Guest guest Posted October 31, 2010 Report Share Posted October 31, 2010 Simone - Acceptance IS taking it with you. Acceptance is a very difficult word because it implies liking it. I like "make room for" better; Russ uses expansion. The passengers on the bus metaphor has an acceptance component. You can't kick the passengers off the bus and you don't have to let them drive the bus, but they end up doing so if you fight with them or try to make them go away. All you can do is keep the bus headed in the direction you want it to go and the passengers will be as quiet as they are going to get. I think the difference between acceptance and avoidance is in intent. Go easy on yourself. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: adrianandboo@...Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2010 18:45:11 +0000Subject: Re: Monsters Howling ....I just don't get it. Aren't I just throwing yet another peice of meat and feeding the monsters. I thought we were supposed to avoid avoiding at all costs! Shouldn't I be taking all my fears and sensations with me? Haven't I been doing this for too long to allow myself the luxury of 'sitting on my hands'. At some point I have to take it all with me. Simone To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public >Sent: Sun, 31 October, 2010 14:26:32Subject: RE: Monsters Howling Hi Simone - Several commentsYou said "I can see the pattern and I hate it." Hating it is not a sign of acceptance.You said "I am defusing all the time using various techniques. Sometimes it works and my head clears and then the monsters start howling louder and more insistent." If defusion isn't working then it's time for acceptance along with another core process or two like contact with the present and committed action. You are using defusion to make the anxiety go away. And your thinking self knows it and loves it.You said "is there such a thing as a stretch too far? " This sounds like a very big stretch with high risk - embarrassment to yourself and you daughter. Somewhere I read that it is not necessary to be willing to jump off the high dive first. Jumping off of a chair or even a thick catalog is a start. Go very slowly, perhaps with your daughter where the risks are low and return is high (success) Always set yourself up for success instead of failure.Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2010 10:22:13 +0000> Subject: Monsters Howling> > > > Hi,> > I need a bit of advice.> A few weeks ago I set myself a challenge. A school trip with my daughter that is likely to bring up some intense agoraphobic feelings. I was willing then, but as the date approaches I can feel myself getting ready with excuses. I feel the lump of disappointment and despair in my throat.I can see the pattern and I hate it.> I am having many scary images and what if? thoughts. I am defusing all the time using various techniques. Sometimes it works and my head clears and then the monsters start howling louder and more insistent.> What I want to know is - is there such a thing as a stretch too far? Am I holding on to this value too tightly? How do you know if you are holding a value too tightly for your own good?> Lately, I've been inching forward - feeling quietly pleased with myself. Now this challenge looms like a great mass on the horizon blocking everything else out. And I witness my mind struggling like a fish on dry land, gasping for air.> Do I go or do I stay? Do I risk my embarassment ( and that of my daughter). Will it put me back?> I think I know what the advice will be - and I know what I should do. I'm just not sure I'm ready for it. But will I ever be?> > Ideas appreciated.> > Simone> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2010 Report Share Posted October 31, 2010 I don't see simply having the thought: " I can see the pattern and I hate it " as any sort of sign whatsoever of non-acceptance. It may very well in fact be a sign of acceptance, of being honest and noting what my mind is saying right now about my experience. Terry ------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Hi Simone - Several comments > > You said " I can see the pattern and I hate it. " Hating it is not a sign of acceptance. > > You said " I am defusing all the time using various techniques. Sometimes it works > and my head clears and then the monsters start howling louder and more > insistent. " If defusion isn't working then it's time for acceptance along with another core process or two like contact with the present and committed action. You are using defusion to make the anxiety go away. And your thinking self knows it and loves it. > > You said " is there such a thing as a stretch too far? " This sounds like a very big stretch with high risk - embarrassment to yourself and you daughter. Somewhere I read that it is not necessary to be willing to jump off the high dive first. Jumping off of a chair or even a thick catalog is a start. Go very slowly, perhaps with your daughter where the risks are low and return is high (success) Always set yourself up for success instead of failure. > > Bill > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > From: adrianandboo@... > > Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2010 10:22:13 +0000 > > Subject: Monsters Howling > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > I need a bit of advice. > > A few weeks ago I set myself a challenge. A school trip with my daughter that is likely to bring up some intense agoraphobic feelings. I