Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 my cyber mom, think like the lbd turtle, low and slow, go low and go slow, any decisions made in haste usually come back and bite you in hte behind. i know there is alot of traveling involved but you just have to think things out, you may want to try my favorite trick when i am confused about a major deicision, like geting a divorce from my 2nd hubby, even marrying donnie. i make 2 columns and write pros of you moving closer to don, cons to you moving closer to don, then for a few days write prose/cons down on it, and then ptu it up for a while and then bring it back out and read it and weight out, if you list had 45 ereasons not to move, and onnly 10 reasons to move wel then your discison is easy, if the list is alot closer than read eachlist and rank each in importance 1 most impt 45 least imppt and then aompare tof the importance of each item on each list and try again, but again you are in no hurry put the lst up for a fwe more days and see if there are any reasons taht feel silly or unimportant and eventually after looking over the list enough you may be able to make a decision for you and dont forget to put your own health issues on it. good luck love you cyber daughter, sharon a=m Subject: Re: Sick Don To: LBDcaregivers Date: Sunday, August 17, 2008, 12:19 AM Dear, you are so right and that is what I am doing. It has been thirty days, but I need more time to rethink this. My daughter wants me to move, it is clear, because she wants her daughter to live in the house. Between all the pushing and pulling, and trying to sway me, I decided I was going to back off. Don wants me there. But, what for? So he can chew me out for hours on end? It was all about cheating on him, (nearly 76 and exhausted) and taking all his money (what money?)He has a fixation on that and won't leave it alone no matter how much I try to change the subject. This last visit was so hard it wasn't difficult for me to realize I needed home, and my bed. I am exhausted. I can't jump around like I used to do. I have poor health and old age. Next week I have to get him again for two doctor appointments, but I will cancel one. It isn't all that important, as the Dermatologist checked his head once already and was pleased with it. Don has no infection. But, he does need to see the Cardiologist. He is 70 miles away because his daughter is a nurse at the NH. He is becomming very reliant on her. Thank goodness! Dear I am going to go slow and easy. This round made me sick, and I won't try it again. And, I sure won't try to move. Thank you dear for your encouragement. Take it slow and easy. Love a lot, Imogene > > > > From: Iward27663@ <Iward27663@ > > > Subject: Sick Don > > To: LBDcaregivers@ yahoogroups. com > > Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 4:46 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > I'm back. > > > > My darling Don is getting quite ill. He has to be told things in > very short > > sentences > > and just what to do each step of the way. The nurse was giving him > his > > medicine this morning. She dumped three pills in his hand and he > put them in his > > mouth. Then he reached for more and she told him three times to > drink some > > water and swallow the pills in his mouth. Then she handed him a > couple more, and > > they went through the whole process again. Finally he took the last > pills. > > His food has to be cut up for him, and toast buttered, and jelly > put on it. He > > is completely bathed and shaved by staff. He has fallen twice. > Also, he seems > > to be getting a groin hernia. His daughter said she will tell the > doctor > > when he came in today. > > > > I took him out shopping, and then went to the Motel to stretch out > a while, > > where it was quiet, as he fussed about the noise in the NH. Well, > within > > fifteen minutes he had to head back to the NH. His daughter said > good, he is > > feeling like this is home now. > > > > When Don kept bitching about everything, I said honey you have it a > lot > > better than some. He fussed negative about everything, and asked > how I could think > > that? I said honey you could be dead. Your first wife died in her > sleep. ( > > wrong thing to do! but I didn't know how sick he really was.) He > cried a few > > seconds, and then said my wife has died and you are chasing after > other men.. > > He continued with how much more do I need? That hurt so bad. > > > > The next morning, still not realizing how really sick he was I > wrote our > > medical bills down and told him I needed to pay those bills off > before I can > > move. He wanted to show his daughter the paper right now, and see > if she could > > find a solution to the problem. I then, knew how sick he was as I > have handled > > the bills for thirty-eight years. I was glad to see that he was > relying on > > her, and feels secure with the nurses. > > > > The first afternoon I was there, he was thrilled to see me. Then, > that night > > I couldn't sleep. Bad bed in the motel. > > > > You guessed it! The next day is the day he laid into me about > taking all his > > money (what money?) and running around, and flirting with all the > men. I > > endured hours of his abusive tongue. I wanted to be with him, but, > my nerves were > > shattered. I did all I could to divert his attention. Took him > shopping, but > > he got too weak from that. > > > > Again, the second night even after folding the heavy bedspread in > half and > > putting it under my sheet, I still didn't sleep! I went to sleep > after > > midnight, and woke up at