Re: Stuck in avoidance

[Guest guest]

It's true it's not easy without money. But can you get out and about without a car? For example, public transportation, bike riding, walking to your destination? Are there meetup groups around you? Book clubs? Is there any place in town where you are a " regular? " Have you noticed other " regulars " somewhere you frequent? Can you try to reach out one day when you are feeling brave and say, hey wanna sit together? Something like that?

It's NOT easy to break social isolation I moved to a new city and it took me four years to make a friend.. *sigh* But it's all about making these little attempts until something clicks I think.

 

The most important thing to me right now is to establish significant social relationships.  Mostly friendship is what I seek, but having a partner in life would be the cat's meow.  I  have long-term and online  friendships that are significant and precious, but I need a physical hug now and then.  There is no one here to do that. 

I can't think of how to do that without any money to spend.  Can you?  I'm not used to poverty, so I probably resent it, and that attitude is not helping me to cope.

 

Helena

Stuck in my comfort zone> > I have a lot of things I need to do> Get a girlfriend> Get my own place> and Find a Job

> > But I seem to be stuck in a rut and I'm routed in my comfort zone.> > How can I shake myself up to motivate myself to be willing to feel the anxiety which will inevitably come and step out of my comfort zone and chase my goals?

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[Guest guest]

I can't afford public transportation; it's expensive here. I don't have and couldn't ride a bike. I can walk distances for about 15 minutes. There are meetup groups around me, but not nearby, so they are out of my financial reach. I am not a "regular" in any part of town except at the 's dollar menu window.

I am not being negative. This is the reality of my life. Thanks for your suggestions, but I can't really execute any of them. Yet I so appreciate your response.

Helena

Stuck in my comfort zone> > I have a lot of things I need to do> Get a girlfriend> Get my own place> and Find a Job> > But I seem to be stuck in a rut and I'm routed in my comfort zone.> > How can I shake myself up to motivate myself to be willing to feel the anxiety which will inevitably come and step out of my comfort zone and chase my goals?> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

Another thing I should have pointed out: It's not about social isolation at all. It's about financial isolation. I don't think many here can relate to that.

Helena

Stuck in my comfort zone> > I have a lot of things I need to do> Get a girlfriend> Get my own place> and Find a Job> > But I seem to be stuck in a rut and I'm routed in my comfort zone.> > How can I shake myself up to motivate myself to be willing to feel the anxiety which will inevitably come and step out of my comfort zone and chase my goals?> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

What about that group of people you met at the party where you showed up all skinned up. I recall you saying they were glad to see you. Any prospects there? How about neighbors? Is there anyone nearby that needs your help? Someone that also needs a hug? I visit my mom most every day in an Alzheimer's Nursing Home. It's full of people who want a hug.That reminds me. I've been looking for an opportunity to share this verse from HH the 14th Dalai Lama. It was given to me by an old Buddhist gentleman that I installed some grab bars for last summer. We hit it off and he gave me a nice Buddhist banner with this quote:" We are all visitors on this planet.We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the most.During that period,we must try to do somethinggood, something useful,with our lives.If you contribute to otherpeople's happiness, you willfind the true goal,the true meaning of life."H.H. the 14th Dalai LamaI hope others chime in. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2010 23:27:42 +0000Subject: Re: Stuck in avoidance

The most important thing to me right now is to establish significant social relationships. Mostly friendship is what I seek, but having a partner in life would be the cat's meow. I have long-term and online friendships that are significant and precious, but I need a physical hug now and then. There is no one here to do that.

I can't think of how to do that without any money to spend. Can you? I'm not used to poverty, so I probably resent it, and that attitude is not helping me to cope.

Helena

Stuck in my comfort zone> > I have a lot of things I need to do> Get a girlfriend> Get my own place> and Find a Job> > But I seem to be stuck in a rut and I'm routed in my comfort zone.> > How can I shake myself up to motivate myself to be willing to feel the anxiety which will inevitably come and step out of my comfort zone and chase my goals?> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

Hey Bill ... yeah, that group was a high hope for me, because they planned a follow-up meeting to view the pictures and video. But that event never happened. I keep in touch with all of them on Facebook, but that's the extent of it. My questions about when we will meet again go unanswered.

I have no idea who my neighbors are, and they don't seem friendly when I pass them on the street. I live in a rental property, but homeowners prevail everywhere else on the block. Homeowners are not very warm to renters.

People come in the entrance where I work every day. I see people, both young and old, who come for physical therapy upstairs. I "take care of them" while they are waiting. I have a warm spot especially for the older people who seem to wait endlessly for their transportation. I offer them conversation, reading material, coffee, water, donuts -- whatever I can. They seem to appreciate it, and that makes me feel good.

