nada contact game plan

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I have to see my nada soon, and I need a game plan. I wish I could

be no contact, but I know that is honestly not best for me in the

circumstances. Before I understood what bpd was, my life got too

enmeshed with them--just things that a normal family would seem to

do, like giving rides places, moving furniture, getting certain

mail. Stuff like that. I am trying slowly to get unmeshed, and I

really am making progress.

The thing is, I won't be truly free to not need any contact with her

until I get a full time job. And I have been seeking one,

diligently. I am a student now, AND I have another part time job,

so the job search goes down on top of those two things. But I've

applied for some 10 and counting, and have interviewed for a few.

In my career field, especially as a student, it's really hard to get

a job. My point is, I am trying. But it's hard to convince my

inner child of that. My inner child freaks when I am to see nada--

doesn't trust me a bit. Even though I only see her once or twice a

month. My defenses and anxieties still kick into play. I didn't

sleep at all last night! Maybe two hours, honestly. My inner child

does not feel safe from nada because I am not geographically and

financially FREE yet. I will be soon! But I have to see her today.

It sucks. The plan is, as usual, to not reveal any information

about my romantic life, to not call any attention to myself by

asking for comments about my appearance, to not ask for any opinions

about my life. To handle her by keeping her the center of the

conversation, making it all about her. To not expect any sympathy

or help or anything mother-like from her. To simply ignore it and

say I'm very busy if she complains about not seeing me more. To

ignore it if she talks about how the favor is inconveniencing her.

To ignore it if she talks about how scary and far it is for me to

drive to her. To just say, it's fine, I'm busy, gotta get back!

General questions about other family members are okay. But it's not

okay to confront her when she answers those by belittling/abusing

them. Basically it's not okay to say anything she is doing/saying

is WRONG. Just to refuse to engage in it and change the subect. I

have discovered that, since she really is a bp, she's so self-

centered and stupid that she doesn't even notice if I do all I

describe. She's so used to other people doing it too, I guess, and

as long as her psyche is not being threatened, she doesn't erupt.

The child in me is still scared. This woman physically abused me.

Anyway, I have a plan, I will be in a car, and if for some reason

things go poorly, I can leave, and I can ask friends to return with

me later. Okay! I have a plan. I just don't feel like I do.

Thanks for listening

Charlie