RE: Stressing

[Guest guest]

I think I'm not totally sure about the whole funeral situation. But

if you have a hard time with them in your life I say limit it as

much as you can. How does your normal sister feel? If she doesn't

want to spend time with the others who are toxic then you are in

agreement and it will be easier for you to avoid any conflict. If

she doesn't want them at her house then she can say so. Or maybe you

can explain your feelings to her and she can just be the one to

answer the door and say she is not having them in at the time she

needs to be alone with her guest. If you feel hurt and it's

something you can tell them then go for it but I am sure you know

how that usably ends since bp's never listen anyhow and have

projecting problems. If you have recently had a death and alot of

hurt rejection avoidance and blame I may be going out on a limb her

but I am guessing the last thing you need now is somebody around who

will only hurt you more. If I were you I would just talk to your

sister who is ok and let her help you emotionally. Good luck Love

Lizzy

>

>

> I am going to see my only " normal " sister and her family tomorrow

and

> I can't wait. One of the evil Bpd sisters lives close to her and

likes

> to drop in unannouced and stir up the drama. I have not talked to

her

> since I told her off about nada's funeral. Her and the other Bpd

> sister decided not to come. That is okay, we all have a right to

do

> what we have to in that case to get by. They left me to pay for

the

> funeral, my sister Jan gave what she could and that is all I asked.

> They blamed me and Jan for them not pitching in and for not coming

to

> the funeral. Of course all our faults NOT theirs. Anyway, if I run

> into Lynn I just don't know what I would do or say. I am not mad

about

> them not being there. I'm mad and hurt about the avoidence, the

> blaming, the lack of resposiblity and I don't want toxic people in

my

> life anymore.

> I can deal with the situation better as long as I have no contact

with

> any of the toxic Bpd's in my family. Any suggestions????

>

[Guest guest]

and All,

There’s an old joke: I got rid of all the toxic people in my life. Now,

there’s no one left!

I look for the good ones. It’s not easy, especially when BPs and other

PD-people are in charge or won’t easily take responsibility, while

claiming that I’m the problem. Regular avoidance of toxic people and

situations, prayer and meditation, good food, and good support, like I get

on this board, help me. When I must deal with BPs and other PDs,

boundaries are most important for me, along with acceptance, as when I

must deal with BP fleas in MY behavior.

This is a daily challenge for me as I work to turn my life around based

upon my knowledge of and growth from the BPD-dominated era of my life. I

have to take it one day at a time, letting go of a lot.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- maryec73 wrote:

>

> I am going to see my only " normal " sister and her family tomorrow and

> I can't wait. One of the evil Bpd sisters lives close to her and likes

> to drop in unannouced and stir up the drama. I have not talked to her

> since I told her off about nada's funeral. Her and the other Bpd

> sister decided not to come. That is okay, we all have a right to do

> what we have to in that case to get by. They left me to pay for the

> funeral, my sister Jan gave what she could and that is all I asked.

> They blamed me and Jan for them not pitching in and for not coming to

> the funeral. Of course all our faults NOT theirs. Anyway, if I run

> into Lynn I just don't know what I would do or say. I am not mad about

> them not being there. I'm mad and hurt about the avoidence, the

> blaming, the lack of resposiblity and I don't want toxic people in my

> life anymore.

> I can deal with the situation better as long as I have no contact with

> any of the toxic Bpd's in my family. Any suggestions????

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Well, , 'No contact with toxic people' really says it all.

The last time that I ran into my BP enabler sister at a family funeral I

simply said 'Hi, how are you?'. She said, 'Hi, Fine,' then melted down into a

trembling, crying ball of self pity. The FOO huddled together in a corner and

glared at me for ... what?

I have no suggestions for getting along with BPs; save, 'Don't sweat the

small stuff. It is all small stuff " .

Sister Hug, Carol

In a message dated 7/1/2006 8:14:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

maryec73@... writes:

I am going to see my only " normal " sister and her family tomorrow and

I can't wait. One of the evil Bpd sisters lives close to her and likes

to drop in unannouced and stir up the drama. I have not talked to her

since I told her off about nada's funeral. Her and the other Bpd

sister decided not to come. That is okay, we all have a right to do

what we have to in that case to get by. They left me to pay for the

funeral, my sister Jan gave what she could and that is all I asked.

They blamed me and Jan for them not pitching in and for not coming to

the funeral. Of course all our faults NOT theirs. Anyway, if I run

into Lynn I just don't know what I would do or say. I am not mad about

them not being there. I'm mad and hurt about the avoidence, the

blaming, the lack of resposiblity and I don't want toxic people in my

life anymore.

I can deal with the situation better as long as I have no contact with

any of the toxic Bpd's in my family. Any suggestions????

[Guest guest]

Non-BP Man wrote:

> Regular avoidance of toxic people and situations, prayer and

> meditation, good food, and good support, like I get on this

> board, help me.

What a great summary! This is also what helps me. The only thing

I would add is scheduling something fun or pampering, even if it

is only for a few minutes, *every* day. Even a few minutes of

reading a good book, or some funny jokes, or listening to music--

whatever it is that feels relaxing and fun. It helps me a lot.

It helps overcome that negative self talk that tells me I don't

deserve it.

Back to avoiding " toxic " people, I would say that this is even

more important for those of us who are dealing with a chronic

illness. I think I would have put up with my mother's antics

for a lot longer if I had not had gotten ill. Once I had such

a limited amount of energy then I was forced into learning

how to say " No. " It was necessary for both my physical and my

mental health.

Hugs,

Marjorie

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