Re: Andy

[Guest guest]

>

> Andy

>

> Are you the same Andy who was writing here long time ago

> in tom_barron time?

>

> Tami

*****Yep. In one sense the same. In others, not (regardless of the

fact that my writing is rather transparent). A second bout of cancer

and subsequent treatment has........humbled.....me. I don't know if

that comes through in the words I use now. That's for others to

judge. :-)

I wonder how Tom is? I lost track of him about two years ago. Is he

still here?

It's good to hear from you Tami.

[Guest guest]

>

> Andy

>

> I don't know if you remember me

> but I sure do remember you.

*****Yes, I remember you.

> You use to be so critical if I recall right.

*****Yes. There was a lot of anger. Not a healthy thing I think.

> You where ill?

*****Yes. Two bouts of cancer. I came on the list between the two

of them.

> I wish you all the best and I am happy to have you here

> I feel the change in you, and it is for the better

*****Whether it is for the better or not, I don't know. It IS easier

(more serene, peaceful, saner), living like this.

> I think, if I may say

> the disease helped you to let go of the illusion that you have

> control around here

> I could be wrong, I am usually not

*****Yes, it surely participated, as did working with a guru,

meditating, doing The Work. It all worked synergistically.

Ultimately, what is clear is that there is no " me " here to hold on to

or let go of the illusion of control. But, like all of us, I am

presently constrained to act AS IF there is a " me " here, and, in that

role, functioning more in quietude than anger is a blessed outcome.

> I love you, and I wish you all the best

> thank you for being here!

Hugs, Tami

[Guest guest]

Andy

let me fill you up with the people around here:

tom_baron is not here, unfortunately

but lovethework, remember him? he is here and he is the same good old

lovehtework:

preaching and quoting.

There is Steve Daily, , , , nne, lyn

and comes every once in a while when I send him memo's

But most important you have ME here

I am the sweetest girl on earth !

Love you, T

-- Re: Andy

>

> Andy

>

> I don't know if you remember me

> but I sure do remember you.

*****Yes, I remember you.

> You use to be so critical if I recall right.

*****Yes. There was a lot of anger. Not a healthy thing I think.

> You where ill?

*****Yes. Two bouts of cancer. I came on the list between the two

of them.

> I wish you all the best and I am happy to have you here

> I feel the change in you, and it is for the better

*****Whether it is for the better or not, I don't know. It IS easier

(more serene, peaceful, saner), living like this.

> I think, if I may say

> the disease helped you to let go of the illusion that you have

> control around here

> I could be wrong, I am usually not

*****Yes, it surely participated, as did working with a guru,

meditating, doing The Work. It all worked synergistically.

Ultimately, what is clear is that there is no " me " here to hold on to

or let go of the illusion of control. But, like all of us, I am

presently constrained to act AS IF there is a " me " here, and, in that

role, functioning more in quietude than anger is a blessed outcome.

> I love you, and I wish you all the best

> thank you for being here!

Hugs, Tami

[Guest guest]

" I smell a little fear in your words the fear to go threw the same

experience you went threw 40 years ago

I am surprised you live peaceful with it. "

*****I don't experience it as fear. It was a.....lesson. And it was,

apparently, well-learned. Oh, I TELL secrets (understanding they may

not be kept). But when someone trusts me with private, priviledged

information, I keep it. The keeping doesn't really come from fear but

rather from respect and appreciation of what the other is asking me to

hold for him/her. I am being entrusted with something and I handled

that with as much gravity as I can. No, not fear. Respect and

gratitude and humility provide the impetus to keep my mouth shut.

Time to go to work! Cheerio!

[Guest guest]

> >

> > Andy

> >

> > Are you the same Andy who was writing here long time ago

> > in tom_barron time?

> >

> > Tami

>

>

> *****Yep. In one sense the same. In others, not (regardless of

the

> fact that my writing is rather transparent). A second bout of

cancer

> and subsequent treatment has........humbled.....me. I don't know

if

> that comes through in the words I use now. That's for others to

> judge. :-)

>

> I wonder how Tom is? I lost track of him about two years ago. Is

he

> still here?

>

> It's good to hear from you Tami.

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi Andy!

