Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 My dad is in a nursing home, but it is more because he can't take care of himself right now! From: vickij777 Sent: Saturday, January 09, 2010 10:24 AM To: livercirrhosissupport Subject: alone Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have a house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has expensive taste, but not extra to help. Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows  Love, Lyncia   From: vickij777 <no_reply > Subject: alone To: livercirrhosissupport Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM  Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 This is going to sound just awful and I don't mean to offend anybody; but, as of the last couple of days, I would rather go it alone than with my husband!!! At least then I wouldn't have the stress of his horrible behaviour... Last night was to be my last shot of the second treatment for this Hep C virus!! Somebody suggested to me that in celebration, I should take a picture of that last needle. Then, my assistant asked how I could do that and stick the needle in at the same time. Well, I hadn't thought about it any further than just taking a picture of the needle itself. So, we had a giggle about hubby either taking the picture or sticking that needle in. I was getting pretty excited by Thursday night, just thinking that this is the last shot!! I'm saying as much to my husband, as well as how I would like to volunteer to work with other people living with chronic illness. All of a sudden, he blows up in my face about how sick he is of hearing about Hep C!!! Only of course, then he gets verbally abusive and says all kinds of really horrible things. So, I've had the last two days now to really meditate on my living situation, since he is stubbornly standing by any terrible things he's been saying. Including, calling me lazy, whiny and most of all self-centered!! Now this started the night before my last shot and hasn't come anywhere near an end yet. On Friday of this week, I'm scheduled to go to the clinic in Vancouver for the first follow-up of the treatment. It's a minimum 12 hour trip! Then, 12 days later, I have to go back over (another minimum 12 hrs) for a CAT Scan, as a first follow up to the suspicion they told me about 3 months ago. Now, it appears that I've developed HCC. There is absolutely no way that I would choose to spend 12 minutes in his company, so why would I think to spend 12 hours?? Truthfully, if I couldn't count on this man to be there emotionally for me through a treatment for Hep C, why would I be stupid enough to think that he's going to be there for cancer??? Gloria ________________________________ I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have a house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has expensive taste, but not extra to help. Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows Love, Lyncia From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> Subject: alone To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 Gloria - you aren't being stupid. btw, I had the same thought that I think I would rather go through this alone than the situation I am in right now. And mine isn't nearly as bad as yours is. Some people like your husband can't think of other people, just think about themselves. Lyncia is going through something similar with her sons. I have had to fight to call 911, go to the er. Always made to feel that I really didn't need to go. He never minded taking me to the doctors as it would give him a day or 1/2 day off work and at 76 years of age he probably needed that time off. But, I persisted and either called 911 or he would finally take me. Every time I went, they said I was right to go.He would say I liked going to doctors or being in the hospital. Now, I have 9 stents in my body, triple bypass, but heart is still in pretty good shape. Thursday we found out that his heart is only pumping out 20% not the 60% of the oxygenated blood it is supposed to pump out. Many times I have asked him if there was something wrong, begged him not to do physical labor that it is ridiculous for someone his age to do, but he would never listen. He has had 2 heart attacks, don't know when the first one happened, the worst one. Now he needs a defibrilator and a pacemaker and might not be able to work any more. That would be fine if he didn't want to work, but he does and having him home for the last 2 months has been terrible. When he is around, life is lived on his terms, blaring TV, criticism for doing things wrong. I need to get out of here. This morning, I finally told him that for all the criticism of me, if he had done as I had done, taken care of himself and gone to the doctor instead of just ignoring the signals, he wouldn't be in the shape he is now. And, on the way home Thursday after an hour of listening to him criticize my driving I told him if he didn't stop it, he would have to find a friend to take him in and bring him home for his pacemaker implantation. Trouble is he really doesn't have any friends. I am really sorry you couldn't celebrate that last shot like it deserved. I have learned that for the most part, I live my life as I want to live it, try to be as kind to him as possible, and ask God's forgiveness when I can't, and otherwise just let him do what he wants to do. > This is going to sound just awful and I don't mean to offend anybody; but, > as of the last couple of days, I would rather go it alone than with my > husband!!! At least then I wouldn't have the stress of his horrible > behaviour... > > Last night was to be my last shot of the second treatment for this Hep C > virus!! Somebody suggested to me that in celebration, I should take a > picture of that last needle. Then, my assistant asked how I could do that > and stick the needle in at the same time. Well, I hadn't thought about it > any further than just taking a picture of the needle itself. So, we had a > giggle about hubby either taking the picture or sticking that needle in. > > I was getting pretty excited by Thursday