Re: Anger and the need to control

[Guest guest]

Anne and Bette,Yes-that describes my son. When he is trying to do something that requires even the least bit of concentration (reading, math, even addressing an envelope) and anyone or thing makes the least little noise, he flies off the handle. Those are also the only times that typical misophonia triggers-like chewing/breathing-affect him. GingerSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®Sender: Soundsensitivity Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2012 17:50:00 -0000To: <Soundsensitivity >ReplyTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: Anger and the need to control Re: Test taking, I have found that when I concentrate on taking a test or on reading something new, my senses " open up " so that every noise within range enters my brain. This makes an already stressful situation even worse. I wonder if others experience this, too.Bette>> I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a need/desire to control a person or situation. > > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that there are many different manifestations of the need to control, including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.> > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had nothing to do with his ears. > > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything because he was content.> > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better. > > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.> > > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son. > > > Thanks!> > Anne>

[Guest guest]

I agree with Anne's observation as well.  My daughter has been outside alot this week (picking berries, swimming and seeming to have a good time).  All this while the birds were singing.  If we are inside, and my husband wants the windows open for dinner, she can't stand it.  I think she feels " forced " to be somewhere and listen.  We end up either closing the windows or bringing a large fan in the room.  Test taking with a ticking clock brought a meltdown at school.  Otherwise, the teacher said, the clock ticked during regular class and she never cried.  However, she is a straight A student, except for that class.

That said...I have been really really praying for my daughter, and I attribute much of her success outside with my prayers.  Because last year she didn't go out at all unless it was a public pool, or lots of backround noise.

There is something to the fact I believe, if the child feels trapped or if in the child's mind, they know they can escape.  THere is a difference in how they can handle it.  

M

Anne and Bette,Yes-that describes my son. When he is trying to do something that requires even the least bit of concentration (reading, math, even addressing an envelope) and anyone or thing makes the least little noise, he flies off the handle. Those are also the only times that typical misophonia triggers-like chewing/breathing-affect him.

GingerSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Sender: Soundsensitivity

Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2012 17:50:00 -0000To: <Soundsensitivity >ReplyTo: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Re: Anger and the need to control

 

Re: Test taking, I have found that when I concentrate on taking a test or on reading something new, my senses " open up " so that every noise within range enters my brain. This makes an already stressful situation even worse. I wonder if others experience this, too.

Bette

>

> I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.

>

> I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that there are many different manifestations of the need to control, including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

>

> I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had nothing to do with his ears.

>

> My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything because he was content.

>

> Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.

>

> This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.

>

>

> Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

>

>

> Thanks!

>

> Anne

>

[Guest guest]

Normally when concentrating on something, peripheral sensations get suppressed

or damped down. Sometimes these other stimuli become especially salient or

meaningful, and some think that schizophrenia is essentially caused by abnormal

salience. If you are saying that these surrounding noises actually become

louder, this is really interesting and important, and as far as I know, has not

been described before and has no physiological explanation.

**********************************************************************

> >

> > I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely angry

for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various

sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a

need/desire to control a person or situation.

> >

> > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that

there are many different manifestations of the need to control, including

anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

> >

> > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently

suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had

nothing to do with his ears.

> >

> > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going

his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a

good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets

in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for

him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours

away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we

snacked and rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all

doing what HE wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He

didn't need to control anything because he was content.

> >

> > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the

pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying

to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the

situation – the questions on the test – the time he has left to finish, etc.

This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around

him. His desire to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control

those things, he will feel better.

> >

> > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied

from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause

the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing

the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the

attachment to the sights and sounds go.

> >

> >

> > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing

all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

> >

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> > Anne

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to add that I have tried anti-psychotics to see if the misophonia was similiar to what schizophrenics experience with inability to filter stimili and did not find it helpful, maybe slightly helpful but not enough to take such a strong medication.Also I remember reading about how complete silence is not natural. We evolved surrounded by constant natural sound. If things suddenly went quiet, like birds stop chirping, that is a sign a predator is in the vicinity which would naturally cause prehistoric man to become apprehensive, sabertooth tiger or human enemy from another tribe in the vicinity.= flight or fight.This is why it is good to fill our environments with sounds we are comfortable with and avoid

complete silence. I also experience the trigger sounds as louder than I know they are sometimes. My guess is with all the repition of negative reactions to the sound the brain has over time turned up these sounds in my head (gain) because it is considered important? Can that not happen? This happens with PTSD I believe.Also I am guessing the strong contrast between background and small noises increases in silence, which would make them even more noticeable perhaps making them seem louder. To:

Soundsensitivity Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 12:18 PM Subject: Re: Anger and the need to control

Normally when concentrating on something, peripheral sensations get suppressed or damped down. Sometimes these other stimuli become especially salient or meaningful, and some think that schizophrenia is essentially caused by abnormal salience. If you are saying that these surrounding noises actually become louder, this is really interesting and important, and as far as I know, has not been described before and has no physiological explanation.

