Fleas in my job search --any thoughts from the group?

[Guest guest]

Hey guys, as many of you know, I've moved to Europe and am finally

working full-force on my job search. I must say, I'm doing pretty

well (contacting prospective employers, wow-ing them with my brilliant

resume, finding the bus routes to my interviews in this new and

foreign city:). But I've also been hearing a lot from my fleas.

Basically, I'm working my way into teaching English in companies, a

sector where the beginning pay is so-so, but where I should be able to

work myself into a pretty good living soon--with self-employment

possibilities. In addition, I don't need to earn a lot right off the

bat--I just want a job I enjoy and a little extra income maybe with

some growth potential down the road. That's ALL!

My problem is this nasty little voice that keeps comming back to tell

me " well, THAT job doesn't pay much, " or " oh, this isn't a serious

line of work, " or " aren't you a little OLD for this kind of job? " Ok,

look, I'm in a foreign country working in my second language--I'm

doing the best I can--so why don't these fleas just shut up?!?!?!

I'm tracing back this need for outside recognition (good pay, an

important-sounding job title) to my younger days when love and

approval, even survival, seemed to hinge on whether or not I could

" make mommy proud. " As long as I brought home the grades, a nice

report-card, the awards, the scholarships etc, I was left alone. Any

deviation and the abuse reigned down. Now that I think of it, I'm not

even sure I was doing all of this for love and acceptance, just a lack

of abuse and a little invisibility--and please, God, no " help " from

mom with anything!

So, I'm writing myself affirmations about how it's ok to do the job

you want to, just because you like it, how my self-worth isn't

dependant upon my job, salary or whatever. I'm trying to examine

exactly where all of this is comming from. But it seems like there's

more digging to do here. Oh, AND this is a trigger for my

anxiety--which is kind of interesting. Does anyone else have a

similar experience or ideas on this?

Trish

[Guest guest]

Trish,

Unfortunately I do not have much time to fully respond to your post - but it

caught my eye and I wanted to answer as soon as possible.

The whole idea of that little (or rather BIG) voice really tapped into what

I have been working on and with for the past 10 months or so.

I know it's easy to get crowded by all the books, but this book really shed

a lot of light for me. The book is called Embracing Your Inner Critic:

Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset by Hal and Sidra Stone. The

book revealed a lot and put much in perspective and once you find at least a

minimal level of awareness, you're able to understand the voice, it's

origin, and ultimately empower yourself to literally just " not go there. "

The inner critic will most likely always bring you down even if it is

disguised as a " voice of reason " . You don't need to take in all of the

aspects of the book such as fully practicing Voice Dialogue with a

therapist. At first, I thought it was a little " out there " . Though, it

would may be helpful. The book really just opens a new awareness level

(which is what we're all striving for, right?) and though it may not be a

type of therapy you're used to or traditionally ascribe to, it may be worth

a shot. It's amazing just how much might the Critic has in addition to be

able to induce that anxiety, self-doubt, low self-esteem, etc.

My therapist turned me to this book, and my life has not been the same

since. The inner critic is a powerful voice that can overwhelm you if you

dont get a grip on it. The idea is not to control the Inner Critic, but

rather just take it out of your space. Take a look at the book - it may

really be something worthwhile for you or anyone else who reads this post.

Olya

>

> Hey guys, as many of you know, I've moved to Europe and am finally

> working full-force on my job search. I must say, I'm doing pretty

> well (contacting prospective employers, wow-ing them with my brilliant

> resume, finding the bus routes to my interviews in this new and

> foreign city:). But I've also been hearing a lot from my fleas.

>

> Basically, I'm working my way into teaching English in companies, a

> sector where the beginning pay is so-so, but where I should be able to

> work myself into a pretty good living soon--with self-employment

> possibilities. In addition, I don't need to earn a lot right off the

> bat--I just want a job I enjoy and a little extra income maybe with

> some growth potential down the road. That's ALL!

>

> My problem is this nasty little voice that keeps comming back to tell

> me " well, THAT job doesn't pay much, " or " oh, this isn't a serious

> line of work, " or " aren't you a little OLD for this kind of job? " Ok,

> look, I'm in a foreign country working in my second language--I'm

> doing the best I can--so why don't these fleas just shut up?!?!?!

