Re: giving myself a guilt trip.

[Guest guest]

I miss the days when I was a director at a daycare, we got books from

Scholastic Book Clubs, and whenever we earned freebies or bonuses guess whose

kids got them for personal use at home?

, cheating " just a little " , but couldnt resist building my own kids'

libraries!

[Guest guest]

> See, the oNLY reason we celebrate Christmas is because of . If

were not autistic, we would not celebrate Christmas at all. I am atheist.

I am NOT christian. And Christmas is a christian holiday! I feel like a

complete hypocrite.

No need to feel like a hypocrite.

It's us Christians who are the hypocrites for Christmas. You celebrate it

for commercial reasons, straight out. We supposedly celebrate the birth of

Christ, yet we are giving each other the presents. That is much like it

being my birthday, and your reaction is to give Kara a present because it's

my birthday.

My reaction, and I suspect Jesus' reaction, is more like,

" Helloooooooooo - - it's MY birthday? "

The Christmas we celebrate, in my opinion, is not a Christian holiday

anymore. It's just an international day of giving, which is fine... but the

true meaning of it is lost anyhow.

Grace

[Guest guest]

I have never watched an episode of South Park, but I hear it's hilarious.

And yes ~ I do agree with this episode you mention.

I have NO CLUE why I am at church for New Year's Eve and with friends for

Christmas. It SHOULD be the other way around, I would think... but my

thinking so has never convinced any pastor to switch it around.

At the same time, do I buy presents all around for this occasion? Sure. I

celebrate Christmas in the most commercial sense also, but always, during

grace or even in my own little mind - - the irony of it all is not missed.

Salli does everything right. It would not surprise me either, although from

the sounds of it, she sure does have a lot of money to spend on gifts LOL.

Grace

Re: Re: giving myself a guilt trip.

>

> Grace,

>

> Your post reminds me of the Christmas episode of South Park that ends with

Jesus sitting all alone singing, " Happy Birthday to Me " ....

>

> But there are christian families that do it right. I'd bet my bank

account the Gamezes do!

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I love this kid SO MUCH...but this Christmas thing just gives me the

willies...

>

> Any ideas for CHEAP possible gifts???

A very big bear hug, his favorite foods all day, a day of incessant stimming

if he wishes, never saying the word " no " , and letting him do whatever he

wants all day long with or without you?

It wouldn't cost you a dime... so it's cheap.

But it might cost a couple years off of your life - - but that's priceless,

so it's still cheap.

[Guest guest]

Now THIS is the problem with Christmas. We all feel as though we

NEED to do SO much for our children. And SOOOO much means lots and

lots of gifts. I can say this, cuz I am soooo guilty of it.

More gifts, more love - right?

No. Jacquie you could give that child 100 gifts under your tree and

with most he would probably care less. But take your Love away, and

you'd have a lost child.

Go with what you feel....don't buy stuff just for the sake of wanting

to make sure he gets enough. That's a complete marketing scheme.

You Love your child. That's the best gift of all.

Penny -

[Guest guest]

Now THIS is the problem with Christmas. We all feel as though we

NEED to do SO much for our children. And SOOOO much means lots and

lots of gifts. I can say this, cuz I am soooo guilty of it.

More gifts, more love - right?

No. Jacquie you could give that child 100 gifts under your tree and

with most he would probably care less. But take your Love away, and

you'd have a lost child.

Go with what you feel....don't buy stuff just for the sake of wanting

to make sure he gets enough. That's a complete marketing scheme.

You Love your child. That's the best gift of all.

Penny -

[Guest guest]

Jacquie -

speaking of guilt trips and to hopefully take your mind off of

Christmas....

How do you handle 's " obsession " with needing to play Sailor Moon

with you?? (Does he still do that?)

Jacqui's first words to me in the morning are " do you want to play? "

That means Playing Friends with her Sonic figurines. This is very

difficult for me to do on a daily basis. It's hard to crawl inside

her head. I find though, if I do it for say a straight hour or hour

and a half, the rest of the day runs smoothly.

If I don't, she'll bug me on and off thru the day until she's worn me

down or I hold my ground. It's exhausting.

I know it's not just a " I want to play friends with mom thing " , it's

more of a " I NEED to play friends with mom " thing.

Again, do I keep feeding the obsession? or, or, or... argh.

I'm confused.

Penny

[Guest guest]

> How do you handle 's " obsession " with needing to play Sailor Moon

> with you?? (Does he still do that?)

> If I don't, she'll bug me on and off thru the day until she's worn me

> down or I hold my ground. It's exhausting.

>

> I know it's not just a " I want to play friends with mom thing " , it's

> more of a " I NEED to play friends with mom " thing.

>

> Again, do I keep feeding the obsession? or, or, or... argh.

>

> I'm confused.

At first, I played it all the time, on demand.

