Re: counting blessings

[Guest guest]

Adria, I'm glad you're able to count your blessings. It's true that

nothing is ever ALL bad. Still, feel free to make grumpy posts

too--sometimes you've just gotta do what you gotta do.

Trish

>

> Hello all,

>

> I am sorry for being so gripy and negative last week. I was in a

funk. I'm sure you could smell me!

>

> I have been counting my blessings and thought I'd share a few with

you.

>

> First, I have a family to fuss about. My son and my husband are

good people. They have flaws of course, but they are not hopeless. I

probably have just as many as they do and I'm sure they get just as

bugged with me as I do them.

>

> My son does get to have a reality check when he is here. He gets

to come out of his mom's messed up world and breathe some fresh,

non-looney air. That is something I did not have very much as a kid.

Being around nada 24/7 led me to some distorted thinking that I am

still sorting through many years after I left nadaworld. I've seen

some kids that go from one dysfunctional home to another. Atleast my

son only has one of those!

>

> My dad is officially divorced now. Hooray! That in itself is a

miracle. He is now able to move on and hopefully find some happiness.

He is also financially free of nada- something he never thought would

happen until he died. She spent him into the ground with major credit

card debt, medical bills from attempted suicides, and other projects

that she HAD to do. He cashed in his retirement accounts to pay down

the debts! He's 50 years old with nothing to show for all his hard

work. But he is beginning to be optimistic about things.

>

> Finally, I am starting to be more comfortable about voicing my

boundaries. Not perfect yet, nor will I be in the near future, but I

was able to tell my in-laws some of my feelings about being the

babysitter for my sister-in-law. My husband did too. We told them(my

parents-in-law) that if they needed somet

hing it's ok to ask, and usually we can accomodate, but we can't just

drop our lives to babysit sister-in-law b/c she feels needy. (History:

sister-in-law just divorced her husband and is now living with her

parents again. Parents are feeling stressed to have her at home again

b/c she does not show signs of self-sufficiency and they will never

get rid of her. They enjoy their time together and are very defensive

of it b/c they didn't have much of it earlier in their marriage due to

their work schedules and raising kids. Sister-in-law is essentially a

human leech with two kids and no desire to change that. I'd like to

think that she means well, but she has major issues

> with learned helplessness. She will get a job and then quit before

it starts b/c she's " sick " and just can't go to work. She remains

" sick " until she can no longer reasonably claim illness(3-4 weeks) and

then eventually begins to look for a job again, only to repeat the

cycle with some other reason why she can't work- anxiety, social

fears, back problems, problems with the kids, whatever.) She's 25 (a

week older than me) and has to have mommy and daddy always with her

now that she doesn't have a husband to cling to. Though all of this is

very frustrating, it's not directly my problem! I get to walk away if

I need to...which I will, many times I'm sure. That is a blessing that

my husband and I get to share together. It's our boundary and we set

it out loud this time.

>

> Thank you all very much for responding to my grumpy posts last

week. You helped me feel better.

>

> Adria

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