Re: Re: Buddhist quote--self-esteem

[Guest guest]

Hi Randy, and & Bill et al,    : )Randy your post got me thinking. It really resonates with me this morning. I really like the playfulness in ACT and how it goes to acceptance. It's partly about just having a go. It reminded me of the hexaflex too and the relationships between the principles and how they reinforce each other. 

Just an hour ago I was trying to control a two and a four year old making love-heart-shaped jam sandwiches. [~Good luck~]  Very frustrating, first thing in the morning after a late night. My wife noted that I sounded like a dictator. I had a head full of controlling thoughts along the lines of " We need to get these kids under control " and " who's in charge here Grant?? " .... So I reminded myself about acceptance and made some room for the frustration. Then the thoughts dispersed.  

So having accepted my frustration, irritability and urge to control the kids I was able to move towards being a listening Dad and authentically; naturally too - listening, noticing, assisting and enjoying the messiness and facilitating something good for them. So much less tension.

Next came an irritable comment about the 'mess in the kitchen'. I didn't react. I heard it, mentally noted that I'd planned to clean up anyhow. The thought went overhead. Great.

This forum is very useful for developing a daily practice. Thanks for your posts.Grant

 

Yes!!!! Leave it to an engineer/contingency planner to take something simple and " boil it down " into something complex/difficult. Thanks /Randy et al for the steadying clarity. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public

From: public@...Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:01:04 +0000Subject: Re: Buddhist quote--self-esteem

 

> Defusion techniques facilitate the loosening of the

> death grip of these thoughts. One thing that comes

> out of that is the ability to notice whether a thought

> is useful or not. But watch it....you can become fused

> with the ABSOLUTE NECESSITY of getting the sorting

> done right.

& Bill et al,

I think the writing has done (Mindfulness For Two,

Things Might Go HT Wrong, etc.) speaks to this in another

way, too - i.e. the ambiguity and uncertainty which is

inherent in the world, and to which " minds " often react

(well, mine sure does) by attempting to set up rules, seek

and hold onto consistency without noticing when consistency

has become rigidity and no longer tracks with the world, etc.

And I'm reminded of something Steve wrote on this list

a few months ago about life - something that comes back to me with

increasing pertinence:

" This is not about being a good boy and getting a gold star. "

Small words, big implications.

-Randy

[Guest guest]

Grant - ACT in action. Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEFUSION, ACCEPTANCE, COMMITTED ACTION TOWARDS A VALUED LIFE, AWARENESS OF THE PRESENT, OBSERVING SELF. A good exercise is matching the core principles to the specifics of your story.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: grantymack@...Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2010 09:06:59 +1000Subject: Re: Re: Buddhist quote--self-esteem

Hi Randy, and & Bill et al, : )Randy your post got me thinking. It really resonates with me this morning. I really like the playfulness in ACT and how it goes to acceptance. It's partly about just having a go. It reminded me of the hexaflex too and the relationships between the principles and how they reinforce each other.

Just an hour ago I was trying to control a two and a four year old making love-heart-shaped jam sandwiches. [~Good luck~] Very frustrating, first thing in the morning after a late night. My wife noted that I sounded like a dictator. I had a head full of controlling thoughts along the lines of "We need to get these kids under control" and "who's in charge here Grant??".... So I reminded myself about acceptance and made some room for the frustration. Then the thoughts dispersed.

So having accepted my frustration, irritability and urge to control the kids I was able to move towards being a listening Dad and authentically; naturally too - listening, noticing, assisting and enjoying the messiness and facilitating something good for them. So much less tension.

Next came an irritable comment about the 'mess in the kitchen'. I didn't react. I heard it, mentally noted that I'd planned to clean up anyhow. The thought went overhead. Great.

This forum is very useful for developing a daily practice. Thanks for your posts.GrantOn Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 4:29 AM, Bill CAMERON <wcameromsn> wrote:

Yes!!!! Leave it to an engineer/contingency planner to take something simple and "boil it down" into something complex/difficult. Thanks /Randy et al for the steadying clarity. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public

From: publicraburgessDate: Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:01:04 +0000Subject: Re: Buddhist quote--self-esteem

> Defusion techniques facilitate the loosening of the

> death grip of these thoughts. One thing that comes

> out of that is the ability to notice whether a thought

> is useful or not. But watch it....you can become fused

> with the ABSOLUTE NECESSITY of getting the sorting

> done right.

& Bill et al,

I think the writing has done (Mindfulness For Two,

Things Might Go HT Wrong, etc.) speaks to this in another

way, too - i.e. the ambiguity and uncertainty which is

inherent in the world, and to which "minds" often react

(well, mine sure does) by attempting to set up rules, seek

and hold onto consistency without noticing when consistency

has become rigidity and no longer tracks with the world, etc.

And I'm reminded of something Steve wrote on this list

a few months ago about life - something that comes back to me with

increasing pertinence:

"This is not about being a good boy and getting a gold star."

Small words, big implications.

-Randy