Then it started to wear thin. So then I'd play the first round, and when he

asked again, I'd say, " I don't want to play Sailor Moon right now. I will play

Sailor Moon in 5 minutes. " In 5 minutes, I'd play again. And then I extended

the time between to ten minutes, then 15, then " when I'm done this " , then

" later " . It took about a month to get to saying " later " .

And now, thank goodness, it's OVER!

Hope that helps!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> How do you handle 's " obsession " with needing to play Sailor Moon

> with you?? (Does he still do that?)

> If I don't, she'll bug me on and off thru the day until she's worn me

> down or I hold my ground. It's exhausting.

>

> I know it's not just a " I want to play friends with mom thing " , it's

> more of a " I NEED to play friends with mom " thing.

>

> Again, do I keep feeding the obsession? or, or, or... argh.

>

> I'm confused.

At first, I played it all the time, on demand.

Then it started to wear thin. So then I'd play the first round, and when he

asked again, I'd say, " I don't want to play Sailor Moon right now. I will play

Sailor Moon in 5 minutes. " In 5 minutes, I'd play again. And then I extended

the time between to ten minutes, then 15, then " when I'm done this " , then

" later " . It took about a month to get to saying " later " .

And now, thank goodness, it's OVER!

Hope that helps!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> How do you handle 's " obsession " with needing to play Sailor Moon

> with you?? (Does he still do that?)

> If I don't, she'll bug me on and off thru the day until she's worn me

> down or I hold my ground. It's exhausting.

>

> I know it's not just a " I want to play friends with mom thing " , it's

> more of a " I NEED to play friends with mom " thing.

>

> Again, do I keep feeding the obsession? or, or, or... argh.

>

> I'm confused.

At first, I played it all the time, on demand.

Then it started to wear thin. So then I'd play the first round, and when he

asked again, I'd say, " I don't want to play Sailor Moon right now. I will play

Sailor Moon in 5 minutes. " In 5 minutes, I'd play again. And then I extended

the time between to ten minutes, then 15, then " when I'm done this " , then

" later " . It took about a month to get to saying " later " .

And now, thank goodness, it's OVER!

Hope that helps!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Go with what you feel....don't buy stuff just for the sake of wanting

> to make sure he gets enough. That's a complete marketing scheme.

>

> You Love your child. That's the best gift of all.

>

Good grounded sense. That's our Penny!

Salli

[Guest guest]

> Go with what you feel....don't buy stuff just for the sake of wanting

> to make sure he gets enough. That's a complete marketing scheme.

>

> You Love your child. That's the best gift of all.

>

Good grounded sense. That's our Penny!

Salli

[Guest guest]

>

> I know it's not just a " I want to play friends with mom thing " , it's

> more of a " I NEED to play friends with mom " thing.

>

> Again, do I keep feeding the obsession? or, or, or... argh.

>

> I'm confused.

Penny:

I think if it is any kind of interactive engagement that I would definitely

feed the obsession. Just don't fall into the trap (if she would set this

kind of trap) of doing the same thing every time; make sure it is varied.

Interactive play with a real person? It's great and it must be good for her

even if it is a bit obsessive.

Just my thoughts after no more than two seconds of consideration so I could

well be wrong.

Salli

[Guest guest]

>

> I know it's not just a " I want to play friends with mom thing " , it's

> more of a " I NEED to play friends with mom " thing.

>

> Again, do I keep feeding the obsession? or, or, or... argh.

>

> I'm confused.

Penny:

I think if it is any kind of interactive engagement that I would definitely

feed the obsession. Just don't fall into the trap (if she would set this

kind of trap) of doing the same thing every time; make sure it is varied.

Interactive play with a real person? It's great and it must be good for her

even if it is a bit obsessive.

Just my thoughts after no more than two seconds of consideration so I could

well be wrong.

Salli

[Guest guest]

See, now, Penny -- your response really struck a chord with me.

See, the oNLY reason we celebrate Christmas is because of . If were

not autistic, we would not celebrate Christmas at all. I am atheist. I am NOT

christian. And Christmas is a christian holiday! I feel like a complete

hypocrite.

But I've made the conscious decision to hold Christmas, in order that

should have as many shared experiences with NT kids as humanly possible.

Unfortunately, that leaves Christmas as a terribly commercial thing around here.

No spiritual value. I mean, I believe Jesus existed and that he was a pretty

smart guy with some valuable things to say, but as for celebrating his birth as

a spiritual event, I don't. So for me. Christmas is a time that the stores and

the magazines and the television tell me that I MUST give gifts because it's

December the 25th. VERY stressful.

Does that make any sense?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Somehow I think that Jacquie's answer is more exactly to Penny's point...

Salli

>

> At first, I played it all the time, on demand.

>

> Then it started to wear thin. So then I'd play the first round, and when

he asked again, I'd say, " I don't want to play Sailor Moon right now. I

will play Sailor Moon in 5 minutes. " In 5 minutes, I'd play again. And

then I extended the time between to ten minutes, then 15, then " when I'm

done this " , then " later " . It took about a month to get to saying " later " .