>

> I'm tracing back this need for outside recognition (good pay, an

> important-sounding job title) to my younger days when love and

> approval, even survival, seemed to hinge on whether or not I could

> " make mommy proud. " As long as I brought home the grades, a nice

> report-card, the awards, the scholarships etc, I was left alone. Any

> deviation and the abuse reigned down. Now that I think of it, I'm not

> even sure I was doing all of this for love and acceptance, just a lack

> of abuse and a little invisibility--and please, God, no " help " from

> mom with anything!

>

> So, I'm writing myself affirmations about how it's ok to do the job

> you want to, just because you like it, how my self-worth isn't

> dependant upon my job, salary or whatever. I'm trying to examine

> exactly where all of this is comming from. But it seems like there's

> more digging to do here. Oh, AND this is a trigger for my

> anxiety--which is kind of interesting. Does anyone else have a

> similar experience or ideas on this?

>

> Trish

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Olya, that sounds like a great book. I'll have to look into that and

see if I can get it in Europe. Thanks for the tip.

Trish

> >

> > Hey guys, as many of you know, I've moved to Europe and am finally

> > working full-force on my job search. I must say, I'm doing pretty

> > well (contacting prospective employers, wow-ing them with my brilliant

> > resume, finding the bus routes to my interviews in this new and

> > foreign city:). But I've also been hearing a lot from my fleas.

> >

> > Basically, I'm working my way into teaching English in companies, a

> > sector where the beginning pay is so-so, but where I should be able to

> > work myself into a pretty good living soon--with self-employment

> > possibilities. In addition, I don't need to earn a lot right off the

> > bat--I just want a job I enjoy and a little extra income maybe with

> > some growth potential down the road. That's ALL!

> >

> > My problem is this nasty little voice that keeps comming back to tell

> > me " well, THAT job doesn't pay much, " or " oh, this isn't a serious

> > line of work, " or " aren't you a little OLD for this kind of job? " Ok,

> > look, I'm in a foreign country working in my second language--I'm

> > doing the best I can--so why don't these fleas just shut up?!?!?!

> >

> > I'm tracing back this need for outside recognition (good pay, an

> > important-sounding job title) to my younger days when love and

> > approval, even survival, seemed to hinge on whether or not I could

> > " make mommy proud. " As long as I brought home the grades, a nice

> > report-card, the awards, the scholarships etc, I was left alone. Any

> > deviation and the abuse reigned down. Now that I think of it, I'm not

> > even sure I was doing all of this for love and acceptance, just a lack

> > of abuse and a little invisibility--and please, God, no " help " from

> > mom with anything!

> >

> > So, I'm writing myself affirmations about how it's ok to do the job

> > you want to, just because you like it, how my self-worth isn't

> > dependant upon my job, salary or whatever. I'm trying to examine

> > exactly where all of this is comming from. But it seems like there's

> > more digging to do here. Oh, AND this is a trigger for my

> > anxiety--which is kind of interesting. Does anyone else have a

> > similar experience or ideas on this?

> >

> > Trish

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can relate on a different level. It comes from " fear of rejection "

and the need to be approved of. That is triggering the fleas. I

never thought I had that till I entered theropy. I realised how deep

routed it is. I have a long way to go to be better on that one.

It only happens with the people I am close to. If one of them

disapproves of me or they are disappointed in me, the fleas come

out.

The need to " make it alright " and please is so deeply routed from my

nada and the need for love and also to survive. Keep the " queen "

happy and she won't attack.

It has been 1 year that I have been in theropy and according to my

theropist I have come alone way in a year. I feel it in me also.

I recently have started to see a clearer vision of the damage my

nada and fada have caused. I realised it on a certin level how

messed up I was but after the dust has settled and a year has past

since nada death, I see more the hard road ahead of me to get better.

Best of Luck! Do what makes you HAPPY!!!!

>

> Hey guys, as many of you know, I've moved to Europe and am finally

> working full-force on my job search. I must say, I'm doing pretty

> well (contacting prospective employers, wow-ing them with my

brilliant

> resume, finding the bus routes to my interviews in this new and

> foreign city:). But I've also been hearing a lot from my fleas.

>

> Basically, I'm working my way into teaching English in companies, a

> sector where the beginning pay is so-so, but where I should be

able to

> work myself into a pretty good living soon--with self-employment

> possibilities. In addition, I don't need to earn a lot right off

the

> bat--I just want a job I enjoy and a little extra income maybe with

> some growth potential down the road. That's ALL!

