Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Hey, Just have to weigh in here... My father passed away March 27th... He was 58. *I* am only 33 and now a daughter without a father... He literally smothered to death b/c he could not quit the smoking habit he picked up at 14... He had COPD for 10 years and never told me. I only found out he was sick two weeks before he died and even then... the doctor said, He could have 2 years... It didn't sound like he was going to die in the next few weeks. So, his death was a shock to me. My husband has been a closet smoker since he was... 15. Not a pack a day or anything, but here and there. He hid it from me--we were married for a few years before I knew about it. I would smell it on him from time to time, but never suspected... I mean, why would I? He's now saying he will quit... I hope he does. I hope all of you out there find the strength to put them down and quit for good. I cannot tell you how painful it is not only to no longer have my father, but to know that he literally died gasping for breath. It breaks my heart to think about it. AND, to know that he could have saved himself... that there is no one to blame but him. > Wow... this is a huge topic and very close to my heart. I'm afraid this > is going to be a long one from me... Hope you don't mind my long- winded > e-mails. :-) > > I'm 46 years old (47 in October) and started smoking at age 13. I was > up to one and a half packs a day. My ex-husband (never smoked a day in > his life and a body builder) nagged me to quit so much it drove me > crazy. Each time he nagged, I would smoke more. He never got it > through his brainless skull, that nagging is not a supportive measure, > especially with a rebellious person (me). I've always been a rebel and > tended to do the opposite of what people nagged me to do. It made me > feel like I was in control and had the power. Nothing worse than to > feel that others had power over you or try to control you. > > When I met my second husband, also a non-smoker, it was much different. > He accepted me for who I was, smoker and all. He didn't like it, but he > wasn't about to try to change me or control me. He completely accepted > me as I am. Isn't that what we all want from people? One day I came > home from work and found him crying on the couch. If you've ever seen a > man cry, you'll know how serious it is. Men don't cry over little > things that we women do (like commercials with puppies, saying good-bye > to good friends, etc.). I saw down beside him and asked him what was wrong. > > His answer hit me harder than ever. He said: " I love you so much, and > I'm scared of losing you to lung cancer. I'm not asking you to quit, I > know that nagging isn't right, and I don't want you to change for me. > I'll be ok, I just need to deal with this fear of losing you or watching > you die a painful death. I'm not sure I can live without you and I > don't know what I'm going to do when I have to face that day. " > > This is me so hard, I decided to quit smoking. HAHAHA... Smoking is an > evil, and controlling drug. I'm not going to lie to you. I love to > smoke, nicotine and all the additives have a serious hold on my life and > decision making abilities. I quit numerous times since that scene of my > husband on the couch. Serious attempts... over and over again. I tried > the patch, I tried Xyban (wellbutrin but helps in quiting smoking), I > tried Xyban with the patch... failed over and over and over again. > > I decided to wait with my quitting attempts until the right moment for > me. I had to come to a point in my life that I was strong enough and > angry enough to not let cigarettes have control over me. Remember... > I'm the rebel... I don't like control over me.... but I allowed > cigarettes to control me and rule my life. I was being a hypocrite... > something I abhor in people, but allowed myself to be one. Sad, but > true... I was a hypocrite and there was no denying it. > > I asked my doctor to help me. She was an ex-smoker herself, and told me > that quitting cigarettes is harder than a cocaine or heroin addiction. > It's not just a physical addiction, but a mental one as well. She > couldn't help me (drug wise) any more than she already tried to do. I > have to decide that I would take control of my life and not be > controlled by the " Nico-demon " any longer. This takes a lot of strength > and I wasn't yet strong enough to do it. I still enjoyed smoking. > > This past January 28th, I decided to give myself and my husband , > the birthday present he deserved. I was going to quit on his birthday. > I am a very selfish and greedy person... I want to be alive and spend as > much time with him that I can. I love him that much and I can't stand > the thought of him suffering over something I was doing to myself. I > know how I would feel if he ever passed away, and especially if it was > because of my second hand smoke. I'd end up killing myself for sure. I > cannot be responsible for taking the life of someone that I love so > very, very much. > > So that was my quit day. I won't lie to you... I was the bitch from > hell, I used the patch and lots of popcorn, but it wasn't the physical > addiction that got to me.. it was the psychological