>

> I had the same thought as tami, and just wanted to say how glad I am

> to see you here again! I have been thinking about you every now and

> then. I liked to have you in the group. I remember that you comfort

> me many times when I had trouble with understanding things, or had

> questions. You felt safe:)!

Dear ~

*****You felt safe?....Really? That tends not to be the response to

my posts. Quite a few people feel off-put and/or threatened. I'm

glad you were not one of those and, to all those who did experience my

babblings in such a manner, .... apologies!

> I´m so sorry to hear about you cancer. How are you doing?

I remember YOU too. Thanks for the kind words. In short, there's no

need for you to feel sorry about the cancer: it was a blessing. The

first time through I did out-patient CHOP treatment and I flew through

it. Quite easy until the end of the three month period. Then I was

very tired. But I had no nausea, sickness, etc. I even managed to

pack on an (unnecessary) 18 lbs! :-))) (Translation: I ate like a

pig! Hahaha!!!)

The second treatment was much, much more difficult. It included

radiation (two weeks straight of twice daily) followed by a hospital

stay of three weeks involving high-dose chemotherapy and a stem-cell

transplant. With Grace I managed well; performed according to the

textbook and now, two years out, I'm (so-far) cancer free.

The cancer was one of the 38 variants of non-hodkgin's lymphoma, an

extremely rare type called " plasmablastic lymphoma. " This one

primarily occurs in gay males. Which I'm not. So I was a minority

within a minority. And, when I was originally diagnosed, December

2002, there were only five oncologists in the entire US who were

familiar with it and knew how to treat it. Fortunately one was in a

city very near me. So, in all cases, I lucked out (including getting

the damned thing!)

So that's my story and I'm stickin' with it. For now. :-)

Hugs!

[Guest guest]

> >

> > Hi Andy!

> >

> > I had the same thought as tami, and just wanted to say how glad

I am

> > to see you here again! I have been thinking about you every now

and

> > then. I liked to have you in the group. I remember that you

comfort

> > me many times when I had trouble with understanding things, or

had

> > questions. You felt safe:)!

>

>

> Dear ~

>

>

> *****You felt safe?....Really? That tends not to be the response

to

> my posts. Quite a few people feel off-put and/or threatened. I'm

> glad you were not one of those and, to all those who did

experience my

> babblings in such a manner, .... apologies!

>

>

> > I´m so sorry to hear about you cancer. How are you doing?

>

>

> I remember YOU too. Thanks for the kind words. In short, there's

no

> need for you to feel sorry about the cancer: it was a blessing.

The

> first time through I did out-patient CHOP treatment and I flew

through

> it. Quite easy until the end of the three month period. Then I

was

> very tired. But I had no nausea, sickness, etc. I even managed

to

> pack on an (unnecessary) 18 lbs! :-))) (Translation: I ate like a

> pig! Hahaha!!!)

>

> The second treatment was much, much more difficult. It included

> radiation (two weeks straight of twice daily) followed by a

hospital

> stay of three weeks involving high-dose chemotherapy and a stem-

cell

> transplant. With Grace I managed well; performed according to the

> textbook and now, two years out, I'm (so-far) cancer free.

>

> The cancer was one of the 38 variants of non-hodkgin's lymphoma,

an

> extremely rare type called " plasmablastic lymphoma. " This one

> primarily occurs in gay males. Which I'm not. So I was a

minority

> within a minority. And, when I was originally diagnosed, December

> 2002, there were only five oncologists in the entire US who were

> familiar with it and knew how to treat it. Fortunately one was in

a

> city very near me. So, in all cases, I lucked out (including

getting

> the damned thing!)

>

> So that's my story and I'm stickin' with it. For now. :-)

>

> Hugs!

>

[Guest guest]

Try to stay on ONE world.

Am 29.03.2006 um 20:20 schrieb Andy:

>

>

>> I am not an English speaker so it is hard for me to read long posts

>> like yours.

>> So I dont read your posts :-(

>>

>>

>> ****No one does.

>

> I don't understand the answer. Please elaborate if you can.

>

>

> *****Ultimately, there is no one here, no individual " you " or " me, "

> so who is there to post? Who is there to read a post? This is the

> ultimate Understanding. And, at the same time, there is the relative

> world (I think this is similar to what Steve and lovetheworkofbk and

> ACIM refer to as the " dream " ). Things appear to happen. Objects

> (and people) appear to be different, separate, apart from one another.