>

> My problem is this nasty little voice that keeps comming back to

tell

> me " well, THAT job doesn't pay much, " or " oh, this isn't a serious

> line of work, " or " aren't you a little OLD for this kind of job? "

Ok,

> look, I'm in a foreign country working in my second language--I'm

> doing the best I can--so why don't these fleas just shut up?!?!?!

>

> I'm tracing back this need for outside recognition (good pay, an

> important-sounding job title) to my younger days when love and

> approval, even survival, seemed to hinge on whether or not I could

> " make mommy proud. " As long as I brought home the grades, a nice

> report-card, the awards, the scholarships etc, I was left alone.

Any

> deviation and the abuse reigned down. Now that I think of it, I'm

not

> even sure I was doing all of this for love and acceptance, just a

lack

> of abuse and a little invisibility--and please, God, no " help " from

> mom with anything!

>

> So, I'm writing myself affirmations about how it's ok to do the job

> you want to, just because you like it, how my self-worth isn't

> dependant upon my job, salary or whatever. I'm trying to examine

> exactly where all of this is comming from. But it seems like

there's

> more digging to do here. Oh, AND this is a trigger for my

> anxiety--which is kind of interesting. Does anyone else have a

> similar experience or ideas on this?

>

> Trish

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Charlie--I know you're not a therapist;), but that was very

informative nonetheless. Partly because you talk often about going

back to deal with ego states and I'm not always sure what you mean.

Just to reassure you, I'm looking to see what you do as an example and

not necessarily what I should do. . .almost stated that in my last post.

As for the age of the " trauma " you referred to, I'm pretty sure it was

earlier on--a pretty young me scrambling to avoid rages and chaos by

being perfect--and blaming myself when I wasn't perfect etc. And now

that I think of it, it probably does span a couple of ages. I've been

working on that in my own way, but thanks again for the info--when I

have some time this weekend, I'll look into that.

Trish

> > > > >

> > > > > Hey guys, as many of you know, I've moved to Europe and am

finally

> > > > > working full-force on my job search. I must say, I'm doing

pretty

> > > > > well (contacting prospective employers, wow-ing them with my

> > > > brilliant

> > > > > resume, finding the bus routes to my interviews in this new and

> > > > > foreign city:). But I've also been hearing a lot from my

fleas.

> > > > >

> > > > > Basically, I'm working my way into teaching English in

companies, a

> > > > > sector where the beginning pay is so-so, but where I should be

> > > > able to

> > > > > work myself into a pretty good living soon--with self-employment

> > > > > possibilities. In addition, I don't need to earn a lot

right off

> > > > the

> > > > > bat--I just want a job I enjoy and a little extra income

maybe with

> > > > > some growth potential down the road. That's ALL!

> > > > >

> > > > > My problem is this nasty little voice that keeps comming

back to

> > > > tell

> > > > > me " well, THAT job doesn't pay much, " or " oh, this isn't a

serious

> > > > > line of work, " or " aren't you a little OLD for this kind of

job? "

> > > > Ok,

> > > > > look, I'm in a foreign country working in my second

language--I'm

> > > > > doing the best I can--so why don't these fleas just shut

up?!?!?!

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm tracing back this need for outside recognition (good pay, an

> > > > > important-sounding job title) to my younger days when love and

> > > > > approval, even survival, seemed to hinge on whether or not I

could

> > > > > " make mommy proud. " As long as I brought home the grades, a

nice

> > > > > report-card, the awards, the scholarships etc, I was left

alone.

> > > > Any

> > > > > deviation and the abuse reigned down. Now that I think of

it, I'm

> > > > not

> > > > > even sure I was doing all of this for love and acceptance,

just a

> > > > lack

> > > > > of abuse and a little invisibility--and please, God, no

" help " from

> > > > > mom with anything!

> > > > >

> > > > > So, I'm writing myself affirmations about how it's ok to do

the job

> > > > > you want to, just because you like it, how my self-worth isn't

> > > > > dependant upon my job, salary or whatever. I'm trying to

examine

> > > > > exactly where all of this is comming from. But it seems like

> > > > there's

> > > > > more digging to do here. Oh, AND this is a trigger for my

> > > > > anxiety--which is kind of interesting. Does anyone else have a

> > > > > similar experience or ideas on this?

> > > > >

> > > > > Trish

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>