Emotional Control

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Greg, KW and Walkingto were talking about how difficult it is

to control your emotions as the adult child of a BPD mother (or

father too). I was thinking about how so much of what was said

applies to me as well. I started thinking that it makes alot of

sense that we have trouble as adults being able to regulate our

emotions. Most children of BPDs aren't even permitted to have

emotions, certainly no strong emotions. The only one permitted

strong emotions are the PBDs themselves. It seems that it is in

childhood that we would have learned to regulate our emotions if we

had been children of healthy, stable parents. Instead, I think most

of us were forced to shove all strong or negative emotions down.

Negative emotions are part of being human, but we were not allowed

to express them. The thing is that whether you express them or

bottle them, they are still there and will come out in some way or

another eventually. I feel like when something makes me sad, I can

almost feel devastated. It's like I'm not only sad about what has

just happened, but it's interconnected to all of the pain of the

past. It's like tapping into that gulf of emotions that was never

allowed to be expressed. I keep telling myself that it's ok to feel

angry and it's normal if someone has done something wrong to you.

It is really hard to give yourself " permission " to feel anger and

accept that as a good thing when you were brainwashed to believe

differently. I just wanted to tell you all that I am very glad to

have found this site and thank you all for your insightful posts.

Cloverbee