> So, if one is thinking in terms of the relative plane, my answer

> above would make no sense.

>

>

>> My question to you would be:

>> Was I spared???

>

>

>> *****I don't understand the question. Please elaborate if you can.

>

> Like, did I miss anything?

>

>

> *****How can I know what you missed? I'm not privy to what you know

> and don't know.

___________________________________________________________

Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de

[Guest guest]

OK let me rephrase that my energy was not completly in the now

moment..

*****Sweetheart: there is ONLY a " now moment. " NOW is the only time

anything happens. Everything else is a thought construction.

Colin writes about having energy in the past and in teh

future..

*****There is NO past or future. Except in thought. Past and future

are just....not....real.

if you are keeping emotions in check from the past and not

expressing them and letting them go.. you are taking energy from teh

now.. or if you are worried about something in the future.. that is

also taking away energy. from the now moment..

*****Certainly this can happen. But you are not doing it.

does it feel good to be critical no..

I would of created it differently thats true.. but our world reflects

our inner beliefs -isnt that also true? or what we need to experience

to learn .

*****The world doesn't " reflect " beliefs: the world, as experienced

(and that is all the world is), IS a compendium of the beliefs

instilled. If it is believed, it is experienced (as the world). We

see people and things not as they are, but as we are, because there

are no people and things, there are only our thoughts which say " here

are people and things. "

And I think it is harder for a person to forgive themselves than to

forgive others..

*****It is neither hard, nor easy. Forgiveness either happens or it

doesn't. It's not something that can be forced. It happens when it

is seen that there is no one to forgive, and no one to do the

forgiving.

[Guest guest]

Andy, I really like all your highly interesting comments and

compilations on your favourite topics like " we are not the doer " ,

" there is no past and no future " , etc. - or, let´s say, I used to

like them - and, anyhow, I still haven´t got the slightest motive to

doubt what you say -

however it´s getting too much theoretical for me.

I miss the appropriate examples taken from our everyday life.

*****There is really no control here over what is posted or not

posted. I'm sorry.

There is one example from my experience:

When I was in Berlin I met there and then I missed my

daughter who I had promised to pick her up in time and drive her

to the station.

I was down, because I had really wished to meet her and do as I

had promised.

At the same time I *remebered " that things like that had been

happening to me years before, again and again.

I said to " Why does this happen to me again and again? "

and he said " Because you remember! "

*****I would say " Because remembering happens. " The " you " is

superfluous, and suggests (to me, by its very presence) that there

was some choice you made, that you could have done things

differently. And thus there is guilt, or shame, or feelings of

letdown.

Well, and you say There is no such thing as a past and a future.

The only moment that exists is the present moment.

O.k. let´s say that´s right - and it is, I do have no objection to

this, of course!

But let me see: I remember events in the past and these are

mere thought constructions (as you say).

But why do those *remembered* events play still a part in my life

today? They obviously DO have something to do with my present

life.

The events of past times (which actually do not exist) have got

some power over me, I feel that and that is quite REAL for me.

*****In this phenomenal uprising, it takes on the energy of an innate

conditioning-in-the-moment. It's not that you " have " conditioning.

It is that the conditioning IS what you are. So...past events,

experiences, thoughts, feelings...all stored as biochemical energy

and recalled (along with distortions), are...you. Of course it would

feel REAL for you.

I feel that I´m still suffering from these experiences long time

ago, and I don´t have the feeling they didn´t exist!

*****Perhaps they did exist. Only that is happening now is a memory

is appearing. The actual experiences are not happening now. What is

appearing now is a trace memory, a thought, biochemical energy in the

brain. At some time, it may become rewired in such a way that the

suffering no longer persists.

I missed my daughter at some occasions when she was still

small, I also didn´t keep some promises I´d made to her.

This happened in the past which has never existed

*****What is called " the past " existed. When it existed, it

was " Now. " I'm glad to see your bringing up the whole notion of Time

because Time is one of the ways that it creates a sense of self, a

feeling, perhaps preconscious, that there is a persisting,

enduring " me " that " moves " through Time. In the absence of time,

with only discrete moments of " NOW, " there is no " me " present, except

as a momentary arising, like the blink of an eye. This may be too

theoretical at this moment, but Time really is the linchpin on which

the whole illusion appears.

and doesn´t exist at all but it is actually affecting what happens

to me now.

