Another Guardian Angel....

[Guest guest]

I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you now. You had a special Mom.

God Bless

Jacqui

[Guest guest]

, Your letter seized me in a chill. I am crying for you. I have been

on pins and needles waiting to hear, I thought even if it was a stroke,

maybe it was just a mild one. This was not expected. I am more sorry than you

can

know, but I am glad she is out of her misery with the disease.

I am very sorry, too, about the walk. You have worked so hard for it.

I love you. We ALL love you,

Imogene

In a message dated 9/30/2006 9:11:15 PM Central Daylight Time,

octoryrose@... writes:

I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.

[Guest guest]

I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.

[Guest guest]

-

I have only recently joined the group, but in that time I came to

look forward to your posts. Your love for your mother was evident

each time you posted. I know you will grieve for her, but rejoice

at the same time that she is with her loved ones without the burden

of Lewy Body. Bless you and the rest of your family.

Dianne P

>

> I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away

at

> 8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

> received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

> rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back

to

> her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

>

> I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

> NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

> Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

> seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to

the

> ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

> the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just

wanted

> to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

> down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

> meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

> morphine.

>

> At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do

anything

> out of the ordinary, just left...

>

> I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's

visit

> from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

> (my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of

the

> walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able

to

> tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that

I

> would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

> parents, etc.

>

> Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and

she

> was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

> afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

>

> I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those

end

> stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with

that.

>

> If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

> instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

> the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

> times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE

now.

> Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

> waltz...

>

> Thanks for everything.

>

[Guest guest]

Dear , I am so sorry to hear about the death of your morther

my sympathy goes out to you and your family with

Love and prayers......Eileen Ontario, Canada

-- Another Guardian Angel....

I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

There is that burst of " energy " before the dawn. I'm so sorry and will keep you

in my

thoughts and prayers. Like I said before, you have been a wonderful daughter

and

inspiration to all of us on this website. We are here for you.

Much love, and prayers and Peace to you,

Stevie

* * * * *

>

> I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

> 8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

> received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

> rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

> her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

>

> I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

> NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

> Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

> seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

> ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

> the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

> to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

> down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

> meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

> morphine.

>

> At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

> out of the ordinary, just left...

>

> I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

> from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

> (my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

> walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

> tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

> would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

> parents, etc.

>

> Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

> was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

> afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

>

> I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

> stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

>

> If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

> instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

> the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

> times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

> Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

> waltz...

>

> Thanks for everything.

>

[Guest guest]

:

There aren't words that can express the feelings I want to send to you right

now. I want more than anything to hold you in my heart and give you comfort.

I feel as though we have gotten to know your mother over the last several months

and that we are having to say goodbye to a dear friend.

Much love and hugs.

from Cresswell Ontario Canada

wrote: I can't

believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.

---------------------------------

All new Yahoo! Mail -

---------------------------------

Get a sneak peak at messages with a handy reading pane.

[Guest guest]

Oh, ....you have my deepest sympathy. Are you familiar with they

hymn.. " Lord of the Dance " ? You made me think of it when you pictured your mom

dancing in heaven. May you grieve well.

Myrna (68) in Missouri

Caregiver for Husband Jerry (71)

Diagnosed AD 1997, LBD 2004

[Guest guest]

A few more details -- she had high white blood cell count = infection.

Couldn't urinate, kidneys were shutting down. I had noticed a couple of

weeks ago that her finger nails were 1/2 white, 1/2 pink - I emailed

the nurse practioner b/c I read it could be a sign of kidney failure...

Also there was a lot of gurgling in her breathing - so she could have

swallowed into her lungs something during the seizure. And she threw up

blood at one point...

[Guest guest]

-

I am fairly new to this group but I always looked forward to your posts. Your

love for your mother was obvious in your writing. I know that you are grieving

now but rejoice in the knowledge that your mom is with your dad once again

without the burden of Lewy Body. God bless you and your family.

Dianne P

wrote:

I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.

---------------------------------

How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates.

[Guest guest]

- I'm grateful we were able to share fears and faith today, and

I know the numbness of feeling like the rug was pulled out from under

you. I will always remain in awe over how things work out the way

they're supposed to. Isn't it (G)odd how you just happened to have my

cell phone number for today - when you needed it?? Or the immaculate

timing of your recent job change?? A coincidence is nothing more or

less than God chosing to remain anonymous. With 20/20 hindsight we can

all marvel at how your Higher Power cleared your schedule for Mom time

on Saturday instead of Friday (sounds like your sister needed the time

on Friday to gather some happy memories.) I feel the bittersweet

numbness when a loved one goes so fast - my dad held on for a week, and

I, too, escaped the long end-stage struggles. My thoughts and prayers

are with you and your family. Call me anytime - take care of yourself.

Heartfelt sympathy and cyberhugs from South Florida - Carol

A few more details -- she had high white blood cell count = infection.

Couldn't urinate, kidneys were shutting down. I had noticed a couple of

weeks ago that her finger nails were 1/2 white, 1/2 pink - I emailed

the nurse practioner b/c I read it could be a sign of kidney failure...

Also there was a lot of gurgling in her breathing - so she could have

swallowed into her lungs something during the seizure. And she threw up

blood at one point...