**********************************************************************

> >

> > I recently read the following statement about anger: "We are rarely angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.

> >

> > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that there are many different manifestations of the need to control, including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

> >

> > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had nothing to do with his ears.

> >

> > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything because he was content.

> >

> > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.

> >

> > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.

> >

> >

> > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

> >

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> > Anne

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I know now that it is about the sounds/visuals "no more no less" but it took me a long time to get to that understanding and acceptance. When miso first starts in

childhood, one is just not going to have the maturity to see it that way.In the beginning you are just having this confusing reaction, pure and simple,and so you try and get it to stop by whatever means necessary. And of course since you can't control other people (hard fact of life to learn), I think the frustration builds adding more anger to the

initial physiological reaction. And then your mind is going to search for reasons why you would be so upset about these sounds, and it comes up with what seems like good reasons at the time (they are trying to annoy me because of ...)I think the reaction comes first and any need to control after that has to do with not wanting to hear that sound again. And of course the more control you try to get over stopping the noises, by yelling, pleading whatever, it adds family conflict, and guilt on top of the initial negative reaction. Adding more layers of emotional distresss to the load. And anything that it starts as a youngster within the family of origin, is going to have a especially strong hold of you for the rest of your life. My worst trigger people are my parents, I

am sure that is because they were first and I have been around them so much that reaction just becomes reinforced over and over again, gaining in strength, because that is how the brain is designed to work.I am 49 and just got back from a road trip with my 70 something old parents who are both huge triggers now, more than ever. It used to only be one parent now it has grown to both. I own my misophonia, I have missed many family and friends activities/trips that I really wanted to do only because of my misophonia, but it's my problem. I rarely ask anyone to stop a trigger, my solutions consist mostly of isolating myself now. We were going to a family funeral 6 hours away, I didn't want to go to the funeral understandably but had to and was dreading the car ride more than anything other part of it. I had to really think ahead of time about my coping strategies otherwise I knew was going to want to throw myself out of the speeding car window. No anger at my parents, just pure aversion and discomfort to the sounds only. So I brought 2 ipods, earbuds and over the ear sound isolating headphones as well. At the worst misophoniac point of the trip (it does go some in peaks and valleys of severity although it is always there), I had the earbuds in with one ipod playing a waterfall whitenoise, and then the typical headphones soundblocking over that with another ipod playing the waterfall sounds.( i was not driving at

that time) And still the trigger sounds got through 2

headphone, 2 ipod wall though it definetly lessened the impact. Every moment that I was alone with my parents in the car or hotel I had just the earbuds in, playing my whitenoise waterfall sound, this does wonders!. I have cut my hair shoulder length just to hide the earbuds put the cord back behind me and run it down underneath the shirt in the back. So they can't tell I am wearing them most of the time because I do not want to offend them. I long ago stopped asking them to stop doing stuff, it only makes it more uncomfortable. So when it was my turn to drive I was wearing the earbuds with the whitenoise, just loud enough to mask the trigger sounds but soft enough to hear people speak and of course important other car sounds. But another concern I had was my visual triggers, my arthritic mother has this constant habit of rubbing her hands together, rubbing her knees. It is not only a sound problem but visual problem as well. So my solution

was to wear a big floppy sun hat when driving, which I could pull down on the right side to visually block my mothers wringing her

hands in her lap or twirling her feet in circles. All this made this actually made my driving much safer although it does not sound as it would, without all the blocking masking paraphernalia, I would have been totally distracted and jumping out of my skin. With sounds visuals masked I am having little to no distress, no thoughts of anger going thru my head.Once I got to the family event there was so much going on that the trigger sounds for the most part got lost in all the background noise and I was hanging out with family I rarely see, so haven't had much of a chance to build triggers up with. It all worked out all right but the moment I got home I crashed with emotional exhaustion., went to

