Return of the Hermit Fleas!!!--long post

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, I have recently been plagued by a minor return of some

old hermit fleas and have been thinking about just how harmful they

have been to me. Hands-down, even with the recurrence of fleas, I am

FAR better than I was before in terms of worry and anxiety about all

the terrible things that could happen to me and the people I love. As

I've mentioned in other posts, I've come a long way in battling some

of the most debilitating side-effects of this kind of anxiety

(insomnia, inability to concentrate, jumpiness, fight/flight reactions

to minor non-emergency situations etc...)

As you may already know, I am planning to move to Europe in less than

a month with my husband--indefinately. So, for someone with issues

with anxiety, I should give myself a pat on the back for holding up so

well in a situation where so much change is involved and so much

" unknown " is out there. I've even been in contact with my nada and

have fended off her " concerns " and " what if's? " without feeling any

real anxiety--largely because there is absolutely no rational basis

for any of her concerns. Like, " what if the INS discovers you never

changed your name and were married in San Fransisco during all those

same sex mariages? They might revoke DH's greencard???? " WHATEVER,

sheesh. Wow, it's very illuminating when you can remain in contact

with a nada and see where all the weird fleas came from.

The thing is though, my fleas really have been triggered recently, not

by my nada, but by my entire situation(I think): the uncertainty, the

stress, saying goodbye to friends. I find myself waking up at night

and worrying about things that, I guess, could actually happen, like

people I love dying or whatever. I mean, people die, sometimes at a

young age and I suppose everyone ponders that and worries about it to

some extent, but I think this is a flea for me because of the general

feeling it evokes in me.

At these times, I feel like the world is just a treacherous and

uncertain place where we never know when the few people that we really

love and rely on will be ripped away from us and we will be left to go

on alone. As part of my work with anxiety with my T, we touched on

how anxious thoughts are part of anxiety, but also a world-view that's

kind of anxiety-provoking. And it has become clear to me that I still

have that worldview in place.

How do you all tackle that kind of way of looking at the world? I

mean, you can't deny that people leave and die at random times in our

lives, but I guess I'd just like a less anxious way of looking at it

and am curious to know how the rest of you handle it.