open relationships

[Guest guest]

Very good advice! Both you and CJ advise full disclosure, and being realistic

and honest with yourself about what *you* can handle.

I am given to understand that 20 and 30 something people today are more given to

sexual experimentation. That's their business, as long as no one is getting

hurt. Taking precautions should be mandatory of course, both for health

concerns, and not bringing children into what might be a much less stable and

secure environment for the child.

Never did the open relationship thing myself, but I learned early on that some

people's motivation may not be based on sexual appetite, curiosity and

exploration, but rather, insecurity.

One person who I was completely devoted to when I was a young woman was insanely

jealous of me. Unfortunately, my confidence in myself at that time was

undermining to him, no matter how many assurances I gave him. First, I had to

stop associating with my male friends, and later even my female friends were

becoming suspect .. after all, I might go out to bars with them and pick up men

(um, no.) That notion was especially absurd when it came up with a rabid

feminist girlfriend of mine who would sooner have emasculated a man than look at

one.

Eventually my jealous boyfriend revealed to me that he still loved me and wanted

to stay in the relationship, but he wanted to have sex with other women as well.

I'm pretty sure this is what he thought he had to do to make himself feel better

about himself. I was livid! I was, like, " soooooo, that's it, you've been

accusing me of doing the very thing you *want* to do!!! " Honestly, that was the

closest I have ever felt to becoming violent. Fortunately, my AS side won back

control and I said, " lookit, be free. sometimes friends are better. " He still

hasn't found what he's looking for, but, we are still friends today.

- Helen

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> I definitely feel for you! Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship

with a man who was not interested in monogamy. I really cared about him and

wanted it to work for us, so I agreed to an open relationship. We planned on

being married and having an open marriage. I can't tell you how extremely glad I

am that I didn't go through with it and broke up with him, because I know I

couldn't have handled it. My advice is to REALLY be honest with yourself about

how you feel about sharing your husband with other women. I thought having an

open relationship was a small price to pay for having such a fun, interesting

partner. In my opinion, that's not a very healthy way to look at it. Like others

here have said, you have to be SURE that you're OK with it, regardless of how

great you think your fiance is. Does that make sense? Try to figure out how you

feel able flirting, dating other women, and open relationships in general before

you apply your decision to your specific situation. None of what I've said is

specifically related to AS. I'd give the same advice to anyone in the position

of considering their monogamy boundaries.

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> That's my two cents. I know not everyone will agree with me. Just thought I'd

share in case it would be helpful

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