night, just thinking that this is > the last shot!! I'm saying as much to my husband, as well as how I would > like to volunteer to work with other people living with chronic illness. > All of a sudden, he blows up in my face about how sick he is of hearing > about Hep C!!! Only of course, then he gets verbally abusive and says all > kinds of really horrible things. So, I've had the last two days now to > really meditate on my living situation, since he is stubbornly standing by > any terrible things he's been saying. Including, calling me lazy, whiny and > most of all self-centered!! Now this started the night before my last shot > and hasn't come anywhere near an end yet. > > On Friday of this week, I'm scheduled to go to the clinic in Vancouver for > the first follow-up of the treatment. It's a minimum 12 hour trip! Then, > 12 days later, I have to go back over (another minimum 12 hrs) for a CAT > Scan, as a first follow up to the suspicion they told me about 3 months ago. > Now, it appears that I've developed HCC. There is absolutely no way that I > would choose to spend 12 minutes in his company, so why would I think to > spend 12 hours?? > > Truthfully, if I couldn't count on this man to be there emotionally for me > through a treatment for Hep C, why would I be stupid enough to think that > he's going to be there for cancer??? > > Gloria > > > > > ________________________________ > > > I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I > looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have a > house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has > expensive taste, but not extra to help. > > Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows > > Love, Lyncia > > > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> > Subject: alone > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 Gloria, you're right. This does sound TERRIBLE but it certainly doesn't reflect badly on YOU in any way that's for sure ! I'm sure it's hard on your husband but OH WELL...he needs to suck it up, talk to you about his worries , fears , concerns , even his gripes in a decent, kind loving way. What if the tables were turned? I don't know your hubby of course and it may be that he is just plain SCARED of losing you and doesn't know how to handle that but his behaviour regardless of the reasons is horrible. I'm with you. I'd rather go it alone then to have someone who feels and acts that way anywhere around me. But then again I'm not one who should be giving advice to anyone. I'm just sorry that you are having to endure being treated like that by the one person who should be your haven , your saviour , your hero through all of this. I'm just sorry Gloria and hope somehow things will improve for you...Best wishes~~~Debbie > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> > Subject: alone > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can and The wisdom to know the difference I love and dislike this prayer. I love it when things are going good. I dislike it when things are not, like when you are on interferon, or sufferiing depression, or are dealing with encephalopathy, or fibromyalgia, or HCC, or... But I have found the more I practice it when things are good, the easier it is to practice when things are not. Realizing that I only power I really have is over me, it makes it soo much easier to practice foregiveness, acceptance, and surrender and I start to notice when I do these things, it influences the people around me and makes them better people or helps me to realize that some things just are they way they are and then once again I find serenity. I feel empathy for you and your situation, but I do not feel sorry for you. Me feeling sorry won't help you and instead I will put and keep you in my prayers that you will find courage AND serenity in your life!!! We may feel lonely sometimes (or a lot of the time), but we never walk alone. When we drop His hand, He still carries us and when we come back (to our senses), we know that is the truth ) > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> > > Subject: alone > > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to > > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home > > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 Chris I've been in 12 step program for over 25 yrs. My serenity will come when the emotions of all this have had time to settle and of course, I'm well aware that I can't change him. However, I certainly have a resentment that after 20 yrs in the program, he still thinks he has some right to try to change me. Gathering all my courage and especially at this time, to make those changes in me, are a little frightening at the moment; but, I'm a fighter and I don't stay down long in my life. I believe that wisdom to know the difference have been showing itself for the last 24 hours. At least it comes to me a bit quicker today, although I'm far from perfect (about that difference). About 13 years, we had to separate for awhile, just to get back to maybe liking each other. During that period of time, I realized that as well as my own garbage bag, I'd been dragging his along too. When I heard myself say, what do you want me to be? That's when I clearly recognized I'd fallen right into that co-dependence again. Today, when he was still going on and on about crap that even happened too many years ago to remember - I realized that yes, I've been very co-dependant on him because of my illness; but, that is going to stop now!!! Usually it does take something that makes me extremely angry to begin a change in myself. I used to tell some men in my past that, you are still safe as long as my mouth is moving and there are tears. But, run for the hills if that's all quit and I'm silent. You won't like me when I'm silent!!! First my claws appear and honestly, it always kinda stopped right there. None of my ex's or my brothers ever wanted to go beyond the claws. So, right now - I'm spending my last weekend on meds mostly in bed and doing an awful lot of meditation. I thank you for your words tonight and especially