Re: Boundaries with Nada--Cindy's Cave

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Thank you for this post. It's beautiful. Right now I'm

particularly dealing w/the pains surrounding separating myself from

FOO's reality, in order that I may exist. I'm really starting to

take serious steps now, and, in the process, I'm really starting to

grieve the loss of them. And to deal with the fear that comes with

defying the reality of the 'family' that raised you. This post of

yours explains the true reason the break must occur, and that it's

valid, and just. I'm not breaking from their reality because I hate

them, or because I'm a hateful person. I'm breaking because I

believe I have the right--no, the duty, to be my full self. And

they don't allow that to happen. Very ironic, considering they

created me. Seems they would want to celebrate my existence.

That's what happens when parents confuse children with possessions,

I guess. If they want their car a different color, they can always

get it painted. Me, I am moving far away, and shining my light.

Thanks !

> >

> > It has been about a month now NC with nada and dishrag. It has

> hurt my rel.

> > with my brother, who I was super close with b/f. I think that

> although he

> > knows how psycho our mother is, he doesn't really get how I

could

> abandon

> > her and my " innocent " dad. He hasn't come out and said this,

but

> we rarely

> > speak anymore- over the phone or e.mail. It is sad.

> >

> > In the meantime dishrag sent me his pics from the superbowl. I

> opened it

> > thinking it was from my bro who shares him name. Then I was

> staring at

> > photos of him looking sort of sullen and a hermit looking nada.

> It made me

> > feel so sad. He just looked so innocent and I thought he

doesn't

> know any

> > better . He doesn't GET IT. He just thinks she is my baby and I

> will send

> > her photos and she'll call me again. It breaks my heart. I

want

> to call

> > him, but part of me doesn't. Because although we'll chat and

he'll

> > appreciate my stories- I know he'll tell nada and that will lead

> to hell for

> > him anyway, or maybe set her off and make her try to call me

> again. Plus it

> > is just stupid and it brings me no value.

> >

> > As much as I am starting my recovery little by little and I am

> starting to

> > feel like I can look at the world again and feel safe in my skin-

> I realize

> > I am just starting off and I don't want to return to old

> habits/patterns.

> >

> > I started doing yoga 3x a week, it is very challenging

physically

> and

> > mentally. It is helping me to calm myself down, block out noise

> and focus

> > on creating boundaries. I actually can physically feel a

change.

> In class

> > I envision myself thickening my skin and drawing a line around

my

> mat. That

> > means nobody can get in without my permission. And nobody

will.

> I dig into

> > my heart and try to think curl up into a ball and stay here.

> Don't attach

> > to other ppl and let them permeate the walls of your body and

mind.

> >

> > So I am working on setting boundaries. I am mad at myself b/c

the

> NC

> > doesn't seem like the most effective way. My toxic friend

> violated the

> > boundaries yesterday- by calling and riling me up about work and

> projecting

> > his negativity on me- when I was feeling happy and peaceful- I

am

> mad at

> > myself for letting him in. But NEXT time I will be getting off

> the phone.

> > I may not even answer. It is so hard b/c I NEED his business,

but

> he

> > demands I am friends with him outside of work which is too hard

> b/c he

> > always violates my boundaries, needs my help, projects onto me-

> and is NADA

> > reincarnated.

> >

> > I am working on my Surviving the Borderline Parent again today.

> Hooray for

> > me;)

> >

> >

> >