my room and pulled the cover over my head and had to decompress for the

next 18 hours in blissful solitude, recovery time.My brother ended up marrying a good friend of mine from high school, who I had no problem being around as a friend. But now that she has been in the family for 20 years now, over the years little triggers have started building up even though we are still good friends. It's really alot about the number of times the reactions are reinforced I think that makes a person a bad trigger person and if you add in other normal family conflicts like sibling rivalry it is overcourse going to add more emotional burden because it all gets mixed together. I live very much in isolation because of my misophonia, which my mother is unhappy about. But in my mind it's preferable to constantly asking people to stop doing things like breathing..I have learned not to

feel guilty about my mother's unhappiness about my

having become a hermit. I have tried many therapies and drugs and this is the only thing that really works. It's controlling my environment not other people now. I don't want this to have so much control over my life, but it is what it is.One of my greatest fears is how will I take care of my parents when the time comes, because I cope by avoiding them as much as possible.Try not to take the misophonia personally, my parents still take it personally, inspite of how much I try to tell them that it is not personal, but it is only human to feel rejected in this way, everybody experiences the world differently in their head. It is not at all what I intend to do. I just do the best that I

can. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, June 16, 2012 1:18 AM Subject: Re: Anger and the need to control

Hi Anne,

I do understand and sympathise with how difficult it must be for family members to live with this. However, I would like to comment on the control or not topic.

My reaction is a lot milder than many peoples'. Using flight/fight terminology, mine would be purely flight. I don't get angry or enraged, I just need to stop hearing the sound, by whatever means necessary. Usually, that would be by leaving, blocking my ears, wearing earplugs or headphones. From my perspective, it's about the sounds - no more and no less. If a person ate something that tasted awful, they would spit it out. If they smelled a putrid smell, they would block their nose until they could get away. If they were repelled by a gory scene in a movie, they would close their eyes. No one would think that strange.

Unfortunately, we can't spit out sounds or close our ears against them. We can only block up our ears (with fingers/earplugs/headphones), avoid being anywhere near the sounds, or try to stop them from happening. I certainly try to control the way I interact with my environment (e.g. by living alone, by not buying a house close to predictable sources of objectionable noise), but it's not about trying to control other people. Children have little influence over the way they live, so they have fewer options for sound avoidance. Complaining about family members' noise may be all they can do.

Best wishes,

Liesa

>

> ,

> Thanks for your perspective. I understand your frustration and hope that you understand the perspective of people on the other end. Living around someone with misophonia is challenging. We really don't understand it and most of us want to help our loved ones have a full and happy life. My questioning is out of love and concern, not pointing fingers and blaming. If it is about control, I am suggesting that it is on a very subconscious level. I believe all of the feelings that go along with it are real. And, I will state for the record that I feel very controlled by my son. This feeling is what leads me to this line of questioning.

>

> I find it interesting that you involuntarily imitate your boyfriend. My son has done some imitating, but I think he's quite aware he's doing it.

>

> All my best,

> Anne

[Guest guest]

Surrounding sounds definitely become more bothersome when I'm trying to

concentrate, even if they are not misophonia sounds. E.g. I normally have the

radio on a pop music station at home, but when I need to do work, I change it to

quiet peaceful music that is less distracting. I can talk to friends in a noisy

pub, but I wouldn't dream of taking a test in there. Isn't that normal?

Liesa

> >

> > Re: Test taking, I have found that when I concentrate on taking a test or on

reading something new, my senses " open up " so that every noise within range

enters my brain. This makes an already stressful situation even worse. I wonder

if others experience this, too.

> >

> > Bette

[Guest guest]

Interesting to hear. I am glad she is getting outside this summer and showing

some improvement! I pray for my son too. There is great power in prayer.

My son does best when he is doing what HE wants to do and it is hard to get him

to do what WE as a family want to do. The triggers set in then because I think

he feels trapped or forced into something. Or maybe we are just his worst

triggers and he dreads it?

One person in this thread seems to have suggested that frequent exposure to a

particular person can cause that person to become a trigger and that a lesser

known person may be much less of a trigger. I am interested in this line of

thinking and wondering about the relationship link.

All my best.

Anne

> > >

> > > I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely

> > angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered

> > by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound,

> > but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.

> > >

> > > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider

> > that there are many different manifestations of the need to control,

> > including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

> > >

> > > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently

> > suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his

> > problem had nothing to do with his ears.