reminding me most about the Footsteps Prayer. Gloria ________________________________ God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can and The wisdom to know the difference I love and dislike this prayer. I love it when things are going good. I dislike it when things are not, like when you are on interferon, or sufferiing depression, or are dealing with encephalopathy, or fibromyalgia, or HCC, or... But I have found the more I practice it when things are good, the easier it is to practice when things are not. Realizing that I only power I really have is over me, it makes it soo much easier to practice foregiveness, acceptance, and surrender and I start to notice when I do these things, it influences the people around me and makes them better people or helps me to realize that some things just are they way they are and then once again I find serenity. I feel empathy for you and your situation, but I do not feel sorry for you. Me feeling sorry won't help you and instead I will put and keep you in my prayers that you will find courage AND serenity in your life!!! We may feel lonely sometimes (or a lot of the time), but we never walk alone. When we drop His hand, He still carries us and when we come back (to our senses), we know that is the truth ) > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> > > Subject: alone > > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to > > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home > > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 Thanks Debbie You asked " what if the tables were turned? " He even told people in a group setting recently that, if that were the case (tables turned), he knows that I would never leave his side!! You are right Debbie, it doesn't matter if he's just plain scared of losing me - he's 67 yrs old and you'd think that by now and especially in the last 20 yrs., he'd have learned that keeping himself behind the castle moot doors, does absolutely nothing to alleviate anything in our lives. Already, I'm getting stronger in my convictions about this situation. I do not deserve to be verbally abused in such an offensive way, as well as have my trust so badly broken. I believe that he really thinks that I could not get along with out him and at the very least have to replace him with another man. Well, then, he sure didn't get to know me very well. I've managed on my own and even raised a child for a few years. So, that certainly will not be anywhere near the case. Gloria ________________________________ Gloria, you're right. This does sound TERRIBLE but it certainly doesn't reflect badly on YOU in any way that's for sure ! I'm sure it's hard on your husband but OH WELL...he needs to suck it up, talk to you about his worries , fears , concerns , even his gripes in a decent, kind loving way. What if the tables were turned? I don't know your hubby of course and it may be that he is just plain SCARED of losing you and doesn't know how to handle that but his behaviour regardless of the reasons is horrible. I'm with you. I'd rather go it alone then to have someone who feels and acts that way anywhere around me. But then again I'm not one who should be giving advice to anyone. I'm just sorry that you are having to endure being treated like that by the one person who should be your haven , your saviour , your hero through all of this. I'm just sorry Gloria and hope somehow things will improve for you...Best wishes~~~Debbie > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> > Subject: alone > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 WOW Jan - we married the same idiots!!! Up until about 2 years ago, my hubby worked many months of a year in a logging camp (he's a welder). Plus, he has his own welding rig at home and works around town. If the good Lord allowed it - he'd still be working at 76 as well. He swears he will die with a stinger in his hand. But, what I really wanted to say, is that I do picture us now living totally separate lives in the same home!! I no longer want him to bring me my three pills of Riba in the morning for these last few days, just because he feels guilty. I'd already told him not to cook any supper for me tonight; but, he did anyway. I'm tired of having it pushed back at me at a later time, therefore, it's not being done for the right reasons. So, eventually I did go and pick at the chicken. Monday I have to get my SUV down to the mechanic for servicing and I'm not even going to ask the jackass to follow me with the car. The mechanic offered me his, so I'll take him up on it. Then I'll do all my Vancouver trips on my own or at least this first one, because I may stay over for a chat with a great friend there. Now the stronger I get about these plans, the more he's going to see that I am not dependent on him. However, I really do believe that it won't make much difference to how I'm feeling right now. I honestly don't care what he chooses to do, just don't do it around me and I won't chatter anymore at you. Gloria ________________________________ Gloria - you aren't being stupid. btw, I had the same thought that I think I would rather go through this alone than the situation I am in right now. And mine isn't nearly as bad as yours is. Some people like your husband can't think of other people, just think about themselves. Lyncia is going through something similar with her sons. I have had to fight to call 911, go to the er. Always made to feel that I really didn't need to go. He never minded taking me to the doctors as it would give him a day or 1/2 day off work and at 76 years of age he probably needed that time off. But, I persisted and either called 911 or he would finally take me. Every time I went, they said I was right to go.He would say I liked going to doctors or being in the hospital. Now, I have 9 stents in my body, triple bypass, but heart is still in pretty good shape. Thursday we found out that his heart is only pumping out 20% not the 60% of the oxygenated blood it is supposed to pump out. Many times I have asked him if there was something wrong, begged him not to do physical