Journal

[Guest guest]

While reading another thread someone mentioned keeping a journal of BP stuff. I

had been contemplating that lately and think it is a GREAT IDEA! As a KO I tend

to 'forget' the stuff Nada has done and said, and it just makes things harder to

deal with because I excuse them away after the initial pain is gone. Also, my

anger has been bottled up more lately and growing, and what better way to get

rid of it than to journal it? Anyways, thanks for the idea and I am starting it

today. I am going to devote the first several pages to memories of recent

events that keep cropping up and re-hurting me.

BUtifulGrace

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[Guest guest]

BUtifulGrace,

So much comes up on here that I had forgotten. I just read one or two by

sherby2k. If someone were to combine these into a list it would make a

formidible and maybe scarey group of behaviors a KO endures.

There have been times when I had nada behavior down pat and didn't get hurt or

bummed out by it. When there is LC, I tend to forget all the tangles and knots

to unravel and I get hit again. It is almost protection to stay around her ( Is

that her goal?) just to keep myself informed and thereby to stay out of her

clutches and protect me and my family. Closeness and distance. H-m-m-m. Just

think of the convoluted mind that figures these things out. They are surely

geniuses in this area. Except it didn't work and I have gone LC from much

greater distance.

When my son graduated from high school he choose to stay with her for awhile.

In a year he called me to come down, he was in trouble. When I arrived I could

see both were sick. I got him to a therapist and a GI series. I stayed a month

and every morning I chewed her out like she was a little kid. " What are you

doing on the phone. No wonder you aren't getting anything done. " She would

then behave the rest of the day. I was never comfortable talking to her this

way, German respect for parents and all that, but it worked. I now see that

actually getting her off the phone stopped her games awhile. When my son and I

talked, he said he thought the problems with her was something wrong with my

brothers and I and that he could handle her. But she crossed a lot of his

boundaries and when he worked with one thing to get it handled, three more would

take its place. Over the months she had defeated him. (There's more. I won't

say it here.) Fortunately he did not stay much longer. In the Bible it talks

about how kept things in her mind re Jesus. Well, I know that feeling,

only for bad, not good. I have things to ponder in my mind re nada. What kind

of person would destroy a grandchild, one they presumably cared for.

He has been gone from her a long time. She calls him on the phone and though he

can take care of himself with her, he forgets all her ways. I was suffering for

awhile and finally got with him to not discuss me with her. She then started

calling when he wasn't home and would talk to his wife. Nada is like a worm

burrowing into people's brains and leaving damage and destruction behind. One

of the ways she is able to do this is that she has a myriad of tricks and

techniques that weave and tunnel through another's psyche and we forget them

until in our stupidity she repeats and repeats them until we are traumatized and

then can't forget.

I didn't mean to go here. I forget where I was going. I meant something

lighter. I'll leave it at this and hope you know what I mean. Now I'm ticked.

I could not write the above sentence in a straight line such as " Jim went to the

store " . In my mind I had to travel over hill and dale, through the tunnels and

rivers and woods of remembrance. Is there any value for my brain in doing this?

Is this an evolutionary process? For the benefit or the downfall of humanity or

society?

Journal

While reading another thread someone mentioned keeping a journal of BP stuff.

I had been contemplating that lately and think it is a GREAT IDEA! As a KO I

tend to 'forget' the stuff Nada has done and said, and it just makes things

harder to deal with because I excuse them away after the initial pain is gone.

Also, my anger has been bottled up more lately and growing, and what better way

to get rid of it than to journal it? Anyways, thanks for the idea and I am

starting it today. I am going to devote the first several pages to memories of

recent events that keep cropping up and re-hurting me.

BUtifulGrace

---------------------------------

Sneak preview the all-new Yahoo.com. It's not radically different. Just

radically better.