Re: Question? [Memory]

[Guest guest]

At 08:51 8/8/2006, WTOAdultChildren1 wrote:

> >

> >Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> >To: WTOAdultChildren1

> >Subject: Question?

> >Date: Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:33:53 -0000

> >

> >

> >

> > I do not understand something I was told and also read. Borderlines

> >do not remember past events. Out of sight out of mind.

> >Okay, why was it that my nada never forgot anything in her childhood

> >or in the past when she felt she was wronged?

> >I am serious. Can someone explain this to me. Do they have selective

> >memories? Maybe this has something to do with never thinking you do

> >wrong? I do not understand this.

In 1995, I was diagnosed with BPD. With the help of therapy, I did

the pull your socks up bit and home-schooled myself into my present

evolution of Recovering Borderline. I am presently living in the

guesthouse of my non-diagnosed BP mother, who has done tons of

therapy but none of it works as they all try to get in her pants. (no

comment needed, right?...)

Anyway, looking back, I can't remember my mom, now 78, presenting any

of the symptoms of BPD. It wasn't until this past decade or so that

her behavior has become so very toxic. I came to this list as I was

trying to find info about pathological liars.

And I think that's part of her particular genesis of BPD. Her

disorder is her comfort zone, and her selective memory feeds that comfort zone.

She used to be a high roller in the entertainment biz and now she's

just an old woman with nothing to make her look important to the rest

of the world...there's nothing special about her and no reason for

her to feel superior to everybody else, so she revels in the past and

remembers mostly the rotten things done to her so as to make people

focus on her and put their energy into her world. Her selective

memory helps her, in some ways; it gives her some relief, I

think. At least the few good memories...the ones we hear over and

over and over.

I don't want to rant on about my mom. I can't fault her for being

sick; she was a child during WW2 and suffered through the bombs in

the UK...so you can imagine how today's news is aggravating her

behavioral tendencies -- to the point that sometimes she says stuff

so racist, I can't believe it's coming from the same woman who used

to read to us about all the world's religions. She was molested as a

child, too, by family, which really complicates things.

I do get frustrated when I obsess about the most recent tirade and I

have to try to sleep without meds (sleeping-pill free for 14 months!).

My own personal grasp of memories is, like many of you, in

chunks. Most of them are negative, but there are quite a few good

ones, too. I've been trying to piece my existence together since

I've been reading this list. There certainly are a lot of holes.

I just want to thank you guys for opening up. It is so remarkably

helpful to read your thoughts and experiences.

D

> My nada and my sisters can remeber a

> >heck of alot. I have a hard time remebering my childhood. I have

> >gotten better, but have a long way to go. My theropist told me I have

> >to get out those memories and validate them to get rid of the shame I

> >feel from childhood. I agree. I just can't remeber alot. Anyone else

> >have this problem?

[Guest guest]

" She used to be a high roller in the entertainment biz and now she's

just an old woman with nothing to make her look important to the rest

of the world...there's nothing special about her and no reason for

her to feel superior to everybody else, so she revels in the past and

remembers mostly the rotten things done to her so as to make people

focus on her and put their energy into her world. Her selective

memory helps her, in some ways; it gives her some relief, I

think. At least the few good memories...the ones we hear over and

over and over. "

Its funny to hear that because this past spring I was in Vegas and

we were on the way back to the hotel on a monorail or shuttle bus or

something and this old lady was there sitting down talking

about " the old days " and how she was famous and she dinned with the

most rich and how Vegas used to be. I looked at her and the whole

time I thought of the queen borderline. Somebody who has a very high

opinion of themselves they think they are better and will let you

know it. To the rest of the people on the bus she was not a famous

person she was just another old lady in the street she was just one

of us but older. However she spoke of herself highly and wanted to

be treated higher than the rest. She even said it right there in the

crowd she should have special treatment I was shocked. To me she was

an equal not a superior regardless or not if she was famous. People

were rolling thier eyes and she kept talking how in the past she

would not have been treated in such a way having to pay for her own

food and hotel, how dare they make her do that!!! Lizzy

> > >

> > >Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > >To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > >Subject: Question?

> > >Date: Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:33:53 -0000

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I do not understand something I was told and also read.

Borderlines

> > >do not remember past events. Out of sight out of mind.

> > >Okay, why was it that my nada never forgot anything in her

childhood

> > >or in the past when she felt she was wronged?

> > >I am serious. Can someone explain this to me. Do they have

selective

> > >memories? Maybe this has something to do with never thinking

you do

> > >wrong? I do not understand this.

>

> In 1995, I was diagnosed with BPD. With the help of therapy, I

did

> the pull your socks up bit and home-schooled myself into my

present

> evolution of Recovering Borderline. I am presently living in the

> guesthouse of my non-diagnosed BP mother, who has done tons of

> therapy but none of it works as they all try to get in her pants.

(no

> comment needed, right?...)

>

> Anyway, looking back, I can't remember my mom, now 78, presenting

any

> of the symptoms of BPD. It wasn't until this past decade or so

that

> her behavior has become so very toxic. I came to this list as I

was

> trying to find info about pathological liars.

>

> And I think that's part of her particular genesis of BPD. Her

> disorder is her comfort zone, and her selective memory feeds that

comfort zone.

>

> She used to be a high roller in the entertainment biz and now

she's

> just an old woman with nothing to make her look important to the

rest

> of the world...there's nothing special about her and no reason for

> her to feel superior to everybody else, so she revels in the past

and

> remembers mostly the rotten things done to her so as to make

people

> focus on her and put their energy into her world. Her selective

> memory helps her, in some ways; it gives her some relief, I

> think. At least the few good memories...the ones we hear over and

> over and over.

>

> I don't want to rant on about my mom. I can't fault her for being

> sick; she was a child during WW2 and suffered through the bombs in

> the UK...so you can imagine how today's news is aggravating her

> behavioral tendencies -- to the point that sometimes she says

stuff

> so racist, I can't believe it's coming from the same woman who

used

> to read to us about all the world's religions. She was molested

as a

> child, too, by family, which really complicates things.

>

> I do get frustrated when I obsess about the most recent tirade and

I

> have to try to sleep without meds (sleeping-pill free for 14

months!).

>

> My own personal grasp of memories is, like many of you, in

> chunks. Most of them are negative, but there are quite a few good

> ones, too. I've been trying to piece my existence together since

> I've been reading this list. There certainly are a lot of holes.

>

> I just want to thank you guys for opening up. It is so remarkably

> helpful to read your thoughts and experiences.

>

> D

>

> > My nada and my sisters can remeber a

> > >heck of alot. I have a hard time remebering my childhood. I have

> > >gotten better, but have a long way to go. My theropist told me

I have

> > >to get out those memories and validate them to get rid of the

shame I

> > >feel from childhood. I agree. I just can't remeber alot. Anyone

else

> > >have this problem?

>