[Guest guest]

victoria, i am speechless, sending you love and hugs, your way,

i hope you dont mind but i want to share a little story with you and how this

group helped me as well as i too felt that same guilty feeling that you did,

on sept 23 2005, was donnies birthday and it was a friday and we bowl taht nite,

so donnie sissy and a friend who rides with us, amy, and i stopped at dads nh on

the way to bowling and i gave daddy a gift to give donnie and then we all sang

donnie happy birthday, then we hugged dad and we went bowling. the next day i

woke up with a kidney infection , the 24th, and normally i saw dad everyday,,

or one of us did, but donnie and sisy were doing the fleamarket, so i called teh

nh and told them to tell dad we would see him tomoorrw as i wasnt feeling well.

i talked to the supervisor shelly and she told dad. i rested all that day and

missed a phone call about daddy, and was called at 1030 and said daddys bp had

dropped but was stabilized and did i want him to go to teh hosp or stay there,

they assured me that he was stable and comfortable. soi said stay there. and we

would be in first thing in morning. to make a long gory story short, daddy

passed away at 142 sun morning and noone was there for him from the fanmliy. i

was heartbroken as daddy too had a good friday with us, singing happy birthday

..i cried to this group drowning in guilt when several people said taht many

times our loved ones will pass while we arent there becuase it is easier for

them for us not to be there, and to not be sad for not being there but to be

happy about the last memory being a happy one. i will admit sometimes the guilt

of not going to see dad satrurday or not getting up and checking in on him at

the nh when they called me at 1030 pm still upsets me. but then i try to

remember the happy birthday singing and go on.

you loved your mother deeply and you were there for her whenever she needed you

and even when she didnt 'need ' you there, you were still there, for some

reason He wanted your sister to have that day and for you to savor in all the

other memories. we may not understand why He does things like He does, but we

have to trust Him. All the naranja's you shared about you adn your mom brought

such joy to all of us. i will admit that severeal times when i was sad i would

go to the website and reread them and smile picgturing vividly your

descriptions and smiling with you both.

so share that beautiful dancer writing that you shared with us, at her funeral

for it shows teh wisdom and love your mom had for love, living, and life.

remember also victoria, taht you are loved in this group, and that any of us are

here for you anytime you need us, and please dont dwell on not seeing her on

your usual day, and dont worry about teh walk this saturday, take care of

yourself, and hugs, sharon m and donnie and sissy and critters too, hugs,

---- wrote:

I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.

--

Daugher of Leonard, diag May 2004, had lbd since 1993, had hip surgery from fall

7/05, aspiration pneumonia 7/05 with pulmonary embolyis, had aspiration

pneumonia and uti 8/05, died of blood pressure drop on 9/25/05,

may he rest in peace with his mom and dad,

a smile a day keeps the meanies away

[Guest guest]

,

Please accept my most heartfelt sympathies on the passing of your dear mother.

I know we all know its going to happen someday but its always so hard when if

finally does. I am new to the group but reading your posts I know you were a

good and loving daughter and your mothers life was so much better for it.

Hugs

Vallerie

[Guest guest]

Dear

My prayers are with you and your family. I too am a caregiver to my mom and

miss the normal conversations. Thank you for sharing so much of you and your

mom's special times, they have brought much joy to this group. Thank you also

for all you have done to help all of us suffering through this awful Lewy Body.

May God Bless and comfort you and your family. Hugs from Indiana.

etta

wrote:

I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.

---------------------------------

Get your email and more, right on the new Yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

Dear

I can't believe what I am reading...You have done so much for your mom, you

are such an inspiration. She would be very proud of you and all you have done

for her and all you have done for all of us that have gotten to know you through

your posts.

I haven't been posting for quite some time and am very behind in my reading

but must respond to this and give my heartfelt condolences to you and your

family. Your mother can now be at peace and I am sure that the reason she was

there for the last 8 months is the undying love that you showed her throughout

her LBD experience. Take care of yourself and know that all of us will be

thinking of you. And bless her dancing among those close to her who have

gone...she will no doubt make it easier for those who follow her...

Kath in Toronto

wrote:

I can't believe I'm writing this right now... My mom passed away at

8:30 PM tonight... I'm still in denial mode right now. This AM I

received a call from the NH that she had a seizure, that her eyes

rolled back, clammy hands - but according to the NH, she got back to

her baseline and was just going to the ER to be observed.

I get there and she's unresponsive, basically unconscious -- I was

NOT expecting that! By the time I got in to see her it was around

Noon. There was blood on her mouth... And then she kept having

seizures. She never woke up again. They ended up sending her to the

ICU and put her on morphine - and then they gave her Ativan b/c of

the seizures -- and at that point it didn't matter -- we just wanted

to stop her from her labored breathing. We declined putting a tube

down her throat to help her breath. We OK'd the low blood pressure

meds at first -- but they stopped it at 6 PM when they began the

morphine.

At the end, her heart rate was declining fast. She didn't do anything

out of the ordinary, just left...

I'm in denial. I can't believe it. She was great at yesterday's visit

from my sister. Of course I feel guilty for not visiting yesterday

(my usual day) b/c I had decided to visit her today. Because of the

walk on Sunday -- which I obviously won't be doing now. I was able to

tell her that I love her, that it was OK to go if she had to, that I

would be OK... That my dad was waiting for her, her brother, her

parents, etc.

Thank you Carol for being there for me today -- I called her and she

was able to assure me. My phone, of course, conked out in the

afternoon so I have no phone until I can recharge it...

I'm sad, but thankful too that my mom didn't experience all those end

stages. It would have been very difficult for me to deal with that.

If you recall, mom almost left us in February after the biopsy --

instead we were given the gift of EIGHT months to be with her. And

the bulk of that time we were given the gift of laughs and good

times. I'm happy that she is no longer suffering. She can DANCE now.

Maybe my dad is up there with her now, twirling her around in a

waltz...

Thanks for everything.