labor that it is ridiculous for someone his age to do, but he would never listen. He has had 2 heart attacks, don't know when the first one happened, the worst one. Now he needs a defibrilator and a pacemaker and might not be able to work any more. That would be fine if he didn't want to work, but he does and having him home for the last 2 months has been terrible. When he is around, life is lived on his terms, blaring TV, criticism for doing things wrong. I need to get out of here. This morning, I finally told him that for all the criticism of me, if he had done as I had done, taken care of himself and gone to the doctor instead of just ignoring the signals, he wouldn't be in the shape he is now. And, on the way home Thursday after an hour of listening to him criticize my driving I told him if he didn't stop it, he would have to find a friend to take him in and bring him home for his pacemaker implantation. Trouble is he really doesn't have any friends. I am really sorry you couldn't celebrate that last shot like it deserved. I have learned that for the most part, I live my life as I want to live it, try to be as kind to him as possible, and ask God's forgiveness when I can't, and otherwise just let him do what he wants to do. On Sat, Jan 9, 2010 at 8:02 PM, Gloria <gadamscanyahoo (DOT) ca> wrote: > This is going to sound just awful and I don't mean to offend anybody; but, > as of the last couple of days, I would rather go it alone than with my > husband!!! At least then I wouldn't have the stress of his horrible > behaviour... > > Last night was to be my last shot of the second treatment for this Hep C > virus!! Somebody suggested to me that in celebration, I should take a > picture of that last needle. Then, my assistant asked how I could do that > and stick the needle in at the same time. Well, I hadn't thought about it > any further than just taking a picture of the needle itself. So, we had a > giggle about hubby either taking the picture or sticking that needle in. > > I was getting pretty excited by Thursday night, just thinking that this is > the last shot!! I'm saying as much to my husband, as well as how I would > like to volunteer to work with other people living with chronic illness. > All of a sudden, he blows up in my face about how sick he is of hearing > about Hep C!!! Only of course, then he gets verbally abusive and says all > kinds of really horrible things. So, I've had the last two days now to > really meditate on my living situation, since he is stubbornly standing by > any terrible things he's been saying. Including, calling me lazy, whiny and > most of all self-centered! ! Now this started the night before my last shot > and hasn't come anywhere near an end yet. > > On Friday of this week, I'm scheduled to go to the clinic in Vancouver for > the first follow-up of the treatment. It's a minimum 12 hour trip! Then, > 12 days later, I have to go back over (another minimum 12 hrs) for a CAT > Scan, as a first follow up to the suspicion they told me about 3 months ago. > Now, it appears that I've developed HCC. There is absolutely no way that I > would choose to spend 12 minutes in his company, so why would I think to > spend 12 hours?? > > Truthfully, if I couldn't count on this man to be there emotionally for me > through a treatment for Hep C, why would I be stupid enough to think that > he's going to be there for cancer??? > > Gloria > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > > > I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I > looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have a > house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has > expensive taste, but not extra to help. > > Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows > > Love, Lyncia > > > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> > Subject: alone > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 Gloria - yup, same idiots. I have been living an almost totally separate life for about 4 years now. I sleep in the livingroom in my recliner, can't sleep in a bed, he has the bedroom, have my own social life which I have tried to involve him in, hoping he would realize there is a better way to live, wasted effort. I spent many years staying home all the time. I had discovered that he was addicted to hard core porn, and knew he wouldn't watch it while I was home. As soon as I left, he would be watching it. He even bought a movement detector to put in the carport so he would know when I came home, but that didn't work very well as it buzzed every time someone drove by on the street. Then I found out he had a vcr and tv in his work shed, and had been watching it all the time anyway. So, I gave up and just separated, but like you said living in the same house. One thing I learned, the more independent I became, the more critical he became. And he tries to make things difficult for me in other ways too. Tomorrow is Sunday. I want to go to church, don't have to play for services, but don't like to miss. So, tonight he stayed up two hours longer than usual, and I have a feeling he knows I want to get to sleep earlier as I have to get up 3 hours earlier than I usually wake up.He plans on going back to work on Monday, so will have some time for myself until he has the defibrilator and pacemaker put in when he will have to be off work for 4 weeks. Now I am going to stop this, and try to get back to my usual upbeat mood. I have been trying to practice some songs to get them ready to record for my family members. Jan H > WOW Jan - we married the same idiots!!! > > Up until about 2 years ago, my hubby worked many months of a year in a > logging camp (he's a welder). Plus, he has his own welding rig at home and > works around town. If the good Lord allowed it - he'd still be working at > 76 as well. He swears he will die with a stinger in his hand. > > But, what I really wanted to say, is that I do picture us now living > totally separate lives in the same home!! I no longer want him to bring me > my three pills of Riba in the morning for these last few days, just because > he