> > >

> > > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are

> > going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and

> > having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired

> > misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car

> > are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer

> > tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia

> > was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The

> > difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was

> > happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything

> > because he was content.

> > >

> > > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the

> > pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by

> > trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of

> > control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has

> > left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and

> > movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken

> > thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.

> > >

> > > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so

> > varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people

> > that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is

> > really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then

> > maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.

> > >

> > >

> > > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing

> > all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

> > >

> > >

> > > Thanks!

> > >

> > > Anne

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't remember having my problem until my teens but I can say from my experience that it is very much a case of familiarity breeds contempt. I can cope usually cope with new people (eating, drinking etc.) reasonably ok but those closest to me, especially my mother, are my worst triggers by far  Boyfriends usually last a about 6mths before they drive my crazy eating too, or whistling. Talk about alienating yourself!

 

Interesting to hear. I am glad she is getting outside this summer and showing some improvement! I pray for my son too. There is great power in prayer.

My son does best when he is doing what HE wants to do and it is hard to get him to do what WE as a family want to do. The triggers set in then because I think he feels trapped or forced into something. Or maybe we are just his worst triggers and he dreads it?

One person in this thread seems to have suggested that frequent exposure to a particular person can cause that person to become a trigger and that a lesser known person may be much less of a trigger. I am interested in this line of thinking and wondering about the relationship link.

All my best.

Anne

> > >

> > > I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely

> > angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered

> > by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound,

> > but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.

> > >

> > > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider

> > that there are many different manifestations of the need to control,

> > including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

> > >

> > > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently

> > suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his

> > problem had nothing to do with his ears.

> > >

> > > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are

> > going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and

> > having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired

> > misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car

> > are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer

> > tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia

> > was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The

> > difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was

> > happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything

> > because he was content.

> > >

> > > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the

> > pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by

> > trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of

> > control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has

> > left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and

> > movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken

> > thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.

> > >

> > > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so

> > varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people

> > that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is

> > really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then

> > maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.

> > >

> > >

> > > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing

> > all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

> > >

> > >

> > > Thanks!

> > >

> > > Anne

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

-- 'We must be the change we wish to see' - Gandhi

[Guest guest]

Interesting to hear. I am glad she is getting outside this summer and showing some improvement! I pray for my son too. There is great power in prayer.

My son does best when he is doing what HE wants to do and it is hard to get him to do what WE as a family want to do. The triggers set in then because I think he feels trapped or forced into something. Or maybe we are just his worst triggers and he dreads it?

One person in this thread seems to have suggested that frequent exposure to a particular person can cause that person to become a trigger and that a lesser known person may be much less of a trigger. I am interested in this line of thinking and wondering about the relationship link.

All my best.

Anne

> > >

> > > I recently read the following statement about anger: "We are rarely

> > angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered

> > by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound,

> > but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.

> > >

> > > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider

> > that there are many different manifestations of the need to control,

> > including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

> > >

> > > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently

> > suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his

> > problem had nothing to do with his ears.

> > >

> > > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are

> > going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and

> > having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired

> > misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car

> > are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer

> > tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia

> > was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The

> > difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was

> > happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything

> > because he was content.

> > >

> > > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the

> > pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by

> > trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of

> > control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has

> > left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and

> > movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken

> > thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.

> > >

> > > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so

> > varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people

> > that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is

> > really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then

> > maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.

> > >

> > >

> > > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing

> > all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

> > >

> > >

> > > Thanks!

