Guest guest Posted June 19, 2006 Report Posted June 19, 2006 Amen sister!! Gosh...my nada does that constantly, and it just makes me want to SCREAM! You know, my nada has always had this way of taking silly jokes personally saying " there is alot of truth in kidding...if someone tells you a joke, that is there way of calling you stupid " So for her, jokingly saying " if that were true i would have battened down the hatches and gotten out of town " ....she may have picked up on it...maybe not...either way i would have said it, just to get it out of my system. As far as correcting her...I don't know that it is worth it. I guess it would depend on the memory. I have found in some cases, if my mom was telling a " story " to a friend..if I correct her, she just ends up telling HER version to 10 others without me...I guess to " even the score " . In my particular case, I have found when she recalls something incorrectly, I just get this look on my face like she is making it all up and shake my head...or I may simply, in a very harsh tone say to her... " you know, for some reason you feel it is necessary to recall that in that way....I was there, and it couldn't be further from the truth " and then I change the subject. As I have gotten older, I have noticed my nada's sister and aunts have picked up that she does this to them too. They just refuse to respond to her in any way at all. They just get silent...nothing like an awkward silence to ruin a flowing conversation. I can tell it really bothers her....she gets very uncomfortable, and she has never tried to make " excuses " for their silence. On ONE occasion I was able to get to my nada....we were at the home of my brother's fiance's parents for his fiance's birthday. My nada decided to re-tell this story about me which, not only wasn't true....but it had NOTHING to do with the subject matter at hand....after telling the story, I said " you know what?...I'm going to go stand across the room, because I don t want to be anywhere near you when you get struck by that lightning bolt. " Everyone there laughed and walked away with me...and she stood there smiling after chuckling a bit. Then it occurred to me...EVERYONE got what I said but HER! Well, my father must have clued her in on what it all meant, because when I got home I had a nasty message on my answering machine about how she would appreciate it if, in the future i refrained from embarrassing her with all my " fancy talk " . (only she said a-frained...she is always mispronouncing words) I still have the message....because it cracks me up. Chalk one up for the KO's!! As far as which is best...it's probably different in each situation. On one hand, correcting them and making them realize that you HAVEN'T forgotten how it actually happened may be the best way to handle it....but on the other, ignoring them and refusing to have any other conversation with them may remove the validation from their story. At the end of the day no matter what we say or do to correct them...they will always have either total amnesia or convenient self-validating recall. I would say, take each scenario as it comes....and do whatever your instincts tell you. Just know that you aren't alone...and somewhere out there....there are other KO's healing with you. Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny -- Modifying memories I HATE how Nada always reworks here memories to suit herself. That just makes me crazy. I am convinced it is a grand plan of hers to stay in control and manipulate. She keeps pulling this " I told you I was coming by to visit my granddaughter " crap when there is no way that is true. Whenever she even vaguely hints dropping by it is time to to batton down the hatches and warn everyone in sight. Like I would just FORGET. HA! I am tempted to tell her that. As for her other memories, is it even worth correcting her? AGH! BUtifulGrace --------------------------------- New Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Call regular phones from your PC and save big. Quote
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2006 Report Posted June 19, 2006 Beach Bunny wrote: At the end of the day no matter what we say or do to correct them...they will always have either total amnesia or convenient self-validating recall >>>>>There you have it right there. They will always warp it regardless. Not worth it I guess. BUtifulGrace Amen sister!! Gosh...my nada does that constantly, and it just makes me want to SCREAM! You know, my nada has always had this way of taking silly jokes personally saying " there is alot of truth in kidding...if someone tells you a joke, that is there way of calling you stupid " So for her, jokingly saying " if that were true i would have battened down the hatches and gotten out of town " ....she may have picked up on it...maybe not...either way i would have said it, just to get it out of my system. As far as correcting her...I don't know that it is worth it. I guess it would depend on the memory. I have found in some cases, if my mom was telling a " story " to a friend..if I correct her, she just ends up telling HER version to 10 others without me...I guess to " even the score " . In my particular case, I have found when she recalls something incorrectly, I just get this look on my face like she is making it all up and shake my head...or I may simply, in a very harsh tone say to her... " you know, for some reason you feel it is necessary to recall that in that way....I was there, and it couldn't be further from the truth " and then I change the subject. As I have gotten older, I have noticed my nada's sister and aunts have picked up that she does this to them too. They just refuse to respond to her in any way at all. They just get silent...nothing like an awkward silence to ruin a flowing conversation. I can tell it really bothers her....she gets very uncomfortable, and she has never tried to make " excuses " for their silence. On ONE occasion I was able to get to my nada....we were at the home of my brother's fiance's parents for his fiance's birthday. My nada decided to re-tell this story about me which, not only wasn't true....but it had NOTHING to do with the subject matter at hand....after telling the story, I said " you know what?...I'm going to go stand across the room, because I don t want to be anywhere near you when you get struck by that lightning bolt. " Everyone there laughed and walked away with me...and she stood there smiling after chuckling a bit. Then it occurred to me...EVERYONE got what I said but HER! Well, my father must have clued her in on what it all meant, because when I got home I had a nasty message on my answering machine about how she would appreciate it if, in the future i refrained from embarrassing her with all my " fancy talk " . (only she said a-frained...she is always mispronouncing words) I still have the message....because it cracks me up. Chalk one up for the KO's!! As far as which is best...it's probably different in each situation. On one hand, correcting them and making them realize that you HAVEN'T forgotten how it actually happened may be the best way to handle it....but on the other, ignoring them and refusing to have any other conversation with them may remove the validation from their story. At the end of the day no matter what we say or do to correct them...they will always have either total amnesia or convenient self-validating recall. I would say, take each scenario as it comes....and do whatever your instincts tell you. Just know that you aren't alone...and somewhere out there....there are other KO's healing with you. Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny -- Modifying memories I HATE how Nada always reworks here memories to suit herself. That just makes me crazy. I am convinced it is a grand plan of hers to stay in control and manipulate. She keeps pulling this " I told you I was coming by to visit my granddaughter " crap when there is no way that is true. Whenever she even vaguely hints dropping by it is time to to batton down the hatches and warn everyone in sight. Like I would just FORGET. HA! I am tempted to tell her that. As for her other memories, is it even worth correcting her? AGH! BUtifulGrace --------------------------------- New Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Call regular phones from your PC and save big. Quote
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2006 Report Posted June 19, 2006 That is crazymaking ... they need to make us the one with the distorted recollections. The thing about confronting a nada is that everything escalates when you do. It is fairly predicable that nada is not going to consider any boundaries or constructive criticism as anything but an attack. With my nada, it is all or nothing; you either bite your tongue off or stand up for yourself...I'm in the 'stand up and roll with the consequences camp'. Her self defense mechanisms are scary and vile. Standing up to her has led to my requiring no contact. Carol In a message dated 6/19/2006 11:06:12 AM Eastern Daylight Time, butifulgrace@... writes: I HATE how Nada always reworks here memories to suit herself. That just makes me crazy. I am convinced it is a grand plan of hers to stay in control and manipulate. She keeps pulling this " I told you I was coming by to visit my granddaughter " crap when there is no way that is true. Whenever she even vaguely hints dropping by it is time to to batton down the hatches and warn everyone in sight. Like I would just FORGET. HA! I am tempted to tell her that. As for her other memories, is it even worth correcting her? AGH! BUtifulGrace Quote
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2006 Report Posted June 20, 2006 Hmm. SO if I am looking for a reason to go no contact I should confront. I LIKE IT! BGrace getevenpersevere@... wrote: That is crazymaking ... they need to make us the one with the distorted recollections. The thing about confronting a nada is that everything escalates when you do. It is fairly predicable that nada is not going to consider any boundaries or constructive criticism as anything but an attack. With my nada, it is all or nothing; you either bite your tongue off or stand up for yourself...I'm in the 'stand up and roll with the consequences camp'. Her self defense mechanisms are scary and vile. Standing up to her has led to my requiring no contact. Carol In a message dated 6/19/2006 11:06:12 AM Eastern Daylight Time, butifulgrace@... writes: I HATE how Nada always reworks here memories to suit herself. That just makes me crazy. I am convinced it is a grand plan of hers to stay in control and manipulate. She keeps pulling this " I told you I was coming by to visit my granddaughter " crap when there is no way that is true. Whenever she even vaguely hints dropping by it is time to to batton down the hatches and warn everyone in sight. Like I would just FORGET. HA! I am tempted to tell her that. As for her other memories, is it even worth correcting her? AGH! BUtifulGrace Quote
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2006 Report Posted June 20, 2006 Indeed. I would like to be able to say that they can't help it, but Ive seen Yeti completely revise history (sometimes even before its happened) to either manipulate everyone, or make herself the victim of her own behaviour so people feel sorry (not to mention endebted) to her. Most commonly, she manipulates people . into feeling sorry for her ... and guilty about . well, everything. ________________________________________ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of getevenpersevere@... Sent: Tuesday, 20 June 2006 3:25 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Modifying memories That is crazymaking ... they need to make us the one with the distorted recollections. The thing about confronting a nada is that everything escalates when you do. It is fairly predicable that nada is not going to consider any boundaries or constructive criticism as anything but an attack. Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com Quote
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2006 Report Posted June 21, 2006 Beach Bunny, I don't think you need any other excuse to go no contact than the fact that you have grown up with a BP parent and now feel that no contact is important for you--so you can heal or lead a normal life--or so you can have a break! I do understand what you mean about the " final straw " though. Lately, I've been kind of just thinking to myself, " go ahead, do it! " when I see my nada going into pre-rage. I am ready to go NC anytime if I need to and, at this point, it might really just be a relief! Trish > > That is crazymaking ... they need to make us the one with the distorted > recollections. > > The thing about confronting a nada is that everything escalates when you do. > It is fairly predicable that nada is not going to consider any boundaries > or constructive criticism as anything but an attack. > > With my nada, it is all or nothing; you either bite your tongue off or stand > up for yourself...I'm in the 'stand up and roll with the consequences camp'. > Her self defense mechanisms are scary and vile. Standing up to her has led > to my requiring no contact. Carol > > > > In a message dated 6/19/2006 11:06:12 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > butifulgrace@... writes: > > I HATE how Nada always reworks here memories to suit herself. That just > makes me crazy. I am convinced it is a grand plan of hers to stay in control and > manipulate. She keeps pulling this " I told you I was coming by to visit my > granddaughter " crap when there is no way that is true. Whenever she even > vaguely hints dropping by it is time to to batton down the hatches and warn > everyone in sight. Like I would just FORGET. HA! I am tempted to tell her that. > As for her other memories, is it even worth correcting her? AGH! > BUtifulGrace > > Quote
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