four. So I packed it all up, and headed > back to the > > nursing home. This time I wasn't offered any breakfast, and I > didn't want to rock > > the boat with Don. So, I kept quiet. I told him I wanted to drive > home early > > before it got hot. I reassured him of my love again, and again > before I left. > > I am exhausted!! > > > > I will not tear my life up, only to have him become so sick he > doesn't even > > know me. One time he asked who I was. When I told him, he asked if > I was > > related to him in some way? > > > > This is so hard it is wrecking me, but I made up my mind that I was > not > > going to move up there, as he is relying on his daughter, for which > I am glad. > > And I can sense our parting has arrived. It is so terribly hard, > but my moving > > up there, and signing a year's lease is not very practical. The > rent is > > terribly high, and I need the money to pay Don's medical bills. So, > the best thing > > for him, and me, is to make an occasional visit. When I see him he > starts > > fussing to go home, and yet, twice he wanted to go back to the > nursing home, > > within 15 to 20 minutes. He is getting excellent care, and > excellent food. > > > > Twice last week when I called him, he laid the phone down to get > something > > or to get his daughter. I finally had to hand up, and call the > nurses station > > to tell them the phone was off the hook. > > > > He said I don't think anyone here likes me. He said one minute they > are > > friendly, and the next they seem to shun me. I said Darling just > about everyone > > here has a mental disorder, and that makes them act that way. He > accepted > > that. > > > > He is getting adjusted, and is relying on the nurses, and > especially his > > daughter, > > so I know he is in the best of care. And, yes, they are LBD savvy. > > > > I don't know how we became so fortunate in getting on Medicaid so > easily, > > and getting into the NH without being in the hospital for three > days first. > > And, we won't be charged anything for the first month, as it is > usually covered > > by Medicare, but it has been worked out for us that they back dated > his entry > > (I guess, how else?) and now he gets it all on Medicaid. He has > caring > > staff, and is cared for. That one day I questioned, they were short > handed but did > > give him a bath that evening. > > > > I love him dearly, but love is realizing what is best for that > person, and > > letting them > > go, in a sense. I am mourning the departure of my beloved, even > though he is > > still here in the flesh. > > > > And, Love to all of you, > > Imogene > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ************ **Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in > your budget? > > Read reviews on AOL Autos. > > (http://autos. aol.com/cars- Volkswagen- Jetta-2009/ expert- review? > ncid=aolaut00030 000000007 ) > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2008 Report Share Posted August 17, 2008 Imogene, Moves and up sets are hard on everyone. Adjustments are also hard on all. You must be mad as a hornet that things worked out like they did. And do does Don. Hope he get adjusted. There are MDs that can do quick checks on him that come to the nh? isn't there. Eventually that will have to happen anyway. It will be harder and harder to get him the 70 miles to his MD.. And he may be less and less happy about leaving. Take all the time you need. Others will have to adjust to you right now. Hugs and lots of them. Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Sick Don > > To: LBDcaregivers > > Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 4:46 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > I'm back. > > > > My darling Don is getting quite ill. He has to be told things in > very short > > sentences > > and just what to do each step of the way. The nurse was giving him > his > > medicine this morning. She dumped three pills in his hand and he > put them in his > > mouth. Then he reached for more and she told him three times to > drink some > > water and swallow the pills in his mouth. Then she handed him a > couple more, and > > they went through the whole process again. Finally he took the last > pills. > > His food has to be cut up for him, and toast buttered, and jelly > put on it. He > > is completely bathed and shaved by staff. He has fallen twice. > Also, he seems > > to be getting a groin hernia. His daughter said she will tell the > doctor > > when he came in today. > > > > I took him out shopping, and then went to the Motel to stretch out > a while, > > where it was quiet, as he fussed about the noise in the NH. Well, > within > > fifteen minutes he had to head back to the NH. His daughter said > good, he is > > feeling like this is home now. > > > > When Don kept bitching about everything, I said honey you have it a > lot > > better than some. He fussed negative about everything, and asked > how I could think > > that? I said honey you could be dead. Your first wife died in her > sleep. ( > > wrong thing to do! but I didn't know how sick he really was.) He > cried a few > > seconds, and then said my wife has died and you are chasing after > other men.. > > He continued with how much more do I need? That hurt so bad. > > > > The next morning, still not realizing how really sick he was I > wrote our > > medical bills down and told him I needed to pay those bills off > before I can > > move. He wanted to show his daughter the paper right now, and see > if she could > > find a solution to the problem. I then, knew how sick he was as I > have