> > >

> > > Anne

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I definitely believe in the relationship link. My family and other people I'm close to are my worst triggers. Someone I meet on the street can do the same things and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I believe that the biggest thing is to not make people with this affliction think they are any less for it. I grew up being yelled at for it and being told that it was my own fault for letting it get to me. I thought I was alone in this until two days ago when I heard that there is a name for it and there are others like me. The best thing is to be supportive (but not overbearing). As soon as I heard I texted my mom to see how old I was when it started and she started going on and on about the things in my life at the time that 'could have caused it'. She thought it might make something 'click' and magically 'cure' me. Things like that make me more annoyed with her and in turn makes her more of a trigger.Connected by DROID on Verizon Wireless Re: Re: Anger and the need to control Interesting to hear. I am glad she is getting outside this summer and showing some improvement! I pray for my son too. There is great power in prayer. My son does best when he is doing what HE wants to do and it is hard to get him to do what WE as a family want to do. The triggers set in then because I think he feels trapped or forced into something. Or maybe we are just his worst triggers and he dreads it?One person in this thread seems to have suggested that frequent exposure to a particular person can cause that person to become a trigger and that a lesser known person may be much less of a trigger. I am interested in this line of thinking and wondering about the relationship link.All my best.Anne> > >> > > I recently read the following statement about anger: "We are rarely> > angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered> > by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound,> > but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.> > >> > > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider> > that there are many different manifestations of the need to control,> > including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.> > >> > > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently> > suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his> > problem had nothing to do with his ears.> > >> > > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are> > going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and> > having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired> > misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car> > are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer> > tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia> > was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The> > difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was> > happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything> > because he was content.> > >> > > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the> > pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by> > trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of> > control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has> > left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and> > movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken> > thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.> > >> > > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so> > varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people> > that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is> > really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then> > maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.> > >> > >> > > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing> > all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.> > >> > >> > > Thanks!> > >> > > Anne> > >> >> >> >> >>

[Guest guest]

Sorry for the empty email. I had said that I get very annoyed with strangers just as I do my family. I am 54, and I remember being triggered in college by girl who always chewed gum in a lecture hall. She drove me nuts. . Recently I was at my daughters dance lesson and the lady next to took out some dip and celery and sat there eating. I wanted to smack her. I wish I could restrict it to just my parents or my family. I wish it was just when I was doing something I didn't want to do. But it just is not.

Interesting to hear. I am glad she is getting outside this summer and showing some improvement! I pray for my son too. There is great power in prayer.

My son does best when he is doing what HE wants to do and it is hard to get him to do what WE as a family want to do. The triggers set in then because I think he feels trapped or forced into something. Or maybe we are just his worst triggers and he dreads it?

One person in this thread seems to have suggested that frequent exposure to a particular person can cause that person to become a trigger and that a lesser known person may be much less of a trigger. I am interested in this line of thinking and wondering about the relationship link.

All my best.

Anne

> > >

> > > I recently read the following statement about anger: "We are rarely

> > angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered

> > by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound,

> > but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.

> > >

> > > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider

> > that there are many different manifestations of the need to control,

> > including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

> > >

> > > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently

> > suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his

> > problem had nothing to do with his ears.

> > >

> > > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are

> > going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and

> > having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired

> > misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car

> > are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer

> > tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia

> > was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The

> > difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was

> > happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything

> > because he was content.

> > >

> > > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the

> > pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by

> > trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of

> > control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has

> > left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and

> > movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken

> > thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.

> > >

> > > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so

> > varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people

> > that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is

> > really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then

> > maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.

> > >

> > >

> > > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing

> > all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

> > >

> > >

> > > Thanks!

> > >

> > > Anne

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Well said Maikaefer. I totally agree and can relate.

> >

> > ,

> > Thanks for your perspective. I understand your frustration and hope that

you understand the perspective of people on the other end. Living around

someone with misophonia is challenging. We really don't understand it and most

of us want to help our loved ones have a full and happy life. My questioning is

out of love and concern, not pointing fingers and blaming. If it is about

control, I am suggesting that it is on a very subconscious level. I believe all

of the feelings that go along with it are real. And, I will state for the

record that I feel very controlled by my son. This feeling is what leads me to

this line of questioning.

> >

> > I find it interesting that you involuntarily imitate your boyfriend. My son

has done some imitating, but I think he's quite aware he's doing it.

> >

> > All my best,

> > Anne

>

[Guest guest]

>Perfect....so well said and exactly the way it is.

Cheers!

Vicki

Well said Maikaefer. I totally agree and can relate.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>>

[Guest guest]

You answered for own question part way. Because she feels safe. It's the same with toddlers. The second part is because she's with you more so its happening more and miso gets worse with repetition. So imagine since she was probably 8 she's been listening to you 3 and chances are you're only seeing a fraction of when she's bothered. We tend to keep a tight lid on our reactions but internally it's screaming agony. At some point it gets too much and the reactions come out when weve had enough and then it tends to be when we're in a place of love and acceptance, for the most part. Sent from my iPhoneReal Results. Real science. Age-Defying Skin. www.heidisalerno.nerium.comHappy Dancing!www.jitterbal.comOn Jun 15, 2012, at 9:08 AM, McCallum wrote:

I find the same thing with my 17 year old daughter. She reacts to me and her dad but not when others are around and not to her friends. She says she experiences misophonia with her friends, but she does not react at all. Why give the people closest to you the dirty looks and nasty comments? I understand that kids feel safe to be themselves with their parents, but why can they control their outbursts with some people and not others? It is definitely worse when she is tired or irritable to begin with. I still firmly believe tat this is much much more than a hearing issue. It is a sensory issue complicated by emotions.