feels guilty. I'd already told him not to cook any supper for me > tonight; but, he did anyway. I'm tired of having it pushed back at me at a > later time, therefore, it's not being done for the right reasons. So, > eventually I did go and pick at the chicken. Monday I have to get my SUV > down to the mechanic for servicing and I'm not even going to ask the jackass > to follow me with the car. The mechanic offered me his, so I'll take him up > on it. Then I'll do all my Vancouver trips on my own or at least this first > one, because I may stay over for a chat with a great friend there. > > Now the stronger I get about these plans, the more he's going to see that I > am not dependent on him. However, I really do believe that it won't make > much difference to how I'm feeling right now. I honestly don't care what he > chooses to do, just don't do it around me and I won't chatter anymore at > you. > > Gloria > > > > > ________________________________ > > > Gloria - you aren't being stupid. btw, I had the same thought that I think > I would rather go through this alone than the situation I am in right now. > And mine isn't nearly as bad as yours is. > > Some people like your husband can't think of other people, just think about > themselves. Lyncia is going through something similar with her sons. I > have had to fight to call 911, go to the er. Always made to feel that I > really didn't need to go. He never minded taking me to the doctors as it > would give him a day or 1/2 day off work and at 76 years of age he probably > needed that time off. But, I persisted and either called 911 or he would > finally take me. Every time I went, they said I was right to go.He would > say I liked going to doctors or being in the hospital. Now, I have 9 > stents in my body, triple bypass, but heart is still in pretty good shape. > Thursday we found out that his heart is only pumping out 20% not the 60% of > the oxygenated blood it is supposed to pump out. Many times I have asked > him if there was something wrong, begged him not to do physical labor that > it is ridiculous for someone his age to do, but he would never listen. He > has had 2 heart attacks, don't know when the first one happened, the worst > one. Now he needs a defibrilator and a pacemaker and might not be able to > work any more. That would be fine if he didn't want to work, but he does > and having him home for the last 2 months has been terrible. When he is > around, life is lived on his terms, blaring TV, criticism for doing things > wrong. I need to get out of here. This morning, I finally told him that > for all the criticism of me, if he had done as I had done, taken care of > himself and gone to the doctor instead of just ignoring the signals, he > wouldn't be in the shape he is now. And, on the way home Thursday after an > hour of listening to him criticize my driving I told him if he didn't stop > it, he would have to find a friend to take him in and bring him home for > his > pacemaker implantation. Trouble is he really doesn't have any friends. > > I am really sorry you couldn't celebrate that last shot like it deserved. > I > have learned that for the most part, I live my life as I want to live it, > try to be as kind to him as possible, and ask God's forgiveness when I > can't, and otherwise just let him do what he wants to do. > > On Sat, Jan 9, 2010 at 8:02 PM, Gloria <gadamscanyahoo (DOT) ca> wrote: > > > This is going to sound just awful and I don't mean to offend anybody; > but, > > as of the last couple of days, I would rather go it alone than with my > > husband!!! At least then I wouldn't have the stress of his horrible > > behaviour... > > > > Last night was to be my last shot of the second treatment for this Hep C > > virus!! Somebody suggested to me that in celebration, I should take a > > picture of that last needle. Then, my assistant asked how I could do > that > > and stick the needle in at the same time. Well, I hadn't thought about > it > > any further than just taking a picture of the needle itself. So, we had > a > > giggle about hubby either taking the picture or sticking that needle in. > > > > I was getting pretty excited by Thursday night, just thinking that this > is > > the last shot!! I'm saying as much to my husband, as well as how I would > > like to volunteer to work with other people living with chronic illness. > > All of a sudden, he blows up in my face about how sick he is of hearing > > about Hep C!!! Only of course, then he gets verbally abusive and says > all > > kinds of really horrible things. So, I've had the last two days now to > > really meditate on my living situation, since he is stubbornly standing > by > > any terrible things he's been saying. Including, calling me lazy, whiny > and > > most of all self-centered! ! Now this started the night before my last > shot > > and hasn't come anywhere near an end yet. > > > > On Friday of this week, I'm scheduled to go to the clinic in Vancouver > for > > the first follow-up of the treatment. It's a minimum 12 hour trip! > Then, > > 12 days later, I have to go back over (another minimum 12 hrs) for a CAT > > Scan, as a first follow up to the suspicion they told me about 3 months > ago. > > Now, it appears that I've developed HCC. There is absolutely no way > that I > > would choose to spend 12 minutes in his company, so why would I think to > > spend 12 hours?? > > > > Truthfully, if I couldn't count on this man to be there emotionally for > me > > through a treatment for Hep C, why would I be stupid enough to think that > > he's going to be there for cancer??? > > > > Gloria > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > > > > > > I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I > > looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have > a > > house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has > > expensive taste, but not extra to help. > > > > Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows > > > > Love, Lyncia > > > > > > > > > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> > > Subject: alone > > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to > > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home > > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 Very nicely put Chris. Roni > God, > Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change > Courage to change the things I can and > The wisdom to know the difference > > I love and dislike this prayer. > I love it when things are going good. > I dislike it when things are not, like when you are on interferon, > or sufferiing depression, or are dealing with encephalopathy, or > fibromyalgia, or HCC, or... > But I have found the more I practice it when things are good, the > easier it is to practice when things are not. > Realizing that I only power I really have is over me, it makes it > soo much easier to practice foregiveness, acceptance, and surrender > and I start to notice when I do these things, it influences the > people around me and makes them better people or helps me to realize > that some things just are they way they are and then once again I > find serenity. > I feel empathy for you and your situation, but I do not feel sorry > for you. Me feeling sorry won't help you and instead I will put and > keep you in my prayers that you will find courage AND serenity in > your life!!! > We may feel lonely sometimes (or a lot of the time), but we never > walk alone. When we drop His hand, He still carries us and when we > come back (to our senses), we know that is the truth ) > > > > > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> > > > Subject: alone > > > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > > > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem > to > > > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a > nursing home > > > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of > them. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 That is what I have been focusing on also lately,and went to a meeting yesterday that made me realize I have a giant character defect in acceptance,and I am going to work on that:) Hugs, ________________________________ To: livercirrhosissupport Sent: Sun, January 10, 2010 9:29:59 AM Subject: Re: alone Very nicely put Chris. Roni > God, > Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change > Courage to change the things I can and > The wisdom to know the difference > > I love and dislike this prayer. > I love it when things are going good. > I dislike it when things are not, like when you are on interferon, > or sufferiing depression, or are dealing with encephalopathy, or > fibromyalgia, or HCC, or... > But I have found the more I practice it when things are good, the > easier it is to practice when things are not. > Realizing that I only power I really have is over me, it makes it > soo much easier to practice foregiveness, acceptance, and surrender > and I start to notice when I do these things, it influences the > people around me and makes them better people or helps me to realize > that some things just are they way they are and then once again I > find serenity. > I feel empathy for you and your situation, but I do not feel sorry > for you. Me feeling sorry won't help you and instead I will put and > keep you in my prayers that you will find courage AND serenity in > your life!!! > We may feel lonely sometimes (or a lot of the time), but we never > walk alone. When we drop His hand, He still carries us and when we > come back (to our senses), we know that is the truth ) > > > > > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> > > > Subject: alone > > > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > > > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem > to > > > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a > nursing home > > > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of > them. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 Obviously, I have a big problem with patience when it comes to Ed. Funny because I have been told that I am usually patient, maybe getting less so as I age and get weaker. I pray about it, and praying usually helps, but hasn't so far with impatience. Maybe it is genetic. My father had a plaque which said " God Grant Me Patience, NOW " Wondering if I should go to church today as I feel as if I am shaking, my heart is racing and bumping (what it feels like when the rhythm is off) Has been ever since the drive on Thursday. Jan H > That is what I have been focusing on also lately,and went to a meeting > yesterday that made me realize I have a giant character defect in > acceptance,and I am going to work on that:) Hugs, > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: livercirrhosissupport > Sent: Sun, January 10, 2010 9:29:59 AM > Subject: Re: alone > > Very nicely put Chris. > > Roni > > > > > God, > > Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change > > Courage to change the things I can and > > The wisdom to know the difference > > > > I love and dislike this prayer. > > I love it when things are going good. > > I dislike it when things are not, like when you are on interferon, > > or sufferiing depression, or are dealing with encephalopathy, or > > fibromyalgia, or HCC, or... > > But I have found the more I practice it when things are good, the > > easier it is to practice when things are not. > > Realizing that I only power I really have is over me, it makes it > > soo much easier to practice foregiveness, acceptance, and surrender > > and I start to notice when I do these things, it influences the > > people around me and makes them better people or helps me to realize > > that some things just are they way they are and then once again I > > find serenity. > > I feel empathy for you and your situation, but I do not feel sorry > > for you. Me feeling sorry won't help you and instead I will put and > > keep you in my prayers that you will find courage AND serenity in > > your life!!! > > We may feel lonely sometimes (or a lot of the time), but we never > > walk alone. When we drop His hand, He still carries us and when we > > come back (to our senses), we know that is the truth ) > > > > > > > > > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> > > > > Subject: alone > > > > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > > > > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem > > to > > > > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a > > nursing home > > > > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of > > them. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 I like this tooo,Chris Love,Jill We don't remember days, we remember moments. Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away. ________________________________ To: livercirrhosissupport Sent: Sun, January 10, 2010 9:29:59 AM Subject: Re: alone Very nicely put Chris. Roni > God, > Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change > Courage to change the things I can and > The wisdom to know the difference > > I love and dislike this prayer. > I love it when things are going good. > I dislike it when things are not, like when you are on interferon, > or sufferiing depression, or are dealing with encephalopathy, or > fibromyalgia, or HCC, or... > But I have found the more I practice it when things are good, the > easier it is to practice when things are not. > Realizing that I only power I really have is over me, it makes it > soo much easier to practice foregiveness, acceptance, and surrender > and I start to notice when I do these things, it influences the > people around me and makes them better people or helps me to realize > that some things just are they way they are and then once again I > find serenity. > I feel empathy for you and your situation, but I do not feel sorry > for you. Me feeling sorry won't help you and instead I will put and > keep you in my prayers that you will find courage AND serenity in > your life!!! > We may feel lonely sometimes (or a lot of the time), but we never > walk alone. When we drop His hand, He still carries us and when we > come back (to our senses), we know that is the truth ) > > > > > > > > From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> > > > Subject: alone > > > To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com > > > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem > to > > > remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a > nursing home > > > facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of > them. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 I am so sorry you have to deal with this crap along with your illness. We are always here for you. Love, Bobby (saadn'leelt- da ya day- n'zho) long life, old age, everything good-Apache prayer ________________________________ To: livercirrhosissupport Sent: Sat, January 9, 2010 8:02:28 PM Subject: Re: alone This is going to sound just awful and I don't mean to offend anybody; but, as of the last couple of days, I would rather go it alone than with my husband!!! At least then I wouldn't have the stress of his horrible behaviour... Last night was to be my last shot of the second treatment for this Hep C virus!! Somebody suggested to me that in celebration, I should take a picture of that last needle. Then, my assistant asked how I could do that and stick the needle in at the same time. Well, I hadn't thought about it any further than just taking a picture of the needle itself. So, we had a giggle about hubby either taking the picture or sticking that needle in. I was getting pretty excited by Thursday night, just thinking that this is the last shot!! I'm saying as much to my husband, as well as how I would like to volunteer to work with other people living with chronic illness. All of a sudden, he blows up in my face about how sick he is of hearing about Hep C!!! Only of course, then he gets verbally abusive and says all kinds of really horrible things. So, I've had the last two days now to really meditate on my living situation, since he is stubbornly standing by any terrible things he's been saying. Including, calling me lazy, whiny and most of all self-centered! ! Now this started the night before my last shot and hasn't come anywhere near an end yet. On Friday of this week, I'm scheduled to go to the clinic in Vancouver for the first follow-up of the treatment. It's a minimum 12 hour trip! Then, 12 days later, I have to go back over (another minimum 12 hrs) for a CAT Scan, as a first follow up to the suspicion they told me about 3 months ago. Now, it appears that I've developed HCC. There is absolutely no way that I would choose to spend 12 minutes in his company, so why would I think to spend 12 hours?? Truthfully, if I couldn't count on this man to be there emotionally for me through a treatment for Hep C, why would I be stupid enough to think that he's going to be there for cancer??? Gloria ____________ _________ _________ __ I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have a house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has expensive taste, but not extra to help. Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows Love, Lyncia From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> Subject: alone To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 Thank you very much for the understanding, Bobby. Now, just for me - will you and Sharon have a huge hug and express again the amount of love that you have for each other!! It is so very very important!! Gloria ________________________________ am so sorry you have to deal with this crap along with your illness. We are always here for you. Love, Bobby (saadn'leelt- da ya day- n'zho) long life, old age, everything good-Apache prayer ____________ _________ _________ __ From: Gloria <gadamscanyahoo (DOT) ca> To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Sent: Sat, January 9, 2010 8:02:28 PM Subject: Re: alone This is going to sound just awful and I don't mean to offend anybody; but, as of the last couple of days, I would rather go it alone than with my husband!!! At least then I wouldn't have the stress of his horrible behaviour... Last night was to be my last shot of the second treatment for this Hep C virus!! Somebody suggested to me that