Guest guest Posted March 11, 2006 Report Posted March 11, 2006 Dear , where is it, that the pain kicks in? I am asking, because it doesn't sound like it's a " they made the wrong choice " . Do you feel they made a mistake you wish to correct, or is it... what is that, wich makes you feel uneasy, ? Love, Am 11.03.2006 um 22:48 schrieb jmknapp74@...: > i got fired from my band today. they were very gracious and > polite about > it, and it still hurts. > > i shouldn't have gotten fired. > IIT? no. > > HOW DO I REACT? when they told me, i reacted w/ complete > equanimity and > understanding. i told them to relax, that it was totally fine w/ > me. inside i > felt embarrassed and humiliated because in general they told me > i'm not good > enough to be in the band. i hate that they will be taking my > guitar tracks > off of our recordings. i feel like a loser, a failure. it feels > like another > opportunity lost, and another proof that i don't have what it > takes to > 'succeed'. these feelings are familiar to me. i don't want to > tell R about this. > > WHO WOULD I BE W/OUT THIS BELIEF? indifferent. possibly happy > and looking > forward to what life brings my way next. laughing about it > because i am > completely aware that i wasn't up to par with the other guys in > the band. they > are pros and i'm an amateur. not pinning the meaning 'failure' on > to it. > not taking it too seriously. > > TA's. > > i should've gotten fired. apparently yes. > > i didn't get fired. ??? > > my thinking shouldn't fire me. yes. it's my thoughts that are > painful. > very harsh and critical and always watching my every move w/ a > microscope, > punishing me when i screw up. > > > > > danny makes me feel like a loser = i make me feel like a loser = > my thinking > makes me feel like a loser. > > hm. > > > Quote
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2006 Report Posted March 11, 2006 My husband is also a musician he plays piano and there are many times he says he wants to quit.. and hes been fired before. And yet he is still playing. One group fired him and then soon after they just all broke up. And mike was the one who had gotten them the job and gotten the group together in the first place..he introduced two of them. but oh well. Its crushing or is that a story One of the guys in the group a trumpet player graduated from juliard or something like that he was a great player and yet he isnt playing anywhere anymore to my knowledge. He only has a day job. I think if you enjoy playing thats all that matters. Playing guitar maybe you could get a single somewhere. is a really good guitar player and works alone. But maybe that is not something you would want.. REmember Jordan didnt make his jr high basketball team. i guess i wanted you to know you are not alone and mike is playing two jobs today. Then he may not play for along time. except at home of course.. He works with a sax player and a drummer now. or just the sax player. love,roslyn -- In Loving-what-is , jmknapp74@... wrote: > > i got fired from my band today. they were very gracious and polite about > it, and it still hurts. > > i shouldn't have gotten fired. > IIT? no. > > HOW DO I REACT? when they told me, i reacted w/ complete equanimity and > understanding. i told them to relax, that it was totally fine w/ me. inside i > felt embarrassed and humiliated because in general they told me i'm not good > enough to be in the band. i hate that they will be taking my guitar tracks > off of our recordings. i feel like a loser, a failure. it feels like another > opportunity lost, and another proof that i don't have what it takes to > 'succeed'. these feelings are familiar to me. i don't want to tell R about this. > > WHO WOULD I BE W/OUT THIS BELIEF? indifferent. possibly happy and looking > forward to what life brings my way next. laughing about it because i am > completely aware that i wasn't up to par with the other guys in the band. they > are pros and i'm an amateur. not pinning the meaning 'failure' on to it. > not taking it too seriously. > > TA's. > > i should've gotten fired. apparently yes. > > i didn't get fired. ??? > > my thinking shouldn't fire me. yes. it's my thoughts that are painful. > very harsh and critical and always watching my every move w/ a microscope, > punishing me when i screw up. > > > > > danny makes me feel like a loser = i make me feel like a loser = my thinking > makes me feel like a loser. > > hm. > > > Quote
