i am new

[Guest guest]

hi i am new to the site and not sure how this works nut i want to say

hi to everyone. I have been reading the book " stop walking on egg

shells " and found out about this support group. I am really hoping it

can help and be a support for me. I guess i am going to try to get

started. if anyone has suggestions i would appriciate them.

I am 27 and have within the last year figured out my mom is BP. I have

been dealing with her behviors for as long as i can remeber. However

in the past few years much has changed (for the worse). I got married

and had a child and am expecting. Things have escalated since i had my

child and i know things have to change for the sake of my children.

However i do not know how to go about this because i am scared of what

may happen when i do or say something. I really want my mom to know my

children but i can not handle the threats and way she is treating me.

I guess i need some advice.

I am going on vacation in a few day with just me and my child and the

dread that is growing inside me is eating away at me and my enjoyment.

The really hard part is the only person whom i can talk to is out of

town(my husband). I don't know how to get past the dread and worry

that something is going to go wrong. Is my mom going to throw

something and kick me out of the house like the last time i

visited(with out my husband)or will she be so happy to see her

grandchild that she will be loving and supportive(which does happen

on occasions)? Is she going to start screaming because i don't call

her enough and i live in another state? is she going to flip out

because i ask her not to do something concerning my child or will she

accept it? I am so nervous.

I think the trip would be easier if my husband was with or if there

was someone to talk to. However, my dad and sibling (who live with

her) would think i was crazy if i brought up my suspitions that she is

BP and then she would find out and everything would be even more

outrageous. My cousins, realitives and friends see my mom as a happy,

loving and supportive person who is wonderful(if only she was that

person to me) so they don't understand. the only person who truely

sees my moms BP personality traits are my dad, sibiling (whom i can't

talk to and won't admit anything) and my husband who won't be there

and is out of town.

I am so ubelievably scared about my trip and just don't know where to

turn or what to do. The dread is going to eat me alive. I really wish

i could change my plans but it is to late. I guess i am typing this

because i need advice and am not sure what to do and have no one to

talk to or listen.

Thank you for taking time to read this and listen. i apologize for the

length. If you have any advice please let me know. i leave at the end

of the week and won't have access to this page for 5 days.

I really am looking foward to being a member.

thank you,

Bobbie