Vent and Advice

[Guest guest]

Hi Everybody,

It's good to be back. I am feeling tired (physically), sad, angry, and like I

am looking reality right in the face. The visit with my two nephews, 3 and 1

years old, was wonderful. And my brother, who is 2 years older, and I had a

wonderful time, but way too little of it. One thing that we love to do together

is watch a movie or two. Once the children were put to bed, my brother and I

would go downstairs and watch a movie. It is such a special time for both of

us, like this bonding time. Everything feels safe in the world and it feels

like there is this energy that flows back and forth that just says I love you

and appreciate you.

I drove down = 12 hours driving time but really 14 with stops and such. So I

was tired when I arrived late Friday. My brother's wife had the weekend planned

to go to a birthday party for one of my nephews' friends, etc., and then that

next day, Sunday, was to go to a Wiggles carnival/show. They knew I was only

going to be there for 3-4 days. I declined on the b-day thing and my brother

and I had sat. morning together to catch up on nada and her breast cancer and

the stories were so different, it was like we were talking about two different

people. nada is such a liar. So we got on the same page about a lot of things

and that was great.

Each night, my brother's wife would come down stairs and tell him to come to

bed; that precious time kept getting shorter and shorter, b/c she said that she

couldn't sleep without him. Red Flag.

My brother's wife also keeps complaining that nobody ever helps her (outside

their family -= but this was my 14th visit in 3 years). She is from China and

separated from her family. So I sympathize with her. Our nada is no help

except financially to them.

They have white carpet and every trip I shampoo it, espcially with my 3 year

old nephew learning to potty train. I cleaned the bathrooms, unclogged two

sinks, etc. My brother comes home and is very appreciative. His wife didn't say

a word. When my brother brought it up - how much I helped out, like she is

asking, she just walked into the other room. That was the other weird thing.

When I have company/family visit, I buy groceries. They didn't even have

coffee. So the kids are hungry and their is no routine. I expected that with

the three year old there would be a routine bed time and even with the one year

old. These kids are up until 11 pm and then get up at 6 a.m. Their bodies and

minds need more sleep. It's like my sister-in-law feeds on chaos. This is the

other thing: the three year old is learning both chinese and english. the 1

year old is learning just chinese. her plan is to do this until he is three adn

then learn english. What the hell? It is

hard enough when a new baby comes along for the older one, but when they fully

don't speak the same language it just further divides them. This really made me

angry. Dinner time is all over the place b/c they don't sit at the table and

eat. At times, I just sat back and looked at how the kids are controlling them.

Both of them are exhuasted and a year ago, at their asking, I made a list of

things to do to build consistancy and a schedule. Nothing. My brother doesn't

yell any more but my sister-in-law does and this just got to me - flea big time.

Actually, now that i have written this out, most of it was fleas. My brother

bought his wife a 's diamond 10th anniversary ring. My brother and I

were going to go get groceries and she said no she would do it. So I actually

got to spend some time with my nephews and my brother. we had a blast. She

came back and said that Costco had a similar diamond cut and for the money,

could get a huge (it was already a huge

diamond) diamond. By the time she was done looking at the diamonds there, the

store had closed = no food. the flea here is never satisfied. and the really

gross thing is what about the love and thoughfullness? i told my brother that

and he said, yeah, exactly.

My biggest button, one that we agreed to not discuss, was about college b/c my

dad and nada gave my brother platinum cards to go to three ivy league schools.

The fourth, in Europe, my dad even paid my sister-in-laws' tuition and living

expenses. He never did that for me. My brother didn't have to work growing up

adn I did. So I see how much difference a college degree can make and have been

paying my own way. I left a day early when his wife told me that my nada set up

college funds for their kids. This is great b/c they now have six wealthy

people putting money for college for my nephews. They are incredibly

intelligent and will have their pick of what ever college they want. And then

she said to me, so how are you doing with college, knowing that I don't have the

money to finish the last year and a half (and she had that sick smile that my

nada had). flea. I told her that she knew the answer to that and I went

upstairs and packed my stuff and left. But I left

is such a hurry that I forgot my computer 150 miles into my trip. So I had to

go back and get it. So a 14 hour trip turned into being awake for 38 hours.

So I am very clear where I stand in my brother's family or should I say my

sister-in-laws' family.

I feel so disloyal writing this, but my anxiety due to supressed anger = I

just had to get it out.

Thanks for " listening "

Greg.

---------------------------------

Get your email and more, right on the new Yahoo.com