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2006 Report Posted March 11, 2006 Angel, I love when says that we have been spared. Let´s say that they had kept you in the band in spite of what they thought about your skills. They would have felt unsatisfied with you every time you met. They might even had been angry at you and blamed you if things didn´t work out. Would you have wanted that? You were spared sweetheart. Maybe you are not so good at playing the guitarr, maybe you are great. Maybe you just didn´t fit their stories. I don´t know. However, if you REALLY want to play guitarr in a band, what is stoping you? Love you, > > i got fired from my band today. they were very gracious and polite about > it, and it still hurts. > > i shouldn't have gotten fired. > IIT? no. > > HOW DO I REACT? when they told me, i reacted w/ complete equanimity and > understanding. i told them to relax, that it was totally fine w/ me. inside i > felt embarrassed and humiliated because in general they told me i'm not good > enough to be in the band. i hate that they will be taking my guitar tracks > off of our recordings. i feel like a loser, a failure. it feels like another > opportunity lost, and another proof that i don't have what it takes to > 'succeed'. these feelings are familiar to me. i don't want to tell R about this. > > WHO WOULD I BE W/OUT THIS BELIEF? indifferent. possibly happy and looking > forward to what life brings my way next. laughing about it because i am > completely aware that i wasn't up to par with the other guys in the band. they > are pros and i'm an amateur. not pinning the meaning 'failure' on to it. > not taking it too seriously. > > TA's. > > i should've gotten fired. apparently yes. > > i didn't get fired. ??? > > my thinking shouldn't fire me. yes. it's my thoughts that are painful. > very harsh and critical and always watching my every move w/ a microscope, > punishing me when i screw up. > > > > > danny makes me feel like a loser = i make me feel like a loser = my thinking > makes me feel like a loser. > > hm. > > > Quote
Guest guest Posted March 12, 2006 Report Posted March 12, 2006 *****Another way to look at all the conclusions you've been drawing..... i got fired from my band today. they were very gracious and polite about it, and it still hurts. *****Sure, why shouldn't it. A disappoint happened and the resultant emotion is a feeling of letdown. Perfectly natural and normal. i shouldn't have gotten fired. IIT? no. *****Perhaps the truth, better phrased, is: " I would have preferred not to have gotten fired. " Preferences are totally normal and part of being human. It's when they become demands ( " It MUST be this way for me to be happy " ) that one meets suffering. HOW DO I REACT? when they told me, i reacted w/ complete equanimity and understanding. i told them to relax, that it was totally fine w/ me. inside i felt embarrassed and humiliated because in general they told me i'm not good enough to be in the band. *****Again, what you write sounds perfectly normal and expected (embarrassment and humiliation) at the moment of the event. Nothing, neither prayer, nor meditation, nor The Work, nor psychotherapy, nor being " enlightened " will prevent momentary arisings of upset, hurt, grief, anger, whatever. Nothing will construct a life free from the appearance of these feelings and anyone who is telling you otherwise is bullshitting you. Such " negative " feelings are part of being human (as are love, joy, happiness, comrarderie, laughter, compassion). i hate that they will be taking my guitar tracks off of our recordings. i feel like a loser, a failure. *****Here is where The Work, meditative inquiry, prayer, psychotherapy, and other mind-training tools may be effective. Feeling like a loser, a failure, is thought spinning out stories. There is the initial " whump! " of feeling hurt and rejected from the firing. Perfectly normal and not avoidable. But then thought, which identifies with the event, creates more and further scenarios out of which new conclusions are created and constructed: " I am a loser, " " I am a failure. " These are after-thoughts and it is in the identification with such thoughts that suffering arises. Yes, you *FEEL* like a loser, but that feeling, so unpleasant, is founded on a thought, or a belief, that has not been brought to light. That is what The Work or meditative inquiry or prayer or psychotherapy or minfulness training can help you do: allow you to SEE how underlying beliefs (thoughts) are contributing to the construction of a reality (I am a failure) which is not...real! What are you: a dude who got fired from a band. Period. it feels like another opportunity lost, *****Sure, and it may be. It may also be a future opportunity gained. You just can't know at this time. Wait and see. And in the meantime, see if you can be kind and gentle to yourself, stop beating yourself up over something you couldn't control. and