relationships/ work 2

[Guest guest]

ok.

hello again,

here is the next topic regarding relationships.

there are two " kinds " of people which are not what i'm really

longing for.

one " kind " is met in everyday life, e.g. the collegue that wants to

tell me very, very often how bad the world is... i have found ways

to live with that.

then there are the others. with them it gets somehow unrelaxed.

these are the ones which have been former, closer relationships,

like my father, or my maid of honor, or a former friend ..., or

relatives, like my brother in law.

there always has been an unresolved dissonance, or even conflict and

i notice i don't feel fine when i meet them. (at parties, or at the

market, cinema, family meetings ... .

i want to inquire my stuck thoughts related to the described

scenarios.

there are bits and pieces running through my mind, like: who would

you be if you could not think, turn it around, ... it's all just

fragments, the unpleasant feeling is still alive.

ok. let's take again a simple example.

my maid of honor.

i met her, arranged, when i moved to this part of the country and

started to build up my life here. we became somewhat acquainted.

After getting to know her better i started to withdraw, not because

i do not like her, also not because we are very different, but

because she crems everyone (me) with her neverending disease

stories. if she's not busy with this, she goes into her teaching

mode. she teaches you to bits..

if she's not doing this, she boasts with her daughter.

i withdrew because being with her " drives me up the wall "

ok. i also give a hint, when i'm sick, to give the other an idea

that i am currently not fully fit.

i also share experiences or informations, when i imagine it could

perhaps be a little help for another human being. even unasked.

i also talk about my kids. mainly when i'm asked, or to share as a

topic for another conversation (like e.g. my mother). am i now

blindfold regarding myself and if not, why then do i dislike being

with people of category two? must i enjoy all? : /

i just do not keep the contact to her (or them) alive, BUT in the

case of my maid of honor our husbands met, and became close buddies.

so, we meet at social events.

ok. i know, i can be and talk and at these events with other

people instead of her.

ok. but sometimes the event is a small one and we all sit at one

table for a whole evening.

usually i am silent, or i talk with the remaining others, or i bring

in other topics (that brings up her teacher mode)

so after a while, i, up to now, always ended, with this " oh shit -

i'm fed up, i wished i could tell her just to shut up " feeling.

when there is a small party, where she will also be, i'm not looking

forward to go there. i feel contraction within my body.

if we have a party here. let's say a summerparty, if i would just be

regardless i would invite her husband, but NOT her.

i don't tell her to stop, for i don't want to " disturb " the men's

friendship. my dearest asked me to. i also dont give her looks, i

simply turn away from her. i am formal. or i bring along

something, e.g. to knit, but i don't feel really unstressed.

after a while, like a whole evening, i still, after all my

experiments, find it exhausting.

this is similar with my father, my brother is law, ... people, where

in the past i lost my " being relaxed " mode and felt exhausted after

being with them.

so how do i work with this?

any comments?

thanks in advance, love rose (*open to get picked into pieces*)