If it had not existed how can I remember?

*****It did exist. Just not now. What is moving, NOW, is the

biochemical, electric energy in the brain, reviving long-dead

thoughts and memories.

I think this is also related to what Roslyn was talking about

latetly. Isn´t it, Roslyn?

We have to meet the same or similar challenges again and agin

until we finally do no longer believe maybe some underlying

thought - as in my case would probably be " I am not a good

mother " or " I really should be more proper in organizing my

schedule " and so on.

*****All of these....thoughts....suggest that you could have done

other that you did? They imply to me that you believe that you didn't

do the absolute, total BEST that you could at that moment in time.

Could you have done otherwise? Let's look at this together.

So, please let´s talk about those significant topics (also) in a way

that I can apply to my REAL experiences which actually exist in

the present.

The mere statement " there is no and has never been anything

like past and future " etc. really doesn´t help me at all.

*****OK. Pick out one specific example that troubles you. Together,

let's explore whether you could have done anything differently.

[Guest guest]

Well, to know what Colin says we would have to ask him.

Question is: what do YOU say?

And what do you get for forgiving someone?

Love,

Am 23.05.2006 um 14:59 schrieb mrcitrus6:

> OK let me rephrase that my energy was not completly in the now

> moment.. Colin writes about having energy in the past and in teh

> future..

> if you are keeping emotions in check from the past and not

> expressing them and letting them go.. you are taking energy from teh

> now.. or if you are worried about something in the future.. that is

> also taking away energy. from the now moment..

>

> does it feel good to be critical no..

> I would of created it differently thats true.. but our world reflects

> our inner beliefs -isnt that also true? or what we need to experience

> to learn .

>

> And I think it is harder for a person to forgive themselves than to

> forgive others.. Colin says it is the guilt and i agree

> only an opinion.

> love, r

>

>

>

>

>

> -- In Loving-what-is , " Andy "

> wrote:

>>

>>

>>

>> At the time it happened i was in a hurry because i was suppose to

>> help

>> a lot of people get up. and it was late and i was very tired. And i

>> was as usual not fully in present time.

>>

>>

>> ----->What time were you in???? Sit down, Rosyln, quietly, and

>> consider: is there any " time " other than Now: this very moment, a

>> duration which, although real, is so brief as to be utterly

>> impossible to measure or " catch " with the mind. It is here. And

>> here. And here. And here. Each is Now: the only time. Where else

>> could you be? Perhaps you meant that you weren't paying attention to

>> what was going on around you (being tired can certainly contribute to

>> that)? But not fully " in " present time? Where else could you be?

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>> did i do my best? Well being in present time i doubt it would of

>> happened but for where i was i guess i did--

>>

>>

>> *****We can ONLY do our best. There are NO OTHER OPTIONS. (And you

>> WERE in " present time. " For that too, there are NO OTHER OPTIONS.

>> Present time is what you ARE: we ARE time.)

>>

>> I can turn it around but i wish i had been competent at the time

>> instead of sweet.. well i am always critical. I can see why i hate it

>> if lovethe work criticizes anyone. Id rather do that myself.

>>

>>

>> *****Does it feel good, produce pleasure, when you do that to

>> yourself?

>>

>>

>> When he was hurt.. i was sad and depressed and mad at myself. But

>> also

>> realized i needed to quit . It gave me a good reason.

>> SO i created that ..

>>

>>

>>

>> *****No, you didn't. You experienced it. You are not the creator of

>> any of it. Consider this: if you were, if you really and truly had

>> the power to direct your life, guide its outcomes and results,

>> wouldn't you create it differently? ;-)

>>

>>

>> On the self forgiveness cd colin tipping says we reframe it to see it

>> is all happening perfectly.

>>

>>

>> *****Some do, some don't. It is not universal.

>>

>>

>> Im not there yet.

>>

>> *****You can only be where you are. Only that can be worked with.

>> Not the dream of the ego (were you think you will or should be).

>>

>>

>> It is much easier to forgive other people.. shame and guilt are heavy

>> emotions

>>

>>

>> *****For some. In this regard there are not set rules about what is

>> so for others.

>>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thing about the past is, that it does not exist. It may have existed.

You want to take the theoretical aspect out? Stop being theoretical.

