nicole...

[Guest guest]

hi there. Im new here, this is my first post, so hello all. im so happy to have

someone

besides my 'patient-but-exhausted' husband to talk too

just wanted to start off telling you a bit about me. I have something called

" Femoral

Anteversion " , where my knees almost face each other. I have had the condition

all my life,

many kids do, but they grow out of it. alas, i never did. and now ive just

turned 31 and the

pain is at a level i just cannot take anymore. Im 5 " 4 and about 120, so weight

isnt the

issue, and I dont eat a lot of crud/drink tons of water/take every supplement,

etc.

6 othopedic surgeons later, I have decided on 2 major femur surgeries that

will put me out of work for a long, long time, and Im a

freelancer anyway, so that's good, but im scared to death/feel bad husband has

to support

me, etc.

My other problem is called Endometriosis, most women know about this, but just

in case it is a condition where the lining-tissue of your uterus grows outside

the uterus,

on fallopian tubes, etc, and sheds the same way your uterus does when you have

your

monthly cycle. That is another huge problem that I go to a specialist for, as I

am starting

to want children, etc, and the pain is, well, real swell.

ANYHOO, What I am getting around to saying is that you sound so much like me,

it's

amazing. My pain has been around my whole life and i just ignored it, having a

young

body that could take it. but about age 23 I started to suffer so much that I

became

clinically depressed. Just like your symptoms, except that i was in college, so

I was really

wreckless and abusive to my body. The symptoms you have are the same as I had.

Especially the constant crying and lack of evening sleep. I was hauled up the

the 5th floor

mental ward for a month of group therapy, which was 'helpful' because I made

some other

wreckless friends who turned me on to all sorts of other bad habits.

The jouney down Anti-Depressant lane is a tough one, mainly cuz everyone is

different,

and the trial and error process can be maddening when all you want is something

to make

you feel like the gray veil has been lifted. I also used to think about, well,

you know...and

Im glad I didnt because life CAN be beautiful again. I am so glad you have a

daughter

whom you care about so much.

My jouney started with Wellbutrin (too anxiety producing) Effexor (nothing

happened for

me, but my best friend swears by it) Serzone (am I going INSANE??) Paxil

(lethargic and 20

lbs gained due to my pals, Ben and Jerry...bastards!) and then then i hopped on

the benzo

train, valium, my first love, and xanax, which are great but who am i kidding.

my doc put

the ax down on that one, woh-woh. on and on until FINALLY i decided to try

Prozac, which

I had been avoiding because my mom took it, and she kept saying how it changed

her life,

blah blah blah. But I was too stubborn and maybe you know the " im an independent

woman now, mom, OKAY?...ummm, can I borrow 20 bucks? " routine. well, I started

Prozac

and have been on it now for 4 months and at first it made me feel jittery,

out-of-sorts, but

it has lifted the hopelessness almost completely and made even the worst pain

just that

much more bearable. So, i hope the effexor works for you, but the only advice i

have is

give them their chance, and keep trying. something WILL help you. oh yeah, and

all that

excersise and volunteering too, which is EXACTLY what you want to do when you

are

laying in bed thinking " what is the f*ck is the point of my existence? " trust

me, i know.

how can I make it to Curves when i dont care about living too much, let alone

how my

body looks...it is such a struggle, huh?

I'm here all the time, if you ever need a kindred spirit to talk to. I mean,

it's like 4am and

Im sitting in the bath with my wretched knees and my cramps...but Im not

depressed,

dammit ! chronic pain and depression/anxiety go hand in hand, as we all know.

Now I have a question for you, as you sound like you are a pharmacist...dont you

get sick

of that comment, by the way? " wow, look at all those prescritions, it's like a

pharmacy in

here, heh heh heh " shhhaadduuupppp!!!!

I have just started the pain med train, as the advil i used to love so much

stopped working.

And so did the Naproxen, all of it. Narcotic time, yay! well, Ive been through

all those,

even Oxy, which I liked WAY too much..it scared me. My poison is now Tylenol 4,

which i

find is just enough relief to get me through the day. But my latest doc has

given me

Darvocet and Ultram, or Ultracet... which i have never tried. just wondering if

you have and

have tried them, had any relief with them?

well, time for 2 Lidocane patches and the Ipod ( i saved up for a year for this

gadget,

which I am in totally love with). by the way, music helps me a lot and I dont

know if it

helps you or how formal this group is..but I have a new love called Amos Lee (i

think) and

his song " keep it loose, keep it tight " makes me feel calm. like Norah

used to before

I 'burned a hole' in the CD from over useage

happy friday, remember, its all about teensy-tiny baby steps, no matter what

people say.

" why dont you just get up and take a shower? that always helps ME! "

Ummm, yeahhhh....

~Bree

[Guest guest]

Oh Bree,

Welcome and what a wonderful post!! You have such a delightful spirit that so

many can learn from. I think you are brave and wonderful!!! You made me smile

for the first time today.

Bless you!

Caitlin

PS Ultram made me feel FUNKY! I would be " up " for a day or two and then " crash "

and feel like sleeping for days. Quite the ride....if you like those kinds of

rides. Not for me, hope it works for you.

Bree wrote:

just wanted to start off telling you a bit about me. I have something called

" Femoral

Anteversion " , where my knees almost face each other. I have had the condition

all my life,