Re: Re: a question

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much Trish. I feel better already, actually. Just coming on here

and reading everyones stories, and thinking about things more is helping me

tremendously. I already feel that the load I seem to bear on my shoulders is

getting just a little bit lighter.

Sassy

Re: a question

Sassy, I hear some of the same hopelessness in your post that I felt

about 6 months ago. At that time, the self-esteem issue seemed huge,

looming and unsurmountable.

I suppose that I began to make positive steps to improving my self

esteem about 6 years ago though. The major contributions to me feeling

better about myself were 1. choosing to follow my own interests, 2.

accepting my physical appearance 3. loosing weight(which I did better

at after I accepted myself) 4. learning about organization(slowly but

surely) 5. going to therapy to help me be more assertive and stop

bashing myself.

There are more things than that even--it is almost ridiculous what

I've done in the period of 6 years, but I only was able to do that by

taking small steps here and there to work towards what I wanted for

myself. For instance, when I was still overweight, it made me feel a

lot better just to be able to tell myself, " well, that's ok if I'm

overweight, at least I'm eating pretty well now and exercising. " It's

as if for me, just knowing that I'm taking steps to resolve a

situation that has me self-esteem low is an affirming action. Just

the fact that I care enough to do something makes me feel better in

the short-term.

Good luck to you. I can completely empathize with how huge a task it

all seems at the beginning. Another thing to look out for that I

remember doing a lot(and still sometimes do) is bashing myself for

having a low self esteem--Hah! That's productive. Be careful that

your kind to yourself as you think of ways to resolve your concerns

with self-esteem. It helps me to think of how I'd treat a friend or a

child that was feeling that way. . .

Trish

>

> I've got a question for you guys. How do you go about healing a

> wrecked self-esteem? I am reading, and reading on BPD...but I was

> wondering if any of you have any good tips for healing the damage that

> has been done to me by my nada? I have always been very non-

> confrontational to the point of having a hard time speaking up no

> matter what the problem. When I get angry, I just cry. I think I

> said before, that I've kind-of fulfilled my nada's prediction of me

> being a lazy woman who is incapable of doing anything. I have let

> myself go! I've been married for almost 13 years now to a very fit

> and attractive military man. He is great, but no matter what I am

> still insecure and overweight, and my house is a mess. The best I can

> see it, from a slightly distanced perspective, is it's easier to hate

> oneself when you are fat and living in a chaotic mess. My mother was

> very controlling and narcissistic. Everything is about her, and I now

> know that is a trait of BPD. Everything I did, she went behind me and

> did again. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I'm just wondering

> how you build up a self-esteem that has been destroyed by 30 years of

> my mother's abuse?

> Sassy

>

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.