Guest guest Posted August 18, 2010 Report Share Posted August 18, 2010 Hi G, I identify with your post and have similar experience. All the 'household' stuff, kids, big ones and little ones! A stressed husband and me in the middle of it all trying to keep everyone happy and healthy and myself sane! My experience is that mindfulness really helps here - not letting my mind zoom off in a thousand different directions - staying present and connected to my values - and noticing the sometimes constant grumble of my mind as it complains about everything! - Noticing all that and still pointing my compass in the direction that I want to go is very liberating. I was thinking that maybe we should take more notice of all the little daily hassles that cause stress and build up - then maybe the bigger issues which are often discussed on this forum might not seem so overwhelming. Also it can help the mudane seem a lot more worthwhile! BTW I'm reading The Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction handbook at the moment and finding it useful. Let us know how you get on. Simone To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Wed, 18 August, 2010 5:03:31Subject: Avoidance motivation Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in' between now and then.I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example: wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.Cheers for all your posts.G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2010 Report Share Posted August 18, 2010 Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep practicing. Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000> Subject: Avoidance motivation> > Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.> > Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in' between now and then.> > I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.> > I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.> > Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.> > So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example: wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.> > Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.> > Cheers for all your posts.> > G> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Hi Simone, Bill and Forum, Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework. Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. After I read your post I started to notice more and more how one little twinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball of resentment. So I found that being mindful of the many little sensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within the realm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mild sensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at the checkout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way. I've been working on moving in valued directions. I've been applying it in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it in other areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a few things: - the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvement of how effectively the work is getting done - the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me - there are still the usual ups and downs - the house is tidier I've also noticed that: - focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principle areas to work on such as being connected with the present moment eg moving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you can or cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged on evaluative thoughts such as " will it work? " or " if this fails you'll know you are incompetent " - my interactions with the kids show signs of psychological flexibility - eg I'm just less grumpy!! Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - I sense mischief!! I wonder what's going on. PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested. Grant > > Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it > becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep > practicing. Bill > >> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> From: grantymack@... >> Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000 >> Subject: Avoidance motivation >> >> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you. >> >> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And >> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the >> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home >> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then >> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in' >> between now and then. >> >> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking >> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at >> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'. >> >> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the >> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to >> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction. >> >> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I >> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like >> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing >> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction. >> >> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but >> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example: >> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops >> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth. >> >> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation. >> >> Cheers for all your posts. >> >> G >> >> >> >> ------------------------------------ >> >> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org >> >> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may >> unsubscribe by sending an email to >> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links >> >> >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 Hi Grant, Seems like you are moving along nicely with ACT. The kids and housework is a real biggy for me - it totally overwhelms me at times - I have this idea of having a lovely feng shui type house - but the reality is a little different! I notice my mind being pushed, pulled and rolled along like a steamtrain by all the demands upon my physical and emotional time. No wonder I feel tired a lot! What to do? So many values, so little time. What do I value in this moment? I ask myself that over and over - yes but you have this to do, and that to do, and the other to do......the mind replies - thanks mind. Think I'll just attend to this one thing in front of me now, in this moment, and not let the mind pull me into the next moment before this one has been fulled lived. The mbrs book is a useful adjunct to work through and I don't regret buying it - it has helped to deepen my practice. I have this terrible habit of reading several books at the same time - a bit like my mind I suppose, thinking of several things at the same time! Anyway, I'm on the path and I ain't getting off - so nuts to you mind! Good luck with the housework - oh btw I read a book called The Zen of Housework or something like that ages ago - making the work the practice - umm thiunk I'll give that a go today! Keep us posted. Simone To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Wed, 8 September, 2010 0:05:54Subject: Re: Avoidance motivation Hi Simone, Bill and Forum,Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework.Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. AfterI read your post I started to notice more and more how one littletwinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball ofresentment. So I found that being mindful of the many littlesensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within therealm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mildsensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at thecheckout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way.I've been working on moving in valued directions. I've been applyingit in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it inother areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a fewthings:- the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvementof how effectively the work is getting done- the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me- there are still the usual ups and downs- the house is tidierI've also noticed that:- focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principleareas to work on such as being connected with the present moment egmoving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you canor cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged onevaluative thoughts such as "will it work?" or "if this fails you'llknow you are incompetent"- my interactions with the kids show signs of psychologicalflexibility - eg I'm just less grumpy!!Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - Isense mischief!!I wonder what's going on.PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested.Grant>> Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it> becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep> practicing. Bill>>> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> > Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000>> Subject: Avoidance motivation>>>> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.>>>> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And>> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the>> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home>> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then>> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in'>> between now and then.>>>> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking>> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at>> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.>>>> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the>> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to>> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.>>>> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I>> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like>> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing>> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.>>>> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but>> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example:>> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops>> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.>>>> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.>>>> Cheers for all your posts.>>>> G>>>>>>>> ------------------------------------>>>> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org>>>> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may>> unsubscribe by sending an email to>> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links>>>>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 Great to hear how well ACT is working for you Grant and that you're seeing real changes in your life. I so wish ACT had been around when my kids were little! I spent so much time stressed, grumpy and not coping. I know I would have been a better and more effective parent and I'm sure they and I would have enjoyed it all more!An ACT book specifically for parents would be great - Russ, , - anything in the pipeline?KateHi Simone, Bill and Forum,Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework.Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. AfterI read your post I started to notice more and more how one littletwinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball ofresentment. So I found that being mindful of the many littlesensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within therealm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mildsensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at thecheckout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way.I've been working on moving in valued directions. I've been applyingit in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it inother areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a fewthings:- the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvementof how effectively the work is getting done- the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me- there are still the usual ups and downs- the house is tidierI've also noticed that:- focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principleareas to work on such as being connected with the present moment egmoving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you canor cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged onevaluative thoughts such as "will it work?" or "if this fails you'llknow you are incompetent"- my interactions with the kids show signs of psychologicalflexibility - eg I'm just less grumpy!!Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - Isense mischief!!I wonder what's going on.PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested.Grant>> Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it> becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep> practicing. Bill>>> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> > Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000>> Subject: Avoidance motivation>>>> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.>>>> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And>> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the>> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home>> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then>> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in'>> between now and then.>>>> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking>> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at>> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.>>>> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the>> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to>> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.>>>> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I>> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like>> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing>> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.>>>> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but>> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example:>> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops>> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.>>>> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.>>>> Cheers for all your posts.>>>> G>>>>>>>> ------------------------------------>>>> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org>>>> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may>> unsubscribe by sending an email to>> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links>>>>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 McCurry has a book out ... it is cast towardparents of anxious children but its more generally usefulgreat guy Check it out- S C. Foundation Professor Department of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.org If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join  Great to hear how well ACT is working for you Grant and that you're seeing real changes in your life.  I so wish ACT had been around when my kids were little!  I spent so much time stressed, grumpy and not coping.  