Cyndi--coping

[Guest guest]

Hi Cyndi,

You said:

<<I am facing this pretty much alone. My mom and sibilings are

apathetic with their sympathy and my kids just don't

understand.>>

***Can you enlist their help without their sympathy? Tell them

it's not for you, it's for your kids.

<< I get up at 5:30am, drop my kids off at their respective

schools, work

from 8-5, drudge through traffic to p/u my kids from babysitter

and

if I'm lucky make it home by 6:30 and it's already dark outside.

Children don't easily wait for their dinner and there is rarely

the

luxury of eating out. So, I have from 6:30 to 9:00 to fix

dinner,

make sure homework is done, and get my kids ready for bed and

finally

into bed on time.>>

***Not an easy schedule. How old are your children? Even very

young children can help out around the house. I think it's very

positive when children are encouraged to pull together as a

family to meet the family's needs. Not so much, " help Mommy,

she's sick, " but " our family has certain needs--dinner, cleaning

up, laundry, etc.--and we all need to work together to meet

them. " Kids have an amazing ability to chip in if the need for

it is framed, not as a crisis with a lot of emotion, but in a

very matter-of-fact way.

Something I started doing in withdrawal (and still do) is cooking

ahead. If I'm gonna cook, I cook a large amount--then I can

cruise on the heated up leftovers (and variations on them) for

the next several days. It can be really nice not to have to cook

on those days.

<<any other free time is spent lying on my bed feeling sorry for

myself and trying to figure what it is I did wrong to deserve

soooo

much work and soooo little reward.>>

***This is your life. It just IS. You DIDN'T do anything wrong.

You are a single parent, and the single parent's life is busy,

busy, busy. Yes, it sucks sometimes. Yes, it's challenging most

of the time. Keep in mind that you are not the only one with a

life like this. People do it, survive it, and become stronger

for it. You can too.

Statements like those I just made used to really piss me off.

Now I find them comforting because they are true. I find that

making peace with things loosens up energy for change. You'll

find that if you drop your pre-conceived notions about what you

think your life should be, and work with what you have, things

improve. It happened for me. My life has gotten SO much better

just from that change in perspective.

I'm not berating you for feeling sorry for yourself. That's a

pretty normal feeling. I'm just offering a more useful

alternative. It made a huge difference for me, and I want to

pass it on.

<< The biggest problem I am finding

with being off of Zoloft at this point is the fact that I AM

feeling

and I don't like what I am seeing. I'm either extremely sad and

bawling or extremely pissed off about the little things around me

that people are doing that I was oblivious to before. >>

***When you're in withdrawal it's normal for your emotions to be

all over the place. It's not YOU, it's the withdrawal. I used

that phrase like a mantra all through withdrawal. It's not ME,

it's the WITHDRAWAL.

The good news is that it does get better!! Things like good

nutrition, full-spectrum liquid vitamins and colloidal minerals,

magnesium, calcium and fish oil can help. The magnesium and

calcium have a wonderful soothing effect. There are many things

you can do to soothe and calm yourself. If you want specifics,

please ask.

Warm blessings,

Kim