Opening my eyes

[Guest guest]

I told myself that I was coping with nada when we talked on the

phone and when I visited. I was in denial. A few days after

contact, I would have a meltdown and start beating myself up and

being very depressed. At one point when I went to visit nada (she

lives 800 miles away) I met people who did not know she had a

daughter. I am in my 60s and nada is nearly 90. I went for a long

walk; and I buried those feelings.

In the last year I have realized that I was playing nice to nada in

the hopes that she would " wake up, acknowledge something was wrong,

etc. " It ain't gonna happen.

I feel that I am back to square one. I recognize that nada has

major problems and that I have absorbed her negative energy when I

have ANY contact with her. So now I am in limited contact with

her.

Her favorite/preferred method of dealing with me is The Great

Silence. So if I do not contact her, she does not call or

anything. The burden of the relationship is on me.

I am just so fed up with the histronics, nada denial blah blah blah.

At this point, I am in limited contact with nada; nada has started

courting my oldest daughter and they are planning to take a trip

together. I am concerned about the snow job nada will try to do on

her. My daughter has asked questions about events where nada has re

written family history. I remind daughter of the events and talk

thru the situation very calmly. Once I asked daughter if she

thought people could tell that something was " off " about nada and

daughter said " oh yeah " .

Where I am now is recognizing that I have really not progressed very

much because I was motivated to " see nada change. " She will never

change, I have to accept her and make my own rules. I am still so

angry that I do not have a loving mother, only a sick biological

replica.

Thanks for listening. mg