possible explant on march 20th...scared, full of questions........

[Guest guest]

out of the 56 PSs, the one who would see me was nice, though not

really good at answering questions/dialoging.....she immediately

offered to take them out, saying she OCCASIONALLY sees a

reconstruction patient who " never adjusts " to implants....she can't

guarantee that explanting will solve my pain/nerve damage issues, but

she feels it is worth a try......she then went on and on about how i

will be " totally flat " ....as though that may be a reason to not do

this, in spite of two years of pain.....anyway, when i said " en bloc "

she said, well, it is different with reconstruction patients, that

she will take out the entire implants, give them to me (she offered,

but what in the heck should i do with them? i don't know if i want

them!).........then she said she will take out as much scar tissue as

she can, but the implants (silicone, remember) are actually under my

chest wall, sitting right on my ribs, (no wonder they hurt!) and so

she doesn't want to damage anything anymore than it already is!

sooooo, i am waiting to hear that the surgery is approved through

aetna......and that the date is set for my first day of spring

break..........i am scared, though......she ran through all the

possible complications, yadda yadda.........i am hoping this IS the

right choice, only cause, what if my depression gets worse when i

have no shape at all????? i guess i'll figure out some sort of

prostectic (sp?) solution.....but did you know that those are often

made of silicone, too???? so why would i put it against my skin,

which absorbs everything????????????? sigh.........any info,

support, whatever, would help........i know i haven't been around, i

have been really sick, lots of pain that i can't drug myself out

of........hope all is well with all of you!

blessings,

kathie