I have recently learnt . . .

[Guest guest]

- I have never " solved " any

" personal " * problems - I have only

understood how I created them!

- In mental/verbal fights, it is not

really the " attack " that hurt me what

really hurt me was the idea that 'I had

to defend'. The mechanism that used to

defend and attack was anger, hate and

low grade resentment. All of these

burnt more than few cells in my body

irrespective of what I did externally.

- It was true that in communication I

sometimes needed to use words that

convey anger, displeasure, complain but

I noticed that it was possible to use

those words without really being angry

inside!

- I never really understood why I did

something unless I had made conscious

well understood decision to do it

before hand. I.e. I didn't really

understand " who " decides to do

something and " why " when I didn't make

that decision myself in my full

consciousness. I saw that trying to

understand that was not much easier

than trying to understand the reason

behind a dream.

- Thoughts seemed to come on their own

yet follow some kind of stream... where

one though leads to next thought in the

series and by entertaining every though

I sowed the seed for the next in the

series.

- Thoughts still seemed to work mostly

in the unconscious part - just like the

dreams - in the conscious part only

options available to me were -

entertain them and do what they say,

watch them and let them go, focus on

what I want to do, watch them,

understand them and then decide what I

want to do based on the understanding

of purpose and priorities. When I was

unconscious, first one (entertain

thoughts and do what they say) was the

only option I had! More I chose one

choice - easier it became to choose the

same choice next time that the thought

came.

- Thoughts that didn't get physically

or mentally entertained slowly stopped

coming.

- Whatever I did... worked towards

building a 'habit' of it!

- When I was unconscious [which was still

most of the times]; habits** were

what drove me!

[i.e. unless I became " conscious " I was

just going to *repeat* what I have

done in the past!

Unless I baceme *conscious*, I was

pretty much like a 'predictable'

machine - given same set of input

and opertaing conditions - it will

do the same thing again!]

---

* " personal " - also known as 'mental',

'thought based'

**When I was unconscious ; habits** were

what drove me - i.e. unless I became " conscious "

I was just going to *repeat* what I had

done in the past!

Unless I baceme *conscious*, I was

pretty much like a 'predictable'

machine - given same set of input

and opertaing conditions - it will

do the same thing again!