Re:my nada's age, telling them, nags

[Guest guest]

Dee wrote:

" She describes it as being sick but when anyone calls it anxiety she says

" I don't have anxiety. What is that? " She is elderly and may truly

not understand, but I think it is more of a thing of denial.

Especially in her generation it was very bad to have anything wrong

with you mentally. I wouldn't dream of telling her she has BPD.

Your mother is probably younger... "

Actually, my mother is 81 and although lots of people would probably say,

" Oh, THAT's why she's so cranky " it has nothing to do with it. This has always

been her! The thing about aging is though, that she uses her forgetfulness now

as an excuse for a lot of what she does or doesn't do.

Her constant cry is that " Everything is too much for me! " but that can mean

a phone that rings when she doesn't want it to, or one that doesn't when she

DOES want it to. I have come to call this the " World According to " . She

really acts as if the world revolves around her.

One Non-BP Recovering Man wrote:

" I DON’T think you sound “angry and bitter.†To me,

you sound FRUSTRATED. "

Thank you, thank you, thank you! People that understand! What a fabulous

Christmas present for me! I'm glad I'm here too!

Flea wrote:

" But in terms of setting boundaries and telling your nada " I feel

such-and-such when you do such-and-such behavior, and as a result, this is what

I need

to do, " I think most KOs agree that that can be helpful or

self-protective.... But I think most would agree, it doesn't do a bit of good

to tell them

they have BPD. "

That's what I figured! I know my nada thinks she is perfectly " normal " . The

very suggestion, which I admit I had made over the years, that she might need

medication to make HER life better, is met with fury!

cb wrote:

" He's always told me to " be a nag " if he doesn't do what I ask, but I hate

the

Implication that I am a nag. Does that make sense? I told him that I don't

want to be that way, and told him that instead of asking me to nag him, to

ask me to " voice my displeasure " . Haha "

I think it is nice that your dh wants you to communicate with him. However,

I really do not like the term " nag " . If you think about it, if (in this case)

the man, would just do what we asked the first time, there would never be

any need to ask again, or " nag " . So, since the man is lax, how did the woman end

up being called an unflattering name?

Alice

[Guest guest]

>

> Actually, my mother is 81 and although lots of people would

probably say,

> " Oh, THAT's why she's so cranky " it has nothing to do with it. This

has always

> been her! The thing about aging is though, that she uses her

forgetfulness now

> as an excuse for a lot of what she does or doesn't do.

I know what you mean. I had friends say to me just to remember that

she isn't really my mother, not the one I had growing up, now that she

is old. I always think, Oh yeah! She's always been this way.

Admittedly she is much worse with age, but the self absorption,

manipulation, guilt, and intrusivness were always a part of her. It

is just such a relief to understand why I have always resented her and

felt I had to keep her at arms length. I am finally free to have my

own opinions, do my own thing and think my own thoughts without guilt.

My mom is 96. Dee