addiction and the > " hand to mouth " routine that was a major part of my life. I haven't > been smoke free since my quit date... I have slipped off the wagon many > times and to this very day, I have the occasional cigarette. But with > each cheat... the guilt is so overwhelming and I end up punishing myself > severely. I can honestly admit, that I have kept an emergency package > hidden away and just this morning, I had another " cheat cigarette " . I > can't do this to myself and any longer. > > I have to completely let go of this, and I will. AS OF TODAY. I am not > going to replace that emergency package buried in my underwear drawer. > The last one is gone, and I'm not going to be a hypocrite any longer. I > can not do this to myself or to the people I love. I've survived so > many horrible and tragic things in my life and I know that I'm stronger > than this. I will never put down those that do smoke. I will never be > one of those obnoxious reformed smokers (my father-in-law). But I will > tell you honestly and factually, that it takes several quit attempts > before you become successful. I have not been successful, but geez, > gosh darn it (those are the words I'm saying out loud right now, but I > respect you all enough to not put you through all the swear words I'm > using right now), I'm going to be successful NOW!!!! > > Most of you remember my peanut butter incident where I bought a package > of cigarettes at the grocery checkout without even thinking. I did > destroy that package, but I forgot about the emergency package in my > underwear drawer. So.... this is the new me. I will not fail again, I > will not lie to myself or the people I love (hubby, and you all). I am > only human, not superwoman, and I will need all your help to get me > through my weak moments. I have grown to love you all so much as my own > family, and I am asking for your help to keep me on the straight and > narrow. For those of you that still smoke, be strong and do whatever > you feel is best for you. Yes smoking is bad, but if you're battling > depression, it's not the time to quit. If you really want to quit, you > will. You cannot be forced to do this... you have to decide that for > yourselves. > > I will always be here to support you if you choose to make the attempt > and need a ear or a shoulder to lean on. > > Ok.. now that I really have written a novel, I will stop and ask you to > forgive my long post, but I needed to get this out of my system, and I > thank you all for your patience and support. > > many, many grateful hugs, and kisses, > Norah > > Norah Bleazard - Burlington, Ontario Canada > www.bleazard.net ~ www.janorlites.com > > E-MAIL= > norah.fibroyahoo@b... > > CHAT= > MSN = black_dak_98@h... > Yahoo = drazaelbn > AIM = black98dak > ICQ = 105346330 > > Fibromites_Fighting_Weight: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Fibromites_Fighting_Weight > http://fibromites.ath.cx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Norah - know where you are and where you have been. It's been years for me but it is so easy some days, before I even know it, to pick one up from my friends table and light it before I even know I have done it. Don't beat on yourself. We (I) will help support and understand. This is not easy. Hugs and puppy kisses (yes, Duncan is helping with the typing again.) Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Actually, (even though I think everyone should stop smoking) I got Fibro (or rather it hit me like a bullet) right after I stopped smoking 4 years ago. Kris smoking My dh is a non-smoker, and at times a very irritating non-smoker. He wanted me to ask all of you how many of you smoke? He wants to know this because he wants to know if it is linked to fibro. Just another thing he wants to find out so he can get me to quit! What a weenie! haha. thanks for your help in this matter. Margaret, Mom to the monsters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Monster Mom, I don't smoke and I don't chew and I don't go with boys who do. Oh sorry..... doesn't smoke either. We have NO sins at all. LOL Love , Cam smoking My dh is a non-smoker, and at times a very irritating non-smoker. He wanted me to ask all of you how many of you smoke? He wants to know this because he wants to know if it is linked to fibro. Just another thing he wants to find out so he can get me to quit! What a weenie! haha. thanks for your help in this matter. Margaret, Mom to the monsters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2004 Report Share Posted July 17, 2004 I smoke. I didn't start until 3 years ago, when I was 49 years old, and I had the fibro long before I started smoking. cyn At 11:50 PM 7/13/2004 -0400, Margaret Drinkwater wrote: >My dh is a non-smoker, and at times a very irritating non-smoker. He >wanted me to ask all of you how many of you smoke? He wants to know this >because he wants to know if it is linked to fibro. Just another thing he >wants to find out so he can get me to quit! What a weenie! haha. thanks >for your help in this matter. >Margaret, >Mom to the monsters cyn clmerritt@... Time.....time ....time is what turns kittens into cats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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