>

> And now, thank goodness, it's OVER!

[Guest guest]

Somehow I think that Jacquie's answer is more exactly to Penny's point...

Salli

>

> At first, I played it all the time, on demand.

>

> Then it started to wear thin. So then I'd play the first round, and when

he asked again, I'd say, " I don't want to play Sailor Moon right now. I

will play Sailor Moon in 5 minutes. " In 5 minutes, I'd play again. And

then I extended the time between to ten minutes, then 15, then " when I'm

done this " , then " later " . It took about a month to get to saying " later " .

>

> And now, thank goodness, it's OVER!

[Guest guest]

Grace,

Your post reminds me of the Christmas episode of South Park that ends with Jesus

sitting all alone singing, " Happy Birthday to Me " ....

But there are christian families that do it right. I'd bet my bank account the

Gamezes do!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

So for me. Christmas is a time that the stores and the magazines and the

television tell me that I MUST give gifts because it's December the 25th.

VERY stressful.

>

> Does that make any sense?

It does to me. It means that all that is really left for you with Christmas

is what really matters the least, the commercial stuff. I could see why you

might not want to celebrate it at all.

But on the other hand having share NT kids' experiences is pretty

important too.

So I don't know at all what to say (but naturally I have spent several

paragraphs saying it).

I guess maybe I'd celebrate Christmas in a very small sort of way, but I am

not too sure since I am not in your shoes.

Salli

[Guest guest]

It would not surprise me either, although from

> the sounds of it, she sure does have a lot of money to spend on gifts

That is why I don't buy presents for kids from me or at least I buy only

very minimal presents (books, for instance). My kids have always known that

Grandma supplies the presents and Mama supplies the experience.

I do the same for birthdays.

Salli

[Guest guest]

>

> But there are christian families that do it right. I'd bet my bank

account the Gamezes do!

>

> Jacquie

Me too.

Penny :-)

[Guest guest]

How about a few new videos?

Ginger

>> Any ideas for CHEAP possible gifts???

>

> Jacquie

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Your use of the word " athiest " triggered my feeble memory...

I heard this great interview with Studs Terkel a while back, and

searched like a mofo to find a transcript of it so I could quote it

accurately. It's in the context of his new book, " Will the Circle Be

Unbroken " :

" I think of myself as an agnostic, but an agnostic is really a

cowardly atheist. At the same time I envy those who have faith.

Well, I have a faith, but they have a religious faith. The recurring

phrase used by people in my book is " I am not religious, I am

spiritual. " And they don't mean just Buddhism or pantheism, they

mean: " I want to believe, but not in something connected to an

institution " - Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, whatever it might

be. "

Cheers,

> See, the oNLY reason we celebrate Christmas is because of . If

were not autistic, we would not celebrate Christmas at all. I am

atheist. I am NOT christian. And Christmas is a christian holiday!

[Guest guest]

Your use of the word " athiest " triggered my feeble memory...

I heard this great interview with Studs Terkel a while back, and

searched like a mofo to find a transcript of it so I could quote it

accurately. It's in the context of his new book, " Will the Circle Be

Unbroken " :

" I think of myself as an agnostic, but an agnostic is really a

cowardly atheist. At the same time I envy those who have faith.

Well, I have a faith, but they have a religious faith. The recurring

phrase used by people in my book is " I am not religious, I am

spiritual. " And they don't mean just Buddhism or pantheism, they

mean: " I want to believe, but not in something connected to an

institution " - Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, whatever it might

be. "

Cheers,

> See, the oNLY reason we celebrate Christmas is because of . If

were not autistic, we would not celebrate Christmas at all. I am

atheist. I am NOT christian. And Christmas is a christian holiday!

[Guest guest]

I don't have any ideas for gifts but what works for Ben is I take him

somewhere, docs, toysrus, a play place, just some where with toys he

doesn't have and see what he gravitates to! Hope this helps!

At 07:20 AM 11/25/2001, you wrote:

>All the wonderful xmas presents you all have purchased...and plan on

>purchasing more...

>

>I had only one gift bought for so far, and gave it to him last week

>while I was sick, to buy myself some quiet...

>

>The thing is, half (and sometimes more than half, depending on if Marc

>worked overtime) of our weekly cheque goes to mortgage and bills. Then

>there's groceries.... I just am so LOATHE to buy him anything, for fear

>it will be a waste of money! I have so much good stuff purchased already

>for my neice and my goddaughter; I've painted gifts for friends in

>Toronto and for others;

>

>We just have so little money and I don't want to spend it on another

>disappointment!

>

>Isn't that cold? Or selfish? Or narrow-minded?

>

>I love this kid SO MUCH...but this Christmas thing just gives me the

>willies...

>

>Any ideas for CHEAP possible gifts???

>

>Jacquie

>mom to , 5

>Parenting Autism moderator

> " Am I the only one who allows his mind to prance outside the box? "

> --Dale Gribble, from King

> Of The Hill

>

>

>

>