Re: smoking

[Guest guest]

Margaret, I can relate to your situation with your husband. I have been

married for over 28 years and smoked for most of them. My husband blamed

everything on my smoking, if I had an ingrown toenail, it was because I

smoked. I quit almost two years ago, for me, not because of his nagging. I

was diagnosed with fibro about six months ago and I hate to say this, but I

am glad I did. I was at the point where I really was not enjoying it anymore

I could feel the effects it was having on my health and I'm afraid if I

hadn't quit, I wouldn't be able to handle both the smoking effects and the

fibro. The best thing is that my husband can't blame my smoking for the

fibro!!! Believe me I would be the LAST person to tell you that you must

quit, because I know it isn't easy.............but you would be doing

yourself a big favor if you did. Either way, at least you know there is

someone else out here who knows the urges you have about wanting to smack

him when he gets on your case!!!! LOL

a C.

[Guest guest]

Margaret,

I don't smoke cigarettes. I quit in Feb. after smoking for 30 years. It was

easy for me because I was to sick to smoke at the time. Smoking will kill you

if you don't quit. I wish you all the luck in the world. If you want to quit

then you will. If you are not ready yet it will show. You cant be a quitter if

you are not truly ready to give it up. Hang in there. Hugs, G.

smoking

My dh is a non-smoker, and at times a very irritating non-smoker. He wanted

me to ask all of you how many of you smoke? He wants to know this because he

wants to know if it is linked to fibro. Just another thing he wants to find out

so he can get me to quit! What a weenie! haha. thanks for your help in this

matter.

Margaret,

Mom to the monsters

[Guest guest]

i smoke...my hubby used to,but he quit a few months ago...(((Hugs))) carmen

[Guest guest]

Wow... this is a huge topic and very close to my heart. I'm afraid this

is going to be a long one from me... Hope you don't mind my long-winded

e-mails. :-)

I'm 46 years old (47 in October) and started smoking at age 13. I was

up to one and a half packs a day. My ex-husband (never smoked a day in

his life and a body builder) nagged me to quit so much it drove me

crazy. Each time he nagged, I would smoke more. He never got it

through his brainless skull, that nagging is not a supportive measure,

especially with a rebellious person (me). I've always been a rebel and

tended to do the opposite of what people nagged me to do. It made me

feel like I was in control and had the power. Nothing worse than to

feel that others had power over you or try to control you.

When I met my second husband, also a non-smoker, it was much different.

He accepted me for who I was, smoker and all. He didn't like it, but he

wasn't about to try to change me or control me. He completely accepted

me as I am. Isn't that what we all want from people? One day I came

home from work and found him crying on the couch. If you've ever seen a

man cry, you'll know how serious it is. Men don't cry over little

things that we women do (like commercials with puppies, saying good-bye

to good friends, etc.). I saw down beside him and asked him what was wrong.

His answer hit me harder than ever. He said: " I love you so much, and

I'm scared of losing you to lung cancer. I'm not asking you to quit, I

know that nagging isn't right, and I don't want you to change for me.

I'll be ok, I just need to deal with this fear of losing you or watching

you die a painful death. I'm not sure I can live without you and I

don't know what I'm going to do when I have to face that day. "

This is me so hard, I decided to quit smoking. HAHAHA... Smoking is an

evil, and controlling drug. I'm not going to lie to you. I love to

smoke, nicotine and all the additives have a serious hold on my life and

decision making abilities. I quit numerous times since that scene of my

husband on the couch. Serious attempts... over and over again. I tried

the patch, I tried Xyban (wellbutrin but helps in quiting smoking), I

tried Xyban with the patch... failed over and over and over again.

I decided to wait with my quitting attempts until the right moment for

me. I had to come to a point in my life that I was strong enough and

angry enough to not let cigarettes have control over me. Remember...

I'm the rebel... I don't like control over me.... but I allowed

cigarettes to control me and rule my life. I was being a hypocrite...

something I abhor in people, but allowed myself to be one. Sad, but

true... I was a hypocrite and there was no denying it.

I asked my doctor to help me. She was an ex-smoker herself, and told me

that quitting cigarettes is harder than a cocaine or heroin addiction.

It's not just a physical addiction, but a mental one as well. She

couldn't help me (drug wise) any more than she already tried to do. I

have to decide that I would take control of my life and not be

controlled by the " Nico-demon " any longer. This takes a lot of strength

and I wasn't yet strong enough to do it. I still enjoyed smoking.

This past January 28th, I decided to give myself and my husband ,

the birthday present he deserved. I was going to quit on his birthday.

I am a very selfish and greedy person... I want to be alive and spend as

much time with him that I can. I love him that much and I can't stand

the thought of him suffering over something I was doing to myself. I

know how I would feel if he ever passed away, and especially if it was

because of my second hand smoke. I'd end up killing myself for sure. I

cannot be responsible for taking the life of someone that I love so

very, very much.

So that was my quit day. I won't lie to you... I was the bitch from

hell, I used the patch and lots of popcorn, but it wasn't the physical

addiction that got to me.. it was the psychological addiction and the

" hand to mouth " routine that was a major part of my life. I haven't

been smoke free since my quit date... I have slipped off the wagon many

times and to this very day, I have the occasional cigarette. But with

each cheat... the guilt is so overwhelming and I end up punishing myself

severely. I can honestly admit, that I have kept an emergency package

hidden away and just this morning, I had another " cheat cigarette " . I

can't do this to myself and any longer.

I have to completely let go of this, and I will. AS OF TODAY. I am not

going to replace that emergency package buried in my underwear drawer.

The last one is gone, and I'm not going to be a hypocrite any longer. I

can not do this to myself or to the people I love. I've survived so

many horrible and tragic things in my life and I know that I'm stronger

than this. I will never put down those that do smoke. I will never be

one of those obnoxious reformed smokers (my father-in-law). But I will

tell you honestly and factually, that it takes several quit attempts

before you become successful. I have not been successful, but geez,

gosh darn it (those are the words I'm saying out loud right now, but I

respect you all enough to not put you through all the swear words I'm

using right now), I'm going to be successful NOW!!!!

Most of you remember my peanut butter incident where I bought a package

of cigarettes at the grocery checkout without even thinking. I did

destroy that package, but I forgot about the emergency package in my

underwear drawer. So.... this is the new me. I will not fail again, I

will not lie to myself or the people I love (hubby, and you all). I am

only human, not superwoman, and I will need all your help to get me

through my weak moments. I have grown to love you all so much as my own

family, and I am asking for your help to keep me on the straight and

narrow. For those of you that still smoke, be strong and do whatever

you feel is best for you. Yes smoking is bad, but if you're battling

depression, it's not the time to quit. If you really want to quit, you

will. You cannot be forced to do this... you have to decide that for

yourselves.

I will always be here to support you if you choose to make the attempt

and need a ear or a shoulder to lean on.

Ok.. now that I really have written a novel, I will stop and ask you to

forgive my long post, but I needed to get this out of my system, and I

thank you all for your patience and support.

many, many grateful hugs, and kisses,

Norah

Norah Bleazard - Burlington, Ontario Canada

www.bleazard.net ~ www.janorlites.com

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