Sent from my iPad

[Guest guest]

"And, I wonder if it may have been a control mechanism at one point and has turned into a learned response now."Absolutely not. I believe with every fiber of my being this is NOT learned but nuerological. Otherwise CBT, hypnosis and all other psychological fixes we have all tried would have eliminated Miso. But NONE of it has. It can help lessen the intensity of reactions to triggers but does nothing to help the underling trigger. This is not some subconscious unresolved control problem. Nor is it a phobia. Im not afraid of sounds I may get anxious of the thought of a big family dinner triggering me but thats not phobic thats an intense feeling of what I know is to come. It would be like knowing you're being taking to a public whipping. Wouldn't you on be pretty anxious knowing what was coming, real intense pain not just a fear of something like heights or a snake that MIGHT but probably won't hurt you? People with phobias know its not rationale whereas we know the pain thats coming is real. Once people allow themselves to believe that they can work in managing this condition and forgiving themselves and live life. You have no idea the level of guilt most of us experience because for decades every single person around us espoused exactly what you are. Once you come to terms with the nuerific reality of it you can begin to manage your life accepting this condition and then work toward a cure. Heidi

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe •

[Guest guest]

Heidi,This post is spot on. You especially hit home with the guilt portion. I just now spent quite a bit of time emailing, messaging on facebook, whatever means I could, to apologize to people and say hey, here's why I did it, here's what I have. Let them know it is not personal but something I cannot help. It feels SO good to be able to apologize to people and show them WHY. A huge guilt is lifted off! It's so nice. As for the other topic I have to agree as well. I thought mine had started when I was a child possibly because of something that happened, but when I spoke to my mom the other day about this I found out that I have had it since a baby. She said I've always been that way and doctors always told her it was OCD or Autismor ADD due to how I would get angry when distracted

when I was doing things. She said she never thought I had ADD because I could focus on tasks, playing alone, all sorts of things, just that when I DID get caught up in something that the slightest noises would set me off.So..the thing has always been there...maybe I have other issues too but one thing is for sure..it's always been around it's just that as you age..you develop more...the way we live and avoid has a huge impact on it as well..at least for me. New triggers develop etc etc..Subject: Re: Re: Anger and the need to controlTo: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >Date: Tuesday, June 19, 2012, 12:27

PM

"And, I wonder if it may have been a control mechanism at one point and has turned into a learned response now."Absolutely not. I believe with every fiber of my being this is NOT learned but nuerological. Otherwise CBT, hypnosis and all other psychological fixes we have all tried would have eliminated Miso. But NONE of it has. It can help lessen the intensity of reactions to triggers but does nothing to help the underling trigger. This is not some subconscious unresolved control problem. Nor is it a phobia. Im not afraid of sounds I may get anxious of the thought of a big family dinner triggering me but thats not phobic thats an intense feeling of what I know is to come. It would be like knowing you're being taking to a public whipping. Wouldn't you on be pretty anxious knowing what was coming, real intense pain not just a fear of something like heights or a snake that MIGHT but probably won't hurt you? People with phobias know its not rationale whereas we know the pain thats coming is real. Once people allow themselves to believe that they can work in managing this condition and forgiving themselves and live life. You have no idea the level of guilt most of us experience because for decades every single

person around us espoused exactly what you are. Once you come to terms with the nuerific reality of it you can begin to manage your life accepting this condition and then work toward a cure. Heidi

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe •

[Guest guest]

Me too. I agree with everything. I think there should be a MISO or SPD dating site. Only totally silent people need apply. I was thinking about how I tried to be totally silent since I was little. I would practice breathing so it wouldn't make any sound. I still walk up to people and animals and they never hear me. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 7:49 AM Subject: Re: Anger and the need to control

Well said Maikaefer. I totally agree and can relate.

