " ; I've gotten a lot out of it. > > Hello- > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work that > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother as > our primary care-giver. > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and my > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion characters > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst experiences > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of them > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by 3 > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at least 8 > more out there. > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've realized > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > My question for you all is- > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel things, > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but how > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's unfair to > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep myself > from pulling away. > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family who > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not still > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks I'm > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just doesn't > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of splintered > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship with > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, so I > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want them > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). Am I > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there is a > right thing to do. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 also, Understanding the Borderline Mother is another good book as is Boundaries...to help you learn how to set boundaries..and would you please sign your posts :-) Jackie Thanks so much to everyone for the warm welcome. It's surreal, to read posts from other people that I could just as easily have written myself. Comforting, to know that it's really not all in my head. My name is , by the way. I'll have to order that book, Surviving a Borderline Parent, on amazon. I'm sort of in information-gathering mode, and it'll help to have some books on this subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 also, Understanding the Borderline Mother is another good book as is Boundaries...to help you learn how to set boundaries..and would you please sign your posts :-) Jackie Thanks so much to everyone for the warm welcome. It's surreal, to read posts from other people that I could just as easily have written myself. Comforting, to know that it's really not all in my head. My name is , by the way. I'll have to order that book, Surviving a Borderline Parent, on amazon. I'm sort of in information-gathering mode, and it'll help to have some books on this subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 also, Understanding the Borderline Mother is another good book as is Boundaries...to help you learn how to set boundaries..and would you please sign your posts :-) Jackie Thanks so much to everyone for the warm welcome. It's surreal, to read posts from other people that I could just as easily have written myself. Comforting, to know that it's really not all in my head. My name is , by the way. I'll have to order that book, Surviving a Borderline Parent, on amazon. I'm sort of in information-gathering mode, and it'll help to have some books on this subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I want to thank all of you who didn't welcome me into the group a few weeks ago when I tried to get involved. No one even responded to me. There has been no solace or comfort from any of you. > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > that > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > as > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > my > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > characters > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > experiences > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > them > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > 3 > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > least > > 8 > > > more out there. > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > realized > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > things, > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > how > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > unfair > > to > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > myself > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > who > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > still > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > I'm > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > doesn't > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > splintered > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > with > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > so I > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > them > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > Am > > I > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > is a > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I want to thank all of you who didn't welcome me into the group a few weeks ago when I tried to get involved. No one even responded to me. There has been no solace or comfort from any of you. > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > that > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > as > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > my > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > characters > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > experiences > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > them > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > 3 > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > least > > 8 > > > more out there. > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > realized > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > things, > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > how > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > unfair > > to > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > myself > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > who > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > still > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > I'm > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > doesn't > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > splintered > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > with > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > so I > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > them > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > Am > > I > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > is a > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I want to thank all of you who didn't welcome me into the group a few weeks ago when I tried to get involved. No one even responded to me. There has been no solace or comfort from any of you. > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > that > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > as > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > my > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > characters > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > experiences > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > them > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > 3 > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > least > > 8 > > > more out there. > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > realized > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > things, > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > how > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > unfair > > to > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > myself > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > who > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > still > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > I'm > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > doesn't > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > splintered > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > with > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > so I > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > them > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > Am > > I > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > is a > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I want to thank all of you who didn't welcome me into the group a few weeks ago when I tried to get involved. No one even responded to me. There has been no solace or comfort from any of you. > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > that > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > as > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > my > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > characters > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > experiences > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > them > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > 3 > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > least > > 8 > > > more out there. > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > realized > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > things, > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > how > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > unfair > > to > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > myself > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > who > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > still > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > I'm > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > doesn't > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > splintered > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > with > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > so I > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > them > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > Am > > I > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > is a > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I want to