I know I would have been a better and more effective parent and I'm sure they and I would have enjoyed it all more! An ACT book specifically for parents would be great - Russ, , - anything in the pipeline?Kate Hi Simone, Bill and Forum,Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework.Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. After I read your post I started to notice more and more how one littletwinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball ofresentment. So I found that being mindful of the many littlesensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within the realm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mildsensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at thecheckout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way.I've been working on moving in valued directions. I've been applying it in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it inother areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a fewthings:- the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvement of how effectively the work is getting done- the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me- there are still the usual ups and downs- the house is tidierI've also noticed that: - focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principleareas to work on such as being connected with the present moment egmoving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you canor cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged on evaluative thoughts such as " will it work? " or " if this fails you'llknow you are incompetent " - my interactions with the kids show signs of psychologicalflexibility - eg I'm just less grumpy!! Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - Isense mischief!!I wonder what's going on.PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested.Grant >> Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it> becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep> practicing. Bill>>> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> From: grantymack@...>> Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000>> Subject: Avoidance motivation >>>> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.>>>> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And>> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the >> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home>> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then>> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in' >> between now and then.>>>> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking>> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at >> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.>>>> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the>> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to >> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.>>>> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I>> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like >> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing>> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.>>>> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but >> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example:>> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops>> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth. >>>> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.>>>> Cheers for all your posts.>>>> G>>>>>>>> ------------------------------------ >>>> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org >>>> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may>> unsubscribe by sending an email to>> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links >>>>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 Thanks - will doKateMcCurry has a book out ... it is cast towardparents of anxious children but its more generally usefulgreat guy Check it out- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go tohttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinorhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/joinOn Thu, Sep 9, 2010 at 1:28 AM, kate wrote: Great to hear how well ACT is working for you Grant and that you're seeing real changes in your life. I so wish ACT had been around when my kids were little! I spent so much time stressed, grumpy and not coping. I know I would have been a better and more effective parent and I'm sure they and I would have enjoyed it all more!An ACT book specifically for parents would be great - Russ, , - anything in the pipeline?KateHi Simone, Bill and Forum,Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework.Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. AfterI read your post I started to notice more and more how one littletwinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball ofresentment. So I found that being mindful of the many littlesensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within therealm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mildsensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at thecheckout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way.I've been working on moving in valued directions. I've been applyingit in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it inother areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a fewthings:- the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvementof how effectively the work is getting done- the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me- there are still the usual ups and downs- the house is tidierI've also noticed that:- focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principleareas to work on such as being connected with the present moment egmoving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you canor cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged onevaluative thoughts such as "will it work?" or "if this fails you'llknow you are incompetent"- my interactions with the kids show signs of psychologicalflexibility - eg I'm just less grumpy!!Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - Isense mischief!!I wonder what's going on.PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested.Grant>> Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it> becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep> practicing. Bill>>> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> > Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000>> Subject: Avoidance motivation>>>> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.>>>> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And>> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the>> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home>> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then>> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in'>> between now and then.>>>> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking>> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at>> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.>>>> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the>> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to>> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.>>>> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I>> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like>> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing>> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.>>>> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but>> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example:>> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops>> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.>>>> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.>>>> Cheers for all your posts.