> >

> > ,

> > Thanks for your perspective. I understand your frustration and hope that you understand the perspective of people on the other end. Living around someone with misophonia is challenging. We really don't understand it and most of us want to help our loved ones have a full and happy life. My questioning is out of love and concern, not pointing fingers and blaming. If it is about control, I am suggesting that it is on a very subconscious level. I believe all of the feelings that go along with it are real. And, I will state for the record that I feel very controlled by my son. This feeling is what leads me to this line of questioning.

> >

> > I find it interesting that you involuntarily imitate your boyfriend. My son has done some imitating, but I think he's quite aware he's doing it.

> >

> > All my best,

> > Anne

>

[Guest guest]

LOL! =)Subject: Re: Re: Anger and the need to controlTo: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >Date: Tuesday, June 19, 2012, 1:38 PM

Me too. I agree with everything. I think there should be a MISO or SPD dating site. Only totally silent people need apply. I was thinking about how I tried to be totally silent since I was little. I would practice breathing so it wouldn't make any sound. I still walk up to people and animals and they never hear me. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tuesday, June

19, 2012 7:49 AM Subject: Re: Anger and the need to control

Well said Maikaefer. I totally agree and can relate.

> >

> > ,

> > Thanks for your perspective. I understand your frustration and hope that you understand the perspective of people on the other end. Living around someone with misophonia is challenging. We really don't understand it and most of us want to help our loved ones have a full and happy life. My questioning is out of love and concern, not pointing fingers and blaming. If it is about control, I am suggesting that it is on a very subconscious level. I believe all of the feelings that go along with it are real. And, I will state for the record that I feel very controlled by my son. This feeling is what leads me to this line of questioning.

> >

> > I find it interesting that you involuntarily imitate your boyfriend. My son has done some imitating, but I think he's quite aware he's doing it.

> >

> > All my best,

> > Anne

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your articulate response. I really do appreciate it. I accept what

you and others are saying. I have had to ask some nagging questions before I

coud move to the next level. Understanding all of this is a process that takes

a while!

We spent some time doing CBT and it was nice, but did not help the misophonia as

you suggest it would not. We are now investigating NFB. Your update on NFB has

been very helpful along with Clyle's messages. If we do decide on NFB, i will

let everyone know what happens. Thank you.

A.

>

> " And, I wonder if it may have been a control mechanism at one point and has

turned into a learned response now. "

>

> Absolutely not. I believe with every fiber of my being this is NOT learned but

nuerological. Otherwise CBT, hypnosis and all other psychological fixes we have

all tried would have eliminated Miso. But NONE of it has. It can help lessen

the intensity of reactions to triggers but does nothing to help the underling

trigger. This is not some subconscious unresolved control problem. Nor is it a

phobia. Im not afraid of sounds I may get anxious of the thought of a big

family dinner triggering me but thats not phobic thats an intense feeling of

what I know is to come. It would be like knowing you're being taking to a

public whipping. Wouldn't you on be pretty anxious knowing what was coming, real

intense pain not just a fear of something like heights or a snake that MIGHT but

probably won't hurt you? People with phobias know its not rationale whereas we

know the pain thats coming is real.

>

> Once people allow themselves to believe that they can work in managing this

condition and forgiving themselves and live life. You have no idea the level of

guilt most of us experience because for decades every single person around us

espoused exactly what you are. Once you come to terms with the nuerific reality

of it you can begin to manage your life accepting this condition and then work

toward a cure.

> Heidi

>

> >

> >

> > Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe •

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'd say that's consistent with all anger. When your mind is active and

distracted from the sounds that trigger you you're not as likely to notice them.

Also, when you're in high spirits your overall anger threshold is much higher.

I'd be very cautious to dismiss his condition based on what you've posted. He's

probably experiencing an extremely unpleasant feeling that he doesn't even

understand himself. Much of this is selective & not well understood, but is

nonetheless involuntary.

I personally have developed an outlook that has enabled me to all but eliminate

normal anger brought on by temper, but none of that does a thing to alleviate

this.

>

> I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely angry for

the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various

sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a

need/desire to control a person or situation.

>

> I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that

there are many different manifestations of the need to control, including

anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

>

> I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently suggested

he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had nothing

to do with his ears.

>

> My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going

his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a

good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets

in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for

him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours

away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we

snacked and rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all

doing what HE wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He

didn't need to control anything because he was content.

>

> Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the

pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying

to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the

situation – the questions on the test – the time he has left to finish, etc.

This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around

him. His desire to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control

those things, he will feel better.

>

> This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied

from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause

the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing

the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the

attachment to the sights and sounds go.

