Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Posted July 6, 2006 You love my humor, thank you Me having that kind of sexual humor, Ric Do you think it makes me less of a women Love, T -- Re: Coming back . . . > > > > > > And all the things you saw in other people's eyes... can you find > > > them in yourself? > > > > > > Love, > > > > > > > > > Am 30.06.2006 um 00:02 schrieb Adithya K: > > > > > > > I came back to USA after spending 3 weeks in India. > > > > > > > > In India, I experienced heat and humidity. I traveled on some > > > > roads that were very jerky. I walked in the lanes that were dirty, > > > > muddy and dark. I experienced power cuts and mosquito bites. I > > > > even had some verbal arguments. I witnessed some self-obsession, > > > > vain and jealousy. > > > > > > > > Yet, in general, I was quite peaceful. Plus, I had a feeling of > > > > liveliness and intensity combined with openness, eagerness and self- > > > > belief. > > > > > > > > > > > > I came to USA with high energy and enthusiasm... > > > > > > > > yet, due to reasons yet unknown to me, I started experiencing > > > > fear, doubts and low-grade unease very soon. With most people that > > > > I met, I felt as if they were afraid, as if they were uneasy > > > > within, as if they were trying to hide something. As if I had > > > > entered a place that was highly secretive, a place where people > > > > were afraid as if they thought others were plotting something > > > > against them. > > > > > > > > I felt as if most people are plagued with the 'inner guilt'*. The > > > > guilt that arises when you live with the constant feeling of 'not > > > > doing what you know you should do' and 'doing what you know you > > > > shouldn't do'. As if they were living with a feeling of having > > > > lost their integrity. > > > > > > > > > > > > And, even in myself, I noticed a subtle fear as if I had to be > > > > always watchful, vigilant. As if I needed to constantly protect > > > > something, as if something within was always at risk... > > > > > > > > In some eyes, I saw fear that I had missed seeing for some time. > > > > As if they thought, I was a threat or if 'talking to me' or just > > > > 'talking' itself was a risk. > > > > > > > > I saw hostility in some eyes that I had missed seeing for a while > > > > as if I was some 'unwanted' human embodying unknown dangers for > > > > them... > > > > > > > > > > > > [interestingly, I felt this way even around people of Indian > > > > origin too provided they have been in USA for any considerable [4+ > > > > years] length]. > > > > > > > > I don't know why... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ---- > > > > > > > > *I guess, It is kind of 'guilt' that I might feel if I was aware > > > > of my younger brother dying of hunger while I was feasting on 21 > > > > course dinner with my fat wife in an expensive restaurant with the > > > > money that my father gave me long time back to buy my supplies for > > > > my brother medicines... > > > > > > > > It is kind of 'fear' that I might have in this situation fearing > > > > my father might see it, fearing that my younger brother might see > > > > it... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote
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