>>>> G>>>>>>>> ------------------------------------>>>> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org>>>> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may>> unsubscribe by sending an email to>> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links>>>>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 Also just came across this on Amazon - should be useful for those with small childrenhttp://www.amazon.com/Joy-Parenting-Acceptance-Commitment-Effective/dp/157224593X/ref=pd_sim_b_3Parents are supposed to be at their best when their children are at their worst. The only problem is that parents are people, too, and are susceptible to knee-jerk reactions, anger, and fears that make perfect parenting nearly impossible. But it is possible to keep your long-term parenting goals in mind, give yourself credit for what you're doing right, and most importantly, enjoy the rewards and joy of raising a child.The Joy of Parenting is a compassionate guide for parents who sometimes feel overwhelmed-that is, all parents. The acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) skills in this book will help you develop the flexibility and mindfulness to help your child make critical transitions and gracefully move past the bumps along the way.This guide offers practical skills-based exercises to help you:Handle tantrums and defiance with graceRefocus on big-picture values when you feel overwhelmedAct compassionately toward yourself when you make mistakesAdjust your parenting as your child works through typical developmental transitionsKateThanks - will doKateMcCurry has a book out ... it is cast towardparents of anxious children but its more generally usefulgreat guy Check it out- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go tohttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinorhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/joinOn Thu, Sep 9, 2010 at 1:28 AM, kate wrote: Great to hear how well ACT is working for you Grant and that you're seeing real changes in your life. I so wish ACT had been around when my kids were little! I spent so much time stressed, grumpy and not coping. I know I would have been a better and more effective parent and I'm sure they and I would have enjoyed it all more!An ACT book specifically for parents would be great - Russ, , - anything in the pipeline?KateHi Simone, Bill and Forum,Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework.Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. AfterI read your post I started to notice more and more how one littletwinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball ofresentment. So I found that being mindful of the many littlesensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within therealm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mildsensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at thecheckout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way.I've been working on moving in valued directions. I've been applyingit in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it inother areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a fewthings:- the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvementof how effectively the work is getting done- the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me- there are still the usual ups and downs- the house is tidierI've also noticed that:- focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principleareas to work on such as being connected with the present moment egmoving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you canor cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged onevaluative thoughts such as "will it work?" or "if this fails you'llknow you are incompetent"- my interactions with the kids show signs of psychologicalflexibility - eg I'm just less grumpy!!Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - Isense mischief!!I wonder what's going on.PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested.Grant>> Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it> becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep> practicing. Bill>>> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> > Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000>> Subject: Avoidance motivation>>>> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.>>>> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And>> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the>> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home>> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then>> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in'>> between now and then.>>>> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking>> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at>> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.>>>> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the>> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to>> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.>>>> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I>> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like>> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing>> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.>>>> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but>> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example:>> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops>> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.>>>> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.>>>> Cheers for all your posts.>>>> G>>>>>>>> ------------------------------------>>>> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org>>>> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may>> unsubscribe by sending an email to>> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links>>>>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 I think it could be useful for parents with older kids too, even though the targeted audience is those with small children - although, clearly, I am biased ;-) Amy R. Murrell, Ph.D. Assistant Professor University of North Texas Department of Psychology 1155 Union Circle #311280 Denton, TX 76203-5017 (phone) (fax) From: ACT_for_the_Public [ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of kate [catherine7250@...] Sent: Thursday, September 09, 2010 6:19 AM To: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Avoidance motivation Also just came across this on Amazon - should be useful for those with small children http://www.amazon.com/Joy-Parenting-Acceptance-Commitment-Effective/dp/157224593X/ref=pd_sim_b_3 Parents are supposed to be at their best when their children are at their worst. The only problem is that parents are people, too, and are susceptible to knee-jerk reactions, anger, and fears that make perfect parenting nearly impossible. But it is possible to keep your long-term parenting goals in mind, give yourself credit for what you're doing right, and most importantly, enjoy the rewards and joy of raising a child. The Joy of Parenting is a compassionate guide for parents who sometimes feel overwhelmed-that is, all parents. The acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) skills in this book will help you develop the flexibility and mindfulness to help your child make critical transitions and gracefully move past the bumps along the way. This guide offers practical skills-based exercises to help you: Handle tantrums and defiance with grace Refocus on big-picture values when you feel overwhelmed Act compassionately toward yourself when you make mistakes Adjust your parenting as your child works through typical developmental transitions Kate Thanks - will do Kate McCurry has a book out ... it is cast toward parents of anxious children but its more generally useful great guy Check it out - S C. Foundation Professor Department of Psychology /298 University of Nevada Reno, NV 89557-0062 hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.org If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go tohttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/join If you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Great to hear how well ACT is working for you Grant and that you're seeing real changes in your life. I so wish ACT had been around when my kids were little! I spent so much time stressed, grumpy and not coping. I know I would have been a better and more effective parent and I'm sure they and I would have enjoyed it all more! An ACT book specifically for parents would be great - Russ, , - anything in the pipeline? Kate Hi Simone, Bill and Forum, Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework. Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. After I read your post I started to notice more and more how one little twinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball of resentment. So I found that being mindful of the many little sensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within the realm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mild sensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at the checkout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way. I've been working on moving in valued directions. I've been applying it in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it in other areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a few things: - the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvement of how effectively the work is getting done - the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me - there are still the usual ups and downs - the house is tidier I've also noticed that: - focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principle areas to work on such as being connected with the present moment eg moving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you can or cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged on evaluative thoughts such as " will it work? " or " if this fails you'll know you are incompetent " - my interactions with the kids show signs of psychological flexibility - eg I'm just less grumpy!! Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - I sense mischief!! I wonder what's going on. PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested. Grant > > Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it > becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep > practicing. Bill > >> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> From: grantymack@... >> Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000 >> Subject: Avoidance motivation >> >> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you. >> >> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And >> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the >> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home >> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then >> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in' >> between now and then. >> >> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking >> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at >> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'. >> >> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the >> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to >> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction. >> >> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I >> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like >> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing >> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction. >> >> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but >> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example: >> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops >> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth. >> >> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation. >> >> Cheers for all your posts. >> >> G >> >> >> >> ------------------------------------ >> >> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org >> >> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may >> unsubscribe by sending an email to >> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links >> >> >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 The Joy of Parenting was written by Amy Murrell and Coyne. These two are students from my shop here at Ole Miss--though out on their own for a good bit of time now. Definitely ACT and definitely worth checking out.best G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com Also just came across this on Amazon - should be useful for those with small childrenhttp://www.amazon.com/Joy-Parenting-Acceptance-Commitment-Effective/dp/157224593X/ref=pd_sim_b_3Parents are supposed to be at their best when their children are at their worst. The only problem is that parents are people, too, and are susceptible to knee-jerk reactions, anger, and fears that make perfect parenting nearly impossible. But it is possible to keep your long-term parenting goals in mind, give yourself credit for what you're doing right, and most importantly, enjoy the rewards and joy of raising a child.The Joy of Parenting is a compassionate guide for parents who so metimes feel overwhelmed-that is, all parents. The acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) skills in this book will help you develop the flexibility and mindfulness to help your child make critical transitions and gracefully move past the bumps along the way.This guide offers practical skills-based exercises to help you:Handle tantrums and defiance with graceRefocus on big-picture values when you feel overwhelmedAct compassionately toward yourself when you make mistakesAdjust your parenting as your child works through typical developmental transitionsKateThanks - will doKateMcCurry has a book out ... it is cast towardparents of anxious children but its more generally usefulgreat guy Check it out- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.context ualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go tohttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinorhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/joinOn Thu, Sep 9, 2010 at 1:28 AM, kate <cath erine7250@...> wrote: Great to hear how well ACT is working for you Grant and that you're seeing real changes in your life. I so wish ACT had been around when my kids were little! I spent so much time stressed, grumpy and not coping. I know I would have been a better and more effective parent and I'm sure they and I would have enjoyed it all more!An ACT book specifically for parents would be great - Russ, , - anything in the pipeline?KateHi Simone, Bill and Forum,Reporting back on the values work with kids and housework.Thanks Simone for your observations they really got me thinking. AfterI read your post I started to notice more and more how one littletwinge of frustration could start to accumulate into a snowball ofresentment. So I found that being mindful of the many littlesensations tends to help keep my overall stress levels within therealm of ACT skills. Defusing small thoughts, accepting mildsensations, and being mindful while doing simple things (eg at thecheckout with kids grizzling). All adds up in a more helpful way.I've been working on m oving in valued directions. I've been applyingit in relation to parenting and housework. I've been applying it inother areas too. In relation to my parenting, kids etc I've seen a fewthings:- the change in motivation is quite dramatic in