This is about exploring...

How would my life be, if I didn't know, what I DO know?

This one is my story, who I am, what I'm good at, what I like, what I

did, whom I met...

And how does it affect me?

And who would I be if I didn't know all these things?

I mean, have you ever heard of people being " brainwashed " in any way?

That is like " forcing " you to believe things, you didn't believe before.

So much said, memory is not " yours " . You can't control it at free

will (ok, some believe they can, so let's agree on " most of the time " ).

On the new year's cleanse CDs from 2005 says something like:

" for all you know, until last minute you could have been a 68-year

old women ... from Mars! "

And I hear you are getting curious about why these things " happen " to

you. So let's see... Let's take ONE occasion, the last one, for

instance:

you tell your daughter you will bring her to the airport. What is on

your mind? Next, what do you do, to make sure you can take her to the

airport? Do you think you'll remember? What are your tactics?

Just explore. The work is an excellent tool to do that. But it's YOU

who has to do it.

About the influence of " your " past on " your " present:

I hear you feel a certain way in the present, when you recall things

that happened in the past. And does the past have any *power* over

your present? How about when you don't think of the past? Does it

influence you, in any way?

Just play with it. Have fun.

Love,

Am 23.05.2006 um 16:58 schrieb Rosemarie Sadjed:

> Andy, I really like all your highly interesting comments and

> compilations on your favourite topics like " we are not the doer " ,

> " there is no past and no future " , etc. - or, let´s say, I used to

> like them - and, anyhow, I still haven´t got the slightest motive to

> doubt what you say -

> however it´s getting too much theoretical for me.

> I miss the appropriate examples taken from our everyday life.

>

> There is one example from my experience:

>

> When I was in Berlin I met there and then I missed my

> daughter who I had promised to pick her up in time and drive her

> to the station.

> I was down, because I had really wished to meet her and do as I

> had promised.

> At the same time I *remebered " that things like that had been

> happening to me years before, again and again.

> I said to " Why does this happen to me again and again? "

> and he said " Because you remember! "

>

> Well, and you say There is no such thing as a past and a future.

> The only moment that exists is the present moment.

> O.k. let´s say that´s right - and it is, I do have no objection to

> this, of course!

> But let me see: I remember events in the past and these are

> mere thought constructions (as you say).

>

> But why do those *remembered* events play still a part in my life

> today? They obviously DO have something to do with my present

> life.

> The events of past times (which actually do not exist) have got

> some power over me, I feel that and that is quite REAL for me.

>

> I feel that I´m still suffering from these experiences long time

> ago, and I don´t have the feeling they didn´t exist!

>

> I missed my daughter at some occasions when she was still

> small, I also didn´t keep some promises I´d made to her.

>

> This happened in the past which has never existed and doesn´t

> exist at all but it is actually affecting what happens to me now.

>

> If it had not existed how can I remember?

>

> I think this is also related to what Roslyn was talking about

> latetly. Isn´t it, Roslyn?

>

> We have to meet the same or similar challenges again and agin

> until we finally do no longer believe maybe some underlying

> thought - as in my case would probably be " I am not a good

> mother " or " I really should be more proper in organizing my

> schedule " and so on.

>

> So, please let´s talk about those significant topics (also) in a way

> that I can apply to my REAL experiences which actually exist in

> the presen!.

> The mere statement " there is no and has never been anything

> like past and future " etc. really doesn´t help me at all.

>

> Thanks.

>

> Love, Rosemarie

>

>

>

>

>

>>

>> OK let me rephrase that my energy was not completly in the

> now

>> moment..

>>

>>

>> *****Sweetheart: there is ONLY a " now moment. " NOW is the

> only time

>> anything happens. Everything else is a thought construction.

>>

>>

>> Colin writes about having energy in the past and in teh

>> future..

>>

>>

>> *****There is NO past or future. Except in thought. Past and

> future

>> are just....not....real.

>>

>>

>> if you are keeping emotions in check from the past and not

>> expressing them and letting them go.. you are taking energy

> from teh

>> now.. or if you are worried about something in the future.. that

> is

>> also taking away energy. from the now moment..

>>

>>

>> *****Certainly this can happen. But you are not doing it.

>>

>>

>> does it feel good to be critical no..

>> I would of created it differently thats true.. but our world reflects

>> our inner beliefs -isnt that also true? or what we need to

> experience

>> to learn .

>>

>>

>> *****The world doesn't " reflect " beliefs: the world, as

> experienced

>> (and that is all the world is), IS a compendium of the beliefs

>> instilled. If it is believed, it is experienced (as the world). We

>> see people and things not as they are, but as we are, because

> there

>> are no people and things, there are only our thoughts which

> say " here

>> are people and things. "

>>

>>

>> And I think it is harder for a person to forgive themselves than

> to

>> forgive others..

>>

>>

>> *****It is neither hard, nor easy. Forgiveness either happens or

> it

>> doesn't. It's not something that can be forced. It happens

> when it

>> is seen that there is no one to forgive, and no one to do the

>> forgiving.

___________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

And what do you get for forgiving someone?

peace of mind.. i would say.

I dont find it hard to forgive others i do find it hard to forgive

myself.

Since this not-forgiving is a persisting behavior pattern that won't

let go yet and troubles you enough to repeatedly bring it up, you may

want to inquire, look inward, deeply, quietly, in solitude...and

explore this question (both in thought and non-thought): what does

Roslyn get by not forgiving herself. What is the payoff? And is it

worth the price?

Not forgiving is hurtful. There is absolutely NO question that it

wounds. So, when a painful activity persists, there is some reward

born out of it. Can you find that?

[Guest guest]

interesting thanks.. I get to not work..

I guess i needed a good reason not to work..

And then i feel guilty for not working..

I get to keep myself down and i suppose then i think my husband wont

leave me even though i dont work.

The only time we broke up , when we were living together before

marriage we broke up because i was not working.

Colin writes in his book about people and time patterns . --very briefly

i have a pattern with work i work for about 4 years and quit

And this has repeated throughout this life.

Some people have marriages that last so long and then end.

oh well. THis last job didnt last long at all.. and i didnt want to

get attached to the people.

love, roslyn

-- In Loving-what-is , " Andy " wrote:

>

>

>

> And what do you get for forgiving someone?

> peace of mind.. i would say.

> I dont find it hard to forgive others i do find it hard to forgive

> myself.

>

>

>

> Since this not-forgiving is a persisting behavior pattern that won't

> let go yet and troubles you enough to repeatedly bring it up, you may

> want to inquire, look inward, deeply, quietly, in solitude...and

> explore this question (both in thought and non-thought): what does

> Roslyn get by not forgiving herself. What is the payoff? And is it

> worth the price?

>

> Not forgiving is hurtful. There is absolutely NO question that it

> wounds. So, when a painful activity persists, there is some reward

> born out of it. Can you find that?

>

[Guest guest]

*****Dear Roslyn. Earlier today you wrote that you can't forgive

yourself, that this is a persistent state for you, and that it causes

discomfort. I posed to you these questions: what do you get out of

not forgiving yourself? What is the payoff?

Do you realize that you never addressed these questions? You danced

around them, but you never responded, and, I conclude, didn't look

into them.

No, don't answer now. Take time. Lots, if necessary. Go inside.

Be quiet. This can't be answered using thought only. There needs to

be some non-conceptual insight. And it will come, when it is ready.

All you need to do is be quiet, look, listen, pay attention, don't

expect anything, don't judge what comes up. Just be aware and

attend, whenever you can and are so inclined, to this koan from your

own life: what do you get from not forgiving yourself? What is your

payoff?

Don't be surprised if the first answer that arises is not full and

complete. In long-established habits, it rarely is. Keep going

until there is a sense of satiation and completeness. In the seeing,

the true and genuine seeing, is the ending of the pattern. [Forget

Colin's book; it can't be of any use to you here. This is not about

Colin. It is about you.]

interesting thanks.. I get to not work..

I guess i needed a good reason not to work..

And then i feel guilty for not working..

I get to keep myself down and i suppose then i think my husband wont

leave me even though i dont work.

The only time we broke up , when we were living together before

marriage we broke up because i was not working.

Colin writes in his book about people and time patterns . --very

briefly

i have a pattern with work i work for about 4 years and quit

And this has repeated throughout this life.

Some people have marriages that last so long and then end.

oh well. THis last job didnt last long at all.. and i didnt want to

get attached to the people.

love, roslyn