>

>

> Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing all

I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

>

>

> Thanks!

>

> Anne

>

[Guest guest]

I keep very busy and active!!! I know that today I will be on an airplane all day! Sitting next to people who will drive me nuts with eating and who knows what else,,, I will wear headphones and just the visual of people eating can trigger my rage.Sent from my iPad

I'd say that's consistent with all anger. When your mind is active and distracted from the sounds that trigger you you're not as likely to notice them. Also, when you're in high spirits your overall anger threshold is much higher.

I'd be very cautious to dismiss his condition based on what you've posted. He's probably experiencing an extremely unpleasant feeling that he doesn't even understand himself. Much of this is selective & not well understood, but is nonetheless involuntary.

I personally have developed an outlook that has enabled me to all but eliminate normal anger brought on by temper, but none of that does a thing to alleviate this.

>

> I recently read the following statement about anger: "We are rarely angry for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a need/desire to control a person or situation.

>

> I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that there are many different manifestations of the need to control, including anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

>

> I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had nothing to do with his ears.

>

> My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets in. This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for him. But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours away, he was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we snacked and rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all doing what HE wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to control anything because he was content.

>

> Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying to make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the situation – the questions on the test – the time he has left to finish, etc. This may come out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around him. His desire to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control those things, he will feel better.

>

> This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the attachment to the sights and sounds go.

>

>

> Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing all I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

>

>

> Thanks!

>

> Anne

>

=

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

Like Anne, I'm a mother of a 15 yr old who has misophonia. I love and care for

her unconditionally. Our family understands that she cannot help the rage she

feels when she hears the trigger sounds, so we did all we can to accomodate her.

She's currently seeing a psychiatrist & a therapist, and after 3 months now,

both of them believe that her misophonia is likely from her not having control

of her life and her environment, her needs are not met.

We may not necessarily be the " controlling " parents, but being that she has

severe social anxiety and pre-disposition to feel helpless, she somehow gets

trapped into feeling frustrated with the environment, and the people around her.

It may start with the first sound trigger, then it snowballed into many other

sounds... They believe that since her brain is still developing, there's a good

chance we can help correct some of the bad tracks before they became permanent.

The first thing they did was to put her on medicine (lexapro) to help reduce her

anxiety and depression.

Then they suggest that she try to focus on doing things she loved (to take her

mind away from the sounds). The therapist is working with me to see how we can

make her feel like she has more control of her environment. He's also working

with her on her social anxiety so she can better communicate her " needs " when

she's around people. They believe that by working on these underlying issues,

we can help reduce her misophonia.

I understand that everyone's case is different. I'm just reporting on my

daughter's in case it might help other parents.

-jennifer

> >

> > Hi I am a new member and I'd like to weigh in on this. I have had this

problem since I was little, and I know well the hurt and resentment generated

when people come to that conclusion. It's not a choice to feel these things when

they happen. I've been told I was just trying to control people, I'm being

ridiculous, petty, a drama queen, and so on. A person doesn't choose to feel

this way. I wish I knew what caused this. I would love to be able to eat a meal

with my boyfriend without involuntarily imitating when he makes a noise that

triggers me ( I don't know I've done it until he points it out). I don't want to

control anyone, and maybe your son doesn't either. I know I'm able to keep

myself in check better when circumstances are happier, perhaps it's the same

with him?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: " jduece@ " <jduece@>

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2012 8:35 PM

> > Subject: RE: Anger and the need to control

> >

> >

> >  

> > Sorru diagree

> >

> > --- Original Message ---

> >

> > From: AB <annebeckerart@>

> > Sent: June 14, 2012 6/14/12

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Subject: Anger and the need to control

> >

> >  

> >

> > I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely angry

for the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various

sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a

need/desire to control a person or situation.

> >

> > I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that

there are many different manifestations of the need to control, including

anorexia, agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

> >

> > I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently

suggested he go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had

nothing to do with his ears.

> >

> > My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going

his way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a

good time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets in.

This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for him.

But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours away, he

was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we snacked and

rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all doing what HE

wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to

control anything because he was content.

> >

> > Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the

pencils scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying to

make a good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the

situation the questions on the test the time he has left to finish, etc. This

may come out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around him.

His desire to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control those

things, he will feel better.

> >

> > This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied

from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause

the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing

the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the

attachment to the sights and sounds go.

> >

> > Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing all

I can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> > Anne

> >

>