terms of improvementof how effectively the work is getting done- the kids and my partner seem much happier and more settled with me- there are still the usual ups and downs- the house is tidierI've also noticed that:- focusing on the values ACT principle has highlighted other principleareas to work on such as being connected with the present moment egmoving in a valued direction works best when you focus on what you canor cannot do right now for that value as opposed to getting snagged onevaluative thoughts such as "will it work?" or "if this fails you'llknow you are incompetent"- my interactions with the kids show signs of psychologicalflexibility - eg I'm just less gru mpy!!Anyhow the next thing I'm doing is going to check out the kitchen - Isense mischief!!I wonder what's going on.PS Simone, how is the MBSR workbook? I'm interested.Grant>> Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it> becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep> practicing. Bill>>> To: ACT_for_the_Public >> > Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03 :31 +0000>> Subject: Avoidance motivation>>>> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.>>>> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And>> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the>> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home>> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then>> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in'>> between now and then.>>>> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking>> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at>> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.>>>> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the>> difference between moving away (being m otivated by avoidance; wanting to>> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.>>>> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I>> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like>> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing>> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.>>>> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but>> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example:>> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops>> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.>>>> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.>>>> Cheers for all your posts.>>>> G>>>>>> >> ------------------------------------>>>> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org>>>> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may>> unsubscribe by sending an email to>> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links>>>>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2010 Report Share Posted September 9, 2010 Must make you feel very good to know you have been a positive influence in so many lives and careers. And I'm sure you have learned a lot from them, as well! Neat. Helena Avoidance motivation>>>> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you.>>>> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And>> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the>> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home>> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I then>> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in'>> between now and then.>>>> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking>> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at>> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'.>>>> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the>> difference between moving away (being m otivated by avoidance; wanting to>> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction.>>>> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I>> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like>> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing>> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction.>>>> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs but>> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for example:>> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to shops>> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth.>>>> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation.>>>> Cheers for all your posts.>>>> G>>>>>>>> ------------------------------------>>>> For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org>>>> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may>> unsubscribe by sending an email to>> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links>>>>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 10, 2010 Report Share Posted September 10, 2010 For anyone who's curious the Amazon link to McCurry's book is http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245794/ref=oss_product I've just ordered it - I am not a parent but we have close friends & relations who are. I'll share my impressions of the book on this list once I've read it (and/or hopefully shared it w/said friends & relations if they express interest). -R. > > > > > > Looks like your ACT toolkit is coming in handy. Use what works until it > > > becomes a habit. ACT clicked for me one day in about the same way. Keep > > > practicing. Bill > > > > > >> To: ACT_for_the_Public <ACT_for_the_Public%40yahoogroups.com> > > >> From: grantymack@... <grantymack%40gmail.com> > > >> Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:03:31 +0000 > > >> Subject: Avoidance motivation > > >> > > >> Hi Forum, this may be of interest to some of you. > > >> > > >> Listening to a Yale University podcast just now with Steve . And > > >> doing housework at the same time. Trying to manage to small kids at the > > >> same time. Watching the clock and thinking that my partner will be home > > >> soon. She may or may not be worn out and stressed herself. And that I > > then > > >> have to go to a small teaching job. There are various jobs to 'fit in' > > >> between now and then. > > >> > > >> I've been moving back and forth from mindfullness into Feeling, thinking > > >> and behaving in ways that reinforce the fears which I'll sumarise it at > > >> all as 'being a crap parent/partner'. > > >> > > >> I was thinking about a comment by on the podcast about the > > >> difference between moving away (being motivated by avoidance; wanting to > > >> avoid something) compared to moving in a valued direction. > > >> > > >> Then I noticed that I'm continually stressed about this time of day. I > > >> notice that every day. But this time I also thought about what it's like > > >> to be motivated by avoidance (like running away from the scary thing > > >> through the forest) and being motivated by going in a valued direction. > > >> > > >> So what I'm about to do it go back to the kitchen and do the same jobs > > but > > >> this time with the approach of moving in a valued direction - for > > example: > > >> wipe snotty kids nose because I'll always care about that kid. Go to > > shops > > >> - because I care what we have to eat. And so forth. > > >> > > >> Here I go... I may or may not update you on this realisation. > > >> > > >> Cheers for all your posts. > > >> > > >> G > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> ------------------------------------ > > >> > > >> For other ACT materials and list serves see > > www.contextualpsychology.org > > >> > > >> If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > >> unsubscribe by sending an email to > > >> ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...<ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe%40yahoogroups.\ comYahoo>! > > Groups Links > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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