Re: To Carol

[Guest guest]

Carol,

Yes, it is more common than people want to talk about. Its weird how

we have all those commercials on tv now days, but still people don't

talk about it much or either they believe they are invincible. I've

given talks about HIV/AIDS at schools back in Florida (no time for it

now days w/two under toe) and the kids still think they are not going

to get it...It happens to everyone but them. Sadly my friend who

taught these kids had a few students contract HIV as it was the

really poor and impoverished and headed for jail type section of the

town (and resources are NOT the same at those public schools as they

are on the posh areas of town- its pathetic really).

One book that I read in college (I took two classes on HIV prevention-

that's all they offered at the time and I volunteered w/a woman who

adopted kids who were infected- some recovered around 2 years of age

and others contracted AIDS- that's the strange thing about babies,

they have two roads that are 50-50 chances- anyway, it was

heartbreaking. So was volunteering for the Quilt project that toured

the nation and is permanently housed in DC) is called 'I'll Not Go

Quietly' by Fisher. That book and " It Happened To " both

really struck me in the gizzards. The Fisher book is about a

faithful housewife who raises her kids and is married for so long,

but her politician husband is unfaithful. He gets HIV and gives it to

her. He dies and she writes the book before she dies, but I can only

imagine how her kids must have felt being orphaned at such a young

age (they weren't that young when she died, but teens and early

twenties as she contracted in the 1980s and I believe died in the mid

1990s- medicine has gotten progressively better, but not in time for

her) over their father's infidelity. I also heard a couple of live

speakers w/similar stories in class. Its so gut wrenching.

Even if a person is promiscious, it is still difficult to deal with,

but when they are not and are the trusting unware spouse, I think it

is even more frustrating. In high school I had two friends who were

promiscious and got something. The sad thing now looking back is that

I believe both of them had bp moms and npd dads and the tender age of

15 or 16 or 17, they had a life sentence on their ability to

procreate (some are curable and some aren't). They were 'looking for

love in all the wrong places and faces'. I learned a lot from that.

But in my 20s I had two other friends who got diseases from their

unfaithful spouses and that was equally as horrifying to me. I can't

imagine it. I think those situations helped me to take a lot of time

in discerning who I should marry as well as not letting my sexuality

control me when I wasn't married (or even when I married- the bp

definitely uses sex as a weapon which healthy people do not...married

or unmarried) Either way you look at it, your trust has been shaken

the core and I will continue to hold you deep in my heart as you

struggle through this very difficult time.

Kerrie

>

>

> Oh Kerrie. How kind you are. Thank you for your unconditional

acceptance

> ... it is really hard to realize how prevalent this is; how many

women find

> themselves the recipient of STDs, only to be accused of being

promiscuous? I am

> so, so angry at my own ignorance. How could I be so trusting, for

so long;

> I know better.

>

> Yes, Heartburn is one of my favorite movies. She was pure,

trusting, and

> sacrificed her independence for 'the relationship'...how more sad

does it get?

> Carol

>

>

>

>

>

> In a message dated 6/3/2006 11:52:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> lonewolfe30@... writes:

>

> OMG Carol! I am soooo soooo sorry to hear this. I can only imagine

> how absolutely horrified and pissed off you must be feeling right

> now. I know I'd feel a lot like Loraina Bobbit if I were in your

> shoes. I truly feel absolutely devestated for you. This is like

one

> of the worst things a married person could ever face. I truly can

not

> imagine how hard this must be for you and what you are going

through

> emotionally. Do you have any good girlfriends in the area to take

you

> out for drinks or something? A friend you can confide in and cry

on

> their shoulder and just have some good husband bashing

conversation

> with who'll truly be a good friend? I just can't fathom that kind

of

> news. My bestfriend got a living std - how shall I say it- same

name

> as a sea animal- from a toilet seat on her long drive back home

from

> Florida (she stopped some where near New Orleans and has vowed

never

> to take I-10 through LA again in her life). She was single at the

> time and soooo not remotely the type to sleep around or anything

and

> so when she told me, I had no doubt she caught it from a toilet

and

> it was just shocking. I felt so niave- like I had no idea that

could

> happen. We were both in college at the time (different colleges

> though and we stayed in touch online and it was soo weird getting

> that kind of email- kind of the thing I'd want to talk to my

> bestfriend on the phone with at minimum). Have you ever seen the

> movie " Heartburn " with Merril Strepp and Jack ? You should

> sooo rent that about now and have a good cry. I've not seen it in

> years, but it exactly the story line you are going through right

now

> and I don't know why, but that movie always hit me in a soft spot-

> like the loss of innocence as one enters middle age and life

starts

> seriously unfurling.

>

> I'm not a big fan of divorce, but this is one of the primary

reasons

> I encourage it w/some bps over at the non-Christian board. Most of

> them understand and/or are divorced, but seriously, I don't think

> this is right at all. Some stds are fatal and I've had friends die

> from them and so I would never in a million years want someone to

go

> through the things I've seen. Its absolutely horrifying and in

these

> cases, avoidable. Take care of yourself and leave him yesterday.

You

> can do it. You know you can. You are worth soooo much more than

this

> crap. Man or woman, no one deserves this kind of bs- not that any

> kind of bs from a borderline is ever tolerable, but this is just

> messed up girlfriend! I don't know how you're sane enough to even

> type right now. I'd be so over the top livid I couldn't think

> straight, much less be as articulate as you are. Your coping

> mechanisms are extraordinairy! Either that or denial is helping

you,

> which is a good coping mechanism sometimes, but not for a way of

life.

>

> Some of the things you said reminded me of that X-bp fiance I told

> you about that I almost married. When I moved out on my own, I

> realized I'd probably been codependant for a while- not severely,

but

> had gotten more so that way since I lived w/nada and was engaged

to

> that bp and believed a lot of their brainwashing garbage. I

remember

> one day after moving out and living on my own- completely on my own-

> writing a short story about how if I never fell in love again or

ever

> got married or any of that jazz, i was totally content with that

> prospect. I had my cat, my dog, my fish and a lot of plants an

> occassional bird that would nest in my plants. It was so nice to

> stand on my own two feet and be happy with just me- not just me,

but

> totally me. I felt a sense of peace, a peace that really hasn't

not

> altered that much since 1997 but only grown more and more grounded

in

> reality as the years pass. I'm not perfect and its even harder to

> live in peace w/multiple people under one roof, but I am glad I

found

> out who I was after those bps and became comfortable w/me before I

> moved on to any other relationships. The bp can truly brainwash a

> person into believing that they are as good as it gets, and to me,

> I'd rather be alone than w/anyone that thinks they are the best

I'll

> ever get. My husband doesn't even say that kind of crap to me (nor

I

> to him- how arrogant?).

>

> Anyways, My heart aches for you right now. I hope you can take

care

> of yourself. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing. I would

be

> so all over the place. Again, try to take care of you and do

whatever

> you need to do (within the law- the Loraina Bobbit thing is a

> fantasy - a nice thought of vengence, but not something to

seriously

> ever do) to get you through.

>

> Kerrie

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