another proof that i don't have what it takes to 'succeed'. these feelings are familiar to me. *****You can always find proof for whatever scenario you want. Of course, if you define " success " as " this band will never fire me, " then you're in for trouble! my thinking shouldn't fire me. yes. it's my thoughts that are painful. very harsh and critical and always watching my every move w/ a microscope, punishing me when i screw up. *****Right! It is thought that is creating the suffering. And who says you screwed up? Thought. " I screwed up " is just another thought. See if you can trace back the thoughts/beliefs on which this thought finds its roots. Cut the roots at the source and voila! much less upset (perhaps none at all). Just keep in mind that none of this is your doing. Quote
Guest guest Posted March 12, 2006 Report Posted March 12, 2006 > > *****Another way to look at all the conclusions you've been > drawing..... > > > i got fired from my band today. they were very gracious and polite > about it, and it still hurts. > > > *****Sure, why shouldn't it. A disappoint happened and the resultant > emotion is a feeling of letdown. Perfectly natural and normal. > > > i shouldn't have gotten fired. > IIT? no. > > > *****Perhaps the truth, better phrased, is: " I would have preferred > not to have gotten fired. " Preferences are totally normal and part > of being human. It's when they become demands ( " It MUST be this way > for me to be happy " ) that one meets suffering. > > > > HOW DO I REACT? when they told me, i reacted w/ complete equanimity > and understanding. i told them to relax, that it was totally fine > w/ me. inside i felt embarrassed and humiliated because in general > they told me i'm not good enough to be in the band. > > *****Again, what you write sounds perfectly normal and expected > (embarrassment and humiliation) at the moment of the event. Nothing, > neither prayer, nor meditation, nor The Work, nor psychotherapy, nor > being " enlightened " will prevent momentary arisings of upset, hurt, > grief, anger, whatever. Nothing will construct a life free from the > appearance of these feelings and anyone who is telling you otherwise > is bullshitting you. Such " negative " feelings are part of being > human (as are love, joy, happiness, comrarderie, laughter, > compassion). > > > > i hate that they will be taking my guitar tracks off of our > recordings. i feel like a loser, a failure. > > > *****Here is where The Work, meditative inquiry, prayer, > psychotherapy, and other mind-training tools may be effective. > Feeling like a loser, a failure, is thought spinning out stories. > There is the initial " whump! " of feeling hurt and rejected from the > firing. Perfectly normal and not avoidable. But then thought, which > identifies with the event, creates more and further scenarios out of > which new conclusions are created and constructed: " I am a loser, " " I > am a failure. " These are after-thoughts and it is in the > identification with such thoughts that suffering arises. Yes, you > *FEEL* like a loser, but that feeling, so unpleasant, is founded on a > thought, or a belief, that has not been brought to light. That is > what The Work or meditative inquiry or prayer or psychotherapy or > minfulness training can help you do: allow you to SEE how underlying > beliefs (thoughts) are contributing to the construction of a reality > (I am a failure) which is not...real! What are you: a dude who got > fired from a band. Period. > > > it feels like another opportunity lost, > > > *****Sure, and it may be. It may also be a future opportunity > gained. You just can't know at this time. Wait and see. And in the > meantime, see if you can be kind and gentle to yourself, stop beating > yourself up over something you couldn't control. > > > and another proof that i don't have what it takes to 'succeed'. > these feelings are familiar to me. > > > *****You can always find proof for whatever scenario you want. Of > course, if you define " success " as " this band will never fire me, " > then you're in for trouble! > > > > my thinking shouldn't fire me. yes. it's my thoughts that are > painful. very harsh and critical and always watching my every move > w/ a microscope, punishing me when i screw up. > > > *****Right! It is thought that is creating the suffering. And who > says you screwed up? Thought. " I screwed up " is just another > thought. See if you can trace back the thoughts/beliefs on which > this thought finds its roots. Cut the roots at the source and voila! > much less upset (perhaps none at all). Just keep in mind that none > of this is your doing. > Quote
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