Re: Question about going NC

[Guest guest]

Almost,

It's up to you. But it is like annoucing war, either way you do it. That is

why I think it is important to understand boundaries first, unless you are in a

life or death situation.

Greg.

almostcontented77 wrote:

Do you tell your BP that you are going NC? Or do you just do it?

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[Guest guest]

In my case, I sent letters with a list of what I would need from each

of my parents in order to have a relationship with them. But I didn't

know anything about bpd and was more focused on the abuse.

I'll be interested to see what other's say.

Fresabird

> Do you tell your BP that you are going NC? Or do you just do it?

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[Guest guest]

Just did it. In the end, going NC wasn't about them so what's the point

in letting them know? I don't think they care and if its made as some

kind of 'announcement' then they may see it as another boundary to

violate. Borderlines are great about challenges. When you set a

boundary, they see if they are the exception to the rule and break it.

Set the next boundary even higher and all the sudden they're like

little Wallabies hopping over that boundary as well. Kind of like that

old movie " War Games " - 'The only way to win is not to play the game.'

Any kind of boundary is like a game to them and while I think me

setting boundaries for two years was good for me w/all of my

relationships- not just nada- in the end, me going NC had more to do

w/me finally seeing the insanity of my mother. I didn't see the point

in telling her I wasn't going to engage w/her in a relationship anymore

as that's still some form of engagement. I just quit

engaging/relating/connecting whatsoever.

So I guess I'd have to ask why go NC? Do you hope to change them? If

you think they'll wake up when realizing you've gone NC then its still

alll about them and not you. I think when you love yourself enough to

cut out toxic relationships it doesn't matter if they change. You know

inside that chapter in the book of your life is over. You reach the

point where enough is enough and its nothing like they're hystrionic

limits, but rather a gentle knowing. You realize 'wow, this person

truly is crazy.' And then you walk away the same as if they had another

mental illness that you realized you were helpless to facilitate- that

only a professional can help and you're not a professional, just the

child of the sick person.

That's what I came to last Christmas- that kind of understanding and so

I've talked to nada a couple of times since then, but really have no

desire to talk on the phone- just want to see the rest of the FOO on

the holidays but that's a sham too as they are in denial and chose it.

i chose my good health or at least trying to learn what that means.

Best wishes to you.

Kerrie

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> Do you tell your BP that you are going NC? Or do you just do it?

>