handled > > the bills for thirty-eight years. I was glad to see that he was > relying on > > her, and feels secure with the nurses. > > > > The first afternoon I was there, he was thrilled to see me. Then, > that night > > I couldn't sleep. Bad bed in the motel. > > > > You guessed it! The next day is the day he laid into me about > taking all his > > money (what money?) and running around, and flirting with all the > men. I > > endured hours of his abusive tongue. I wanted to be with him, but, > my nerves were > > shattered. I did all I could to divert his attention. Took him > shopping, but > > he got too weak from that. > > > > Again, the second night even after folding the heavy bedspread in > half and > > putting it under my sheet, I still didn't sleep! I went to sleep > after > > midnight, and woke up at four. So I packed it all up, and headed > back to the > > nursing home. This time I wasn't offered any breakfast, and I > didn't want to rock > > the boat with Don. So, I kept quiet. I told him I wanted to drive > home early > > before it got hot. I reassured him of my love again, and again > before I left. > > I am exhausted!! > > > > I will not tear my life up, only to have him become so sick he > doesn't even > > know me. One time he asked who I was. When I told him, he asked if > I was > > related to him in some way? > > > > This is so hard it is wrecking me, but I made up my mind that I was > not > > going to move up there, as he is relying on his daughter, for which > I am glad. > > And I can sense our parting has arrived. It is so terribly hard, > but my moving > > up there, and signing a year's lease is not very practical. The > rent is > > terribly high, and I need the money to pay Don's medical bills. So, > the best thing > > for him, and me, is to make an occasional visit. When I see him he > starts > > fussing to go home, and yet, twice he wanted to go back to the > nursing home, > > within 15 to 20 minutes. He is getting excellent care, and > excellent food. > > > > Twice last week when I called him, he laid the phone down to get > something > > or to get his daughter. I finally had to hand up, and call the > nurses station > > to tell them the phone was off the hook. > > > > He said I don't think anyone here likes me. He said one minute they > are > > friendly, and the next they seem to shun me. I said Darling just > about everyone > > here has a mental disorder, and that makes them act that way. He > accepted > > that. > > > > He is getting adjusted, and is relying on the nurses, and > especially his > > daughter, > > so I know he is in the best of care. And, yes, they are LBD savvy. > > > > I don't know how we became so fortunate in getting on Medicaid so > easily, > > and getting into the NH without being in the hospital for three > days first. > > And, we won't be charged anything for the first month, as it is > usually covered > > by Medicare, but it has been worked out for us that they back dated > his entry > > (I guess, how else?) and now he gets it all on Medicaid. He has > caring > > staff, and is cared for. That one day I questioned, they were short > handed but did > > give him a bath that evening. > > > > I love him dearly, but love is realizing what is best for that > person, and > > letting them > > go, in a sense. I am mourning the departure of my beloved, even > though he is > > still here in the flesh. > > > > And, Love to all of you, > > Imogene > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ************ **Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in > your budget? > > Read reviews on AOL Autos. > > (http://autos. aol.com/cars- Volkswagen- Jetta-2009/ expert- review? > ncid=aolaut00030 000000007 ) > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 Imogene, I am so sorry. But remember you are the one with the long term memory intact. Don probably doesn't remember for very long after he says whatever.. to you. That is why I think caregiving is so hard. We remember what they say long after,. They go on and do something else. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Sick Don Hello everyone, And Sherry, Thanks for your comment, Sherry. I don't know yet if anyone else has written to me, but hopefully I'll get to them in time. I love you all, but then, you know that. It has been a horrible row to hoe. It has been hard on me this week. I have been as unsettled as anyone can be. One minute I know I can't move and be near him, and the next I am sure I will find a way. One minute I am going to be realistic and mature, and the next I'm a little lost kid. Terrible turmoil! I gave Don's daughter Dr. Beove's whole article before Don ever went to the NH, and included a bunch of other literature. She said She has handled a number of LBD patients already, so she was aware of it, but was glad for the information. I told her I was surprised as it's such a small town, but then people do go there from other places, just like Don. She has been there over 20 years. I feel that Don is in good hands. Better than mine, except for personal love. One cute thing that Don said and I told his doctor. " I really like that fine Doctor. He was on one dresser while I was on another one when we visited. " I told the doctor, " Whatever it takes. " Tongue in cheek. He is a very nice and competent Doctor. Now I can see why Don's daughter recommended him. Love a ton of good health, Imogene > > Imogene there are many experiences that show how cruel this disease is, and > this is one of the most poignant and painful...I'm praying for you both > daily... > > His, > Sherry > www.owly.net > daughter of , (mis?)diagnosed with AD in 2005, descent slowed by > Aricept; diagnosed with LBD March 2008, in a wonderful NH 1/2 mile from my > house. We're learning to live with Lewy... > > ----- Original Message ----- > > > My darling Don is getting quite ill. He has to be told things in very > > short > > sentences > > and just what to do each step of the way. The nurse was giving him his > > medicine this morning. She dumped three pills in his hand and he put them > > in his > > mouth. Then he reached for more and she told him three times to drink some > > water and swallow the pills in his mouth. Then she handed him a couple > > more, and > > they went through the whole process again. Finally he took the last pills. > > His food has to be cut up for him, and toast buttered, and jelly put on > > it. He > > is completely bathed and shaved by staff. He has fallen twice. Also, he > > seems > > to be getting a groin hernia. His daughter said she will tell the doctor > > when he came in today. > > > > I took him out shopping, and then went to the Motel to stretch out a > > while, > > where it was quiet, as he fussed about the noise in the NH. Well, within > > fifteen minutes he had to head back to the NH. His daughter said good, he > > is > > feeling like this is home now. > > > > When Don kept bitching about everything, I said honey you have it a lot > > better than some. He fussed negative about everything, and asked how I > > could think > > that? I said honey you could be dead. Your first wife died in her sleep. > > ( > > wrong thing to do! but I didn't know how sick he really was.) He cried a > > few > > seconds, and then said my wife has died and you are chasing after other > > men. > > He continued with how much more do I need? That hurt so bad. > > > > The next morning, still not realizing how really sick he was I wrote our > > medical bills down and told him I needed to pay those bills off before I > > can > > move. He wanted to show his daughter the paper right now, and see if she > > could > > find a solution to the problem. I then, knew how sick he was as I have > > handled > > the bills for thirty-eight years. I was glad to see that he was relying > > on > > her, and feels secure with the nurses. > > > > The first afternoon I was there, he was thrilled to see me. Then, that > > night > > I couldn't sleep. Bad bed in the motel. > > > > You guessed it! The next day is the day he laid into me about taking all > > his > > money (what money?) and running around, and flirting with all the men. I > > endured hours of his abusive tongue. I wanted to be with him, but, my > > nerves were > > shattered. I did all I could to divert his attention. Took him shopping, > > but > > he got too weak from that. > > > > Again, the second night even after folding the heavy bedspread in half > > and > > putting it under my sheet, I still didn't sleep! I went to sleep after > > midnight, and woke up at four. So I packed it all up, and headed back to > > the > > nursing home. This time I wasn't offered any breakfast, and I didn't want > > to rock > > the boat with Don. So, I kept quiet. I told him I wanted to drive home > > early > > before it got hot. I reassured him of my love again, and again before I > > left. > > I am exhausted!! > > > > I will not tear my life up, only to have him become so sick he doesn't > > even > > know me. One time he asked who I was. When I told him, he asked if I was > > related to him in some way? > > > > This is so hard it is wrecking me, but I made up my mind that I was not > > going to move up there, as he is relying on his daughter, for which I am > > glad. > > And I can sense our parting has arrived. It is so terribly hard, but my > > moving > > up there, and signing a year's lease is not very practical. The rent is > > terribly high, and I need the money to pay Don's medical bills. So, the > > best thing > > for him, and me, is to make an occasional visit. When I see him he starts > > fussing to go home, and yet, twice he wanted to go back to the nursing > > home, > > within 15 to 20 minutes. He is getting excellent care, and excellent food. > > > > Twice last week when I called him, he laid the phone down to get > > something > > or to get his daughter. I finally had to hand up, and call the nurses > > station > > to tell them the phone was off the hook. > > > > He said I don't think anyone here likes me. He said one minute they are > > friendly, and the next they seem to shun me. I said Darling just about > > everyone > > here has a mental disorder, and that makes them act that way. He accepted > > that. > > > > He is getting adjusted, and is relying on the nurses, and especially his > > daughter, > > so I know he is in the best of care. And, yes, they are LBD savvy. > > > > I don't know how we became so fortunate in getting on Medicaid so easily, > > and getting into the NH without being in the hospital for three days > > first. > > And, we won't be charged anything for the first month, as it is usually > > covered > > by Medicare, but it has been worked out for us that they back dated his > > entry > > (I guess, how else?) and now he gets it all on Medicaid. He has caring > > staff, and is cared for. That one day I questioned, they were short > > handed but did > > give him a bath that evening. > > > > I love him dearly, but love is realizing what is best for that person, > > and > > letting them > > go, in a sense. I am mourning the departure of my beloved, even though he > > is > > still here in the flesh. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.