Helena

m: "Bill C" <wcameromsn>To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Saturday, December 18, 2010 7:01:57 PMSubject: RE: Stuck in avoidance

What about that group of people you met at the party where you showed up all skinned up. I recall you saying they were glad to see you. Any prospects there? How about neighbors? Is there anyone nearby that needs your help? Someone that also needs a hug? I visit my mom most every day in an Alzheimer's Nursing Home. It's full of people who want a hug.That reminds me. I've been looking for an opportunity to share this verse from HH the 14th Dalai Lama. It was given to me by an old Buddhist gentleman that I installed some grab bars for last summer. We hit it off and he gave me a nice Buddhist banner with this quote:" We are all visitors on this planet.We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the most.During that period,we must try to do somethinggood, something useful,with our lives.If you contribute to otherpeople's happiness, you willfind the true goal,the true meaning of life."H.H. the 14th Dalai LamaI hope others chime in. Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbrcomcast (DOT) netDate: Sat, 18 Dec 2010 23:27:42 +0000Subject: Re: Stuck in avoidance

The most important thing to me right now is to establish significant social relationships. Mostly friendship is what I seek, but having a partner in life would be the cat's meow. I have long-term and online friendships that are significant and precious, but I need a physical hug now and then. There is no one here to do that. I can't think of how to do that without any money to spend. Can you? I'm not used to poverty, so I probably resent it, and that attitude is not helping me to cope. Helena Stuck in my comfort zone> > I have a lot of things I need to do> Get a girlfriend> Get my own place> and Find a Job> > But I seem to be stuck in a rut and I'm routed in my comfort zone.> > How can I shake myself up to motivate myself to be willing to feel the anxiety which will inevitably come and step out of my comfort zone and chase my goals?> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Hi Kate,

I think I tuckered out last evening before I responded to this. Yes, this is a neighborhood of established home owners with very little turnover. Not much gardening going on, however, since the yards are very small. I have one of the larger yards since the partial house I rent is on a corner lot. I would love to turn the whole yard into a garden, but that takes money, too. I really would like to get to know my neighbors better, like I did in my old neighborhood before I moved here about 18 months ago--I was invited to backyard cookouts, parties, etc. It's really cold now, but when it warms up, I will make an effort to get to know them, somehow. The woman who took care of my cats and birds while I was in the hospital, lives on the next street. There's a start!

Seems I am in a more positive frame of mind this morning. I thank all of your for your support and suggestions! Now that I'm thinking on a roll, I wonder if some of my neighbors would like to use part of my large yard as their garden (and I could get to share in the bounty!)

Helena Re: Stuck in avoidance

If it's a neighborhood full of homeowners, the good side to that is there are probably established and stable networks amongst the people there. Could you try to get to know some of those people? Do you garden at all? Sharing cuttings, chatting about gardening are good icebreakers, (sorry I don't know what the neighborhood is like and perhaps this isn't relevant). Seems like there is potential to get to know some of the people who live close by. The old "borrowing a cup of sugar" can even be a way of making that first contact.

Kate

I have no idea who my neighbors are, and they don't seem friendly when I pass them on the street. I live in a rental property, but homeowners prevail everywhere else on the block. Homeowners are not very warm to renters.

[Guest guest]

Yes indeed! A pet sitting business! And there is a huge lack of bird sitters here since most people don't "do" birds. I have two cockatiels and am quite comfortable with birds, so that may be an even better business option. Dog walkers are quite numerous, on the other hand.

Helena

Stuck in my comfort zone> > I have a lot of things I need to do> Get a girlfriend> Get my own place> and Find a Job> > But I seem to be stuck in a rut and I'm routed in my comfort zone.> > How can I shake myself up to motivate myself to be willing to feel the anxiety which will inevitably come and step out of my comfort zone and chase my goals?> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

Yes, volunteering is a beautiful thing. but your own essential needs have to come first. It warms my heart to see you are positive and ready to go. Let us know what you do X --- El dom, 19/12/10, hbbr Asunto: Re: Stuck in avoidancePara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: domingo, 19 de diciembre, 2010 12:41

I would advise them to make more money : ) This morning, I am thinking of ways I could do that -- pet sitting, as Em suggested.

There are plenty of volunteer opportunities. But ....... I have to ration my gas very carefully just to get to and from work. My car will be paid off in June, which will free up some money--yea!

Helena Stuck in my comfort zone> > I have a lot of things I need to do> Get a girlfriend> Get my own place> and Find a Job> > But I seem to be stuck in a rut and I'm routed in my comfort zone.> > How can I shake myself up to motivate myself to be willing to feel the anxiety which will inevitably come and step out of my comfort zone and chase my goals?> > > >

------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe