Re: terminology friction LONG

[Guest guest]

> Jacqyue <

> just wanted to say hi <

> AGHHHHHHHHHHH! I am a terrible typer. especially on this bitty key board.LOL

Jacquie H <

actually it wasn't you. it was that other jacquie

" Isn't it wonderful how each of us on this earth was created just a little bit

different? " - Linus

" I gave up trying to understand people long ago. Now I just let them try to

understand me. " - Snoopy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/7/2001 5:30:53 PM Eastern Standard Time,

vhunnius@... writes:

> Like you, the day he laid a hand on me would be the day I walked out and

> never looked back.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

Again...not to make light...but a dude that big lays a hand on anyone...I

don't believe they'd be able to walk anywhere

Ron

[Guest guest]

I agree. Jeff is like Marc too. He tries but isnt very good at it

and while he has a temper he has never once come even close to

violence with me or the kids

Jacquie H

>

> > I was a good AS wife too. But he never understood that there

were certain

> > lines you could not cross. Obviously he is just a more hopeless

case than

> > Marc.

>

>

> I agree with pretty much every word in that post, Salli!

>

> As to the question - where do you quit understanding...I believe as

you do, that once violence and blame enters the picture, your only

duty is to yourself and your children. The line has been crossed.

>

> Quirky, strange, and needing special care and acceptance is one

thing. Angry, abusive, and blaming turns it into something else

entirely.

>

> Unlike Lou, Marc DOES realize his problems. He KNOWS he's not

exactly in tune with things, and will listen to suggestions on how to

better deal with me and with . He's not always successful at

carrying them out, but does try. He recognizes that he needs to try,

for the sake of his family, although he feels no intrinsic need to do

so for himself.

>

> Like you, the day he laid a hand on me would be the day I walked

out and never looked back.

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

GOOD! LOL but I must admit I have had to fix my name tons of times

before sending.LOL

Jacquie H

> > Jacqyue <

>

> > just wanted to say hi <

>

> > AGHHHHHHHHHHH! I am a terrible typer. especially on this bitty

key board.LOL

> Jacquie H <

>

>

>

> actually it wasn't you. it was that other jacquie

>

>

>

>

> " Isn't it wonderful how each of us on this earth was created just a

little bit different? " - Linus

>

> " I gave up trying to understand people long ago. Now I just let

them try to understand me. " - Snoopy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> > different rules, but out in the real world where your boss doesn't give

a

> > hoot about anything except how you perform your job.

>

> Personally, I think that this will work FOR them, assuming they find jobs

suited to their skills. IMHO, I think they will be extrememly proficient

at jobs that suit them, without indulging in all the sidetracks, wandering

attention, and gossiping we NTs can be prone to...

Good point, Jacquie, in fact, the problem will be that the boss will care

more about the OTHER stuff, like that fact that they irritate everyone else

in the office. But I could see Enrique having job attendance issues too and

that definitely affects performance.

> We ARE out there. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a way to identify

us from the outside.

Sign on the forehead perhaps saying, " I do well with ASD people " ? I have

already had offers for Sophie's hand in marriage from mothers of AS kids,

figuring that she would understand them. Of course, Sophie is no fool and

wants no husband with autism. She is quite firm on that issue.

What drew me to Marc and kept drawing me back was how much he DIDN'T want to

crawl into my skin and get into my head and " own " me -- I was attracted to

the fact that he was perfectly content for me to be my own person, he had no

ideas of what a girl should or should not be. What I was, was what I was.

They need girls who don't want a symbiotic relationship. Boys who wanted to

be my whole life, gave me flowers and crap, pledged undying love...they felt

like a NOOSE. Marc and I, on the other hand, developed an adult version of

'parallel play' which has served us well!

I rather like parallel play too! But I can play with people as well.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> Misunderstandings are frequent when all

> communication is in the form of print.

Aww, Barb, if Jacquie is gonna be mad at anyone she'll be mad at me (and I

don't think she is) cuz I knew Marc was her husband. No one on THIS list is

going to get mad at you for an honest and Autistic Kid Thoughtful type of

answer. If it had been anyone but her husband we'd all have been answering

the same.

Newbies get all kinds of extra slack around here; no one can keep track of

everyone as soon as they join this big noisy list!

Don't worry about it, honey.

Salli who wants to remind Barb that there will be a quiz on PA family

members for her alone starting this evening at 11 p.m., while the rest of

us are chatting. So she'd better go to the website and STUDY!

[Guest guest]

we're chatting??? uh oh, I better go see if my chat works NOW before it's too

late.

Kerri

Mom to:

Mitchel 6, Autistic

8.5 - NT

See the Family: http://www.johnswdwpage.com/family.htm

" I thank God and America for the right to live and raise my family under the

flag of tolerance, democracy and freedom. " -Walt Disney

[Guest guest]

> Salli who wants to remind Barb that there will be a quiz on PA

family members for her alone starting this evening at 11 p.m., while

the rest of us are chatting. So she'd better go to the website and

STUDY!

Huh? <confused look around>

What happens if I don't pass?

What happens if I do?

Since I live in LA, is that 11:00 time yours or mine?

Am I not allowed to chat until I pass?

Does it involve knowing everyone's names of their children?

Do I get a cookie for every right answer?

Can I request chocolate chip?

When do I know the results?

For these and other rediculous questions, just wait.

Barb-who is breathing a sigh of relief . . . until this test!

[Guest guest]

Hey... we're asking the questions!! LOL!

Kerri

Re: terminology friction LONG

> Salli who wants to remind Barb that there will be a quiz on PA

family members for her alone starting this evening at 11 p.m., while

the rest of us are chatting. So she'd better go to the website and

STUDY!

Huh? <confused look around>

What happens if I don't pass?

What happens if I do?

Since I live in LA, is that 11:00 time yours or mine?

Am I not allowed to chat until I pass?

Does it involve knowing everyone's names of their children?

Do I get a cookie for every right answer?

Can I request chocolate chip?

When do I know the results?

For these and other rediculous questions, just wait.

Barb-who is breathing a sigh of relief . . . until this test!

[Guest guest]

Well at least Barb didn't require any services which required billing. She'd

really fall off her chair then.

Kerri

Re: Re: terminology friction LONG

> Huh? <confused look around>

>

> What happens if I don't pass?

Big secret.

> What happens if I do?

Even bigger secret

>

> Since I live in LA, is that 11:00 time yours or mine?

You'll have to guess.

> Am I not allowed to chat until I pass?

Sure, why not?

>

> Does it involve knowing everyone's names of their children?

No, I don't even know the names of my own children.

>

> Do I get a cookie for every right answer?

Fearless Leader will mail them to you. Those chocolate mint ones...

>

> Can I request chocolate chip?

Oh. Well, ask FL. She's the cookie lady.

>

> When do I know the results?

Immediately!

>

> For these and other rediculous questions, just wait.

> Barb-who is breathing a sigh of relief . . . until this test!

See ya later!

Salli

[Guest guest]

> Huh? <confused look around>

>

> What happens if I don't pass?

Big secret.

> What happens if I do?

Even bigger secret

>

> Since I live in LA, is that 11:00 time yours or mine?

You'll have to guess.

> Am I not allowed to chat until I pass?

Sure, why not?

>

> Does it involve knowing everyone's names of their children?

No, I don't even know the names of my own children.

>

> Do I get a cookie for every right answer?

Fearless Leader will mail them to you. Those chocolate mint ones...

>

> Can I request chocolate chip?

Oh. Well, ask FL. She's the cookie lady.

>

> When do I know the results?

Immediately!

>

> For these and other rediculous questions, just wait.

> Barb-who is breathing a sigh of relief . . . until this test!

See ya later!

Salli

[Guest guest]

Just my small contribution.

Gotta stay in budget.

Kerri

Re: Re: terminology friction LONG

> Well at least Barb didn't require any services which required billing.

She'd really fall off her chair then.

OH? Does she need a dx? Of course, PA is now free, thanks to you, Kerri.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> Well at least Barb didn't require any services which required billing.

She'd really fall off her chair then.

OH? Does she need a dx? Of course, PA is now free, thanks to you, Kerri.

Salli

[Guest guest]

What if he's pacing and grabbing his groin?

Kerri

Re: Re: terminology friction LONG

\So, unless anyone's kids are looking like Jacskson theses

days...dancing backwards while grabbing their groins...I wouldn't sweat it.

Just my 2 cents

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/8/2001 12:30:43 AM Eastern Standard Time,

klwally@... writes:

>

> What if he's pacing and grabbing his groin?

> Kerri

>

Pacing doesn't count

Is he wearing one glove and have a pet monkey that he sleeps with too? Does

he wear a mask in public? Oh, does he get regular plastic surgery to look

more like Ross?

[Guest guest]

I was gonna ask the same thing.

Jacquie H

> What if he's pacing and grabbing his groin?

> Kerri

> Re: Re: terminology friction LONG

>

>

> \So, unless anyone's kids are looking like Jacskson

theses

> days...dancing backwards while grabbing their groins...I wouldn't

sweat it.

>

> Just my 2 cents

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> > Jacquie, would Marc say this in public also? Would he ever refer to

as

> > " freak " amongst close friends,

>

> Yup, he would.

OUCH. SHEESH. GEEEZZ LOUISEEEEE.

> To him, it is less derogatory than factual.

Which is a pretty good reason that you will keep him alive instead of

feeding him to the pigs when he uses it again in the future?

I know Marc is not a freak, and I know isn't. But if Marc thinks he

is, and also thinks is - - - then it can't be TOO bad of a thing. Or

can it?

Grace

[Guest guest]

Jacquie, there was no way for Barb to know that Marc was the name of your

husband.

Had I been new to the list, I would not have known. For a long while, in

the beginning, I was confused between the names of husbands and children. I

thought Thea was married to an , Salli's husband was Enrique, and so

forth. There was one post that made me wonder if you were Penny's daughter?

Go figure!

And given the context of this particular post, it was an easy mistake to

make....

Grace

Re: terminology friction LONG

>

> > Sorry, you just made him sound so distant

> > and uncaring. I didn't mean to injure.

> > Barb-ducking while tomatoes being thrown

>

> No, I didn't make him sound that way -- he just does sound that way.

That's why I put the disclaimers up top on that post about how much he loves

and how he is certainly undiagnosed ASD - to mitigate how awful he can

sound.

>

> The reason I KNOW he's not as he sounds is that he and I have done a lot

of research on adult Asperger's --and even HE knows that sounds like

himself. We don't have the money to have him diagnosed, but we both know

that explains a lot about himself and his life.

>

> Some evidence:

> -his utter lack of understanding concerning verbal communication - tones

of voice, choice of wrods, etc

>

> -his lack of receptive communication - does not recognize tones of voice,

not able to tell he has hurt or offended or if a game has gone too far

unless he is specifically told, ie: " Marc, I feel angry. This is why. "

>

> -eye contact?

>

> -perseveration on topics entirely stupifyingly boring to everyone around

him, like the intricacies of the machine he fixed at work today, how it

works, what parts it has, what he did to it...(we're talking 45 minute

discussions)

>

> -explain a rule to him. that is the rule FOREVER. there is no

interpreting it, no adaptation - it is the RULE. a handy example: when a

child, the rule was you don't wear wet clothes. so at the beach, he'd go

in the water once, and then take off his bathing suit - because it was wet.

period.

>

> -when entering high school, the board wanted him placed in remedial

classes. his mother fought it. he went into general, then advanced, then

honours...he's startlingly intelligent, but socially inept, even socially

impaired.

>

> -although he is funny and friendly, and people gravitate to him, he does

not make friends. His two best and only friends are people he sees about

once a month, who don't go out of their way to contact him but rather just

leave him alone most of the time. I don't get it, but he's very happy with

this arrangement. he can't fathom my need for people. The only reason

we're together is because I just kept pursuing him. When we were broken up

for a year, he didn't date one other person.

>

> -he is incredibly good-looking. stunning. women hit on him all the time.

He doesn't notice; he doesn't even realize it happens. He doesn't question

anyone's motive for anything, ever.

>

> -he fiercely loves the people he's bonded to, and completely apathetic

about anyone else.

>

> -he can do mathematic equations in his head that make my cry in

frustration, yet cannot remember someone's telephone number or where the

potato chips are in the kitchen.

>

> -he can tell you any geographical trivia about any country in the world -

but rarely desires to leave the house.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/8/2001 9:58:25 AM Eastern Standard Time,

jacquie_harris@... writes:

> Ok, lets see.....he wears a glove(white too look like ) and he

> has a toy monkey he sleeps with but really prefers his cat or

> Wicket,He does wear a mask in public(tryuing to stop this one but he

> likes to pretend he is PJ Sam), no plastic surgery here as of ye so

> we are ok right? LOL

> Jacquie H

>

>

>

>

Yep...

Let's just keep it simple...unless you are the mom or dad of " Freak "

..everything is cool....Jeesh

Ron

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/8/2001 10:46:19 AM Eastern Standard Time,

vhunnius@... writes:

> He is still adjusting to regular life, and not very well. But he's trying.

> He compares getting off the boats and entering normal society to when the

> vietnam vets were in the jungle one hour, and home on the streets of big

> cities 12 hours later -- no time to acclimate to the new life they had

> forgotten how to function in.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

I know that one....couldn't wait to get back on the beach...couldn't wait to

get back out in the ocean...and the lumpier the sea the better for me..

Ron

[Guest guest]

Ok, lets see.....he wears a glove(white too look like ) and he

has a toy monkey he sleeps with but really prefers his cat or

Wicket,He does wear a mask in public(tryuing to stop this one but he

likes to pretend he is PJ Sam), no plastic surgery here as of ye so

we are ok right? LOL

Jacquie H

> In a message dated 11/8/2001 12:30:43 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> klwally@c... writes:

>

>

> >

> > What if he's pacing and grabbing his groin?

> > Kerri

> >

> Pacing doesn't count

> Is he wearing one glove and have a pet monkey that he sleeps with

too? Does

> he wear a mask in public? Oh, does he get regular plastic surgery

to look

> more like Ross?

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

parenting_autism moderator

mom to , 4.5 yrs

Check out my new love: Neopets! Visit www.neopets.com to tour -

and go to : http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=jacquiemvh to join!

<that way I get FREE neopoints! :-)>

http://pages.ivillage.com/mom2eric96/FLsFamilyPhotos/index.html

Re: terminology friction LONG

> > Misunderstandings are frequent when all

> > communication is in the form of print.

>

>

> Aww, Barb, if Jacquie is gonna be mad at anyone she'll be mad at me (and I

> don't think she is) cuz I knew Marc was her husband. No one on THIS list is

> going to get mad at you for an honest and Autistic Kid Thoughtful type of

> answer. If it had been anyone but her husband we'd all have been answering

> the same.

What she said!

Yup, my big long post WAS inspired by Salli, Barb, not you. My brief response

to you was, in fact, clarification because it seemed that you'd missed my

disclaimers at the top (on digest, this is easy to do). That was all.

But SALLI....how DARE she question me!!! LOL. No, Barb, don't worry -- from

this end, at no time during the discussion of this thread has it been an

argument to me, nor have I been offended.

What you read as outrage in the original post was actually exasperation. And

you're right - very easy to confuse, when in print!

I am very hard to offend. Basically, you'd have to come over to my house and

spit in my face to offend me. And even then, I'd just ask if something was

bothering you, and state my case.

(((hugs)))

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> in the office. But I could see Enrique having job attendance issues too and

> that definitely affects performance.

Yeah. We have yet to see if issues like that are going to come up around here.

is still so much in the unformed-clay phase of life...

> Sign on the forehead perhaps saying, " I do well with ASD people " ?

Ah, but I didn't know!

> I rather like parallel play too! But I can play with people as well.

<sigh> Sometimes I miss that, it's true. I have recently gotten back in

contact with the guy who I would have married had I not been so committed to

Marc. I dated him during the year that Marc and I broken up, and he is the

exact opposite of my husband in about every way imaginable. HE would have made

me the centre of his life, and doted on me... of course at the time I felt such

attention stifling, and when Marc reappeared I chose him. About one year ago,

Nesbitt found me, and we've struck up a loose friendship (we were friends for

years before dating), but I consciously keep my distance, especially on lonely

days -- the last thing I need is to be reminded of all that COULD HAVE BEEN. I

mean, he has such a connection to me that on really bad days I find a message

from him on the answer machine saying, " I just got a feeling I should call. Are

you OK? " I never return those messages. After all, to let my husband know I

had a bad day, I need to throw a shoe at him as he comes through the door...

Some places, you just don't go.

There. How's that for too much information?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Jacquie...I applaud your loyalty...This world needs more loyalty between

> spouses IMHO....

Well, thanks. I have discovered, with surprise, that among the couples I know

in real life, we are unique in this aspect. That's not how it's supposed to be!

>

> With this said...and I'm not making light here...how did he survive on a ship?

He LOVED it. His job was right there where he lived. Very few people to

interact with. A demanding job. A cabin door with a lock on it.

He was VERY well suited to his job. He's very quiet, and when he does talk to

people he's not close to, he reveals a biting wit. That, along with his

formidible size, makes many people gravitate to him...and those who DON'T like

him just leave him alone.

He is still adjusting to regular life, and not very well. But he's trying. He

compares getting off the boats and entering normal society to when the vietnam

vets were in the jungle one hour, and home on the streets of big cities 12 hours

later -- no time to acclimate to the new life they had forgotten how to function

in.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Again...not to make light...but a dude that big lays a hand on anyone...I

> don't believe they'd be able to walk anywhere

Well, this true!

He's only hit one person in his life, and that was the bully who taunted him in

second grade. Finally, Marc reacted -- and sent the kid to the hospital. He's

never laid a hand in anger on another person again in his life, and swears he

never will - he KNOWS he can hurt people very badly, without even trying.

Jacquie