in celebration, I should take a picture of that last needle. Then, my assistant asked how I could do that and stick the needle in at the same time. Well, I hadn't thought about it any further than just taking a picture of the needle itself. So, we had a giggle about hubby either taking the picture or sticking that needle in. I was getting pretty excited by Thursday night, just thinking that this is the last shot!! I'm saying as much to my husband, as well as how I would like to volunteer to work with other people living with chronic illness. All of a sudden, he blows up in my face about how sick he is of hearing about Hep C!!! Only of course, then he gets verbally abusive and says all kinds of really horrible things. So, I've had the last two days now to really meditate on my living situation, since he is stubbornly standing by any terrible things he's been saying. Including, calling me lazy, whiny and most of all self-centered! ! Now this started the night before my last shot and hasn't come anywhere near an end yet. On Friday of this week, I'm scheduled to go to the clinic in Vancouver for the first follow-up of the treatment. It's a minimum 12 hour trip! Then, 12 days later, I have to go back over (another minimum 12 hrs) for a CAT Scan, as a first follow up to the suspicion they told me about 3 months ago. Now, it appears that I've developed HCC. There is absolutely no way that I would choose to spend 12 minutes in his company, so why would I think to spend 12 hours?? Truthfully, if I couldn't count on this man to be there emotionally for me through a treatment for Hep C, why would I be stupid enough to think that he's going to be there for cancer??? Gloria ____________ _________ _________ __ I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have a house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has expensive taste, but not extra to help. Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows Love, Lyncia From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> Subject: alone To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 Bobby and Sharon,  When those bad days happens I envision you and Sharon also!  ((((((((((((((((Hug))))))))))))))))) Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows  Love, Lyncia   From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> Subject: alone To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2010 Report Share Posted January 11, 2010 OK. I did. Just for you. love, Bobby (saadn'leelt- da ya day- n'zho) long life, old age, everything good-Apache prayer ________________________________ To: livercirrhosissupport Sent: Sun, January 10, 2010 9:43:49 PM Subject: Re: alone Thank you very much for the understanding, Bobby. Now, just for me - will you and Sharon have a huge hug and express again the amount of love that you have for each other!! It is so very very important!! Gloria ____________ _________ _________ __ am so sorry you have to deal with this crap along with your illness. We are always here for you. Love, Bobby (saadn'leelt- da ya day- n'zho) long life, old age, everything good-Apache prayer ____________ _________ _________ __ From: Gloria <gadamscanyahoo (DOT) ca> To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Sent: Sat, January 9, 2010 8:02:28 PM Subject: Re: alone This is going to sound just awful and I don't mean to offend anybody; but, as of the last couple of days, I would rather go it alone than with my husband!!! At least then I wouldn't have the stress of his horrible behaviour... Last night was to be my last shot of the second treatment for this Hep C virus!! Somebody suggested to me that in celebration, I should take a picture of that last needle. Then, my assistant asked how I could do that and stick the needle in at the same time. Well, I hadn't thought about it any further than just taking a picture of the needle itself. So, we had a giggle about hubby either taking the picture or sticking that needle in. I was getting pretty excited by Thursday night, just thinking that this is the last shot!! I'm saying as much to my husband, as well as how I would like to volunteer to work with other people living with chronic illness. All of a sudden, he blows up in my face about how sick he is of hearing about Hep C!!! Only of course, then he gets verbally abusive and says all kinds of really horrible things. So, I've had the last two days now to really meditate on my living situation, since he is stubbornly standing by any terrible things he's been saying. Including, calling me lazy, whiny and most of all self-centered! ! Now this started the night before my last shot and hasn't come anywhere near an end yet. On Friday of this week, I'm scheduled to go to the clinic in Vancouver for the first follow-up of the treatment. It's a minimum 12 hour trip! Then, 12 days later, I have to go back over (another minimum 12 hrs) for a CAT Scan, as a first follow up to the suspicion they told me about 3 months ago. Now, it appears that I've developed HCC. There is absolutely no way that I would choose to spend 12 minutes in his company, so why would I think to spend 12 hours?? Truthfully, if I couldn't count on this man to be there emotionally for me through a treatment for Hep C, why would I be stupid enough to think that he's going to be there for cancer??? Gloria ____________ _________ _________ __ I'm going thru it alone. Have chilren around but none living with me. I looked into Sterling house but it was 3100 a month and I would still have a house payment. I don't have that type of money. I have one son that has expensive taste, but not extra to help. Thanks for this day and for our tomorrows Love, Lyncia From: vickij777 <no_reply@yahoogrou p s.com> Subject: alone To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 11:24 AM Is there anyone that has gone through ESLD by themselves? I seem to remember that I read a post from someone that was put in a nursing home facility because they didn't have anyone to help take care of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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