was willing then, but as the date approaches I can feel myself getting ready with excuses. I feel the lump of disappointment and despair in my throat.I can see the pattern and I hate it. > > I am having many scary images and what if? thoughts. I am defusing all the time using various techniques. Sometimes it works and my head clears and then the monsters start howling louder and more insistent. > > What I want to know is - is there such a thing as a stretch too far? Am I holding on to this value too tightly? How do you know if you are holding a value too tightly for your own good? > > Lately, I've been inching forward - feeling quietly pleased with myself. Now this challenge looms like a great mass on the horizon blocking everything else out. And I witness my mind struggling like a fish on dry land, gasping for air. > > Do I go or do I stay? Do I risk my embarassment ( and that of my daughter). Will it put me back? > > I think I know what the advice will be - and I know what I should do. I'm just not sure I'm ready for it. But will I ever be? > > > > Ideas appreciated. > > > > Simone > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2010 Report Share Posted November 1, 2010 FEEL exercises sound good to me! Having meditated, defusion came rather easy for me, but even through meditation, I've never really tapped into the well of emotion underneath (anger, fear) ~ I'd feel numb or I'd feel too much and would get overwhelmed and stop meditating (not knowing how to be present with those feelings without getting carried away on them). I've done a bit of focusing, which helped temporarily. I know that expansion is something I have to keep trying, as I've had brief moments of success with allowing feelings, just not consistently. I think meditating helps me to practice expansion too, as I get better being the observer. ~ lisa Hi Bill, Yes maybe there is an element of doing the exercises in the hope that the feelings will go. Even now - even after all my intellectual experience. ACT has not quite travelled from the head to heart with me. Or maybe I'm just a plain old cowardy cowardy custard! I think what I need to do is some FEEL exercises from the workbook for anxiety. I need to become more comfortable with sensations - practice giving them some space. I really can't have a good time at the party with this particular aunt, she's too noisy, but I know I have to allow her to do her thing. For me, pressuring myself to take the next step seems to make me worse and withdraw - where as, if I just quietly go about my business forgetting about my anxiety I seem too expand quietly out of my comfort zone. I just can't understand me! Thanks for your help you sound like a neighbour I would like to have! Simone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Me too. We could be twins! Simone To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tue, 2 November, 2010 2:56:39Subject: Re: Monsters Howling FEEL exercises sound good to me! Having meditated, defusion came rather easy for me, but even through meditation, I've never really tapped into the well of emotion underneath (anger, fear) ~ I'd feel numb or I'd feel too much and would get overwhelmed and stop meditating (not knowing how to be present with those feelings without getting carried away on them). I've done a bit of focusing, which helped temporarily. I know that expansion is something I have to keep trying, as I've had brief moments of success with allowing feelings, just not consistently. I think meditating helps me to practice expansion too, as I get better being the observer.~ lisa Hi Bill, Yes maybe there is an element of doing the exercises in the hope that the feelings will go. Even now - even after all my intellectual experience. ACT has not quite travelled from the head to heart with me. Or maybe I'm just a plain old cowardy cowardy custard! I think what I need to do is some FEEL exercises from the workbook for anxiety. I need to become more comfortable with sensations - practice giving them some space. I really can't have a good time at the party with this particular aunt, she's too noisy, but I know I have to allow her to do her thing. For me, pressuring myself to take the next step seems to make me worse and withdraw - where as, if I just quietly go about my business forgetting about my anxiety I seem too expand quietly out of my comfort zone. I just can't understand me! Thanks for your help you sound like a neighbour I would like to have! Simone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 I too struggle with 'what if' issues and often find that what happens is way different than what I imagined. Being kind to myself has helped and learning to rejoice in my accomplishments no matter how small they seem in the grand scheme of things are great benefits. I learned yesterday of the term 'compassionate awareness' for the word 'mindfulness.' It means being aware of what is happening within and around ourselves with an attitude of acceptance and non-judging, much as one would embrace a precious child. I know that from talking to you Simone that you are a very kind and thoughtful person. Believe in yourself regarding the things that you handle and see the process you have made in those areas. And know that you can progress even further. (this is my first post ever but have benefited greatly from others life experiences over the past year) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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