thank all of you who didn't welcome me into the group a few weeks ago when I tried to get involved. No one even responded to me. There has been no solace or comfort from any of you. > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > that > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > as > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > my > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > characters > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > experiences > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > them > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > 3 > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > least > > 8 > > > more out there. > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > realized > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > things, > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > how > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > unfair > > to > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > myself > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > who > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > still > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > I'm > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > doesn't > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > splintered > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > with > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > so I > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > them > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > Am > > I > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > is a > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I want to thank all of you who didn't welcome me into the group a few weeks ago when I tried to get involved. No one even responded to me. There has been no solace or comfort from any of you. > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > that > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > as > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > my > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > characters > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > experiences > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > them > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > 3 > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > least > > 8 > > > more out there. > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > realized > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > things, > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > how > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > unfair > > to > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > myself > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > who > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > still > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > I'm > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > doesn't > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > splintered > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > with > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > so I > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > them > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > Am > > I > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > is a > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I want to thank all of you who didn't welcome me into the group a few weeks ago when I tried to get involved. No one even responded to me. There has been no solace or comfort from any of you. > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > that > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > as > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > my > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > characters > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > experiences > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > them > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > 3 > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > least > > 8 > > > more out there. > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > realized > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > things, > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > how > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > unfair > > to > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > myself > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > who > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > still > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > I'm > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > doesn't > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > splintered > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > with > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > so I > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > them > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > Am > > I > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > is a > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I am sorry that you did not get a response to your original post. As an 'oldie' to this group, I find it hard to keep up with all the new people who join. Although you did not personally get a response, I think you should persevere. Post again - sometimes we have to fight harder for what we want. I know I would feel very, very bad if no one responded to my post. However, if you are committed to your own healing, then don't let this deter you. Post again - respond to other's posts. (You know what they say about 'trying'. You either do it or your don't do it, there is no such thing as 'trying' to do it.) I may be sounding harsh, but healing from being a KO is a harsh process. Take control of your own healing, and don't let the fact that you did not get a reponse to your first post deter you. Sylvia > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I probably joined 3 weeks ago and I am not sure when you even joined. I want you to know I do hope you find the peace and comfort you are seeking and I hope this place does become part of your healing process. New beginnings...new journey....new light....Welcome. Personally I am sorry this happened to you, because I hear your disappointment. However in returning I see you are finding your voice and expressing your feelings...and this is just the place to do that. Many blessings, Malinda > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I probably joined 3 weeks ago and I am not sure when you even joined. I want you to know I do hope you find the peace and comfort you are seeking and I hope this place does become part of your healing process. New beginnings...new journey....new light....Welcome. Personally I am sorry this happened to you, because I hear your disappointment. However in returning I see you are finding your voice and expressing your feelings...and this is just the place to do that. Many blessings, Malinda > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I probably joined 3 weeks ago and I am not sure when you even joined. I want you to know I do hope you find the peace and comfort you are seeking and I hope this place does become part of your healing process. New beginnings...new journey....new light....Welcome. Personally I am sorry this happened to you, because I hear your disappointment. However in returning I see you are finding your voice and expressing your feelings...and this is just the place to do that. Many blessings, Malinda > > > > > > > > Hello- > > > > > > > > I just found this group, and I guess I just wanted to introduce > > > > myself. I'm 27. My mother has BPD (and probably a host of other > > > > things.) She was only recently diagnosed. Growing up, my father > > > > refused to see that there was a problem, and instead chose work > > > that > > > > would keep him away from home for weeks at a time, leaving Mother > > > as > > > > our primary care-giver. > > > > > > > > About a year ago we found out that she had taken my sisters' and > > > my > > > > photographs and life histories and used them to fashion > > characters > > > > she then acted out online. She used our best and worst > > > experiences > > > > as material to attract strangers over the internet, and then > > > > continued to have phone/online relationships with them, some of > > > them > > > > for as long as 7 years. At this point, we have been contacted by > > > 3 > > > > of these men, and she has finally admitted that there are at > > least > > > 8 > > > > more out there. > > > > > > > > I've been in counseling for about a month now, because I've > > > realized > > > > that my trust issues and fears are affecting my ability to form > > > > relationships, and I refuse to let her hurt me any more. > > > > > > > > My question for you all is- > > > > > > > > How do I move on? I'm supposed to be allowing myself to feel > > > things, > > > > to be upset about everything that happened to me growing up, but > > > how > > > > do I do that and still live a normal life? I know that it's > > unfair > > > to > > > > put my issues onto new people, but I don't know how to keep > > myself > > > > from pulling away. > > > > > > > > I'm also having trouble because I am the only one in my family > > who > > > > refuses to allow her to be a part of my life anymore. She's not > > > > getting help, and I have no reason to believe that she's not > > still > > > > making up stories and endangering myself and my sisters. I can't > > > > have her in my life while she's like this, but my father thinks > > > I'm > > > > being selfish for not trying to help her get better. He just > > > doesn't > > > > see that I need to help myself first. I feel like I'm making the > > > > right decision there, but at the same time, it's sort of > > > splintered > > > > my family, to the point where I essentially have no relationship > > > with > > > > either of my parents. I refuse to pretend that nothing is wrong, > > > so I > > > > can't contact my extended family either. (My father doesn't want > > > them > > > > to know that he and Mother are separated, or that she's a nut). > > Am > > > I > > > > just being stubborn and selfish? I'm starting to wonder if there > > > is a > > > > right thing to do. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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