birthday

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I never have spent my birthday with my NADA. It is my

day and I can do with it as I want.

She has asked if I would like to lunch with her; I

always say I already have plans! Just plans! No

further explanation, except I might add that I have

plans with friends.

I also screen my calls on my birthday. Several years

ago on my birthday she called, wished me happy

birthday, then spent 20 minutes telling me how awful I

was. So, NO WAY am I talking to her on my birthday.

She has complained for the last 2 years that I wan't

available to talk with her and how she tried and tried

to contact me(I was really pissed off at all the

messages she left on my machine)! BUT I AM NOT TALKNG

TO HER, even if someone in the family dies.!

Hugs,

____________________________________________________

Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

Hey Prez,

Wait, I thought you and fiancee had moved out of state? Maybe I'm

confused on that one. Anyhow, regarding your birthday: first

decide if you really want to have dinner (or whatever) w/your

parents. Overall, would it be MORE enjoyable for you than

distressing? Remember, if you go out in public w/them, nada will

believe she has you trapped, trusting you not to make a scene or

storm out, etc. Nadas looooove restaraunts, and they love to try to

use the wait staff to make you feel/look bad.

Okay so is it worth is just to be w/family at all, to see your Dad,

to eat the nice food etc. Look at this from YOUR perspective.

Remember that if you had a real mom, she would want you to do

whatever makes YOU happiest for your birthday.

If you decide not to go, then I suggest you find a way to turn down

nada without making her feel rejected. Deflect it, somehow. You're

sick. You're so busy this year w/work. Work has sent you on a

trip, I don't know. Something that doesn't give her the impression

you are rejecting her, personally. I wouldn't say you had previous

plans w/your fiancee and/or her family; that would kick in nada's

rejection meter. If you can keep her off your back, keep your

discomfort to a minimum, and at your birthday maybe mourn the loss

of 'family' a bit, but not have to be dealing w/nada antics.

Good luck.

> Got an e-mail from my nada today. Asked what I wanted to do with

them

> on my birthday. They said they wanted to take me out to eat, but

> asking if I had any ideas. Now, this thought of what I am going

to do

> when my bisrthday came around had started to creep up in my mind,

but

> now I'm really unsure. How have any of you, if at all, handeled

> this. I'm not really that sure. I want to tell them that I don't

> want to do anything with them because I know it will end up in

them

> asking about why i want talk to them and such. I really don't

want to

> get caught in that kind of conversation. I think the reasons are

> clear, but my nada obviously can not see the problems before us.

ANy

> suggestions??

> thanks ahead of time